Anonymous wrote:OP you might want to consider that your DH has recently got a hold of some woodworking tools and some fine pieces of pine, and rented a workshop, nearby locally, and has been hard at work building an entirely new set of furniture, as well as making friends with a couple of very talented upholsters to retrofit some favorite older pieces in a way that will bring new color and energy to any room. Has he been stepping out to "run an errand" or "visit a friend" in a way that seems a little off? If so, he may actually be headed to his (and your) workshop to get these pieces completed. Any chance this (or something very much like this) is going on?

Anonymous wrote:Do this: order furniture. Have it delivered. If your husband says something about it, explain that you are a grown ass adult and you don't take orders from him.

You're welcome.

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I just told my husband I will buy us side tables. He looked incredulous," with MY money?"

I said, "with OUR money."

He says that he just took me on a big trip abroad and he does not want to spend any money. I told him I am happy to use "MY" money.

He gets angry and says "everyone knows you like to spend and spend!"

I said, "that is not accurate, I am buying side tables with my money."

He rolls his eyes and says, "do whatever you want!" sighs and walks out.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:According to OP his concerns include:
1. He just paid for an expensive international trip she wanted to go on.
2. He is concerned about the economy because he fears a recession. NOTE: FACT = >8% inflation (>15% if using historical calculation method)
3. He pays for all HH expenses because as she put it he wants her to keep all her earned income.

This does not sound like an abusive situation from his end. He is doing what a husband is supposed to do. He is making sure the family is financially stable and ALSO providing nice things (i.e., expensive international trips).

The OP simply isn't on the same page as her husband. She doesn't want to walk down that financially conservative path that he husband is trying to lead the family down.
When it comes to compromise according to the OP the ONLY person compromising is her husband. He essentially gave up trying to convince her and told her "do what you want."

I can imagine, also, that because they are in an apartment the husband expects that they will eventually relocate to a home and in addition to items 1,2,3 above is wondering "why spend money on stuff for this temporary living situation which probably will not match the décor of our future home."

If you want to divorce over furniture then you should get a divorce ASAP. Don't have kids and get your divorce. It will be better for him in the long run. You are not suited for marriage.

“He’s doing what a husband is supposed to do.”

How old are you? Righty? Did you do a purity ball? Is this Brunch Grandma?

Most people think it’s normal, even in a recession, to pay good money for a high-quality used nightstand. If you think that is inappropriate then fine, but you’re not like most people.

Well, I apologize. I didn't realize that in 2022 a husband has no responsibility for the family finances. Your right he is a jerk for paying all HH expenses. in that case, I guess OP should step herself up and start paying for everything herself and letting her husband keep all "his" money. (yeah, this is sarcasm) Sarcasm aside, you sound kind of bonkers to associate husbands trying to provide for their family as outdated. Are you seriously indicating that women get married to men and not not expect the husband to contribute to the financial security of the family? If he isn't supposed to be doing that then what is he supposed to be doing?

They’re partners. This whole “his money”, “her money” thing is pointless, since in the end the money belongs to both of them. They are both responsible for the financial well-being of the family. In a partnership, both parties wants and needs matter as well. Assuming they have a good income, it’s perfectly reasonable for op to want furniture that’s a step up from IKEA/Target. How she wants to live counts too.

If you’re going to say that the husband is responsible for the financial well-being of the family, then you have to also say that he is responsible for the emotional well-being of the family also. He can’t just run roughshod over his wife’s feelings as unimportant because they don’t match his thoughts on the subject. That doesn’t work.

Anonymous wrote:My husband did not "forbid me" from buying furniture but this was definitely an issue early in our relationship. He was still very much in the mode that if we could technically furnish our apartment with stuff he found on the street, we did not need to buy anything, and certainly not anything high quality that might actually last, be comfortable, or work properly.

I just had to work on him. First I argued with him about why furnishing our home with decent furniture was an investment in our own comfort and happiness. One thing that helped with this is that he developed back problems he was convinced were related to our mattress. I said "oh, then we should buy a new mattress." Which we did, with him freaking out the whole time about how much mattresses cost. But each time he tried to cheap out, I asked "What is the point in spending $400 on a mattress that will hurt your back? Isn't it worth it to spend $900 or $1000 on a good quality mattress that will be comfortable? You sleep on it every night." That was the beginning of him starting to understand the value in spending money (which we could absolutely afford) on furniture.

I also just had to acclimate him to the cost of furniture so that he understood that when I suggested we buy a lamp for $150, I was actually being frugal. He had this childish idea that all furniture should cost less than $100 because he'd only ever shopped at IKEA. Once he understood the actual range of costs for furniture, and saw what furniture that you didn't have to assemble and that wasn't made of composite materials looked like, he became more open to buying higher quality things.

Anonymous wrote:According to OP his concerns include:
1. He just paid for an expensive international trip she wanted to go on.
2. He is concerned about the economy because he fears a recession. NOTE: FACT = >8% inflation (>15% if using historical calculation method)
3. He pays for all HH expenses because as she put it he wants her to keep all her earned income.

This does not sound like an abusive situation from his end. He is doing what a husband is supposed to do. He is making sure the family is financially stable and ALSO providing nice things (i.e., expensive international trips).

The OP simply isn't on the same page as her husband. She doesn't want to walk down that financially conservative path that he husband is trying to lead the family down.
When it comes to compromise according to the OP the ONLY person compromising is her husband. He essentially gave up trying to convince her and told her "do what you want."

I can imagine, also, that because they are in an apartment the husband expects that they will eventually relocate to a home and in addition to items 1,2,3 above is wondering "why spend money on stuff for this temporary living situation which probably will not match the décor of our future home."

If you want to divorce over furniture then you should get a divorce ASAP. Don't have kids and get your divorce. It will be better for him in the long run. You are not suited for marriage.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:According to OP his concerns include:
1. He just paid for an expensive international trip she wanted to go on.
2. He is concerned about the economy because he fears a recession. NOTE: FACT = >8% inflation (>15% if using historical calculation method)
3. He pays for all HH expenses because as she put it he wants her to keep all her earned income.

This does not sound like an abusive situation from his end. He is doing what a husband is supposed to do. He is making sure the family is financially stable and ALSO providing nice things (i.e., expensive international trips).

The OP simply isn't on the same page as her husband. She doesn't want to walk down that financially conservative path that he husband is trying to lead the family down.
When it comes to compromise according to the OP the ONLY person compromising is her husband. He essentially gave up trying to convince her and told her "do what you want."

I can imagine, also, that because they are in an apartment the husband expects that they will eventually relocate to a home and in addition to items 1,2,3 above is wondering "why spend money on stuff for this temporary living situation which probably will not match the décor of our future home."

If you want to divorce over furniture then you should get a divorce ASAP. Don't have kids and get your divorce. It will be better for him in the long run. You are not suited for marriage.

“He’s doing what a husband is supposed to do.”

How old are you? Righty? Did you do a purity ball? Is this Brunch Grandma?

Most people think it’s normal, even in a recession, to pay good money for a high-quality used nightstand. If you think that is inappropriate then fine, but you’re not like most people.

Well, I apologize. I didn't realize that in 2022 a husband has no responsibility for the family finances. Your right he is a jerk for paying all HH expenses. in that case, I guess OP should step herself up and start paying for everything herself and letting her husband keep all "his" money. (yeah, this is sarcasm) Sarcasm aside, you sound kind of bonkers to associate husbands trying to provide for their family as outdated. Are you seriously indicating that women get married to men and not not expect the husband to contribute to the financial security of the family? If he isn't supposed to be doing that then what is he supposed to be doing?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:According to OP his concerns include:
1. He just paid for an expensive international trip she wanted to go on.
2. He is concerned about the economy because he fears a recession. NOTE: FACT = >8% inflation (>15% if using historical calculation method)
3. He pays for all HH expenses because as she put it he wants her to keep all her earned income.

This does not sound like an abusive situation from his end. He is doing what a husband is supposed to do. He is making sure the family is financially stable and ALSO providing nice things (i.e., expensive international trips).

The OP simply isn't on the same page as her husband. She doesn't want to walk down that financially conservative path that he husband is trying to lead the family down.
When it comes to compromise according to the OP the ONLY person compromising is her husband. He essentially gave up trying to convince her and told her "do what you want."

I can imagine, also, that because they are in an apartment the husband expects that they will eventually relocate to a home and in addition to items 1,2,3 above is wondering "why spend money on stuff for this temporary living situation which probably will not match the décor of our future home."

If you want to divorce over furniture then you should get a divorce ASAP. Don't have kids and get your divorce. It will be better for him in the long run. You are not suited for marriage.

“He’s doing what a husband is supposed to do.”

How old are you? Righty? Did you do a purity ball? Is this Brunch Grandma?

Most people think it’s normal, even in a recession, to pay good money for a high-quality used nightstand. If you think that is inappropriate then fine, but you’re not like most people.

Anonymous wrote:According to OP his concerns include:
1. He just paid for an expensive international trip she wanted to go on.
2. He is concerned about the economy because he fears a recession. NOTE: FACT = >8% inflation (>15% if using historical calculation method)
3. He pays for all HH expenses because as she put it he wants her to keep all her earned income.

This does not sound like an abusive situation from his end. He is doing what a husband is supposed to do. He is making sure the family is financially stable and ALSO providing nice things (i.e., expensive international trips).

The OP simply isn't on the same page as her husband. She doesn't want to walk down that financially conservative path that he husband is trying to lead the family down.
When it comes to compromise according to the OP the ONLY person compromising is her husband. He essentially gave up trying to convince her and told her "do what you want."

I can imagine, also, that because they are in an apartment the husband expects that they will eventually relocate to a home and in addition to items 1,2,3 above is wondering "why spend money on stuff for this temporary living situation which probably will not match the décor of our future home."

If you want to divorce over furniture then you should get a divorce ASAP. Don't have kids and get your divorce. It will be better for him in the long run. You are not suited for marriage.