The other parent hasn't had the means to contribute to any of their children's weddings.

Why do people have kids if they can't contribute to weddings? So classy.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OMG people give $500-800 for wedding gifts? I give $25-$50.

To your SIBLING??? Cheap ass.

I wrote that. For a second wedding, you betcha.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thank you everyone for the responses. I'm feeling better about doing what works best for my family. For some reason I did feel like I was being summoned to the Thursday dinner. I do think that is just for the groom's family, but it could change or I could be wrong. The wedding is in the bride's hometown whether my brother and bride do NOT live. There has been no word about a rehearsal dinner but I'm in the groom's family so don't expect to get all of the details about events until the actual save the date arrives in the mail.

Several have suggested thanking the bride's parents directly for the invitation to Thursday. That is a great idea I hadn't thought of. I'll do that. I agree it is a very thoughtful gesture on their part. It just lengthens the trip and takes more time away from work.

At this point I'm inclined just to go myself on Friday and leave Sunday. DH's parents are not local so we'd either higher a stranger to watch them (not excited about that), or maybe one of my sibling's older kids (assuming they take their kids which they may not because they'll be flying).

I am on your side and generally agree with you but wanted to point out that your parents would be the ones who would traditionally hosting the rehearsal dinner so hopefully you can just check in with them!

That is a fair point. Our parents are divorced. One parent gives a few thousand to spend on the wedding however the child sees fit. I haven't asked what that parent is doing for a second wedding. The other parent hasn't had the means to contribute to any of their children's weddings.

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thank you everyone for the responses. I'm feeling better about doing what works best for my family. For some reason I did feel like I was being summoned to the Thursday dinner. I do think that is just for the groom's family, but it could change or I could be wrong. The wedding is in the bride's hometown whether my brother and bride do NOT live. There has been no word about a rehearsal dinner but I'm in the groom's family so don't expect to get all of the details about events until the actual save the date arrives in the mail.

Several have suggested thanking the bride's parents directly for the invitation to Thursday. That is a great idea I hadn't thought of. I'll do that. I agree it is a very thoughtful gesture on their part. It just lengthens the trip and takes more time away from work.

At this point I'm inclined just to go myself on Friday and leave Sunday. DH's parents are not local so we'd either higher a stranger to watch them (not excited about that), or maybe one of my sibling's older kids (assuming they take their kids which they may not because they'll be flying).

I am on your side and generally agree with you but wanted to point out that your parents would be the ones who would traditionally hosting the rehearsal dinner so hopefully you can just check in with them!

Anonymous wrote:Absolutely skip the dinner, everyone will understand.

Since the reception is kid free, I’d have zero guilt leaving kids at home. If DHs parents or trusted person can’t watch them overnight, go without him.

This, definitely.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just don't go to the dinner - no big deal. It's a dinner for whatever family happens to be in town. That's all.

This. It’s not a summons. Drive Friday.

This. I don't understand why people feel like an invitation is a demand. It's an invitation. It sounds like a lovely gesture and I'd let the bride's parents know that it was very nice of them to invite you and your family, but you aren't arriving until Friday night and you look forward to meeting them at the wedding.

True. But it's family. It's a nice gesture, and weddings are big events. What are OP's husband and kids doing that's so important that they can't take an extra day to attend a wedding of their BIL/Uncle? Not much, I imagine.

Who is this poster?? Stop. Just because “it’s family” doesn’t mean that you should drag 2 kids to spend 2 full days of driving for a 1 hour ceremony. That’s really nuts.

It’s a wedding. Some people value family. The ceremony is the important part -the kids can attend. Op doesn’t have to bring them for the future in law dinner if she’s worrying about missing an extra day of school. I had tweens/teens attend my wedding even though they missed school and I appreciated it. And 10 years later I attended their weddings with my kids even though I had kids in school. That’s what families do.

But in this case the kids aren't welcome at the reception. To many of us, that IS the most important part.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just don't go to the dinner - no big deal. It's a dinner for whatever family happens to be in town. That's all.

This. It’s not a summons. Drive Friday.

This. I don't understand why people feel like an invitation is a demand. It's an invitation. It sounds like a lovely gesture and I'd let the bride's parents know that it was very nice of them to invite you and your family, but you aren't arriving until Friday night and you look forward to meeting them at the wedding.

True. But it's family. It's a nice gesture, and weddings are big events. What are OP's husband and kids doing that's so important that they can't take an extra day to attend a wedding of their BIL/Uncle? Not much, I imagine.

Who is this poster?? Stop. Just because “it’s family” doesn’t mean that you should drag 2 kids to spend 2 full days of driving for a 1 hour ceremony. That’s really nuts.

It’s a wedding. Some people value family. The ceremony is the important part -the kids can attend. Op doesn’t have to bring them for the future in law dinner if she’s worrying about missing an extra day of school. I had tweens/teens attend my wedding even though they missed school and I appreciated it. And 10 years later I attended their weddings with my kids even though I had kids in school. That’s what families do.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would drive and attend the dinner myself and then have DH drive the kids the next day or even Saturday morning. If the wedding hotel is a fancy one, look for a Hampton Inn or something nearby. Just because there’s an official “wedding hotel” doesn’t mean you have to stay there.

Did you read the part where kids aren’t invited to the reception? If not, why would make them drive all day there and all day back just to go to a wedding ceremony? And who would watch them during the reception? And I’d never make my spouse do all that driving alone with the kids just for some wedding ceremony of an in-law.

It’s their uncle. Weddings are important. How old are the kids? oP, said they’re not high school but it also doesn’t sound like they’re little either.

Uncle’s second wedding.

OP here. Thank you everyone for the responses. I'm feeling better about doing what works best for my family. For some reason I did feel like I was being summoned to the Thursday dinner. I do think that is just for the groom's family, but it could change or I could be wrong. The wedding is in the bride's hometown whether my brother and bride do NOT live. There has been no word about a rehearsal dinner but I'm in the groom's family so don't expect to get all of the details about events until the actual save the date arrives in the mail.

Several have suggested thanking the bride's parents directly for the invitation to Thursday. That is a great idea I hadn't thought of. I'll do that. I agree it is a very thoughtful gesture on their part. It just lengthens the trip and takes more time away from work.

At this point I'm inclined just to go myself on Friday and leave Sunday. DH's parents are not local so we'd either higher a stranger to watch them (not excited about that), or maybe one of my sibling's older kids (assuming they take their kids which they may not because they'll be flying).

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just don't go to the dinner - no big deal. It's a dinner for whatever family happens to be in town. That's all.

This. It’s not a summons. Drive Friday.

This. I don't understand why people feel like an invitation is a demand. It's an invitation. It sounds like a lovely gesture and I'd let the bride's parents know that it was very nice of them to invite you and your family, but you aren't arriving until Friday night and you look forward to meeting them at the wedding.

True. But it's family. It's a nice gesture, and weddings are big events. What are OP's husband and kids doing that's so important that they can't take an extra day to attend a wedding of their BIL/Uncle? Not much, I imagine.

Going to school. Not driving 8-10 hours. You’re ridiculous.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OMG people give $500-800 for wedding gifts? I give $25-$50.

To your SIBLING??? Cheap ass.

Some no kid weddings invite the kids of bride + groom siblings. If a sibling is short on cash due to being a student, expenses, lower income employment, it's fine to give a low cost gift or go in on a joint gift. I had a kid get married- sibs with almost zero money contributed small amounts to a gift the couple really wanted and I paid the bulk. Also paid hotel etc plus gave $ for clothes, any travel expenses, non-wedding food...

Anonymous wrote:OMG people give $500-800 for wedding gifts? I give $25-$50.

To your SIBLING??? Cheap ass.

Just fly, OP.

I wouldn't have kids miss 3 days of school when they can't attend the reception. Leave them at home with DH.

Decide whether of not you personally want to go two days earlier for the dinner. Do not reduce your gift if you do.

Anonymous wrote:I would not be going out of my way with extra travel and logistics when they couldn't be bothered to invite their nieces/nephews to the reception. I understand no kids, but this is extreme.

+1

Most weddings I've been to have exceptions for close family members.