Anonymous
08/11/2022 21:25
Subject: Dear Mom I am ugly stop trying to pretend you dont see it
OP, looks fade. Start your life, for you. Work on having a kick ass career. You will make friends. High school kids are stupid sometimes. Take care of yourself and be glad your mother refuses to think you are ugly. Give her a hug and go light the world on fire.
Anonymous
08/11/2022 20:56
Subject: Re:Dear Mom I am ugly stop trying to pretend you dont see it
OP-serious comment. Maybe you could read up on reincarnation....Ive read a few stories over the years of people who share your pain...and they somehow convince themselves that in a past life they were gorgeous but vain and cruel...and so to grow spiritually, they chose to live this life in a less than stellar body.
I have learning disabilities and on my worst days or years, I push through by wondering to myself if I was a brilliant, selfish a#$$hole in a former life...and so I reincarnated as a woman with learning disabilities in this life to experience the painful opposite. I don't care if it's fiction, it gets me through the worst times.
Also, beauty standards change based on location and time. In the early 90s, I had a face and build that was considered...symmetrical and marketable..at least by small town Midwestern standards
. Now, I look at the curvy, fit, women of color that trend on social media and are in the public eye and sigh...the envy---my early 90s self would not feel beautiful in our culture now.
I read an obituary of a woman my age earlier this evening. I felt like crying with tremendous regret and shame when I read her obituary because she clearly spent her brief time on Earth seeking knowledge and wisdom and teaching what she knew at the college level. Her obituary was about her interesting mind and tremendously empathic soul. I suspect she was not looks focused. It seemed like she was happily married to someone equally interesting and had built so many good connections with others during her time here. If someone told me this when I was 20 I would have rolled my eyes. Really, truly I mean this---while there are limits on what you can change with your physicality...you can make your mind more beautiful and complex over time.
I have learning disabilities and on my worst days or years, I push through by wondering to myself if I was a brilliant, selfish a#$$hole in a former life...and so I reincarnated as a woman with learning disabilities in this life to experience the painful opposite. I don't care if it's fiction, it gets me through the worst times.
Also, beauty standards change based on location and time. In the early 90s, I had a face and build that was considered...symmetrical and marketable..at least by small town Midwestern standards
. Now, I look at the curvy, fit, women of color that trend on social media and are in the public eye and sigh...the envy---my early 90s self would not feel beautiful in our culture now.
I read an obituary of a woman my age earlier this evening. I felt like crying with tremendous regret and shame when I read her obituary because she clearly spent her brief time on Earth seeking knowledge and wisdom and teaching what she knew at the college level. Her obituary was about her interesting mind and tremendously empathic soul. I suspect she was not looks focused. It seemed like she was happily married to someone equally interesting and had built so many good connections with others during her time here. If someone told me this when I was 20 I would have rolled my eyes. Really, truly I mean this---while there are limits on what you can change with your physicality...you can make your mind more beautiful and complex over time.
Anonymous
08/04/2022 17:40
Subject: Dear Mom I am ugly stop trying to pretend you dont see it
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I had a friend in law school who was really unattractive. She had a bad complexion, oily skin, long face, really strong manly jawline, was very skinny, and bad hair. My first impression was that she was one of the most unattractive people I have ever met. Then I got to know her. She became a loyal friend who was so funny, so smart, and someone I loved to spend time with. I no longer see an unattractive person, it’s actually hard to think I ever viewed her that way. Your personality and self confidence can completely change how someone perceives your “attractiveness.” Please talk to a therapist so you can change your mindset even if you can’t change your looks.
So, you were pretty harsh toward somebody, but becasue she had this amazing personality she gained your approval. So your advice is for OP to totally change, to become funny, smart, and self-confident, then she too can gain the approval of people like you.
This isn't terrible advice, but I hope this shows you the awful spot in society that we put ugly people in. In order for them to enjoy basic respect and good relationships, we tell them they have to work far, far harder than others. I think OP is allowed to wallow for a bit about that.
I think my post was misinterpreted. My point was really that beauty is in the eye of the beholder. People are beautiful for how they treat others and the type of person they are. I simply listed all the reasons why my friend was so lovely. I wasn’t suggesting OP has to do these things to win approval. I simply got to know my friend and loved the person I got to know. Looks are not everything but we are each genetically wired to find certain types of features attractive. I was simply sharing a private first impression when seeing someone for the first time across the room who I had not met before. Are you telling me you have never looked at someone and thought privately they were unattractive? If you say yes, I don’t believe you. I also never said OP couldn’t wallow. I wallow about aspects of my appearance all the time.
Anonymous
08/04/2022 16:44
Subject: Dear Mom I am ugly stop trying to pretend you dont see it
OP I want to let you know a few things:
1. I was always beautiful and always complimented on my beauty. It ended up being the worst thing for me - my entire self-esteem was built on it, I never worked to improve myself because there was always my beauty to fall back on. Now I am almost 40 and the beauty is gone. I diet, I exercise, I get Botox, but at the end of the day I am still aging and I am not beautiful anymore, at least not like I was 20 years ago. And now I don't have the option of using my looks to land a man to take care of me.
And NOT being beautiful anymore has been the absolute best thing for me. For the first time in my life, I am building my self esteem on *who I am* rather than what I look like. I am learning to get validation from within rather from others. I am trying to be a role model for my own girls, so they see what a confident, capable woman looks like. It's been so hard, but so worth it.
2. As a mom to 2 girls, I promise you, your mom does not see your "ugliness". When my girls were born my brain broke and now all I see is how beautiful they are. I'm so sorry your mom is dismissive - parents shouldn't be dismissive - but I know it would absolutely break my heart if my girls thought they were ugly. Because they're not, even if society says they are.
3. Please remember that cultural standards of beauty are completely manufactured. There is nothing inherently more beautiful about certain people. Billions of dollars are made by convincing everyone that only certain people are beautiful, and that they need to spend thousands of dollars trying to look like that person.
4. Please don't let how you feel about your looks hold you back from living a full, happy life. My biggest regret - as with most people - is not living a full life when I was younger. You are 20, you have decades of life left, and it becomes so much more joyful when you live life on your terms. If you really want to understand what I mean, spend some time volunteering with the elderly. When you hear all their tales of regret, you realize you don't want to live that way.
1. I was always beautiful and always complimented on my beauty. It ended up being the worst thing for me - my entire self-esteem was built on it, I never worked to improve myself because there was always my beauty to fall back on. Now I am almost 40 and the beauty is gone. I diet, I exercise, I get Botox, but at the end of the day I am still aging and I am not beautiful anymore, at least not like I was 20 years ago. And now I don't have the option of using my looks to land a man to take care of me.
And NOT being beautiful anymore has been the absolute best thing for me. For the first time in my life, I am building my self esteem on *who I am* rather than what I look like. I am learning to get validation from within rather from others. I am trying to be a role model for my own girls, so they see what a confident, capable woman looks like. It's been so hard, but so worth it.
2. As a mom to 2 girls, I promise you, your mom does not see your "ugliness". When my girls were born my brain broke and now all I see is how beautiful they are. I'm so sorry your mom is dismissive - parents shouldn't be dismissive - but I know it would absolutely break my heart if my girls thought they were ugly. Because they're not, even if society says they are.
3. Please remember that cultural standards of beauty are completely manufactured. There is nothing inherently more beautiful about certain people. Billions of dollars are made by convincing everyone that only certain people are beautiful, and that they need to spend thousands of dollars trying to look like that person.
4. Please don't let how you feel about your looks hold you back from living a full, happy life. My biggest regret - as with most people - is not living a full life when I was younger. You are 20, you have decades of life left, and it becomes so much more joyful when you live life on your terms. If you really want to understand what I mean, spend some time volunteering with the elderly. When you hear all their tales of regret, you realize you don't want to live that way.
Anonymous
08/04/2022 15:59
Subject: Dear Mom I am ugly stop trying to pretend you dont see it
A good therapist will make you feel seen and heard. They will acknowledge your feelings and help you sort things out. They also will encourage you. As a Catholic, I suggest a Catholic or Christian therapist. They will NOT try to evangelize you or even necessarily talk to you about God and religion if you are not Christian. But what they bring to their role is a deep compassion and see you as God does—beautifully created, worthy of love, and made in His wonderful image. I am not tried to "push" religion on you but I recommend volunteering somewhere along with people that serve the needy or mental challenged children perhaps. The fellow volunteers will see you and helping others will help build up your confidence. I am sorry that your parents do not understand. I have learned in my particular situation that mine never will and I still sometimes grieve that fact that they never will. It's difficult to let that go. If you are in Maryland I can suggest a good place to volunteer with welcoming kind people ages young teens to seniors.
Anonymous
08/04/2022 15:46
Subject: Dear Mom I am ugly stop trying to pretend you dont see it
Anonymous wrote:I dont think therapy is gonna be a good match for me.
I like people telling me what do to. Therapy is like: ”what do you think” etc.. , right?
No! You just need to find the right person. They ask you questions and work with you to give you better tools.
“Therapy helps clients uncover strengths and learn new skills that will allow them to deal with the challenges that arise in life,” counselor Crystal Johnson told Talkspace. “A successful therapy experience does not mean a client is cured, it means the person has the inner and outer resources to deal with the ups and downs of life.”
This is a good article to get a better understanding. https://www.talkspace.com/blog/what-i-wish-someone-had-told-me-about-how-therapy-actually-works/
Anonymous
08/04/2022 14:12
Subject: Dear Mom I am ugly stop trying to pretend you dont see it
I dont think therapy is gonna be a good match for me.
I like people telling me what do to. Therapy is like: ”what do you think” etc.. , right?
I like people telling me what do to. Therapy is like: ”what do you think” etc.. , right?
Anonymous
08/04/2022 14:00
Subject: Dear Mom I am ugly stop trying to pretend you dont see it
Anonymous wrote:Op here
The people who bullied me were classmates, people at school id never spoken to, and so called ”friends” . Sucks!
It does. But now is a great time to take back your life for yourself. Therapy is for SURE the first thing you need to work through the baggage and pain. From there- the sky's the limit!
Anonymous
08/04/2022 10:57
Subject: Dear Mom I am ugly stop trying to pretend you dont see it
Op here
The people who bullied me were classmates, people at school id never spoken to, and so called ”friends” . Sucks!
The people who bullied me were classmates, people at school id never spoken to, and so called ”friends” . Sucks!
Anonymous
08/04/2022 10:27
Subject: Dear Mom I am ugly stop trying to pretend you dont see it
The people who bullied you are ugly to the core.
Anonymous
08/04/2022 10:22
Subject: Dear Mom I am ugly stop trying to pretend you dont see it
I'm so sorry that you're going through all this and agree a therapist could really help. I wish at your age would have the perspective that many of us do but I know it's impossible. I can tell you 100 percent that the woman I know who has the best marriage, a husband who comes to work to see her everyday, brings her lunch and they make out in his car (middle aged, married for 20 years!) may be the ugliest women I've personally known. Did those looks torture her at 20 years old? I bet they did. But they haven't affected her life long term.
Anonymous
08/04/2022 10:19
Subject: Dear Mom I am ugly stop trying to pretend you dont see it
Hahaha yes thank you😂
Anonymous
08/04/2022 10:15
Subject: Dear Mom I am ugly stop trying to pretend you dont see it
Anonymous wrote:Op here,
Thank you.
By the way I see some young people post here just like me, and people think we are all trolls haha. But I swear im real.
I found this forum after reading about alec baldwins wife .. 😂
But again, thanks❤️
This is the best! Hahahaha. Welcome, OP. The Hilaria thread was epic.
Anonymous
08/04/2022 10:13
Subject: Dear Mom I am ugly stop trying to pretend you dont see it
Op here,
Thank you.
By the way I see some young people post here just like me, and people think we are all trolls haha. But I swear im real.
I found this forum after reading about alec baldwins wife .. 😂
But again, thanks❤️
Thank you.
By the way I see some young people post here just like me, and people think we are all trolls haha. But I swear im real.
I found this forum after reading about alec baldwins wife .. 😂
But again, thanks❤️