Anonymous
Post 06/25/2022 20:07     Subject: Be honest with your seniors
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I think the costs of college have not caught up with most of us. We've been expecting our little darlings to go to private colleges like the ones we attended, not noticing that those colleges are only accessible to the very rich and very poor. The middle class can't go to private colleges. No one making <200K can send a kid to a college that costs $85K per year, even if you've saved for the kid's entire life. We tried, and saved $100k per kid, yet it wasn't enough to keep pace with the insanely skyrocketing price of private college. Even with merit aid, private colleges were not available, financially, to us. DCs went to public colleges, and believe me, not one of them was happy about it because they'd heard about the private colleges (much revered on this board) that DH and I attended. But we're neither wealthy nor poor, so public was our only option. We tried to tell our kids, but they really didn't listen, somehow believing that merit aid would get them to a private college. Or that they'd get into a HYP that would give them enough FA to attend. Neither of those things happened.

My mistake was paying off our mortgage. If we hadn't done that, we might have been eligible for FA. But the colleges saw our (modest) house as a bank account, and hence, no FA for us!

It's really hard to tell your kids you can't afford something you had and they want, OP. I tried, and pretty much failed.



Sadly, this scenario is a lot more common than anyone will admit. Since kids are no longer expected, by colleges, to contribute to the cost of their educations, and nor can young adults emancipate themselves from their parents to be considered for FA based on what they would earn if they were working, the parents are expected to pay and have to pay if the kid goes to college. A parent cannot 'opt out' of filling out a FAFSA even if the parent refuses to pay for college. FERPA also enables the disconnect because parents must pay for college but have no legal right to know their kid's grades, classes, enrollment status, etc, are unless their kid gives them permission to have that information.



Which is why you have your children sign a FERPA waiver before the first year starts. This is especially important if you have SN kids.
Anonymous
Post 06/25/2022 19:30     Subject: Be honest with your seniors
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:My parents did this. HHI of 300k in the early 2000s and didn’t save a penny. And wouldn’t co-sign for private loans. Found out when I’d already gotten in to my dream school.


Where did you end up? I’m sorry, similar story here. Can’t shake the resentment, years later.

NP here, but this is similar to my story. I was accepted to Brown, ended up going to to UMD, which had awarded me a full scholarship. I have a normal MC life now, so it’s not like UMD plunged me into a life of poverty, but I’m bitter that my parents were so irresponsible and didn’t prioritize my education over designer clothing, vacations, and tithing to our church.


Wow. Entitled much?

You’re angry that your parents have to the church??

I also attempted a state school on a full ride instead of paying for a more ‘prestigious’ college. It worked out fine.


This is all very odd to me, since in my circles people seem to have concluded in their 25 years since graduation that college prestige matters much LESS than they thought. And yet this person is still thinking about it years later? If you didn’t become what you wanted in life, it’s not because you went to UMD instead of Brown.
Anonymous
Post 06/25/2022 10:11     Subject: Be honest with your seniors
Anonymous wrote:You’re angry that your parents have to the church??


Why not? Golden chalices are more important the the education of my own kids?
Anonymous
Post 06/25/2022 09:19     Subject: Be honest with your seniors
Anonymous wrote:Basic Adulting = you can't afford everything
and, you don't blame your parents


THIS! Who are the people on this thread who still carry resentment that their parents didn’t simply hand over $200K. Do people really think that way? I am the child of immigrant parents and I just felt fortunate that my parents were able to feed me and let me move back home after college, etc.
Anonymous
Post 06/25/2022 09:17     Subject: Be honest with your seniors
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:My parents did this. HHI of 300k in the early 2000s and didn’t save a penny. And wouldn’t co-sign for private loans. Found out when I’d already gotten in to my dream school.


Where did you end up? I’m sorry, similar story here. Can’t shake the resentment, years later.

NP here, but this is similar to my story. I was accepted to Brown, ended up going to to UMD, which had awarded me a full scholarship. I have a normal MC life now, so it’s not like UMD plunged me into a life of poverty, but I’m bitter that my parents were so irresponsible and didn’t prioritize my education over designer clothing, vacations, and tithing to our church.


Wow. Entitled much?

You’re angry that your parents have to the church??

I also attempted a state school on a full ride instead of paying for a more ‘prestigious’ college. It worked out fine.
Anonymous
Post 06/24/2022 22:04     Subject: Re:Be honest with your seniors
This is a really good discussion. People have different priorities and different views on paying for college. It’s helpful to think through them. And everyone who is sharing their experiences and information - thanks, it’s so helpful.

So far, I’ve learned that I am willing to pay a reasonable amount that will cover all costs of a state school and leave money for grad school. . I’ve also learned that my nervousness about overextending could hold my DD back and I should remember that aid packages could reduce costs and make out of reach schools affordable.

We have talked about the cost issues and the need to factor that into decisions. We have an in state tuition fully prepaid but are not limiting her to that. It is a barometer though.

Thanks for sharing experiences. This conversation is really helpful in sorting out complicated and emotional issues.
Anonymous
Post 06/24/2022 21:53     Subject: Re:Be honest with your seniors
Anonymous wrote:"We are middle class and wouldn't get much from FAFSA colleges, but we would get good aid from CSS schools. Very fortunate that DD1 got into one of those with great FA."

Don't be misled by the above statement.

FAFSA colleges shower merit aid on students from families with middle, high, and even extremely high incomes.


Not to the extent of the need based aid we qualified for at the CSS schools. You can't make that statement without knowledge of the family income. For us, it was a significant difference. I was clearly referring to middle class, not imc or uc.
Anonymous
Post 06/24/2022 21:50     Subject: Re:Be honest with your seniors
Anonymous wrote:Please ignore the parent who says that CSS schools give merit that FAFSA schools don't. They aren't related in that way. Some schools give merit to students regardless of their parents' income. That's what merit means. It has nothing to do with a family's financial status. In contrast, some schools give need-based financial aid. I think the PP is confused about how these overlap.

Whether a school uses CSS or FAFSA has little to do with whether they'll give you need-based financial aid or merit aid.


I'm that poster, and you did not understand my post. I'm not relating the two unless you consider botyom line cost a relation. We qualify for need based aid at the CSS schools but not at the FAFSA schools. The merit aid she did qualify for at the FAFSA schools was not comparable to the need based at at the CSS schools. I love how you think you know more about my lived experience than I do. Typical dcum arrogance.
Anonymous
Post 06/24/2022 21:26     Subject: Be honest with your seniors
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:My parents did this. HHI of 300k in the early 2000s and didn’t save a penny. And wouldn’t co-sign for private loans. Found out when I’d already gotten in to my dream school.


Where did you end up? I’m sorry, similar story here. Can’t shake the resentment, years later.


State Flagship U and it wasn’t a UVA or a Berkeley obviously. And yes I’m still bitter.


What was your dream school?

How many siblings do you have?


My dream school was MIT. I had one sibling who was, at the time, in elementary school.
Anonymous
Post 06/24/2022 21:25     Subject: Re:Be honest with your seniors
"We are middle class and wouldn't get much from FAFSA colleges, but we would get good aid from CSS schools. Very fortunate that DD1 got into one of those with great FA."

Don't be misled by the above statement.

FAFSA colleges shower merit aid on students from families with middle, high, and even extremely high incomes.
Anonymous
Post 06/24/2022 21:23     Subject: Re:Be honest with your seniors
Please ignore the parent who says that CSS schools give merit that FAFSA schools don't. They aren't related in that way. Some schools give merit to students regardless of their parents' income. That's what merit means. It has nothing to do with a family's financial status. In contrast, some schools give need-based financial aid. I think the PP is confused about how these overlap.

Whether a school uses CSS or FAFSA has little to do with whether they'll give you need-based financial aid or merit aid.
Anonymous
Post 06/24/2022 19:07     Subject: Be honest with your seniors
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:My kid is attending a private that cost $75k a year. She got significant merit scholarships that have us paying about $40k/year out of pocket.

That’s why.


Did you know (through Net Price Calculator or other means) that she had a good chance of receiving a significant merit scholarship BEFORE applying to that school? Otherwise - if $40K was your limit - you could have had a very disappointed kid.


No, it was not expected. We learned with our first that the outcomes could be vastly different than predicted, so apply where you want and make the decision based on where you get in and the value proposition of each.


+1
Merit aid is not predictable but does exist and can be very generous. Also estimate that the colleges will estimate how much they each think your ability to pay will be able to stretch out of pocket. There is an expectation that you will be willing to pay a little more for private than required by in-state tuition metrics.


Disagree. The exact amount of merit aid is not predictable, but whether an applicant could qualify for significant merit aid IS predictable. Use the Net Price Calculator, look at where your DC's grades and scores fall within that school's percentile range, check out the Common Data Set information, etc. If your kid is below the 75% percentile for a school and you need significant merit aid to afford it, it is not a viable option so no point in applying unless you're willing to take out loans or can qualify for substantial need-based aid.
Anonymous
Post 06/24/2022 18:25     Subject: Be honest with your seniors
We are middle class and wouldn't get much from FAFSA colleges, but we would get good aid from CSS schools. Very fortunate that DD1 got into one of those with great FA.

The problem is DD 2 is not the go-getter her sis is. Getting into that top tier school came with immense efforts up stand out in many ways. I have warned DD2 that she could be in a position that she needs to take loans or got to 2nd tier state school. If she doesn't step it up, she may not get into stat flagship (which she doesn't want to attend anyway), won't get enough merit at FAFSA schools and won't get into CSS schools. I hope she gets this message and learns to love the state options if unwilling to do more.
Anonymous
Post 06/24/2022 18:08     Subject: Be honest with your seniors
Anonymous wrote:I think the costs of college have not caught up with most of us. We've been expecting our little darlings to go to private colleges like the ones we attended, not noticing that those colleges are only accessible to the very rich and very poor. The middle class can't go to private colleges. No one making <200K can send a kid to a college that costs $85K per year, even if you've saved for the kid's entire life. We tried, and saved $100k per kid, yet it wasn't enough to keep pace with the insanely skyrocketing price of private college. Even with merit aid, private colleges were not available, financially, to us. DCs went to public colleges, and believe me, not one of them was happy about it because they'd heard about the private colleges (much revered on this board) that DH and I attended. But we're neither wealthy nor poor, so public was our only option. We tried to tell our kids, but they really didn't listen, somehow believing that merit aid would get them to a private college. Or that they'd get into a HYP that would give them enough FA to attend. Neither of those things happened.

My mistake was paying off our mortgage. If we hadn't done that, we might have been eligible for FA. But the colleges saw our (modest) house as a bank account, and hence, no FA for us!

It's really hard to tell your kids you can't afford something you had and they want, OP. I tried, and pretty much failed.



Why didnt your kids just go to a LAC that was ranked lower (but still very good)? They all provide very generous scholarships.
Anonymous
Post 06/24/2022 18:06     Subject: Be honest with your seniors
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:She’s okay with going to college in Ohio?


What a bizarre question.


Asking b/c of SC decision this morning