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Anonymous wrote:OP here. this is not the first time. When eldest was six months old he left the then infant alone in the baby bathtub because I had just been in the bathroom and he thought I was paying attention to what he was doing. I wasn't. I walked in to find baby fully submerged. Grabbed her and spent the next 24 hours watching her every move to make sure she was okay. She was fine but I almost left him then.

That doesn’t make sense.

And your propensity to catastrophize and go straight to “I’m leaving you” is a serious character flaw. Both of these are miscommunications and you bear some responsibility in them. But if it’s easier for you to fly into a rage and blast your husband, that isn’t fixing the problem — that’s fixing the blame. And it won’t actually fix anything.

Nice way to deflect that he almost drowned the kid. Johnny Depp, is that you?

DP. And I agree with PP (and hate JD for whatever that is worth). Two absentminded incidents for someone with children under 5 is not a reason to divorce, unless the husband is constantly doing stuff like this and not seeing it as a problem. Flying into a rage and threatening divorce is, IMO, something that should never be done. Ever, unless perhaps you have literally walked in on them cheating on you or something.

Almost drowning your infant and leaving two toddlers alone in the house aren't minor incidents. I would seriously consider divorce but I wouldn't want my kids with him half the time. There's something wrong with this man.

Tell me you don't understand ADD without telling me you don't understand ADD. I love my kids and am a very present parent and can see myself doing both of these things if I didn't have a bunch of systems in place to stop my mind from wandering away.

Then you need to adjust your meds or you shouldn't be alone with your kids. Or frankly shouldn't have had them to begin with.

Well I have a husband who loves me and instead of flying into a rage and threatening to divorce me when I'm struggling, steps up and helps me and works with the systems and routines I put in place and reinforces his love for me and our children. We're a team, constantly looking for when we need a helping hand instead of looking to accuse.

DP - Stop projecting your own insecurities onto the OP. Her DH was negligent and could have seriously injured/killed the children. "ADD" doesn't excuse this at all!

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. this is not the first time. When eldest was six months old he left the then infant alone in the baby bathtub because I had just been in the bathroom and he thought I was paying attention to what he was doing. I wasn't. I walked in to find baby fully submerged. Grabbed her and spent the next 24 hours watching her every move to make sure she was okay. She was fine but I almost left him then.

That doesn’t make sense.

And your propensity to catastrophize and go straight to “I’m leaving you” is a serious character flaw. Both of these are miscommunications and you bear some responsibility in them. But if it’s easier for you to fly into a rage and blast your husband, that isn’t fixing the problem — that’s fixing the blame. And it won’t actually fix anything.

Nice way to deflect that he almost drowned the kid. Johnny Depp, is that you?

DP. And I agree with PP (and hate JD for whatever that is worth). Two absentminded incidents for someone with children under 5 is not a reason to divorce, unless the husband is constantly doing stuff like this and not seeing it as a problem. Flying into a rage and threatening divorce is, IMO, something that should never be done. Ever, unless perhaps you have literally walked in on them cheating on you or something.

Almost drowning your infant and leaving two toddlers alone in the house aren't minor incidents. I would seriously consider divorce but I wouldn't want my kids with him half the time. There's something wrong with this man.

Tell me you don't understand ADD without telling me you don't understand ADD. I love my kids and am a very present parent and can see myself doing both of these things if I didn't have a bunch of systems in place to stop my mind from wandering away.

DP. Then maybe you shouldn't be a parent? Having ADD and blaming that on almost drowning a baby is insane. I know many parents with ADD/ADHD and none have endangered their children like this.

I'm not saying its ok, I'm saying if you know why its happening you can change your life to prevent it. But flying into a rage and telling him he's a horrible person is NOT how to fix the husband, frankly, its how to make it worse. When I make a mistake like this I will spiral and make a lot MORE mistakes because I'm flustered and upset. Which is something my husband knows, so he helps me and supports me, and then I can right the ship and get back to my normal super competent self.

Sorry if she divorced won’t she have to leave these kids alone with the dufus? Exactly what she’s trying to avoid.

OP be grateful they are both alive and in one piece. I saw a documentary where 2 yr old twins were crushed to death while climbing on some drawers in their bedroom while everyone was downstairs. Both dead. Get over it.

Anonymous wrote:Not overreacting, but take it as a lesson to always confirm handoff. DH and I use the air traffic control approach—one person hands off responsibility for the kids and waits to leave until the other person confirms/accepts responsibility. It’s not enough to call out “I’m leaving!” and assume the other person heard.

Same here. I have been in my car, in the driveway, watching the kids walk into the house after dropping them off before I go off somewhere else, seen my husband's reflection through a window and STILL called him to confirm he knew the kids were w/him and I was going somewhere else. He does the same.

Anonymous wrote:OP, I'm sorry. I get your rage and the near drowning incident would have me on edge too. The prudent thing to do right now is to get to the bottom of why your H is being so neglectful/poor communicator. work with a marriage counselor. Come up with better ways to ensure your kids' safety.

OP is a poor communicator too. She left the house without letting her husband know.

I wouldn’t trust him to transport the kids by car without you this summer. I’d be scared he’d leave them in the car.

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Anonymous wrote:OP here. this is not the first time. When eldest was six months old he left the then infant alone in the baby bathtub because I had just been in the bathroom and he thought I was paying attention to what he was doing. I wasn't. I walked in to find baby fully submerged. Grabbed her and spent the next 24 hours watching her every move to make sure she was okay. She was fine but I almost left him then.

That doesn’t make sense.

And your propensity to catastrophize and go straight to “I’m leaving you” is a serious character flaw. Both of these are miscommunications and you bear some responsibility in them. But if it’s easier for you to fly into a rage and blast your husband, that isn’t fixing the problem — that’s fixing the blame. And it won’t actually fix anything.

Nice way to deflect that he almost drowned the kid. Johnny Depp, is that you?

DP. And I agree with PP (and hate JD for whatever that is worth). Two absentminded incidents for someone with children under 5 is not a reason to divorce, unless the husband is constantly doing stuff like this and not seeing it as a problem. Flying into a rage and threatening divorce is, IMO, something that should never be done. Ever, unless perhaps you have literally walked in on them cheating on you or something.

Almost drowning your infant and leaving two toddlers alone in the house aren't minor incidents. I would seriously consider divorce but I wouldn't want my kids with him half the time. There's something wrong with this man.

Tell me you don't understand ADD without telling me you don't understand ADD. I love my kids and am a very present parent and can see myself doing both of these things if I didn't have a bunch of systems in place to stop my mind from wandering away.

Then you need to adjust your meds or you shouldn't be alone with your kids. Or frankly shouldn't have had them to begin with.

+1. OP’s H needs to get it together and figure out his systems. He’s going to kill his kids.

My ADHD H tried to pull the whole “you don’t understand, I need help” thing with me and I made it very clear his defects are his problem, not mine. Like, no, I’m not going to take my own time to make you calendar with chores, cooking days, recipes, and ingredient lists. Figure your sh!t out or leave.

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. this is not the first time. When eldest was six months old he left the then infant alone in the baby bathtub because I had just been in the bathroom and he thought I was paying attention to what he was doing. I wasn't. I walked in to find baby fully submerged. Grabbed her and spent the next 24 hours watching her every move to make sure she was okay. She was fine but I almost left him then.

That doesn’t make sense.

And your propensity to catastrophize and go straight to “I’m leaving you” is a serious character flaw. Both of these are miscommunications and you bear some responsibility in them. But if it’s easier for you to fly into a rage and blast your husband, that isn’t fixing the problem — that’s fixing the blame. And it won’t actually fix anything.

Nice way to deflect that he almost drowned the kid. Johnny Depp, is that you?

DP. And I agree with PP (and hate JD for whatever that is worth). Two absentminded incidents for someone with children under 5 is not a reason to divorce, unless the husband is constantly doing stuff like this and not seeing it as a problem. Flying into a rage and threatening divorce is, IMO, something that should never be done. Ever, unless perhaps you have literally walked in on them cheating on you or something.

Almost drowning your infant and leaving two toddlers alone in the house aren't minor incidents. I would seriously consider divorce but I wouldn't want my kids with him half the time. There's something wrong with this man.

Tell me you don't understand ADD without telling me you don't understand ADD. I love my kids and am a very present parent and can see myself doing both of these things if I didn't have a bunch of systems in place to stop my mind from wandering away.

Then you need to adjust your meds or you shouldn't be alone with your kids. Or frankly shouldn't have had them to begin with.

Well I have a husband who loves me and instead of flying into a rage and threatening to divorce me when I'm struggling, steps up and helps me and works with the systems and routines I put in place and reinforces his love for me and our children. We're a team, constantly looking for when we need a helping hand instead of looking to accuse.

OP, he cannot be left with the kids. You need a full time nanny at the very least.

OP, I'm sorry. I get your rage and the near drowning incident would have me on edge too. The prudent thing to do right now is to get to the bottom of why your H is being so neglectful/poor communicator. work with a marriage counselor. Come up with better ways to ensure your kids' safety.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. this is not the first time. When eldest was six months old he left the then infant alone in the baby bathtub because I had just been in the bathroom and he thought I was paying attention to what he was doing. I wasn't. I walked in to find baby fully submerged. Grabbed her and spent the next 24 hours watching her every move to make sure she was okay. She was fine but I almost left him then.

That doesn’t make sense.

And your propensity to catastrophize and go straight to “I’m leaving you” is a serious character flaw. Both of these are miscommunications and you bear some responsibility in them. But if it’s easier for you to fly into a rage and blast your husband, that isn’t fixing the problem — that’s fixing the blame. And it won’t actually fix anything.

Nice way to deflect that he almost drowned the kid. Johnny Depp, is that you?

DP. And I agree with PP (and hate JD for whatever that is worth). Two absentminded incidents for someone with children under 5 is not a reason to divorce, unless the husband is constantly doing stuff like this and not seeing it as a problem. Flying into a rage and threatening divorce is, IMO, something that should never be done. Ever, unless perhaps you have literally walked in on them cheating on you or something.

Almost drowning your infant and leaving two toddlers alone in the house aren't minor incidents. I would seriously consider divorce but I wouldn't want my kids with him half the time. There's something wrong with this man.

Tell me you don't understand ADD without telling me you don't understand ADD. I love my kids and am a very present parent and can see myself doing both of these things if I didn't have a bunch of systems in place to stop my mind from wandering away.

Then you need to adjust your meds or you shouldn't be alone with your kids. Or frankly shouldn't have had them to begin with.

+10000 with this line. Divorce him. He fkced up big twice. ADD or not, you need to be able to function without leaving your children at home by accident/oversight or drowning your child due to lack of attention.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. this is not the first time. When eldest was six months old he left the then infant alone in the baby bathtub because I had just been in the bathroom and he thought I was paying attention to what he was doing. I wasn't. I walked in to find baby fully submerged. Grabbed her and spent the next 24 hours watching her every move to make sure she was okay. She was fine but I almost left him then.

That doesn’t make sense.

And your propensity to catastrophize and go straight to “I’m leaving you” is a serious character flaw. Both of these are miscommunications and you bear some responsibility in them. But if it’s easier for you to fly into a rage and blast your husband, that isn’t fixing the problem — that’s fixing the blame. And it won’t actually fix anything.

Nice way to deflect that he almost drowned the kid. Johnny Depp, is that you?

DP. And I agree with PP (and hate JD for whatever that is worth). Two absentminded incidents for someone with children under 5 is not a reason to divorce, unless the husband is constantly doing stuff like this and not seeing it as a problem. Flying into a rage and threatening divorce is, IMO, something that should never be done. Ever, unless perhaps you have literally walked in on them cheating on you or something.

Almost drowning your infant and leaving two toddlers alone in the house aren't minor incidents. I would seriously consider divorce but I wouldn't want my kids with him half the time. There's something wrong with this man.

Tell me you don't understand ADD without telling me you don't understand ADD. I love my kids and am a very present parent and can see myself doing both of these things if I didn't have a bunch of systems in place to stop my mind from wandering away.

DP. Then maybe you shouldn't be a parent? Having ADD and blaming that on almost drowning a baby is insane. I know many parents with ADD/ADHD and none have endangered their children like this.

Anonymous wrote:OP here. this is not the first time. When eldest was six months old he left the then infant alone in the baby bathtub because I had just been in the bathroom and he thought I was paying attention to what he was doing. I wasn't. I walked in to find baby fully submerged. Grabbed her and spent the next 24 hours watching her every move to make sure she was okay. She was fine but I almost left him then.

Wait, this happened before and you didn’t communicate to your partner that you were leaving the house to pick up another child when there were other children in the house? Just as much your fault as his. Your reaction is absolutely uncalled for and you both need therapy to address communication.

Keep a diary. Document his unfitness.

I do not recommend divorce if you can avoid it. Imagine visitation.