Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You could do all this and still end up with someone who undergoes personality changes over the years. A crystal ball is what is really needed.

True. And they could be the best person ever, and die in a car crash. Nothing is certain.

NP.. of course, but it's smart to hedge your bets.

Actually, if I could do it all over, I think I would sow my wild oats more and date more men casually and maybe have more sex. DH is a great DH but I didn't date much before him, so I have very little experience.

But, to OP's question: I knew DH was a keeper because:

1. He is a good person. He's really good about keeping in touch with old friends (I'm terrible at it), doing favors for people, and he calls his mom every once every week
2. He can cook
3. He had a housecleaner which meant he doesn't like to live like a slob
4. He makes a good living
5. He treated me like a queen

He's not perfect, and we've had some rough spots in our marriage, especially after the kids came along, but generally, we've been happy together. Married almost 20 years.

Ambitious and able to provide well for a family. Taking financial worries off the table would be really nice.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn't want to go back and do it all again with someone else. No thanks. But I wouldn't mind being independently wealthy and living on my own in a different place.

This is my situation. I date interesting men but keep it light.

No I'd not bother dating. That bored me in my 20s / early 30s I have no interest in dating older men. They are usually rejects and failures at this age, and for good reason.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would never ever get married. Ever. It is just not worth it.

Haha I kind of agree. If anything happened to DH I would never remarry. I would just live out my single life peacefully without all of the issues! I don’t get why people get married so many times.

Same here.

Money, money, money
Must be funny
In the rich man's world
Money, money, money
Always sunny
In the rich man's world
A-ha, ah
All the things I could do
If I had a little money
It's a rich man's world

Rich, with a heart defect. Is that what you’re looking for here?

I would marry my DH all over again. However, I would not cling on to my virginity for so many years like I did. I waited for a long time with my DH and had sex for the first time on our wedding night after dating without intercourse for a long time.

It was another country and a different culture. And while I am glad I have only been with my DH sexually, what was the point of waiting for so long?

A lie detector to a purported male feminist.

Seriously, the amount of BS I saw and didn’t see in many suitors.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would make sure they are not addicted to anything like alcohol or drugs. I would more carefully look at their parents' marriage or relationship or lack of - I had no idea how messed up his family of origin was and how his mom left his dad because he had a child with his affair. That didn't come up till after the wedding. I had no idea how difficult the childhood was because his parents were so selfish and not around very much and more concerned about their careers and who they were dating.

I would go for someone who cares deeply about family and being there for his loved ones but knows boundaries and has a stable and more predictable career.

Just wondering how this manifested in yiur husband: did he cheat as well? Wondering if it repeats.

No, I do not believe he has. But he has a lot of unresolved grief and trauma that is manifesting now. He had a very unstable childhood, his father was not around much, never met the half sibling and dad did not bother to support this child, had a lot of insecurity with food and money until his parents were older, and really doesn't have a normal concept of what a marriage is - he is very independent and works all the time and doesn't carve enough time for us together and just never learned certain traditions like actually sitting down to eat dinner on a regular basis or valuing time for just family and not work. He also has a tendency to abuse alcohol like other members of his family.

Currently recovering from major surgery and appreciating my DH for who he is more than ever! We may not lead a DCUM-perfect life, but we've gotten though many challenges together. Wouldn't chance that with anyone else!

Anonymous wrote:Having freed myself of marriage I won’t ever do it again. But I’ll date all kinds of men! I am fascinated to see what kind of interesting men come into my life. I’ve been single for 4.5 years and am enjoying it to the hilt.

I envy your lifestyle so much! How many years were you married, what was the tipping point that made you decide to leave?

Anonymous wrote:I’d marry someone who is kinder and enjoys sex more. My DH has a low drive.

NP same. We're likely headed for divorce.