Anonymous
04/28/2022 22:26
Subject: Coincidence or not? Wedding date right near due date
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Maybe that was the only date available? August isn't exactly a popular month? That is pretty crappy that she'd plan a wedding when her own brother can't come though. Is he not close to her?
She is always saying that he is her closest and fondest family member. I really can't fathom that she wouldn't want him to come, so the alternative is that she wants him to come but not me...?
He is her closest and fondest family member yet didn’t know of the date until he got the wedding invite in the mail??? Something doesn’t add up. Obviously, they can’t be that close if she never shared the wedding date before that. Regardless, your due date is your due date and you may deliver late. Or (G-d forbid), there may be some reason that you or the baby need medical attention (btdt so I never assume everything will always go smoothly). He can tell his sister he can try to attend but he has to see how things are going with you (bc you are top priority and I don’t see how he can go). I certainly hope you will have plenty of help while he is 6 hours away. It isn’t as if he can just go to the ceremony and be back home in 30 minutes while you and the baby take a quick nap! Imo, he needs to skip this. Your sil did nothing wrong in picking the date - as others said, it was probably picked before she knew you were pregnant but your dh really shouldn’t go.
OP here. He plans on just driving up for the ceremony and then coming back the same day. Crazy amount of driving in one day, but it sounds like she really wanted him there.
OP, I hope that your SIL understands that if you don’t give birth on or before your due date that your DH is not going to miss the birth of his child for this. Or that if there are complications he won’t be leaving you and his child, right?
I think he’d still go if I had not given birth yet. But obviously would not go if there were complications, nor would his sister expect or want him to.
But if you are overdue why would anyone expect him to be 6 hours away from you?!
+1. Op, nobody would expect him to be there if you're overdue.
Anonymous
04/28/2022 22:20
Subject: Coincidence or not? Wedding date right near due date
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Maybe that was the only date available? August isn't exactly a popular month? That is pretty crappy that she'd plan a wedding when her own brother can't come though. Is he not close to her?
She is always saying that he is her closest and fondest family member. I really can't fathom that she wouldn't want him to come, so the alternative is that she wants him to come but not me...?
He is her closest and fondest family member yet didn’t know of the date until he got the wedding invite in the mail??? Something doesn’t add up. Obviously, they can’t be that close if she never shared the wedding date before that. Regardless, your due date is your due date and you may deliver late. Or (G-d forbid), there may be some reason that you or the baby need medical attention (btdt so I never assume everything will always go smoothly). He can tell his sister he can try to attend but he has to see how things are going with you (bc you are top priority and I don’t see how he can go). I certainly hope you will have plenty of help while he is 6 hours away. It isn’t as if he can just go to the ceremony and be back home in 30 minutes while you and the baby take a quick nap! Imo, he needs to skip this. Your sil did nothing wrong in picking the date - as others said, it was probably picked before she knew you were pregnant but your dh really shouldn’t go.
OP here. He plans on just driving up for the ceremony and then coming back the same day. Crazy amount of driving in one day, but it sounds like she really wanted him there.
OP, I hope that your SIL understands that if you don’t give birth on or before your due date that your DH is not going to miss the birth of his child for this. Or that if there are complications he won’t be leaving you and his child, right?
I think he’d still go if I had not given birth yet. But obviously would not go if there were complications, nor would his sister expect or want him to.
But if you are overdue why would anyone expect him to be 6 hours away from you?!
Anonymous
04/28/2022 22:02
Subject: Coincidence or not? Wedding date right near due date
How old is this bride??
Anonymous
04/28/2022 21:54
Subject: Coincidence or not? Wedding date right near due date
I would never expect my brother to go to my wedding 6 hours away when it's literally within a couple days of his child's birth. You're not being hormonal. This is whack, Covid or not.
Anonymous
04/28/2022 21:37
Subject: Coincidence or not? Wedding date right near due date
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Maybe that was the only date available? August isn't exactly a popular month? That is pretty crappy that she'd plan a wedding when her own brother can't come though. Is he not close to her?
She is always saying that he is her closest and fondest family member. I really can't fathom that she wouldn't want him to come, so the alternative is that she wants him to come but not me...?
He is her closest and fondest family member yet didn’t know of the date until he got the wedding invite in the mail??? Something doesn’t add up. Obviously, they can’t be that close if she never shared the wedding date before that. Regardless, your due date is your due date and you may deliver late. Or (G-d forbid), there may be some reason that you or the baby need medical attention (btdt so I never assume everything will always go smoothly). He can tell his sister he can try to attend but he has to see how things are going with you (bc you are top priority and I don’t see how he can go). I certainly hope you will have plenty of help while he is 6 hours away. It isn’t as if he can just go to the ceremony and be back home in 30 minutes while you and the baby take a quick nap! Imo, he needs to skip this. Your sil did nothing wrong in picking the date - as others said, it was probably picked before she knew you were pregnant but your dh really shouldn’t go.
OP here. He plans on just driving up for the ceremony and then coming back the same day. Crazy amount of driving in one day, but it sounds like she really wanted him there.
My DH had to go back to work 14 hours/day the day after we got home from the hospital (we got stuck there 5 days). Unless she also has young toddlers, she will be able to cope if the baby is 3+ days old and there are no complications.
It shouldn't need to be that way. It sucks he had to go back to work so soon.
Just because some people have had to be alone right after giving birth doesn't make it ok or acceptable for everyone.
Anonymous
04/28/2022 21:29
Subject: Coincidence or not? Wedding date right near due date
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Maybe that was the only date available? August isn't exactly a popular month? That is pretty crappy that she'd plan a wedding when her own brother can't come though. Is he not close to her?
She is always saying that he is her closest and fondest family member. I really can't fathom that she wouldn't want him to come, so the alternative is that she wants him to come but not me...?
He is her closest and fondest family member yet didn’t know of the date until he got the wedding invite in the mail??? Something doesn’t add up. Obviously, they can’t be that close if she never shared the wedding date before that. Regardless, your due date is your due date and you may deliver late. Or (G-d forbid), there may be some reason that you or the baby need medical attention (btdt so I never assume everything will always go smoothly). He can tell his sister he can try to attend but he has to see how things are going with you (bc you are top priority and I don’t see how he can go). I certainly hope you will have plenty of help while he is 6 hours away. It isn’t as if he can just go to the ceremony and be back home in 30 minutes while you and the baby take a quick nap! Imo, he needs to skip this. Your sil did nothing wrong in picking the date - as others said, it was probably picked before she knew you were pregnant but your dh really shouldn’t go.
OP here. He plans on just driving up for the ceremony and then coming back the same day. Crazy amount of driving in one day, but it sounds like she really wanted him there.
OP, I hope that your SIL understands that if you don’t give birth on or before your due date that your DH is not going to miss the birth of his child for this. Or that if there are complications he won’t be leaving you and his child, right?
I think he’d still go if I had not given birth yet. But obviously would not go if there were complications, nor would his sister expect or want him to.
Anonymous
04/28/2022 21:16
Subject: Coincidence or not? Wedding date right near due date
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Maybe that was the only date available? August isn't exactly a popular month? That is pretty crappy that she'd plan a wedding when her own brother can't come though. Is he not close to her?
She is always saying that he is her closest and fondest family member. I really can't fathom that she wouldn't want him to come, so the alternative is that she wants him to come but not me...?
He is her closest and fondest family member yet didn’t know of the date until he got the wedding invite in the mail??? Something doesn’t add up. Obviously, they can’t be that close if she never shared the wedding date before that. Regardless, your due date is your due date and you may deliver late. Or (G-d forbid), there may be some reason that you or the baby need medical attention (btdt so I never assume everything will always go smoothly). He can tell his sister he can try to attend but he has to see how things are going with you (bc you are top priority and I don’t see how he can go). I certainly hope you will have plenty of help while he is 6 hours away. It isn’t as if he can just go to the ceremony and be back home in 30 minutes while you and the baby take a quick nap! Imo, he needs to skip this. Your sil did nothing wrong in picking the date - as others said, it was probably picked before she knew you were pregnant but your dh really shouldn’t go.
OP here. He plans on just driving up for the ceremony and then coming back the same day. Crazy amount of driving in one day, but it sounds like she really wanted him there.
OP, I hope that your SIL understands that if you don’t give birth on or before your due date that your DH is not going to miss the birth of his child for this. Or that if there are complications he won’t be leaving you and his child, right?
Anonymous
04/28/2022 21:12
Subject: Coincidence or not? Wedding date right near due date
Anonymous wrote:DH and I just got a wedding invitation to my SIL's wedding. It will be a church ceremony and reception in August a 6 hour drive from where we live - but the date is literally a few days after my due date. DH and I and our family, as well as her parents are the only ones invited from her side of the family.
I can't help feeling like this was not just a coincidence. She knew I was expecting in August, and of all the weeks to pick..... Do you think she does not actually want me to attend?
No, not on purpose.
It is super difficult to find venues and dates for the next 0-2 years for weddings or big parties. You take what you can get and prioritize the venue date and then see what caterers or bands or even bridesmaids are available.
Anonymous
04/28/2022 21:06
Subject: Coincidence or not? Wedding date right near due date
Anonymous wrote:So when is she to have the wedding around your pregnancy that will actually fit in ok. Before which may have been booked out or as you get more advanced in the pregnancy and you will be uncomfortable anyway or does she leave it till after the baby is born. When she set the date were you even pregnant then? Most dates earlier this year were probably already booked.
So how long after the baby is born will you be ok to travel - 6 months, a year.
Or does she just get on with her life, yes her brother can come to the wedding or not but this is just life. If she puts it off another year you could be pregnant again then or maybe someone else she knows.
Perhaps she is just getting on with her life and living it. This is not about you, it's about her getting married. This is her day so just celebrate it regardless of whether you can go or not.
Is it more that the attention will be shared around this time?
I’m not OP, but if she was fine with OPs DH not attending because of the birth of his child, I would agree with this. She can’t plan around all of OP’s family’s needs, but what bothers me is not acknowledging that it might be more important for her brother to be with OP in the days after his own child was born.
Anonymous
04/28/2022 21:01
Subject: Re:Coincidence or not? Wedding date right near due date
Op here and yeah I can admit that maybe I’m just being cuckoo and hormonal. It could very well be merely a coincidence.
But I do know she wants my husband there. And that he will be her only family present besides her parents. And I also know she wants him there as a buffer between her and her parents because their relationship is very strained. And she knows that my husband will pretty much do anything she asks of him, because they just have that kind of relationship. She describes him as her protector and saviour and that she would not be alive if it were not for him.
I also know that she does have a history of what seems like pretty unlucky timing, with scheduling events, or making big announcements. Not related to me, but with her parents and in particular, her mom.
So there is a bit more backstory. However, I just really do not know and like I said, I might just be nutty.
But I do know she wants my husband there. And that he will be her only family present besides her parents. And I also know she wants him there as a buffer between her and her parents because their relationship is very strained. And she knows that my husband will pretty much do anything she asks of him, because they just have that kind of relationship. She describes him as her protector and saviour and that she would not be alive if it were not for him.
I also know that she does have a history of what seems like pretty unlucky timing, with scheduling events, or making big announcements. Not related to me, but with her parents and in particular, her mom.
So there is a bit more backstory. However, I just really do not know and like I said, I might just be nutty.
Anonymous
04/28/2022 20:31
Subject: Coincidence or not? Wedding date right near due date
So when is she to have the wedding around your pregnancy that will actually fit in ok. Before which may have been booked out or as you get more advanced in the pregnancy and you will be uncomfortable anyway or does she leave it till after the baby is born. When she set the date were you even pregnant then? Most dates earlier this year were probably already booked.
So how long after the baby is born will you be ok to travel - 6 months, a year.
Or does she just get on with her life, yes her brother can come to the wedding or not but this is just life. If she puts it off another year you could be pregnant again then or maybe someone else she knows.
Perhaps she is just getting on with her life and living it. This is not about you, it's about her getting married. This is her day so just celebrate it regardless of whether you can go or not.
Is it more that the attention will be shared around this time?
So how long after the baby is born will you be ok to travel - 6 months, a year.
Or does she just get on with her life, yes her brother can come to the wedding or not but this is just life. If she puts it off another year you could be pregnant again then or maybe someone else she knows.
Perhaps she is just getting on with her life and living it. This is not about you, it's about her getting married. This is her day so just celebrate it regardless of whether you can go or not.
Is it more that the attention will be shared around this time?
Anonymous
04/28/2022 20:29
Subject: Coincidence or not? Wedding date right near due date
Either she forgot or she does not understand what it means to give birth.
Anonymous
04/28/2022 20:22
Subject: Coincidence or not? Wedding date right near due date
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Did you tell her specifically what your due date was? Do you have conversations with her?
Not very often, but yes, we told her the due date. It's possible she just forgot?
Yes, it's very possible!! Did your DH even talk to her since hearing about the date?! If this happened with either of my siblings, I'd call as soon as they communicated the date.
So he did call, and told her the date was right around my due date. And they had a conversation - and at the end of the conversation, they decided that most likely he would probably just take our older child and go by himself.
It just feels really weird, but maybe I'm being hormonal.
Not to be a drama llama but I think it is crazy that your SIL would expect her brother to leave his postpartum wife and new baby to attend her wedding. It's weird, weirder than if she were like, "this is the best date for us, if you can't come sorryyyy cause we will be partying our a&*&s off!"
Anonymous
04/28/2022 20:11
Subject: Re:Coincidence or not? Wedding date right near due date
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:LOL
You ever think its not about you? She's planning a wedding and the venue might be booked for every other week? Or she doesn't want to get married in hot, humid July? Or she knows you could deliver early or late?
Get over yourself. Its not like you would be attending at 9 months pregnant or two weeks postpartum anyway. So why schedule it around you?
Np. I get this, but it's kind of weird to plan a wedding that you know your brother can't attend, without saying anything to him about it. Op said her husband and his sister are close. Wouldn't you feel obligated to approach your brother ahead of time so he's not surprised? I would.
Op, it's not about you, but it's certainly a strange way for her to say "you guys don't really matter."
Alas, I would totally suck it up: have husband decline the invitation with his regrets. But If she's upset about it, don't be a door mat. Let her know this is just unfortunate timing, but that if her brothers presence was important she shouldn't have planned the wedding at this time.
My guess is she doesn't Care.
If it's not clear, your husband should not abandon you right after the baby is born.
OMG. Drama much? Her husband won't "abandon" her. He will be gone for the day (or maybe two). Get real. If OP cannot handle being alone for one day with her baby then she really shouldn't be a parent. Some of you need to grow up.
Anonymous
04/28/2022 20:11
Subject: Coincidence or not? Wedding date right near due date
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Maybe that was the only date available? August isn't exactly a popular month? That is pretty crappy that she'd plan a wedding when her own brother can't come though. Is he not close to her?
She is always saying that he is her closest and fondest family member. I really can't fathom that she wouldn't want him to come, so the alternative is that she wants him to come but not me...?
He is her closest and fondest family member yet didn’t know of the date until he got the wedding invite in the mail??? Something doesn’t add up. Obviously, they can’t be that close if she never shared the wedding date before that. Regardless, your due date is your due date and you may deliver late. Or (G-d forbid), there may be some reason that you or the baby need medical attention (btdt so I never assume everything will always go smoothly). He can tell his sister he can try to attend but he has to see how things are going with you (bc you are top priority and I don’t see how he can go). I certainly hope you will have plenty of help while he is 6 hours away. It isn’t as if he can just go to the ceremony and be back home in 30 minutes while you and the baby take a quick nap! Imo, he needs to skip this. Your sil did nothing wrong in picking the date - as others said, it was probably picked before she knew you were pregnant but your dh really shouldn’t go.
OP here. He plans on just driving up for the ceremony and then coming back the same day. Crazy amount of driving in one day, but it sounds like she really wanted him there.
If he is taking your older child and you are a BTDT second time mom, you will be fine for the day. If you’re nervous about being alone with the baby for the day, have your mom/sister/BFF come for the day and bring lunch. I totally understand being irritated with SIL though, she should have told your DH this is all she could get because of Covid wedding backlogs or whatever, and that she completely understands that he can’t travel to her wedding a few days after his child is born.