Anonymous wrote:Ok, so you make more money. Honestly, did you settle because you were getting older and panicky? And now you are realizing not a good match?

I repeat my earlier advice - have some good steamy sex. If that also sucks, then its going to be hard to adjust your attitude

Anonymous wrote:You need to have an actual conversation and explain the problem

Some of the passive aggressiveness talked about on here won't get you anywhere

Take it from me, as a guy we are dense.

Now if after the conversation, your husband still refuses to figure things out then you have an issue.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here. I am starting to view it as a fundamental lack of respect for me and my time. Literally he won’t make the effort to walk over to the fridge and see if we have milk? Can’t be bothered to do anything himself- forget foresight and thinking ahead of what needs to be done.

I legitimately have to ask him to clean up after himself. I cannot imagine doing this for another ten years. Forget till we are old I’ll end up trying to stick a fork in his eye

This is a very dangerous road to drive yourself down... resentment-fueled narrative. Been there, done that, bought the tee shirt. What are his redeeming qualities? Pobody is nerfect. I say this as someone with 5 kids, 3 cross country moves and family deaths shared in our marriage. Now I expect nothing in terms of house cleaning because he carries the load in many other ways. Have some hot sex, let go of the lame ass family admin stress and try to appreciate his good points. My husband is a slob but never questions my spending, has gorgeous full head of hair, takes care of all snow removal (new england) and puts us before his family of origin. Good luck, its not easy

I guess that’s the point. I don’t see the loads he carries. I don’t see how my life is better with him in it. I make more money, I’m educated, I can confidently take care of kids solo, etc. every thing about him seems to be a hassle or instrument of stress.

Well gee you don't seem to care at all whether your kid's lives are better if their mom and dad stay together or whether they will suffer any stress if you split up.

No doubt you'll talk yourself into believing "they'll be fine" though.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What happens when you say, I don’t know, can you check? Keep repeating and don’t provide the info.

I have the same type of husband and when I do this he accuses me of being hostile. He knows what he's doing

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here. I am starting to view it as a fundamental lack of respect for me and my time. Literally he won’t make the effort to walk over to the fridge and see if we have milk? Can’t be bothered to do anything himself- forget foresight and thinking ahead of what needs to be done.

I legitimately have to ask him to clean up after himself. I cannot imagine doing this for another ten years. Forget till we are old I’ll end up trying to stick a fork in his eye

This is a very dangerous road to drive yourself down... resentment-fueled narrative. Been there, done that, bought the tee shirt. What are his redeeming qualities? Pobody is nerfect. I say this as someone with 5 kids, 3 cross country moves and family deaths shared in our marriage. Now I expect nothing in terms of house cleaning because he carries the load in many other ways. Have some hot sex, let go of the lame ass family admin stress and try to appreciate his good points. My husband is a slob but never questions my spending, has gorgeous full head of hair, takes care of all snow removal (new england) and puts us before his family of origin. Good luck, its not easy

I guess that’s the point. I don’t see the loads he carries. I don’t see how my life is better with him in it. I make more money, I’m educated, I can confidently take care of kids solo, etc. every thing about him seems to be a hassle or instrument of stress.

Maybe try not looking at everything from your selfish perspective? Do the kids like him? Is he a good father to them? My guess is that there are plenty of things he does that are a benefit to your family, but you seem stuck looking at this like you are a martyr. The use of "mental load" is the biggest tell in posts like this. I mean, is it really a big "mental load" to answer whether there is something in the fridge if you know the answer? How absurd.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What happens when you say, I don’t know, can you check? Keep repeating and don’t provide the info.

I have the same type of husband and when I do this he accuses me of being hostile. He knows what he's doing

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here. I am starting to view it as a fundamental lack of respect for me and my time. Literally he won’t make the effort to walk over to the fridge and see if we have milk? Can’t be bothered to do anything himself- forget foresight and thinking ahead of what needs to be done.

I legitimately have to ask him to clean up after himself. I cannot imagine doing this for another ten years. Forget till we are old I’ll end up trying to stick a fork in his eye

This is a very dangerous road to drive yourself down... resentment-fueled narrative. Been there, done that, bought the tee shirt. What are his redeeming qualities? Pobody is nerfect. I say this as someone with 5 kids, 3 cross country moves and family deaths shared in our marriage. Now I expect nothing in terms of house cleaning because he carries the load in many other ways. Have some hot sex, let go of the lame ass family admin stress and try to appreciate his good points. My husband is a slob but never questions my spending, has gorgeous full head of hair, takes care of all snow removal (new england) and puts us before his family of origin. Good luck, its not easy

I guess that’s the point. I don’t see the loads he carries. I don’t see how my life is better with him in it. I make more money, I’m educated, I can confidently take care of kids solo, etc. every thing about him seems to be a hassle or instrument of stress.

Anonymous wrote:What happens when you say, I don’t know, can you check? Keep repeating and don’t provide the info.

Anonymous wrote:What happens when you say, I don’t know, can you check? Keep repeating and don’t provide the info.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here. I am starting to view it as a fundamental lack of respect for me and my time. Literally he won’t make the effort to walk over to the fridge and see if we have milk? Can’t be bothered to do anything himself- forget foresight and thinking ahead of what needs to be done.

I legitimately have to ask him to clean up after himself. I cannot imagine doing this for another ten years. Forget till we are old I’ll end up trying to stick a fork in his eye

This is a very dangerous road to drive yourself down... resentment-fueled narrative. Been there, done that, bought the tee shirt. What are his redeeming qualities? Pobody is nerfect. I say this as someone with 5 kids, 3 cross country moves and family deaths shared in our marriage. Now I expect nothing in terms of house cleaning because he carries the load in many other ways. Have some hot sex, let go of the lame ass family admin stress and try to appreciate his good points. My husband is a slob but never questions my spending, has gorgeous full head of hair, takes care of all snow removal (new england) and puts us before his family of origin. Good luck, its not easy

I guess that’s the point. I don’t see the loads he carries. I don’t see how my life is better with him in it. I make more money, I’m educated, I can confidently take care of kids solo, etc. every thing about him seems to be a hassle or instrument of stress.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here. I am starting to view it as a fundamental lack of respect for me and my time. Literally he won’t make the effort to walk over to the fridge and see if we have milk? Can’t be bothered to do anything himself- forget foresight and thinking ahead of what needs to be done.

I legitimately have to ask him to clean up after himself. I cannot imagine doing this for another ten years. Forget till we are old I’ll end up trying to stick a fork in his eye

This is a very dangerous road to drive yourself down... resentment-fueled narrative. Been there, done that, bought the tee shirt. What are his redeeming qualities? Pobody is nerfect. I say this as someone with 5 kids, 3 cross country moves and family deaths shared in our marriage. Now I expect nothing in terms of house cleaning because he carries the load in many other ways. Have some hot sex, let go of the lame ass family admin stress and try to appreciate his good points. My husband is a slob but never questions my spending, has gorgeous full head of hair, takes care of all snow removal (new england) and puts us before his family of origin. Good luck, its not easy

Anonymous wrote:Op here. I am starting to view it as a fundamental lack of respect for me and my time. Literally he won’t make the effort to walk over to the fridge and see if we have milk? Can’t be bothered to do anything himself- forget foresight and thinking ahead of what needs to be done.

I legitimately have to ask him to clean up after himself. I cannot imagine doing this for another ten years. Forget till we are old I’ll end up trying to stick a fork in his eye