We never vacation with family. It’s great

Anonymous wrote:We’re at the beach and my kids are both starting to get sick. I’ve been taking care of them while DH spends time with his parents, and ILs are upset that I’m not bringing them downstairs/out to the beach more. We’re doing what we can, and I haven’t asked to leave early or anything but…they’re sick.

MIL just said to me, “I don’t know what you’re doing up there, Jill, to keep them sick” and then fake-laughed. I want to punch her in the face. My kids being sick is not funny, and me taking care of sick kids away from home isn’t a vacation for me.

Your husband needs to talk to his mom about this disrespect.

My brother and SIL are visiting from CA for a few days next week. They come 3 times a year or so. I enjoy spending time with them. But when they come to town they have a busy itinerary as they have relatives on both sides of the family to see plus friends. My mom loses her mind over every visit. She fusses over when they'll be where, are offended when they have someone else pick them up from the airport, and stresses over everything, all over a group text.

And every time they visit, my mom plans a get together so that our cousins and aunt and uncle can come hang out. The idea is, IF THEY WANT TO, cousins can see each other at a one stop shop kind of thing. But my mom stresses out about this and drags everyone down with her. She wants RSVPs, and pesters people until they do. This time, my mom thought she'd invite my husband's dad and sister - I don't understand why, they barely know my brother. And went on to text me and call me SEVERAL TIMES to ask if they're coming or not.

The food for the party is always stressful. I offered to bring a side dish. Next thing I know she's telling me I'm bringing the dish, a homemade from scratch cake, and extra tableware.

It's so annoying because my brother and SIL are really laid back people but my mom acts like we're getting a visit from royalty which makes me almost resent their visits.

Anonymous wrote:My parents are always asking to help on our beach vacation and whine at me that I “do too much,” but the looks on their faces when I asked them to take DC to the beach (an easy 5 minute walk) so I could exercise produced some disbelief. “How can we help?” Irritates the hell out of me when its being asked in a whiny tone AS I’m doing dishes, cooking, watching DC — because when I ask directly its still a thing.

My MIL wants to help by doing a project in our house. I do not want someone else doing a project in my house. She wants to organize our bookshelves (or similar), but in actuality I want her to watch our toddler so I can throw the laundry in, clean the kitchen, etc. without the toddler “helping” AKA making the task a thousand times more time consuming and laborious. I’ve told her this but she doesn’t seem to care, and responds by telling me she doesn’t want to sit around. Okay, then go home and rearrange your own books! I’ve come to believe that no one is helpful.

Anonymous wrote:I am sick with covid and so is my husband. My mom loves to say "I wish I could do something to help" and then does nothing.

Mine is like this too! I will warn her in advance that at a very particular time I have to leave the house to get the kids carpool to school. I assure her that I will be back fifteen minutes later and can do whatever she wants. I swear she never fails to launch into something one minute before we leave. It’s usually some involved computer question or a grandiose gesture proclaiming that she wants to pour me a cup of coffee which I don’t drink. She does this every single time. She’s doing her own thing hours before she leaves and back on her laptop when I get back.

She is so messy! She will go on about how she doesn’t understand how her son, my DH is so messy as she leaves a knife covered with want butter on the counter and banana peel on the flour. Just walks away and doesn’t seem to notice when I pick them up and clean off the counter and floor.

Anonymous wrote:OMG. I'm on second week of beach vacation and ILs just left. Finally will be relaxed. I can't even begin to list the crazy shit they occupy their mental energy while having nothing interesting to contribute. At least no one will be up at 4am tomorrow, making noise and then sitting for hours staring at the wall until we all wake up.

I hope you sent 4 am wake up person down to the beach to set up your space and drive the 10 am get to the beach and expect waterfront space people crazy….

I neglected to ask for specifics when I volunteered to assist college sophomore DD with drop off this year. I knew there would be two trips to the storage facility. I did not know that DD was on the top floor of a dorm with no elevators. I will ask better questions next time.

Anonymous wrote:I am sick with covid and so is my husband. My mom loves to say "I wish I could do something to help" and then does nothing.

lmao

Anonymous wrote:My parents are always asking to help on our beach vacation and whine at me that I “do too much,” but the looks on their faces when I asked them to take DC to the beach (an easy 5 minute walk) so I could exercise produced some disbelief. “How can we help?” Irritates the hell out of me when its being asked in a whiny tone AS I’m doing dishes, cooking, watching DC — because when I ask directly its still a thing.

This is my ILs, too. They talk a big game about GRANDKIDS and just wanting to do things together and spoil them rotten, but in reality they don’t want to play kid games (they want to do complicated puzzles the kids musn’t touch), they want to go to the beach only at the height of the day when the sun is too much for little bodies and would be during nap time, and somehow drift away after every meal, leaving DH and I to clean up—even the meals that we also cooked.

My favorite is that they constantly yap how unfair it is that their friends Jane and Bob “are lucky enough to live close to their grandkids so they get to babysit all the time,” but when DH asked if they would watch the kids so that we could go out for one dinner alone, they said no because they “don’t understand the schedule.” We offered to write down the schedule (as in “feed them the pizza we order at 6, no need to do a bath because we will have already bathed them, help them brush their teeth at 7, make sure they go potty, read them two stories and say night night at 7:30”) and they still say no.

Like, all of that is fine. You are not obligated to play with or babysit your grandkids. But stop with the song and dance and the demand for vacation time together.

My parents are always asking to help on our beach vacation and whine at me that I “do too much,” but the looks on their faces when I asked them to take DC to the beach (an easy 5 minute walk) so I could exercise produced some disbelief. “How can we help?” Irritates the hell out of me when its being asked in a whiny tone AS I’m doing dishes, cooking, watching DC — because when I ask directly its still a thing.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My other petty vent, SIL's kids are up and asking for breakfast. Just told them I don't know where the cereal is and they should go wake up mom and ask. .

This is super petty given that you are awake.

For real. How hard is to pour a bowl of cheerios?

I feel like we'll be seeing a rant from SIL on the Family Relationships forum soon

I am sick with covid and so is my husband. My mom loves to say "I wish I could do something to help" and then does nothing.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We’re at the beach and my kids are both starting to get sick. I’ve been taking care of them while DH spends time with his parents, and ILs are upset that I’m not bringing them downstairs/out to the beach more. We’re doing what we can, and I haven’t asked to leave early or anything but…they’re sick.

MIL just said to me, “I don’t know what you’re doing up there, Jill, to keep them sick” and then fake-laughed. I want to punch her in the face. My kids being sick is not funny, and me taking care of sick kids away from home isn’t a vacation for me.

If the kids are just "starting" to get sick and you're just going to confine them to their rooms, why don't you just go home? My kids are happy to run around with slight coughs or runny noses at the start of a cold, but if they are so sick they will tolerate being locked in one room all day then they are too sick to be there around anyone, you aren't doing a favor by sticking it out.

I’m not locking them in their rooms. We are going downstairs and we are going out, but it’s more like they’re up for a beach visit when the Tylenol kicks in, but when it starts to wear off, they are not feeling well and WANT to rest. They WANT to read, listen to audiobooks, nap, etc. When they are up for going downstairs or going outside, we do that. When they want a break, I facilitate that so that DH can still hang out with his parents. No one is “locked” anywhere. They are not so sick that I think they need to go home or go to urgent care, but they do need extra rest and are asking for it. -PP

Anonymous wrote:We’re at the beach and my kids are both starting to get sick. I’ve been taking care of them while DH spends time with his parents, and ILs are upset that I’m not bringing them downstairs/out to the beach more. We’re doing what we can, and I haven’t asked to leave early or anything but…they’re sick.

MIL just said to me, “I don’t know what you’re doing up there, Jill, to keep them sick” and then fake-laughed. I want to punch her in the face. My kids being sick is not funny, and me taking care of sick kids away from home isn’t a vacation for me.

If the kids are just "starting" to get sick and you're just going to confine them to their rooms, why don't you just go home? My kids are happy to run around with slight coughs or runny noses at the start of a cold, but if they are so sick they will tolerate being locked in one room all day then they are too sick to be there around anyone, you aren't doing a favor by sticking it out.

Anonymous wrote:We’re at the beach and my kids are both starting to get sick. I’ve been taking care of them while DH spends time with his parents, and ILs are upset that I’m not bringing them downstairs/out to the beach more. We’re doing what we can, and I haven’t asked to leave early or anything but…they’re sick.

MIL just said to me, “I don’t know what you’re doing up there, Jill, to keep them sick” and then fake-laughed. I want to punch her in the face. My kids being sick is not funny, and me taking care of sick kids away from home isn’t a vacation for me.

If she comments like that again look her straight in the eye and tell her it’s not funny, and she should be thanking you for taking care of the kids to give DH the opportunity to spend time with them. What a massive B.