Anonymous
Post 09/21/2022 21:19     Subject: Paying for parents to stay locally
White people? Why am I not surprised?
Anonymous
Post 09/21/2022 21:19     Subject: Paying for parents to stay locally
Let your parents stay with you. I cherish the memories of my mom and dad staying with us and we don’t have much room. My mom has passed, but I’m so glad we had those times again under one roof when we had young kids. Dad now lives in another county and can’t travel since he’s infirm...
Anonymous
Post 09/21/2022 21:18     Subject: Paying for parents to stay locally
Anonymous wrote:Op, I agree that you sound petty. Your parents will come visit for a week to help with childcare, but you can’t find a way to use your words to figure out how to have them stay in a way that works for you? We have a in-law suite that is a home office for my husband or me. We clear out when our parents visit. For meals, honestly how hard is it to add two elderly people to the meal you would have served had they not been there *or* us your words and say, “Mom/ Dad, we are so looking forward to your visit. I’m cooking dinner on Monday and Weds night, but work is going to be crazy on Tuesday/ Thursday. So I either need you to take care of dinner or we can order in. Let me know which your prefer.”

If they are high maintenance visitors, deal with that and not be passive aggressive by ignoring it and hoping the issues go away if they don’t stay with you. And, yes, if you have the space and they prefer staying with you but you want them at an Airbnb, then you should pay (and not compare yourselves to others whose grandparents probably prefer staying at a hotel).


+1
Anonymous
Post 09/21/2022 21:15     Subject: Paying for parents to stay locally
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:They've typically stayed with you, until recently. Also, is their visit to celebrate your H their idea or your idea? If you invited them, then you pay.


OP here. I hear you, but I don't have any other friends who pay for their parents to travel and stay nearby. I think I am just frustrated because of the friends I've talked to about this, they said their parents would never dream of having them pay for them to stay, their parents always take care of it themselves, and it makes me feel resentful. I mean these aren't people living on a shoe string. Their last vacation was to the Ritz.


Parents and family stays with you, unless you are living in a one bedroom apartment. You can get frozen meals and you can have a fridge full of groceries and they can help you. If you cannot handle it, then outsource chores etc, so that you have the bandwidth to handle it.

They must have been awful people to raise someone as selfish, greedy and manner-less as you. Your DH has no opinion? Is he an orphan who does not know how families work or is he like you too?
Anonymous
Post 09/21/2022 21:06     Subject: Re:Paying for parents to stay locally
Anonymous wrote:OP, it may be hard but you need to come to the realization that you don’t really like these people. And I say “these people” because I will bet if they were not your parents you could easily admit that you don’t like them. You may dutifully love them, but…

You couldn’t come up with an alternative to air bnb when they came to watch your child. You could talk to them or find another space in the house to work from home, for 1 measly week?

Your Mom feels the energy you are putting out, hence her attitude.

You need to be alone for a 1 yr olds birthday so they should stay at air bnb. Stop inviting them when you do not want them to stay at your house. You are hurting their feelings. Either host them or leave them alone,

As for DH graduation, if you host his family, which makes sense, they will feel additional hurt. Because your excuse wasn’t that there was no room at the Inn. Just pay the hotel this time and don’t invite them anymore.


+1. Agree completely.
Anonymous
Post 09/21/2022 12:03     Subject: Re:Paying for parents to stay locally
I hope you ste ok with your parents not wanting to visit you.
Anonymous
Post 09/21/2022 10:26     Subject: Paying for parents to stay locally
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:They've typically stayed with you, until recently. Also, is their visit to celebrate your H their idea or your idea? If you invited them, then you pay.


OP here. I hear you, but I don't have any other friends who pay for their parents to travel and stay nearby. I think I am just frustrated because of the friends I've talked to about this, they said their parents would never dream of having them pay for them to stay, their parents always take care of it themselves, and it makes me feel resentful. I mean these aren't people living on a shoe string. Their last vacation was to the Ritz.


I always pay for my mom to fly and stay in a hotel because I want to control when she arrives and when she leaves. We've had too many of those surprise visits by car that go on and on. One time, my step-dad even went to a temp agency to get a job, since they planned to be here "for weeks."
Anonymous
Post 09/21/2022 10:12     Subject: Re:Paying for parents to stay locally
This plus be clear that your DH has friends coming into town who you’ve planned to do things with that weekend. Be clear you wouldn’t see them a lot. It’s 100% OK not to feel obligated to invite someone who is trying to invite themselves. Boomers will often to say ,I’ll be no trouble and then when they arrive start pouting.

You are not going to avoid getting some pouts from your mother. The question is do you want to deal with it over the phone and enjoy the weekend or be dealing with it throughout the weekend.
Anonymous
Post 09/21/2022 10:01     Subject: Re:Paying for parents to stay locally
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:You want them to come to your DH's graduation and pay for an AirBNB? I would be incredibly hurt if I were them and probably wouldn't come. Sorry, they are your parents. Figure out a way to work somewhere else in the house when they visit or ask them to limit the time they come on the week days. Why do you feel the need to host when they are there? I'm sure they would rather you be honest with them about not having the time/energy to host them instead of getting relegated to an AirBNB.


I'm saying that the weekend of his graduation, I want my husband to be able to relax in our own house without my parents around. We want them to be part of the celebration, but there will be several other family and friends in town as well, and I don't want to feel like we're hosting them specifically that weekend.

Why do they even need to come to his graduation?


They had expressed interest in attending


The right time to say something was when they said that.

Oh, I guess you can come, but we’re going to be quite busy that weekend and won’t be able to entertain, so you’ll need to book yourself a hotel or Airbnb. I can give you some take out menus as well.
Oh! We can’t stay with you? We won’t be any trouble!
Sorry no, you can’t. I won’t have time to entertain that weekend.
Anonymous
Post 09/21/2022 09:22     Subject: Paying for parents to stay locally
Op, I agree that you sound petty. Your parents will come visit for a week to help with childcare, but you can’t find a way to use your words to figure out how to have them stay in a way that works for you? We have a in-law suite that is a home office for my husband or me. We clear out when our parents visit. For meals, honestly how hard is it to add two elderly people to the meal you would have served had they not been there *or* us your words and say, “Mom/ Dad, we are so looking forward to your visit. I’m cooking dinner on Monday and Weds night, but work is going to be crazy on Tuesday/ Thursday. So I either need you to take care of dinner or we can order in. Let me know which your prefer.”

If they are high maintenance visitors, deal with that and not be passive aggressive by ignoring it and hoping the issues go away if they don’t stay with you. And, yes, if you have the space and they prefer staying with you but you want them at an Airbnb, then you should pay (and not compare yourselves to others whose grandparents probably prefer staying at a hotel).
Anonymous
Post 09/21/2022 04:11     Subject: Paying for parents to stay locally
Anonymous wrote:I think you are being an a$$.

1 - why did you buy a home with an inlaw suite in the basement if not to host parents and inlaws?

2 - your child(ren) are always watching and learning. If you continue this pattern, you will not be welcome in their homes in the future.

You reap what you sow, and you are headed down the wrong path.


+1

OP, you sound really mean and your expectations are bizarre. My feelings as your parents would definitely put a strain on the relationship completely. Best of luck navigating this one.
Anonymous
Post 09/21/2022 02:48     Subject: Paying for parents to stay locally
I understand why they’d be offended. It sounds like you don’t want them to visit at all those weekends so don’t have them come. Can’t believe they came to do you a favor (babysit for a week) and you wouldn’t let them stay with you. Makes me sad for them.
Anonymous
Post 09/21/2022 01:28     Subject: Re:Paying for parents to stay locally
Anonymous wrote:There is no reason to invite your mother to your husbands graduation. You also shouldn’t get in the habit of inviting them to your sons birthday. It can become an expectation and then when you have multiple kids it’s too many visits. When the kids get into preschool and elementary school you’ll start having kid d centric birthday parties which won’t revolve around mother.

Boomers don’t understand workers nag from home. They are retired and have time on their hands they don’t understand that working parents are already under tons of kids obligations. They also don’t deal with change well so you have to be careful about not creating expectations.


Semi-wise words from another parent hater with poor grammar skills.

OP you should also stop "inviting" them for free childcare.
Anonymous
Post 09/21/2022 00:24     Subject: Re:Paying for parents to stay locally
There is no reason to invite your mother to your husbands graduation. You also shouldn’t get in the habit of inviting them to your sons birthday. It can become an expectation and then when you have multiple kids it’s too many visits. When the kids get into preschool and elementary school you’ll start having kid d centric birthday parties which won’t revolve around mother.

Boomers don’t understand workers nag from home. They are retired and have time on their hands they don’t understand that working parents are already under tons of kids obligations. They also don’t deal with change well so you have to be careful about not creating expectations.
Anonymous
Post 09/20/2022 21:24     Subject: Re:Paying for parents to stay locally
OP, it may be hard but you need to come to the realization that you don’t really like these people. And I say “these people” because I will bet if they were not your parents you could easily admit that you don’t like them. You may dutifully love them, but…

You couldn’t come up with an alternative to air bnb when they came to watch your child. You could talk to them or find another space in the house to work from home, for 1 measly week?

Your Mom feels the energy you are putting out, hence her attitude.

You need to be alone for a 1 yr olds birthday so they should stay at air bnb. Stop inviting them when you do not want them to stay at your house. You are hurting their feelings. Either host them or leave them alone,

As for DH graduation, if you host his family, which makes sense, they will feel additional hurt. Because your excuse wasn’t that there was no room at the Inn. Just pay the hotel this time and don’t invite them anymore.