Anonymous
09/06/2022 10:11
Subject: I don't know any families with 4 kids in my neighborhood
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:You find us in the suburbs Op. We get more bang for our buck, great schools, and overall more affordable to raise a "large" family.
-Family of 6 in Burke
Especially around neighborhoods close to Catholic schools or Mormon churches.
Raised Catholic and “only” 4 DC. My oldest sister has 4DC and always sent to Catholic schools.
I’m in Vienna and there’s a family of 5 DC on my street.
Are birth rates down for Catholics and Mormons? Anecdata tells me yes.
Modern Mormons can use birth control, so although they value big families, many stop after 3 or 4, especially outside of Utah.
Anonymous
09/06/2022 10:10
Subject: I don't know any families with 4 kids in my neighborhood
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:In NW DC - there will be people who comment but it won’t be to your face. I’ve heard people say things about people with 4 kids behind their back but nothing really malicious. It’s more that people think it’s crazy to have that many kids for various reasons. It sounds like you’re having a 4th so start working on not giving a crap about what others think- people will judge you no matter what you do and you can’t control it.
Yep. They'll judge you for only having one or many, for working or for staying home, etc. You have to be pretty secure in your choices. The only time I judge people is when they work so hard to justify their own choices that they end up putting down others. (i.e., you have a bunch of kids, and you talk about how lonely single children are or how parents have some obligation to "give" their kid a sibling or some other crap like that. Or you SAH, but you make comments about wanting to "raise your own children," or any other putdown of working parents. That kind of nonsense.). And then I judge them for being obnoxious people, not for the underlying life choice.
It is bizarre to give your child a sibling. If you want multiple kids, that is what is important. My sibling and I never got along and she was always terrible to me.
Anonymous
09/06/2022 10:04
Subject: Re:I don't know any families with 4 kids in my neighborhood
There are quite a few families in CCDC with 4 kids, but it is definitely unusual in NW DC. My husband works in a fairly conservative industry though and tons of his male co-workers have 4+ kids with wives who stay home and live in the further-flung suburbs of VA. As noted however, they are exclusively conservative families and most are quite religious (Mormons, Catholics, Evangelicals). I would not judge you for having 4 kids but I would probably assume you were conservative unless your actions indicated otherwise.
Anonymous
09/06/2022 10:01
Subject: I don't know any families with 4 kids in my neighborhood
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:In this area you have to be extremely wealthy or just not do any extra's. We spend a lot of money on two activities plus other things for our one child and I couldn't imagine doing it for four, especially paying for college.
Yes. Obviously some people are just Uber wealthy but others just don’t care about the above.
My sister is a SAHM to 4. Rec sports only and only once they turn 8 or so. Maybe, maybe one driving vacation a year. No college savings but she says they will “help them if we can” when the time comes, despite paying for parochial school now. That’s not at all how I wanted to raise my kids which is why I only had two. She definitely has some sanctimony about being such a pure and devoted mother.
That sounds like more of a consequence of having only 1 income for the family than the total number of kids she has.
Anonymous
09/06/2022 09:33
Subject: I don't know any families with 4 kids in my neighborhood
Anonymous wrote:In this area you have to be extremely wealthy or just not do any extra's. We spend a lot of money on two activities plus other things for our one child and I couldn't imagine doing it for four, especially paying for college.
Yes. Obviously some people are just Uber wealthy but others just don’t care about the above.
My sister is a SAHM to 4. Rec sports only and only once they turn 8 or so. Maybe, maybe one driving vacation a year. No college savings but she says they will “help them if we can” when the time comes, despite paying for parochial school now. That’s not at all how I wanted to raise my kids which is why I only had two. She definitely has some sanctimony about being such a pure and devoted mother.
Anonymous
09/06/2022 09:00
Subject: I don't know any families with 4 kids in my neighborhood
Anonymous wrote:In this area you have to be extremely wealthy or just not do any extra's. We spend a lot of money on two activities plus other things for our one child and I couldn't imagine doing it for four, especially paying for college.
Plus any vacation is going to $$$$. That is 6 plane tickets and 2 hotel rooms. Or an Airbnb to fit 6 people isn’t cheap either in vacation destinations. In the time and place you are references OP, where big families were more common, people also lived very differently. They almost never went to restaurants, did extracurriculars that were paid for, or took vacations other than taking a big RV to a campground maybe. Plus on a farm, more kids is more help. In DC, more kids is more expense and headache. Think about what kind of lifestyle you want to have and what opportunities you want to be able to give your other 3 kids first- if you aren’t already pregnant
Anonymous
09/06/2022 08:54
Subject: I don't know any families with 4 kids in my neighborhood
In this area you have to be extremely wealthy or just not do any extra's. We spend a lot of money on two activities plus other things for our one child and I couldn't imagine doing it for four, especially paying for college.
Anonymous
09/06/2022 08:50
Subject: I don't know any families with 4 kids in my neighborhood
Anonymous wrote:In NW DC - there will be people who comment but it won’t be to your face. I’ve heard people say things about people with 4 kids behind their back but nothing really malicious. It’s more that people think it’s crazy to have that many kids for various reasons. It sounds like you’re having a 4th so start working on not giving a crap about what others think- people will judge you no matter what you do and you can’t control it.
Yep. They'll judge you for only having one or many, for working or for staying home, etc. You have to be pretty secure in your choices. The only time I judge people is when they work so hard to justify their own choices that they end up putting down others. (i.e., you have a bunch of kids, and you talk about how lonely single children are or how parents have some obligation to "give" their kid a sibling or some other crap like that. Or you SAH, but you make comments about wanting to "raise your own children," or any other putdown of working parents. That kind of nonsense.). And then I judge them for being obnoxious people, not for the underlying life choice.
Anonymous
09/06/2022 08:45
Subject: I don't know any families with 4 kids in my neighborhood
Anonymous wrote:I have one kid. I don’t care what anyone thinks. This is what works for us for many reasons. Live your life.
Same here. As long as your kids are not visibly neglected or undisciplined terrors and you don't expect me to invite all of them over for playdates, I don't care.
I might judge you for environmentally grotesque decisions (which judgment I will keep to myself), but that's independent of the number of kids you have.
Anonymous
09/06/2022 08:28
Subject: I don't know any families with 4 kids in my neighborhood
You can’t compare living in DC as feds and raising kids to living on a farm in Midwest 30 yrs ago. You aren’t birthing farmhands here. A 4th kid means a bigger city house ($$$) or stacked on top of each other in shared rooms. Bigger car; minivan parking in DC no fun. More school tuition, more saving for college...it is drain on the whole family unless you are super wealthy.
Anonymous
09/05/2022 20:05
Subject: I don't know any families with 4 kids in my neighborhood
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Am I the only one stuck on the fact that OP doesn’t know how many siblings her husband has? 6 or 7??? You are having a 4th child with a man and you don’t know how many siblings he has? Jesus.
Did you not read my response on the previous page? I don't exactly want to go into our personal histories here. But maybe consider that not everyone on this forum was born into UMC families. DH was born into a traditional society and likely had more than 6 or 7 siblings - but he has heard his mom lost at least one (no hospital), and DH had to flee from his family and home when he was a young boy. So, no, he doesn't know exactly how many siblings he has. He doesn't even know if his parents are alive.
This all likely plays into his very involved parenting and desire to raise a larger family.
And... LOL at the PPs who talk about having 4 kids as a white people's status symbol. LOLOL. Not true for many reasons, first of all we only have children out of love, secondly we are just now becoming MC and are by no means wealthy, 3rd we are a family of color. So.... LOLOL.
If he wasn’t raised with any of his siblings, I don’t see how that plays a role with him wanting a bunch of kids, since he didn’t grow up that way.
He comes from a society that values having many children. He missed growing up with his family - since the age of 3 or 4. How can you not see that that might instill in someone a greater than average desire to be a very active, involved parent, and to raise as many happy children as possible? "How do I make enough money to get them into the best private schools/get a big house," are not the priorities for him. Instead, "How can I provide a safe and secure home life while also being there and having fun and helping them every day? How can I be around as much as possible to change the diapers and tumble with them on their floor and chase them on the playgrounds..." He has an extra appreciation for those things because he never had them himself.
Anonymous
09/05/2022 16:04
Subject: I don't know any families with 4 kids in my neighborhood
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:There's one family on our street with 4 but most have 1 or 2. There is one with 3.
Honestly, with climate change happening the environmental impacts of more than 1-2 kids are staggering, and I do think a lot of people judge based on that, but also a lot of people just don't have the time or energy or around here start older.
Do what you want, but consider ways to cut your environmental impacts.
Mmm no. Just you, really.
OP here. Um... I am sure plenty of people do. Like, I judge someone driving a gas guzzler a few blocks instead of walking. I even judge myself like that; "Why am I driving our car when I should be taking the bus? I need to practice what I preach!" I do that allthe time.
If you are really the op then you’re a terrible hypocrite, but most people aren’t monitoring/actively judging people for the environmental impact of their life choices whether it be having another child or driving to run a nearby errand.
I do if that person is talking my ear off about Climate Change.
Alright Sharon, you’re so concerned for the planet what are YOU doing to help it?
I notice you’re pregnant with kid #3 and just leased a new car…
Anonymous
09/05/2022 15:48
Subject: I don't know any families with 4 kids in my neighborhood
Anonymous wrote:Everyone we know have 2. Everyone. Except one couple who had twins in their 2nd pregnancy.
People who had twins in their 1st pregnancy in our circle stopped after having them.
Because of time, headaches, finances?
Anonymous
09/05/2022 15:46
Subject: I don't know any families with 4 kids in my neighborhood
15:41. To clarify, I come from a family of 4 children.
My FIL was the youngest of 8 and none of his siblings ever had more than 2 children. Non religious household. Two never had children.
My father was the oldest of 7; and nearly same stats where 3 never married/no children and we were the largest family w 4DC. All else 2 and one w 3.
My FIL was the youngest of 8 and none of his siblings ever had more than 2 children. Non religious household. Two never had children.
My father was the oldest of 7; and nearly same stats where 3 never married/no children and we were the largest family w 4DC. All else 2 and one w 3.
Anonymous
09/05/2022 15:41
Subject: I don't know any families with 4 kids in my neighborhood
Anonymous wrote:You find us in the suburbs Op. We get more bang for our buck, great schools, and overall more affordable to raise a "large" family.
-Family of 6 in Burke
Especially around neighborhoods close to Catholic schools or Mormon churches.
Raised Catholic and “only” 4 DC. My oldest sister has 4DC and always sent to Catholic schools.
I’m in Vienna and there’s a family of 5 DC on my street.
Are birth rates down for Catholics and Mormons? Anecdata tells me yes.