Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m just remembering what it was like to apply in the late 90s. I did everything including setting up the tours. Why have things changed?

Because in the 90s, most of the Ivies and 20-25% acceptance rates, not 5%. Back in the day, it was easy for a kid with a 1300+ and 3.8+ to get into most state schools---now not so much. So it was extremely easy to pick "safeties/targets/reaches". When I applied, it was extremely easy to get into VaTech, even engineering. It was basically a guarantee if you had a 2.0 and actually graduated HS (engineering was a bit "harder", but still extremely easy for a decent student in VA to get into) and UVA was not that difficult to gain admissions if you had a 1300+ and 3.8+gpa.

Majority of kids are actively involved in the process, but I know we felt the need to ensure the process was done well to ensure our kids had at least several true safeties with acceptances. My kid drives the process, with the help of a college counselor, who mainly helped us develop the best list of schools. Without that counselor, I'm not sure my kid would have even found the school they are attending (and it's a T30) or their top safety school (which my kid really liked). And the counselor was helpful for being the one to "Nag" to keep kids on a schedule (my extremely smart motivated kid is also a major procrastinator and that got worse with Covid and 16 months of online school). I was not obsessed with finding Ranked schools---I wanted to ensure my kid found the best fit, as I know success in college is about fit for the student, if they are happy, they will do well.

Sure it’s harder. But what are you expecting to happen when your kid actually goes to college and doesn’t have mom or dad or hired help to get motivated?

New poster...Why you so salty and bitter? It's perfectly fine for mom and dad to be a part of the process, try it sometime. You might find that your kid actually appreciates it and a college counselor doesn't cost that much for a couple of sessions, do you do all of the technical work in your life? Hiring an expert is pragmatic and smart especially when making a major life decision but you do you.

Yes! Similarly, while my kid will manage college on their own, I will also make sure I understand the courses they need and help double check so they are on track to graduate in 4 years, with a double major in engineering or a single major and a minor. My kid is doing all the work themselves, but I will double check because a mistake/bit of carelessness could mean an extra $80K.

No, that is not healthy. You will not always be there to perform this function. THE SCHOOL PAYS ADVISORS TO DO THIS EXACTLY. You can remind your kid to meet with their advisor when they schedule senior year classes.

Your job now is to teach your kid to use the resources at his/her college. It is not to keep checking on his progress. Really, please instead try to teach him/her to do this himself. That will also build confidence in him/her that he is maturing into a capable adult.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m just remembering what it was like to apply in the late 90s. I did everything including setting up the tours. Why have things changed?

Because in the 90s, most of the Ivies and 20-25% acceptance rates, not 5%. Back in the day, it was easy for a kid with a 1300+ and 3.8+ to get into most state schools---now not so much. So it was extremely easy to pick "safeties/targets/reaches". When I applied, it was extremely easy to get into VaTech, even engineering. It was basically a guarantee if you had a 2.0 and actually graduated HS (engineering was a bit "harder", but still extremely easy for a decent student in VA to get into) and UVA was not that difficult to gain admissions if you had a 1300+ and 3.8+gpa.

Majority of kids are actively involved in the process, but I know we felt the need to ensure the process was done well to ensure our kids had at least several true safeties with acceptances. My kid drives the process, with the help of a college counselor, who mainly helped us develop the best list of schools. Without that counselor, I'm not sure my kid would have even found the school they are attending (and it's a T30) or their top safety school (which my kid really liked). And the counselor was helpful for being the one to "Nag" to keep kids on a schedule (my extremely smart motivated kid is also a major procrastinator and that got worse with Covid and 16 months of online school). I was not obsessed with finding Ranked schools---I wanted to ensure my kid found the best fit, as I know success in college is about fit for the student, if they are happy, they will do well.

Sure it’s harder. But what are you expecting to happen when your kid actually goes to college and doesn’t have mom or dad or hired help to get motivated?

New poster...Why you so salty and bitter? It's perfectly fine for mom and dad to be a part of the process, try it sometime. You might find that your kid actually appreciates it and a college counselor doesn't cost that much for a couple of sessions, do you do all of the technical work in your life? Hiring an expert is pragmatic and smart especially when making a major life decision but you do you.

Yes! Similarly, while my kid will manage college on their own, I will also make sure I understand the courses they need and help double check so they are on track to graduate in 4 years, with a double major in engineering or a single major and a minor. My kid is doing all the work themselves, but I will double check because a mistake/bit of carelessness could mean an extra $80K.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Isn’t this your kids job? If they can’t handle applying they’re not ready for college.

+1

Anonymous wrote:I just wanted to chime in and say that my kid is doing it mostly on his own (and my older DC did it 100% on their own) but it's still stressful.

And even though I want my kid to do it on his own, it's hard when he goes out with friends instead of working on his essay and when he prioritizes other stuff.

I do want him to do it on his own and am letting him for all the snarky reasons on this site, but that doesn't mean it isn't stressful.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m just remembering what it was like to apply in the late 90s. I did everything including setting up the tours. Why have things changed?

Because in the 90s, most of the Ivies and 20-25% acceptance rates, not 5%. Back in the day, it was easy for a kid with a 1300+ and 3.8+ to get into most state schools---now not so much. So it was extremely easy to pick "safeties/targets/reaches". When I applied, it was extremely easy to get into VaTech, even engineering. It was basically a guarantee if you had a 2.0 and actually graduated HS (engineering was a bit "harder", but still extremely easy for a decent student in VA to get into) and UVA was not that difficult to gain admissions if you had a 1300+ and 3.8+gpa.

Majority of kids are actively involved in the process, but I know we felt the need to ensure the process was done well to ensure our kids had at least several true safeties with acceptances. My kid drives the process, with the help of a college counselor, who mainly helped us develop the best list of schools. Without that counselor, I'm not sure my kid would have even found the school they are attending (and it's a T30) or their top safety school (which my kid really liked). And the counselor was helpful for being the one to "Nag" to keep kids on a schedule (my extremely smart motivated kid is also a major procrastinator and that got worse with Covid and 16 months of online school). I was not obsessed with finding Ranked schools---I wanted to ensure my kid found the best fit, as I know success in college is about fit for the student, if they are happy, they will do well.

Sure it’s harder. But what are you expecting to happen when your kid actually goes to college and doesn’t have mom or dad or hired help to get motivated?

New poster...Why you so salty and bitter? It's perfectly fine for mom and dad to be a part of the process, try it sometime. You might find that your kid actually appreciates it and a college counselor doesn't cost that much for a couple of sessions, do you do all of the technical work in your life? Hiring an expert is pragmatic and smart especially when making a major life decision but you do you.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m just remembering what it was like to apply in the late 90s. I did everything including setting up the tours. Why have things changed?

Because in the 90s, most of the Ivies and 20-25% acceptance rates, not 5%. Back in the day, it was easy for a kid with a 1300+ and 3.8+ to get into most state schools---now not so much. So it was extremely easy to pick "safeties/targets/reaches". When I applied, it was extremely easy to get into VaTech, even engineering. It was basically a guarantee if you had a 2.0 and actually graduated HS (engineering was a bit "harder", but still extremely easy for a decent student in VA to get into) and UVA was not that difficult to gain admissions if you had a 1300+ and 3.8+gpa.

Majority of kids are actively involved in the process, but I know we felt the need to ensure the process was done well to ensure our kids had at least several true safeties with acceptances. My kid drives the process, with the help of a college counselor, who mainly helped us develop the best list of schools. Without that counselor, I'm not sure my kid would have even found the school they are attending (and it's a T30) or their top safety school (which my kid really liked). And the counselor was helpful for being the one to "Nag" to keep kids on a schedule (my extremely smart motivated kid is also a major procrastinator and that got worse with Covid and 16 months of online school). I was not obsessed with finding Ranked schools---I wanted to ensure my kid found the best fit, as I know success in college is about fit for the student, if they are happy, they will do well.

Sure it’s harder. But what are you expecting to happen when your kid actually goes to college and doesn’t have mom or dad or hired help to get motivated?

Anonymous wrote:I just wanted to chime in and say that my kid is doing it mostly on his own (and my older DC did it 100% on their own) but it's still stressful.

And even though I want my kid to do it on his own, it's hard when he goes out with friends instead of working on his essay and when he prioritizes other stuff.

I do want him to do it on his own and am letting him for all the snarky reasons on this site, but that doesn't mean it isn't stressful.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As a parent of a rising freshman (CS major at top 20 national university) as well as an older child in top 5 LAC, I have to say that there certainly were many anxiety provoking moments. However, there were times that were pretty memorable such as spending time with you kid visiting colleges. It helped that my kid got into a state university rolling admissions as that took some of the anxiety out. I think overall it is how you perceive the whole process. If you take the approach that it is do or die to get into a certain college(s), then yes it will be a very stressful time. If you have a nice balance of reaches/targets/safeties, and you and your kid are not focused on only one college, then it can be an exciting time exploring colleges, majors, new places, etc. So bottom line is much of it depends on you and your kid's perception. IMHO, much of the stress the kids feel are from their parents. So try to take a step back and enjoy the process a bit as it is a big milestone.

I have a rising senior and one in college. What surprised me the first time was how much I learned about my son. He's not a big talker so figuring out what was important to him and reviewing his essays gave me a window into his mind he'd never let me have before. I'm looking forward to that with DD. She already has three safeties she'd be happy to go to and look like they'll for our budget so we're not feeling very stressed about it. Safeties you love are really important.

Both my kids have ADHD so I absolutely was very hands on in the early phase of figuring out the list, helping DS put together the schedule, reviewed essays and proofed the common app. He took the lead as time went on and I had zero involvement (except to send money) once he was in college and he finished first year with all As and figured out his off campus apartment for next year.

If your kids needs help figuring out this brand new, massive research and project management job for the first time, that doesn't mean they aren't ready for college. They aren't supposed to be ready for college yet, they still have another year of growing and learning. If you do have a kid who is ready for you to be 100% hands off well good for you but don't assume that's the only way to be successful.

My kids don’t need mommy to apply to college.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m just remembering what it was like to apply in the late 90s. I did everything including setting up the tours. Why have things changed?

Because in the 90s, most of the Ivies and 20-25% acceptance rates, not 5%. Back in the day, it was easy for a kid with a 1300+ and 3.8+ to get into most state schools---now not so much. So it was extremely easy to pick "safeties/targets/reaches". When I applied, it was extremely easy to get into VaTech, even engineering. It was basically a guarantee if you had a 2.0 and actually graduated HS (engineering was a bit "harder", but still extremely easy for a decent student in VA to get into) and UVA was not that difficult to gain admissions if you had a 1300+ and 3.8+gpa.

Majority of kids are actively involved in the process, but I know we felt the need to ensure the process was done well to ensure our kids had at least several true safeties with acceptances. My kid drives the process, with the help of a college counselor, who mainly helped us develop the best list of schools. Without that counselor, I'm not sure my kid would have even found the school they are attending (and it's a T30) or their top safety school (which my kid really liked). And the counselor was helpful for being the one to "Nag" to keep kids on a schedule (my extremely smart motivated kid is also a major procrastinator and that got worse with Covid and 16 months of online school). I was not obsessed with finding Ranked schools---I wanted to ensure my kid found the best fit, as I know success in college is about fit for the student, if they are happy, they will do well.

Sure it’s harder. But what are you expecting to happen when your kid actually goes to college and doesn’t have mom or dad or hired help to get motivated?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m just remembering what it was like to apply in the late 90s. I did everything including setting up the tours. Why have things changed?

Because in the 90s, most of the Ivies and 20-25% acceptance rates, not 5%. Back in the day, it was easy for a kid with a 1300+ and 3.8+ to get into most state schools---now not so much. So it was extremely easy to pick "safeties/targets/reaches". When I applied, it was extremely easy to get into VaTech, even engineering. It was basically a guarantee if you had a 2.0 and actually graduated HS (engineering was a bit "harder", but still extremely easy for a decent student in VA to get into) and UVA was not that difficult to gain admissions if you had a 1300+ and 3.8+gpa.

Majority of kids are actively involved in the process, but I know we felt the need to ensure the process was done well to ensure our kids had at least several true safeties with acceptances. My kid drives the process, with the help of a college counselor, who mainly helped us develop the best list of schools. Without that counselor, I'm not sure my kid would have even found the school they are attending (and it's a T30) or their top safety school (which my kid really liked). And the counselor was helpful for being the one to "Nag" to keep kids on a schedule (my extremely smart motivated kid is also a major procrastinator and that got worse with Covid and 16 months of online school). I was not obsessed with finding Ranked schools---I wanted to ensure my kid found the best fit, as I know success in college is about fit for the student, if they are happy, they will do well.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Rising senior parent here. So far this process has been so stressful. From forms to essays to college lists to college visits, let alone trying to determine the “real” price and direct vs indirect admits into major … I’m so ready for this to be over. Does it get better once apps are submitted? The college list has been particularly challenging. Every time we add one or take one off, it seems the next day there’s a reason to reverse the decision. At this point, none of them look like sure bets that child would want to attend. Luckily we’re pretty flexible so I’m sure child will be happy with whatever works out but so far it hasn’t been fun, at all!

Your experience is very foreign to me. I've been through it twice and neither time was it particularly stressful. Obviously there are uncertainties but the stress you describe seems unusual and can't in any way be good for your child, who presumably is bearing the brunt of the workload.