Anonymous
Post 08/28/2022 13:28     Subject: Re:shoes in house -awkward
It sounds like the no shoes policy didn't cross OP's mind at that moment and she now regrets it. No one is perfect. The hostess could have reminded her but didn't and probably regrets that herself. She certainly shouldn't have bad-mouthed her over it.
Anonymous
Post 08/28/2022 13:18     Subject: Re:shoes in house -awkward
Anonymous wrote:We are a no-shoe household (cultural from my H) and we also have a front and back door. If a guest walked through the house from one door to another after putting shoes on I would not think anything of it. If she didn't want you to wear shoes in the house at all, she should have said something in the moment ("we just had this floor redone, would you mind taking your shoes back off for just a few more minutes?"). Plus it's a super weird thing to complain/gossip about it to others IMO.


This. We’re also a no-shoe household and I wouldn’t bat an eye at what you did, OP. I sure as hell wouldn’t gossip about it to a mutual friend.
Anonymous
Post 08/28/2022 12:58     Subject: Re:shoes in house -awkward
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:We are an Asian family and a no shoe household. While I would not have liked you to walk through our house with shoes, I would never vent to another mom about it.

Two things I won’t ever quite understand is walking indoors with dirty shoes or leaving windows and doors open. I hate bugs and don’t want anything to fly in.

We had a friend who would just leave their doors wide open and a bird flew in. My kids and I were shocked that they did this. I can’t imagine how I would feel if a bird flew in our house. Flies are bad enough.


Ugh, your house sounds stuffy and stale as hell. Fresh air is so important in a house.


Pp here. Who said we don’t open our windows?

I have 3 kids and we host people often. We have 6 different exits and kids often come in through the front door or mudroom and leave through garage or backyard. Of course kids trek through our kitchen and foyer with shoes. I don’t like it but they do it. I would say most of our guests or our frequent guests come through and leave through our mudroom.

We have house cleaners who clean our floors often.
Anonymous
Post 08/28/2022 12:32     Subject: shoes in house -awkward
If you ask me to remove my shoes I will.adk you for throwaway slippers within non-slip strips so I don't slip and fall on your waxed slippery floors. If you can't oblige me then I will take my leave.
Anonymous
Post 08/28/2022 12:27     Subject: shoes in house -awkward
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:You all don’t have dogs? My dog walks through his own pee in the yard and that of other dogs in walks. I don’t make him wear shoes because I don’t have ocd. People this insane about germs that would flip out over a few footsteps through the house need a psychiatrist. The gossiping is just the icing on the cake. I bet her kid has allergies and autoimmune disease in the future.


I have dogs too and my house is set up for them. A typical Japanese house is not set up for shoes. People sit on the floor.


How many Americans of Asian ancestry have a house typical of Asian countries? None! I just leave when asked to remove my shoes because it is rude. Anyone with children already have dirty houses because children are dirt magnets.
Anonymous
Post 08/28/2022 12:12     Subject: shoes in house -awkward
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:You all don’t have dogs? My dog walks through his own pee in the yard and that of other dogs in walks. I don’t make him wear shoes because I don’t have ocd. People this insane about germs that would flip out over a few footsteps through the house need a psychiatrist. The gossiping is just the icing on the cake. I bet her kid has allergies and autoimmune disease in the future.


I have dogs too and my house is set up for them. A typical Japanese house is not set up for shoes. People sit on the floor.


Who’s talking about a typical Japanese house? I’ve never been to a house in the US composed of tatami mats.


Dp. I have tatami in my house in the US. But, I don't think a house needs to be setup with tatami for people to feel uncomfortable with shoes in the home. It's probably cultural and just a gut reflex.

The germs are real. Your shoes literally track in fecal matter. I doubt, however, the friend's reaction is consciously about the germs. The idea that shoes are dirty and shouldn't be in the house is a cultural norm, and the reaction against is automatic.
Anonymous
Post 08/28/2022 11:09     Subject: shoes in house -awkward
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:You all don’t have dogs? My dog walks through his own pee in the yard and that of other dogs in walks. I don’t make him wear shoes because I don’t have ocd. People this insane about germs that would flip out over a few footsteps through the house need a psychiatrist. The gossiping is just the icing on the cake. I bet her kid has allergies and autoimmune disease in the future.


I have dogs too and my house is set up for them. A typical Japanese house is not set up for shoes. People sit on the floor.


Who’s talking about a typical Japanese house? I’ve never been to a house in the US composed of tatami mats.
Anonymous
Post 08/28/2022 11:06     Subject: Re:shoes in house -awkward
Anonymous wrote:We are an Asian family and a no shoe household. While I would not have liked you to walk through our house with shoes, I would never vent to another mom about it.

Two things I won’t ever quite understand is walking indoors with dirty shoes or leaving windows and doors open. I hate bugs and don’t want anything to fly in.

We had a friend who would just leave their doors wide open and a bird flew in. My kids and I were shocked that they did this. I can’t imagine how I would feel if a bird flew in our house. Flies are bad enough.


Ugh, your house sounds stuffy and stale as hell. Fresh air is so important in a house.
Anonymous
Post 08/28/2022 11:00     Subject: Re:shoes in house -awkward
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:OP here- no judgement towards people who have a no-shoe policy. We actually also remove our shoes in our home but when guests come over, we never ask them to. Seems forward to me? Whatever- the point is that I had zero issue with taking off my shoes. I wish I had removed that a second time to walk through the kitchen to the front door. I also wish she hadn't complained to someone else about it. Embarrassing and uncomfortable all arouond!


Troll.

No one has a shoes-off policy for themselves but not the guests. You're really going to have a playdate where your kids have no shoes and the guests have shoes? I've lived in many countries and have seen many things, but not that.

You're just creating a scenario to rile people up.


Aren’t you silly.
We don’t wear shoes inside the house but I always ask my guests to do what feels comfortable to them. Why do you think this is some big deal?


Same-I don’t care about guest shoes unless they go upstairs on the light colored carpets in which case i will either ask them to take off or silently cringe depending on the scenario.


This is the American way.
Anonymous
Post 08/28/2022 10:58     Subject: shoes in house -awkward
Anonymous wrote:You all don’t have dogs? My dog walks through his own pee in the yard and that of other dogs in walks. I don’t make him wear shoes because I don’t have ocd. People this insane about germs that would flip out over a few footsteps through the house need a psychiatrist. The gossiping is just the icing on the cake. I bet her kid has allergies and autoimmune disease in the future.


I have dogs too and my house is set up for them. A typical Japanese house is not set up for shoes. People sit on the floor.
Anonymous
Post 08/28/2022 10:57     Subject: shoes in house -awkward
Anonymous wrote:It was tacky and sad that she complained to a mutual friend. She’s clearly a very petty person and I wouldn’t encourage my child to be friends with her child (not saying I’d dissuade though). I’d be very tempted to let her know her petty complaining got back to you…profusely apologizing for walking though her house with her shoes on to avoid getting drenched by her sprinkler.


You guys are all overreacting.

If I had to bet, it was something like:
Friend 2: I’m so tired of Larla tracking in mud in her cleats.
Shoe friend: Omgosh, I’m so strict about shoes. The other day Marla and Larlo put their shoes on by the back door and then walked to the front door and I had to take a Valium.

Later
Friend 2: what’s up Marla
Marla: we had a play date at shoe friend’s
Friend 2: oh yeah I heard because she mentioned you had your shoes on and she freaked out.


None of this is a big deal!!!
Anonymous
Post 08/28/2022 10:53     Subject: Re:shoes in house -awkward
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:OP here- no judgement towards people who have a no-shoe policy. We actually also remove our shoes in our home but when guests come over, we never ask them to. Seems forward to me? Whatever- the point is that I had zero issue with taking off my shoes. I wish I had removed that a second time to walk through the kitchen to the front door. I also wish she hadn't complained to someone else about it. Embarrassing and uncomfortable all arouond!


Troll.

No one has a shoes-off policy for themselves but not the guests. You're really going to have a playdate where your kids have no shoes and the guests have shoes? I've lived in many countries and have seen many things, but not that.

You're just creating a scenario to rile people up.


Aren’t you silly.
We don’t wear shoes inside the house but I always ask my guests to do what feels comfortable to them. Why do you think this is some big deal?


Same-I don’t care about guest shoes unless they go upstairs on the light colored carpets in which case i will either ask them to take off or silently cringe depending on the scenario.
Anonymous
Post 08/28/2022 10:52     Subject: Re:shoes in house -awkward
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:OP here- no judgement towards people who have a no-shoe policy. We actually also remove our shoes in our home but when guests come over, we never ask them to. Seems forward to me? Whatever- the point is that I had zero issue with taking off my shoes. I wish I had removed that a second time to walk through the kitchen to the front door. I also wish she hadn't complained to someone else about it. Embarrassing and uncomfortable all arouond!


It’s all a blessing in disguise. You now know what kind of person she is so you know to keep your distance.


I would confront her about this and say that if she had a problem then she should have told me and not gossip with a mutual friend.
Anonymous
Post 08/28/2022 10:52     Subject: shoes in house -awkward
Doesn’t anyone get invited to dinner parties? I have never once been asked to remove my shoes at a party at someone’s home. That would be weird and insane. Just mop the floor afterward.
Anonymous
Post 08/28/2022 10:51     Subject: shoes in house -awkward
You all don’t have dogs? My dog walks through his own pee in the yard and that of other dogs in walks. I don’t make him wear shoes because I don’t have ocd. People this insane about germs that would flip out over a few footsteps through the house need a psychiatrist. The gossiping is just the icing on the cake. I bet her kid has allergies and autoimmune disease in the future.