Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think you sound miserable, but I'm not sure why making your DH miserable (which, honestly, is what it seems like you're going for) would make you feel better? If you want DH to go to lunch with you sometimes, press for that with a reasonable ask (e.g., once every 2 weeks)... don't muddy the waters with leftovers (what do those have to do with wanting to have lunch with your DH other than you want him to be miserable too)?

OP here. I am not trying to make him miserable. I just feel like I'm the one making all the sacrifices, and I hate it. I just want something to keep me hanging on, even if it's a stupid lunch out, because right now I don't have anything.

I understand what you are saying and can empathize with you. We moved for three years to London I didn't know a soul. Luckily I had time and joined a couple clubs and met some people at the kids bus stop. Eventually, I made some friends.

Please have an honest conversation with your DH and tell him how you feel. Also, it seems like he doesn't want to go out for dinner with you. Find a hobby or a group that you can do activities with. You can't be home and miserable, it's not healthy.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I understand your problems but you should look for different solutions.

The problem here is that you have an issue of being lonely and wanting to go out to eat periodically. But your solution is to take away something that he enjoys and perhaps helps with his emotional balance, e.g. his lunch out with co-workers. I think it better that you convey to him your two points that you are lonely and that you want to go out to eat with someone you know periodically. Since you don't know anyone because you moved her because of his job, you would like to go out to eat with him periodically. He can decide whether he wants to periodically take a day and have lunch with you or if you go out to eat dinner regularly.

The point is to give him the problem and let him help figure out a solution. You don't want to suggest that he give something up unless he wants to give it up. All that does is make both of you unhappy. It's better to find a way to make both of you happy.

OP have you read this advice? It’s really good.

I know it’s really frustrating because you already tried to come up with a solution and were rebuffed. But thats not the end. Collaborate. Be solution-oriented.

+2 yes, great advice.

Did you guys miss the part where she said he never wanted to go out to dinner? It was in the OP. That would bother me. Reading between the lines, he wants her to cook dinner every night.

If he’s saying he doesn’t want to go out again because he’s going out for lunch, that’s very rigid. I would be annoyed if my spouse was running around the office looking for people to eat with but then “had plans “ when I asked him to do something with me. Sounds like it’s not about lunch so much as him not wanting to do anything with her, which feels extra bad because she is so lonely. Do working on her own friendships is great but won’t fully solve the problem of wanting him to do stuff outside the house.

I'm the first PP (the one who made the suggestion). No, we did not miss that part. But the point is that OP has a problem. Her picking a solution and trying to make him adhere to it is just going to make them both unhappy. What she needs to do is tell him the problem and then let him figure out what compromise he is willing to make to solve the problem. Yes, he is happy going out to lunch with his co-workers and he doesn't like to go out once he's home from work. But that status quo is not working for her. She needs to let him know that the status quo is not working and have him help come up with a solution that solves her problem. The point is that instead of picking a solution that he doesn't like, let him figure out what compromise he is willing to make and then offer it. They'll both be happier if she does so.

And, if he isn't willing to compromise and help solve her problem, then there is a much bigger problem than just where and when to dine out. He needs to show that he cares enough to make a compromise that will help solve her problem. But he should have some say in what that compromise is.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think you sound miserable, but I'm not sure why making your DH miserable (which, honestly, is what it seems like you're going for) would make you feel better? If you want DH to go to lunch with you sometimes, press for that with a reasonable ask (e.g., once every 2 weeks)... don't muddy the waters with leftovers (what do those have to do with wanting to have lunch with your DH other than you want him to be miserable too)?

OP here. I am not trying to make him miserable. I just feel like I'm the one making all the sacrifices, and I hate it. I just want something to keep me hanging on, even if it's a stupid lunch out, because right now I don't have anything.

Ignore that poster. You don’t sound like you’re trying to make your husband miserable. You do sound resentful that he is living his best life while you’re floundering and you know what? I’d have a hard time not being resentful about that too, especially if I told him I’d like to go lunch and he said he was busy.

Have you tried scheduling a lunch with him in advance?

I think that poster is completely correct, actually. If her post were about how to get her husband to have lunch with her, that would be one thing. Instead it’s about how her misery compares to his best life and her solution is that he eliminate the thing (lunch out) that makes him happy… not how they can both become happy. It’s telling.

Door Dash

It's obvious that OP is bitter and resentful being a trailing military spouse and probably lives in some substandard city while her husband puts in his time. So being reasonable with her and having lunch with her say once a week is not going to resolve this issue.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I understand your problems but you should look for different solutions.

The problem here is that you have an issue of being lonely and wanting to go out to eat periodically. But your solution is to take away something that he enjoys and perhaps helps with his emotional balance, e.g. his lunch out with co-workers. I think it better that you convey to him your two points that you are lonely and that you want to go out to eat with someone you know periodically. Since you don't know anyone because you moved her because of his job, you would like to go out to eat with him periodically. He can decide whether he wants to periodically take a day and have lunch with you or if you go out to eat dinner regularly.

The point is to give him the problem and let him help figure out a solution. You don't want to suggest that he give something up unless he wants to give it up. All that does is make both of you unhappy. It's better to find a way to make both of you happy.

OP have you read this advice? It’s really good.

I know it’s really frustrating because you already tried to come up with a solution and were rebuffed. But thats not the end. Collaborate. Be solution-oriented.

+2 yes, great advice.

Did you guys miss the part where she said he never wanted to go out to dinner? It was in the OP. That would bother me. Reading between the lines, he wants her to cook dinner every night.

If he’s saying he doesn’t want to go out again because he’s going out for lunch, that’s very rigid. I would be annoyed if my spouse was running around the office looking for people to eat with but then “had plans “ when I asked him to do something with me. Sounds like it’s not about lunch so much as him not wanting to do anything with her, which feels extra bad because she is so lonely. Do working on her own friendships is great but won’t fully solve the problem of wanting him to do stuff outside the house.

Although you could just say you aren’t cooking Friday night, would he like to cook or go out, I bet you would go out.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I understand your problems but you should look for different solutions.

The problem here is that you have an issue of being lonely and wanting to go out to eat periodically. But your solution is to take away something that he enjoys and perhaps helps with his emotional balance, e.g. his lunch out with co-workers. I think it better that you convey to him your two points that you are lonely and that you want to go out to eat with someone you know periodically. Since you don't know anyone because you moved her because of his job, you would like to go out to eat with him periodically. He can decide whether he wants to periodically take a day and have lunch with you or if you go out to eat dinner regularly.

The point is to give him the problem and let him help figure out a solution. You don't want to suggest that he give something up unless he wants to give it up. All that does is make both of you unhappy. It's better to find a way to make both of you happy.

OP have you read this advice? It’s really good.

I know it’s really frustrating because you already tried to come up with a solution and were rebuffed. But thats not the end. Collaborate. Be solution-oriented.

+2 yes, great advice.

Did you guys miss the part where she said he never wanted to go out to dinner? It was in the OP. That would bother me. Reading between the lines, he wants her to cook dinner every night.

If he’s saying he doesn’t want to go out again because he’s going out for lunch, that’s very rigid. I would be annoyed if my spouse was running around the office looking for people to eat with but then “had plans “ when I asked him to do something with me. Sounds like it’s not about lunch so much as him not wanting to do anything with her, which feels extra bad because she is so lonely. Do working on her own friendships is great but won’t fully solve the problem of wanting him to do stuff outside the house.

Anonymous wrote:Go out for lunch by yourself. I do that sometimes when I WFH. I go to our great local sushi place and enjoy every minute.

+1. Sit at the counter. People talk to you there!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I understand your problems but you should look for different solutions.

The problem here is that you have an issue of being lonely and wanting to go out to eat periodically. But your solution is to take away something that he enjoys and perhaps helps with his emotional balance, e.g. his lunch out with co-workers. I think it better that you convey to him your two points that you are lonely and that you want to go out to eat with someone you know periodically. Since you don't know anyone because you moved her because of his job, you would like to go out to eat with him periodically. He can decide whether he wants to periodically take a day and have lunch with you or if you go out to eat dinner regularly.

The point is to give him the problem and let him help figure out a solution. You don't want to suggest that he give something up unless he wants to give it up. All that does is make both of you unhappy. It's better to find a way to make both of you happy.

OP have you read this advice? It’s really good.

I know it’s really frustrating because you already tried to come up with a solution and were rebuffed. But thats not the end. Collaborate. Be solution-oriented.

+2 yes, great advice.

OP, does your husband know how unhappy and lonely you are? If he does and he doesn’t care, get a divorce and move back to wherever you were happy. If he doesn’t know, you need to tell him. The lunches with coworkers is totally the tail of the dog, although I get to say it’s irritating that he is so happy to spend time with coworkers but won’t take you out to dinner. But it’s the latter that’s the problem, not the former.

Anonymous wrote:OP, I understand your problems but you should look for different solutions.

The problem here is that you have an issue of being lonely and wanting to go out to eat periodically. But your solution is to take away something that he enjoys and perhaps helps with his emotional balance, e.g. his lunch out with co-workers. I think it better that you convey to him your two points that you are lonely and that you want to go out to eat with someone you know periodically. Since you don't know anyone because you moved her because of his job, you would like to go out to eat with him periodically. He can decide whether he wants to periodically take a day and have lunch with you or if you go out to eat dinner regularly.

The point is to give him the problem and let him help figure out a solution. You don't want to suggest that he give something up unless he wants to give it up. All that does is make both of you unhappy. It's better to find a way to make both of you happy.

OP have you read this advice? It’s really good.

I know it’s really frustrating because you already tried to come up with a solution and were rebuffed. But thats not the end. Collaborate. Be solution-oriented.

OP, I get it. Are you in the US? I am not, and the lack of language and cultural differences and unwalkable areas makes it 100x worse. Empathy from me.

OP, why don’t you take a lunch break and go out to eat by yourself? Find a nice restaurant with a bar; maybe you’ll make a friend but either way there will be people to chat with and get some social interaction.

Treat yourself to a delivery Lunch once in a while if you don't want to go out on your own in the week.

OP, I understand your problems but you should look for different solutions.

The problem here is that you have an issue of being lonely and wanting to go out to eat periodically. But your solution is to take away something that he enjoys and perhaps helps with his emotional balance, e.g. his lunch out with co-workers. I think it better that you convey to him your two points that you are lonely and that you want to go out to eat with someone you know periodically. Since you don't know anyone because you moved her because of his job, you would like to go out to eat with him periodically. He can decide whether he wants to periodically take a day and have lunch with you or if you go out to eat dinner regularly.

The point is to give him the problem and let him help figure out a solution. You don't want to suggest that he give something up unless he wants to give it up. All that does is make both of you unhappy. It's better to find a way to make both of you happy.