Anonymous
Post 09/23/2022 20:34     Subject: Why does everyone always ask where your kids go to college??
Anonymous wrote:OP, relax, its just small talk. Maybe you will find they have a connection to the school, or a kid who goes there, or love the city it is in, or they will have some other way to make a connection with you.

Geez, the number of DCUM people who are mystified by the most basic of human interactions is really astonishing to me.


LOL- I agree. Plus, I do think it is a way to measure people.
Anonymous
Post 09/23/2022 20:28     Subject: Re:Why does everyone always ask where your kids go to college??
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I know someone with two kids at HYPS and she doesn’t even want to answer anymore because people think she’s bragging (even though they asked)
Ah, to have such problems


This is true. [/quote

I do not have a college sticker or a tshirt.


The original PP is right. I do not openly give out the ivy name unless the questioner also has a kid at one. From experience, it's led to some misunderstandings. And when they start questioning you, it becomes a pain. ("Did s/he (REALLY) graduate?"). A non-committal answer like s/he goes to a school in Connecticut, Massachusetts, NYC, or whatever, is usually sufficient.


I have a neighbor who, when asked, said she had gone to a college in CT. I then said, oh, which college? And she answered, Yale. It would have been so much more normal to simply say, "I went to Yale." This sense that you have to downplay it is ridiculous. You went where you went, period (same applies to your kids).
DP
Anonymous
Post 09/23/2022 20:26     Subject: Re:Why does everyone always ask where your kids go to college??
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I know someone with two kids at HYPS and she doesn’t even want to answer anymore because people think she’s bragging (even though they asked)
Ah, to have such problems


This is true. [/quote

I do not have a college sticker or a tshirt.


The original PP is right. I do not openly give out the ivy name unless the questioner also has a kid at one. From experience, it's led to some misunderstandings. And when they start questioning you, it becomes a pain. ("Did s/he (REALLY) graduate?"). A non-committal answer like s/he goes to a school in Connecticut, Massachusetts, NYC, or whatever, is usually sufficient.


Ah, the classic "Oh up near Boston" in a non-committal voice when someone asks.
I think this may even be the inaugural humble brag. Because it does really just beg a follow-up question. But there really is no answer that works. Small price to pay for the privilege I guess.
Anonymous
Post 09/23/2022 20:22     Subject: Re:Why does everyone always ask where your kids go to college??
Questions about where someone goes to school or works are small talk but they are small talk from generally poor communicators (if they are asked early in a conversation anyway). Asking more open ended questions about how people are doing, how they are spending their time, and what they've been enjoying lately will yield much better conversations and will get the answers about where someone works or goes to school in a discussion that flows rather than one with one word answers.

In my experience, direct questions to kick off a conversation specifically about where someone goes/went to school or works are asked by people with questionable self esteem who want to be asked that question to not so subtly humble brag.

Anonymous
Post 09/23/2022 20:10     Subject: Re:Why does everyone always ask where your kids go to college??
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I know someone with two kids at HYPS and she doesn’t even want to answer anymore because people think she’s bragging (even though they asked)
Ah, to have such problems


This is true. [/quote

I do not have a college sticker or a tshirt.


The original PP is right. I do not openly give out the ivy name unless the questioner also has a kid at one. From experience, it's led to some misunderstandings. And when they start questioning you, it becomes a pain. ("Did s/he (REALLY) graduate?"). A non-committal answer like s/he goes to a school in Connecticut, Massachusetts, NYC, or whatever, is usually sufficient.
Anonymous
Post 09/23/2022 19:59     Subject: Why does everyone always ask where your kids go to college??
Anonymous wrote:Its as intrusive as asking someone about their job, not everyone has a job, a good job or want to talk about their job.


So since every question is loaded, what CAN one ask?
Anonymous
Post 09/23/2022 19:15     Subject: Why does everyone always ask where your kids go to college??
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:OP, relax, its just small talk. Maybe you will find they have a connection to the school, or a kid who goes there, or love the city it is in, or they will have some other way to make a connection with you.

Geez, the number of DCUM people who are mystified by the most basic of human interactions is really astonishing to me.


Love the second paragraph.


+1 I wrote one of the responses on these things and I thought, wow, this is exactly how I explain basic social things to one of my very brilliant colleagues who is on the autism spectrum.


+2
I honestly cannot believe anyone would be bothered by simply making small talk.
Anonymous
Post 09/23/2022 16:51     Subject: Why does everyone always ask where your kids go to college??
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:OP, relax, its just small talk. Maybe you will find they have a connection to the school, or a kid who goes there, or love the city it is in, or they will have some other way to make a connection with you.

Geez, the number of DCUM people who are mystified by the most basic of human interactions is really astonishing to me.


Love the second paragraph.


+1 I wrote one of the responses on these things and I thought, wow, this is exactly how I explain basic social things to one of my very brilliant colleagues who is on the autism spectrum.
Anonymous
Post 09/23/2022 16:46     Subject: Why does everyone always ask where your kids go to college??
Anonymous wrote:OP, relax, its just small talk. Maybe you will find they have a connection to the school, or a kid who goes there, or love the city it is in, or they will have some other way to make a connection with you.

Geez, the number of DCUM people who are mystified by the most basic of human interactions is really astonishing to me.


Love the second paragraph.
Anonymous
Post 09/23/2022 11:58     Subject: Why does everyone always ask where your kids go to college??
Anonymous wrote:its an easy conversation


+1 - gives opportunity for further discussion - like oh - Timmy is interested in X - tell me more about how that happened - or Darla went to Montana - do you have family there? It's so beautiful.... etc. etc.
Anonymous
Post 09/23/2022 11:45     Subject: Why does everyone always ask where your kids go to college??
OP, relax, its just small talk. Maybe you will find they have a connection to the school, or a kid who goes there, or love the city it is in, or they will have some other way to make a connection with you.

Geez, the number of DCUM people who are mystified by the most basic of human interactions is really astonishing to me.
Anonymous
Post 09/23/2022 11:35     Subject: Why does everyone always ask where your kids go to college??
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:It's a way of assessing you, obviously. When I meet other people from the UK they often want to know where I went to university and even where I went to school, prior to university. So they can make all those value judgments that really tell them zero about the person they're talking to. So dull.


Only if you walk around the world "assessing" everyone you meet. Which would be pretty sad, and arrogant.


Yes it is sad and arrogant and a LOT of people do it. Maybe not in your circles though.
Anonymous
Post 09/23/2022 10:37     Subject: Why does everyone always ask where your kids go to college??
Because college can be a very exciting time in one's life and it's fun to imagine where their kids are and hear about how it's going.
Anonymous
Post 09/23/2022 10:08     Subject: Why does everyone always ask where your kids go to college??
And they assume a kid is super smart if he is going to medical school, even if he barely made it there after trying and retrying for many years, while his cousin who is actually into MENSA, had much better grades with harder course load and perfect SAT but decided to major in environmental science and work for a non profit to save the world.
Anonymous
Post 09/23/2022 10:04     Subject: Why does everyone always ask where your kids go to college??
Anonymous wrote:It's a way of assessing you, obviously. When I meet other people from the UK they often want to know where I went to university and even where I went to school, prior to university. So they can make all those value judgments that really tell them zero about the person they're talking to. So dull.


Only if you walk around the world "assessing" everyone you meet. Which would be pretty sad, and arrogant.