Anonymous
Post 08/07/2022 14:33     Subject: Am I doing my 5yo a disservice by not having him in activities?
Anonymous wrote:I realize this Q may sound troll-ish given the dcum persona of the kid with 27 activities - but it’s a real question.

My rising K son has tried soccer, an art class, baseball, and ninja over the last couple years. He’s liked it all while doing it but when I ask him if he wants to re-enroll he says no thanks. He prefers open afternoons to go to the playground, go on bike rides, work on puzzles, play with brothers etc. With K starting I’m thinking about just not enrolling him in anything since it’ll be the first time he’s in full time school and really feels like so much of his time is already structured with school that after school activities would give him no time left to play.

But I worry I’m doing him a disservice for 2 reasons:
1) opportunity to make friends over a shared activity and have friendships beyond school
2) setting him up to miss out on being “good” at any sport bc he started too late. I realize that kind of sounds crazy, but is it? He had a little natural talent for soccer but if he doesn’t play again until 7 or 8 or something won’t he be basically way behind eveyone playing soccer at 7 or 8? I see 3yos taking tennis lessons, if he started at 10 is he resigned to the bumpkin level and no chance of playing in HS? I already feel like he’s kind of behind in sports bc there are some kids that basically start year round so young (and have a parent that plays with them a ton which we can’t) but I don’t want to entirely miss the boat and make it so he can’t play at a reasonable level something he enjoys down the road

Not looking for a broader commentary if kids sports in generally have gone horribly crazy, really just want to make sure that he will be able to play a HS sport if he enjoys it versus being too far behind bc I started him too late


My 2nd grader is in nothing except her dual language immersion school and the academic enrichment we provide at home, since the school doesn't have a gifted program. We go places with her so she can see the world and she has casual play dates with friends. School is already a big drain on her energy and patience. She's not really a people person, and she needs time alone in the quiet home to decompress. We don't care that all the other kids in her class are in at least three activities, we know her current limits. I think us being older parents (among the oldest if not the oldest in our child's class) we care less what other people think.
Anonymous
Post 08/05/2022 21:45     Subject: Re:Am I doing my 5yo a disservice by not having him in activities?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I'd join something to make sure you get to meet other families and he gets to know kids from school. Networks start to form in kindergarten and you don't want to be entirely left out. If you don't meet other families you'll be left off of birthday party invites and other social gatherings.

Scouts is a great way to get to know other kids and families. It tends to be 1-2 times a month and is very social.

Our rec soccer teams are also by elementary school and are another great way to make friends. My daughter doesn't even like soccer, but loves her rec team. It most of her friends in her grade and they are awful but have a fabulous time.

Another option in some communities is attending church.


He goes to school. That is his social network. It’s plenty.

That hasn't been our experience at all.


Then there is social issues going on. Your kid is at school 7 hrs per day with the same 30 kids. Most kids can come away from that with some social connections. Especially compared to a 45 min class once per week.
Anonymous
Post 08/05/2022 14:19     Subject: Am I doing my 5yo a disservice by not having him in activities?
I think it's perfectly fine that he will have no activities, and if he was to be a strong athlete in high school and beyond, a year of participation in kindergarten will have zero to do with it. Less than zero.
Anonymous
Post 08/04/2022 13:47     Subject: Am I doing my 5yo a disservice by not having him in activities?
Anonymous wrote:I realize this Q may sound troll-ish given the dcum persona of the kid with 27 activities - but it’s a real question.

My rising K son has tried soccer, an art class, baseball, and ninja over the last couple years. He’s liked it all while doing it but when I ask him if he wants to re-enroll he says no thanks. He prefers open afternoons to go to the playground, go on bike rides, work on puzzles, play with brothers etc. With K starting I’m thinking about just not enrolling him in anything since it’ll be the first time he’s in full time school and really feels like so much of his time is already structured with school that after school activities would give him no time left to play.

But I worry I’m doing him a disservice for 2 reasons:
1) opportunity to make friends over a shared activity and have friendships beyond school
2) setting him up to miss out on being “good” at any sport bc he started too late. I realize that kind of sounds crazy, but is it? He had a little natural talent for soccer but if he doesn’t play again until 7 or 8 or something won’t he be basically way behind eveyone playing soccer at 7 or 8? I see 3yos taking tennis lessons, if he started at 10 is he resigned to the bumpkin level and no chance of playing in HS? I already feel like he’s kind of behind in sports bc there are some kids that basically start year round so young (and have a parent that plays with them a ton which we can’t) but I don’t want to entirely miss the boat and make it so he can’t play at a reasonable level something he enjoys down the road

Not looking for a broader commentary if kids sports in generally have gone horribly crazy, really just want to make sure that he will be able to play a HS sport if he enjoys it versus being too far behind bc I started him too late


Trust your gut. if your child is enjoying being at home and doing those activities, then great. If your child is telling you he is bored a lot, then maybe look for something he might be interested in. He can start playing a sport at whatever age but you need to be comfortable with the fact that he is going to be behind most of the other kids and that you might need to help him at home practice a bit. Not everyone is looking for people to hang out with and things to do.

The reality is that you can find a balance between activities and down time. We asked DS before putting him in activities and he can tell us if he wants to re-enroll. He has chosen to do a good amount. He is also an only child, so activities give him different groups of kids to play with and hang out with. But even with a good number of activities, he has a couple of nights a week free and he has a good chunk of time on the weekend free. Most of his activities are late enough now , he is 10, that he can come home, have a snack, and play with friends before heading off to practice or Scouts.

You know your kid best. If he is choosing to be at home and playing with toys and friends outside, awesome. If he wants to be at home to play video games or is always bored, you probably need to rethink. But trust your instinct. Not every kid is interested in playing a sport or an instrument.
Anonymous
Post 08/04/2022 13:41     Subject: Am I doing my 5yo a disservice by not having him in activities?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:My husband and his ex have his kids not do any sports etc in elementary school. I did not know them then. I know them as teens, and….all they do is playing video games. It’s just sad to me. They don’t know to do anything. No music, no sports, no arts. They do know how to swim but they never go. I think it’s sad. They’re just in their rooms all day, doing….I’m not sure what. Video games and YouTube I think. They only leave their rooms for food. Occasionally their dad makes them take a walk.

That said I think over scheduling is bad too. Just maybe make sure they’re not allowed to spend too much time on screens.


The only problem with what you are saying is that there is a middle ground somewhere. No, activities arent bad, but there are a lot of things kids can do that don't involve being heavily scheduled or in their rooms on screens all the time. Kids/teens need to learn to entertain themselves.


Exactly right. Not doing sports = fine. Not doing anything = not okay.

And even worse, raising a kid who is afraid try is the worst outcome.

At 5, probably not a big deal. But pretty soon it'll be time to teach courage in trying new things, whatever it may be. Doesn't have to be soccer, but it can be dance or acting or even Scouts.

But you do want them to feeling comfortable joining and trying


Right, I want my kid to be comfortable coming to me and trying things if they want to, although I'm not going to say yes to everything. But, I don't want my kid to feel forced or like they have to do organized activities.
Anonymous
Post 08/04/2022 13:34     Subject: Re:Am I doing my 5yo a disservice by not having him in activities?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I'd join something to make sure you get to meet other families and he gets to know kids from school. Networks start to form in kindergarten and you don't want to be entirely left out. If you don't meet other families you'll be left off of birthday party invites and other social gatherings.

Scouts is a great way to get to know other kids and families. It tends to be 1-2 times a month and is very social.

Our rec soccer teams are also by elementary school and are another great way to make friends. My daughter doesn't even like soccer, but loves her rec team. It most of her friends in her grade and they are awful but have a fabulous time.

Another option in some communities is attending church.


He goes to school. That is his social network. It’s plenty.

That hasn't been our experience at all.
Anonymous
Post 08/04/2022 13:29     Subject: Am I doing my 5yo a disservice by not having him in activities?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:My husband and his ex have his kids not do any sports etc in elementary school. I did not know them then. I know them as teens, and….all they do is playing video games. It’s just sad to me. They don’t know to do anything. No music, no sports, no arts. They do know how to swim but they never go. I think it’s sad. They’re just in their rooms all day, doing….I’m not sure what. Video games and YouTube I think. They only leave their rooms for food. Occasionally their dad makes them take a walk.

That said I think over scheduling is bad too. Just maybe make sure they’re not allowed to spend too much time on screens.


The only problem with what you are saying is that there is a middle ground somewhere. No, activities arent bad, but there are a lot of things kids can do that don't involve being heavily scheduled or in their rooms on screens all the time. Kids/teens need to learn to entertain themselves.


Exactly right. Not doing sports = fine. Not doing anything = not okay.

And even worse, raising a kid who is afraid try is the worst outcome.

At 5, probably not a big deal. But pretty soon it'll be time to teach courage in trying new things, whatever it may be. Doesn't have to be soccer, but it can be dance or acting or even Scouts.

But you do want them to feeling comfortable joining and trying
Anonymous
Post 08/04/2022 12:57     Subject: Re:Am I doing my 5yo a disservice by not having him in activities?
Anonymous wrote:Yeah, to be honest I would say you’re putting him at a disadvantage. But that said, do I ultimately think it will be okay? Yes.


It’s really this. I didn’t enroll my oldest in anything for K or 1st. He was exhausted, school was an adjustment and as the other poster said, ultimately he was fine.

And then came child 2. I enrolled in rec soccer from the start in k. A one hour practice and one hour game is really nothing. Socially, it made the adjustment to school so much easier because the kids became friends. There just isn’t a lot of time to socialize in school. I made sure that child participated in 1 rec sport for fall, winter and spring for the early elementary years. It was usually soccer and basketball. I wouldn’t of done this if she hated it but she liked being with the other kids and it was strictly for the social benefit.
Anonymous
Post 08/04/2022 12:16     Subject: Re:Am I doing my 5yo a disservice by not having him in activities?
I think no activities for the fall of K is smart! You can always sign him up for a winter and/or spring sport, which isn't too late by any means. My K did a rec sport in the fall last year, and we wound up missing a bunch of practices because he was quite tired (literally fell asleep on bus). This is after being in full-time preschool/camp/daycare -- "school school" is just different. Winter was a nice break with no activities, and then he did fine with a spring rec sport. And note that spring was the first time he did that rec sport ... he wasn't behind by any means. Lots of kids trying things for the first time at this age.
Anonymous
Post 08/03/2022 18:36     Subject: Am I doing my 5yo a disservice by not having him in activities?
I would sign him up for at least one activity. One child of mine has played soccer most of his life because we thought it was important for both socialization and also he was not very coordinated and logistically he had a sibling who wanted to play really bad. So he went to practices for years but only started playing matches when he was in 3rd grade. Now at 12, he loves soccer and that's pretty much the only activity he likes to do (outside of limited videogame time) even though we've introduced him to plenty - sports and non sports - or asked him if he wanted to try other things. He still really isn't the most coordinated/athletic but all the years of soccer practices has really payed off and he is a pretty good player on a travel team and that gives him a lot of confidence. In fact, he thanked us recently for making him stick with soccer because he is known in his class for being the best soccer player. Hahaha...

Maybe you won't have that issue if your kid is naturally athletic (as one of my other kids is) but I think becoming good or even just functional at something - not necessarily a sport - will always help with a child's confidence.
Anonymous
Post 08/03/2022 17:45     Subject: Am I doing my 5yo a disservice by not having him in activities?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:My husband and his ex have his kids not do any sports etc in elementary school. I did not know them then. I know them as teens, and….all they do is playing video games. It’s just sad to me. They don’t know to do anything. No music, no sports, no arts. They do know how to swim but they never go. I think it’s sad. They’re just in their rooms all day, doing….I’m not sure what. Video games and YouTube I think. They only leave their rooms for food. Occasionally their dad makes them take a walk.

That said I think over scheduling is bad too. Just maybe make sure they’re not allowed to spend too much time on screens.


This is my brother and my nephews minus the swim lessons. They don’t do anything and only want to talk about video games and TV. It’s fine, except that early elementary is such a great age to dabble in things and experience life. You don’t have to do every activity until you’re an adult, nor do you have to do it well, but it makes life so much more engaging and interesting as an adult to be able to know what it’s like to play an instrument, be on a team, work with a group on an extracurricular like robotics or scouts or theater, etc. My nephews are going to have difficulty relating to the world as adults because they don’t interact with it now.

OP, I don’t think you’re in danger of this scenario, but it helps to look at the worst case scenario when you’re not sure where you stand on the spectrum of parenting decisions.



Sounds like a parenting problem and not because they aren't doing a bunch of activit8es. Parents need to limit screen time.
Anonymous
Post 08/03/2022 17:34     Subject: Am I doing my 5yo a disservice by not having him in activities?
Anonymous wrote:My husband and his ex have his kids not do any sports etc in elementary school. I did not know them then. I know them as teens, and….all they do is playing video games. It’s just sad to me. They don’t know to do anything. No music, no sports, no arts. They do know how to swim but they never go. I think it’s sad. They’re just in their rooms all day, doing….I’m not sure what. Video games and YouTube I think. They only leave their rooms for food. Occasionally their dad makes them take a walk.

That said I think over scheduling is bad too. Just maybe make sure they’re not allowed to spend too much time on screens.


This is my brother and my nephews minus the swim lessons. They don’t do anything and only want to talk about video games and TV. It’s fine, except that early elementary is such a great age to dabble in things and experience life. You don’t have to do every activity until you’re an adult, nor do you have to do it well, but it makes life so much more engaging and interesting as an adult to be able to know what it’s like to play an instrument, be on a team, work with a group on an extracurricular like robotics or scouts or theater, etc. My nephews are going to have difficulty relating to the world as adults because they don’t interact with it now.

OP, I don’t think you’re in danger of this scenario, but it helps to look at the worst case scenario when you’re not sure where you stand on the spectrum of parenting decisions.
Anonymous
Post 08/03/2022 15:53     Subject: Am I doing my 5yo a disservice by not having him in activities?
Anonymous wrote:My husband and his ex have his kids not do any sports etc in elementary school. I did not know them then. I know them as teens, and….all they do is playing video games. It’s just sad to me. They don’t know to do anything. No music, no sports, no arts. They do know how to swim but they never go. I think it’s sad. They’re just in their rooms all day, doing….I’m not sure what. Video games and YouTube I think. They only leave their rooms for food. Occasionally their dad makes them take a walk.

That said I think over scheduling is bad too. Just maybe make sure they’re not allowed to spend too much time on screens.


The only problem with what you are saying is that there is a middle ground somewhere. No, activities arent bad, but there are a lot of things kids can do that don't involve being heavily scheduled or in their rooms on screens all the time. Kids/teens need to learn to entertain themselves.
Anonymous
Post 08/03/2022 15:51     Subject: Am I doing my 5yo a disservice by not having him in activities?
My husband and his ex have his kids not do any sports etc in elementary school. I did not know them then. I know them as teens, and….all they do is playing video games. It’s just sad to me. They don’t know to do anything. No music, no sports, no arts. They do know how to swim but they never go. I think it’s sad. They’re just in their rooms all day, doing….I’m not sure what. Video games and YouTube I think. They only leave their rooms for food. Occasionally their dad makes them take a walk.

That said I think over scheduling is bad too. Just maybe make sure they’re not allowed to spend too much time on screens.
Anonymous
Post 08/03/2022 15:44     Subject: Am I doing my 5yo a disservice by not having him in activities?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I don't think it's an issue at all to keep a 5 year old out of activities. My kids have never made lasting friendships from sports teams. They are friendly and play with others during the season, but we've never carried that relationship beyond the team. I don't think sports teams are good for making lasting friends in this area.

Regarding talent, you could sit out one year and be fine. But, yes, you will be behind other kids who play continuously. But, at that age, if he starts playing again next year, and he is truly somewhat talented, he'll pick it back up really easy. I think you have until about age 9 to try different sports before needing to stick with one if you intend to try and make high school teams.


This may be true for rec sports but once your kid does travel, you'll see how close they become with those friends. FWIW--my kid is on a competitive travel team in a sport they'd never tried till 3rd grade. Sports are good but sitting out K year is fine.


Travel sports are way overrated. No thanks. Your kid isn’t going to be a star soccer player and now you wasted countless years worth of weekends “traveling” for a sport they would have been just as fulfilled playing on a red team causally



I'm another who thinks travel is overrated. Wouldn't even be an option for my kid. But, the wording is interesting, "once your kids is in travel" unless you plan on forcing your kid, who says that they'll even want travel?