I think there's a line between secrecy and dishonesty. Sure, there are times I wouldn't tell my husband something . . . he wanted to know the identity of a Twitter account that was making waves in local politics. I knew who it was and that the person did NOT want their identity getting out. So I told my husband . . . sorry, but keeping a secret only works if you don't tell anyone. If you say, "I'm only telling you, don't tell anyone," then the person you told will tell someone else the same thing, and so on and so on. My husband can have loose lips at times . . . he is definitely not your "really don't tell anyone" secret-holder.

Most of the examples in this thread have been someone else's secret to share. If it were my OWN secret, then I would share it with my DH. I strive to have a relationship based on transparency and trust, and I don't want a small kernel of secrecy to grow into something huge and dangerous. If it were a family member's or friend's, I might say, "Oh, they're going through something but I'm not at liberty to share," just so he knows the general gist of our conversation.

I had a conversation last night with a good friend and she was telling me about an argument she and her husband had recently had. My husband is friends with her husband. There is NO need for me to tell my husband the details of our conversation. My friend told me in confidence and it's none of my husband's business what my friend and her husband were arguing about or what her husband said during the argument. My husband asked me this morning what we talked about and I told him the gist and he didn't pry because why would he? Some of you are super weird.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow some of you are not trustworthy friends.

My friends do not expect me to keep secrets from my spouse and I do not expect it of them either. Marriage is complicated and hard enough. Throw in demanding that your friends keep secrets from their spouse… I mean that’s a violation of the trust in the marital relationship.

What? So if your friend tells you in confidence that she is thinking of leaving her husband, you think you would be violating your husband’s trust and destroying your marriage by not telling him what your friend said? You can’t be serious.

Yes. I am not married to the friend. You people really have misplaced loyalties.

Loyalties?! Why is telling your husband something a friend told you in confidence that has nothing to do with your husband a loyal thing to do? I hope your friends know you can't be trusted.

Anonymous wrote:It depends. An example of a secret I would tell: my friend had a one night stand and got an STD. She confided in me. I did not tell my husband.

Secret I would NOT tell! Typo

It depends. An example of a secret I would tell: my friend had a one night stand and got an STD. She confided in me. I did not tell my husband.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I do keep friend's secrets from him. If my friend tells me she's going through a scary divorce and asks me not to tell anyone, it does her no good and me no good to immediately tell
My dh. If someone asks you not to tell, and it has nothing to do with you and your life, I would keep it to yourself.

+1. I do not keep my secrets from him, I keep other people's secrets from him.

Yep. This is not your secret, OP. No need to tell.

Agree with this. I can't imagine a reason DH would need to know this. My SIL told me a few months ago that her child is mildly autistic. She didn't say whether I should or should not tell DH. I consider this SIL's information (or her child's) not mine to share. Recently SIL backed out of a family trip, no explanation. I know she was thinking of not going at one point because of her child. DH was saying how weird and disappointing it was that his sister backed out of the trip. I simply said I think there are some things going on with one of her kids and its easier for them to sit this one out. If DH wants more info he can talk to his sister.