Hum. My DH works from home and no, I wouldn't expect that he would tell me if he left the house during working hours. However, I would be very unhappy if he just left (for anything other than an emergency) outside of that. We have three kids.

Anonymous wrote:I am a SAHM whose husband works from home (office in the basement) and kids are in full day school. If he’s upstairs on a break when I leave, I’ll obviously say goodbye but no I don’t otherwise notify him when I’m leaving each day. He knows I will get the kids at the end of the school day, and be responsible for them until his workday ends. He knows I run errands or meet friends during the day so isn’t worried if I’m not home. He doesn’t need to know the nitty gritty. This doesn’t feel weird to us but I guess it would to others. After work hours and on weekends we do tell each other where we are going and when.

I think it’s completely different during the work day. If the expectation is you are with the kids, you are “on” and it’s up to you to manage your time, the same way you would if he was at the office. My DH and I both WAH several days a week and we often mention in the AM that we have some errands (just making conversation I guess) but I might not text him exactly when I leave the house. I think we both act like we are having separate work days and we are non a lot of calls. If the kids are home unexpectedly (like a sick day) we would treat that like a weekend where we are both in home mode.

I am a SAHM whose husband works from home (office in the basement) and kids are in full day school. If he’s upstairs on a break when I leave, I’ll obviously say goodbye but no I don’t otherwise notify him when I’m leaving each day. He knows I will get the kids at the end of the school day, and be responsible for them until his workday ends. He knows I run errands or meet friends during the day so isn’t worried if I’m not home. He doesn’t need to know the nitty gritty. This doesn’t feel weird to us but I guess it would to others. After work hours and on weekends we do tell each other where we are going and when.

My DH goes out on errands every weekend (bank, store, clothes shopping). Once in a while he goes to eat lunch by himself at a crappy restaurant that he loves. We have three kids and I don’t ask questions. Tbh I agree that grown (healthy) adults need personal space and alone time, and they don’t have to tell each other every place they go (barring a history of infidelity, drug use, etc.). I hate asking for permission to run errands, I’m sure men do too.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, that’s being part of a family. You are in interconnected unit. It’s also just common courtesy.

+100


Same for taking a shower - we don’t ask permission exactly, but we notify.

Taking a shower within one’s house is not the same. Unless you have one bathroom.

Anonymous wrote:Wow, these posts arguing that it’s perfectly fine to leave the house without telling anyone you’re going out are odd. As people many years ago might have said, were they raised in a barn?

Just being kind and respectful to others means that you let others in the house know when you’re leaving. Simple, basic courtesy toward another human being in the home.

I have a child who is on the spectrum and I think she is absolutely perfect, so I don’t say this as an insult. But if someone thinks it’s irrational to expect your partner to give you a heads up that you’re leaving the house, I’d think they are either a jerk or autistic. It’s true that there is no inherent reason someone should do that, but it’s still common courtesy I think someone can assume it to be the norm rather than something that needs to be hashed out beforehand.

But the worst part of OP’s sorry is her husbands reaction. I see that they worked it out and he acknowledged he was being defensive, so it sounds like it’s all taken care of.

We only have one kid at home now, 15 yo and I tell DH and DS when I’m leaving and they do the same. It’s courtesy. I went to target 30 minutes ago and went downstairs to tell DH and then outside where DS was and told him. Plus we tend to ask the others in the house if they need anything. Since I’m going to target that’s a great time to let me know you need hair gel or deodorant, etc.

Wow, these posts arguing that it’s perfectly fine to leave the house without telling anyone you’re going out are odd. As people many years ago might have said, were they raised in a barn?

Just being kind and respectful to others means that you let others in the house know when you’re leaving. Simple, basic courtesy toward another human being in the home.

Anonymous wrote:Yes, that’s being part of a family. You are in interconnected unit. It’s also just common courtesy.

+1
He doesn't need to ask permission, but its just basic courtesy to say that you are leaving. My husband does this sometimes and it's really annoying. Sometimes he's forgotten that we had plans that day! Just say, "I'm headed out to get the car inspection done. Do we need anything while I'm out?"

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Lol

“May I please go get the car inspected?”

“Who else will be there? When will you be back? Make sure you tell me if you are going to use any busy roads.”

This is why he doesn't ask her permission!

It’s not about permission, it’s about communication. What if she ran out to do a quick errand at the same time, and because there was no communication, young children were left alone in the house?

But she wouldn't have left the house without telling her DH. If they ran out at the same time then they would have seen each other, wouldn't they?

But that’s a double standard. She always tells, so he can just do whatever he wants? And I don’t mean literally the exact same time—if he left the house, and then 10 minutes later, she did, they would both be gone, and neither would realize. I feel you’re not arguing in good faith here.

Well, I would notice that his car is gone, wouldn't you?

If one parent is taking child/children then it is mandatory to tell other parent. I suppose that we both holler "going out. Back later."

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, that’s being part of a family. You are in interconnected unit. It’s also just common courtesy.

+100


Same for taking a shower - we don’t ask permission exactly, but we notify.

You announce to your household that you’re going to take a shower? Seriously? You’re joking, right?

NP, but we do this. It doesn't seem weird to me at all; people might want to know where you are or to use to the bathroom before it's occupied for a while.

I was taught to ALWAYS knock on closed door before entering and taught my children the same. If the shower is being used, I can hear the water. You can see a light under door and to most people thos would indicate someone is in there and you don't go in.

I cannot imagine either of us leaving the house without telling the other. That’s just so bizarre.

Of course.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It is common courtesy to tell your spouse when you are leaving the house. It’s important to tell your spouse when they are being left in charge of children.

Agree. DH and I both work from home and will even tell each other if we’re running out when the kids are at school. It’s just polite so the other person doesn’t go looking for you when you’re not home. And sometimes if DH is running out I may ask him to do a quick errand for me if it’s on his way. Plus we only one have 1 car so if it’s not a foot outing then we have to coordinate needing the car. I think it’s odd OP’s husband is trying to assert his independence this way.

Do neither of you have calls or meetings? You want your call/meeting interrupted so DH can tell you he’s running to Home Depot? Interesting.

You’ve never heard of texting? INTERESTING.

Yes.