Anonymous wrote:I haven't read all the pages, sorry if a repeat:

Totally unacceptable IMO. I breastfed my 3 kids until about 2 yrs old each. But by around 1, the "on demand" aspect was over. They are eating solid foods, and a lot of them. They don't need breastmilk bc they are hungry. They want it for comfort. At that age, they are capable of with mechanisms for comfort. I set a nursing routine and we stuck to that from age 1-2. When they wake up, before nap, before bed. Thats it.

So someone doing something slightly differently from you is "Totally unacceptable"?

A toddler whose routine includes nursing when they are reunited when mom returns from work, isn't any different than one whose routine is nursing before nap or bed.

I haven't read all the pages, sorry if a repeat:

Totally unacceptable IMO. I breastfed my 3 kids until about 2 yrs old each. But by around 1, the "on demand" aspect was over. They are eating solid foods, and a lot of them. They don't need breastmilk bc they are hungry. They want it for comfort. At that age, they are capable of with mechanisms for comfort. I set a nursing routine and we stuck to that from age 1-2. When they wake up, before nap, before bed. Thats it.

You talk about wanting more routine, but a typical routine for a toddler would be that mom walks in the door and gives them a few minutes of uninterrupted time, with or without nursing. Building that routine, and not pretending that she’s going straight to cooking is what solves this problem. Your younger kid gets her needs met without reinforcing this pattern of “I need to cry to get my needs met”. Your older child gets a routine that they can predict and isn’t wondering what’s going to happen each day. It sounds like both you and your wife know the toddler is going to nurse at that time, so it’s unclear why you’re tormenting the kids by pretending it might go another way.

Working on building a routine would help both kids, and both parents.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How often is she crying? What happens when she knows mom isn’t there? Like when you or nanny takes her to the park?

OP again. Our daughter is perfectly fine when mom isn’t in the house including if nanny puts her to bed at night. She never cries unless she falls/gets hurt. She only cries when she sees Mom and wants to nurse. And when my wife is there and she wants to nurse there is nothing but nursing that will distract her. Wife always gives in.

It’s clearly wean or keep going as we’re going as wife will not do anything differently. Tonight my older child wanted to help Mom make dinner but our daughter was hysterical so my wife nursed her and my older child said, “it’s never my turn to be first”.

I can’t help but notice that you think your wife is overly indulging one of your kids but you want her to overly indulge the other one. Both of your children seem to need more structure and self regulation.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How often is she crying? What happens when she knows mom isn’t there? Like when you or nanny takes her to the park?

OP again. Our daughter is perfectly fine when mom isn’t in the house including if nanny puts her to bed at night. She never cries unless she falls/gets hurt. She only cries when she sees Mom and wants to nurse. And when my wife is there and she wants to nurse there is nothing but nursing that will distract her. Wife always gives in.

It’s clearly wean or keep going as we’re going as wife will not do anything differently. Tonight my older child wanted to help Mom make dinner but our daughter was hysterical so my wife nursed her and my older child said, “it’s never my turn to be first”.

This isn’t about nursing. This is about wanting mom’s attention. Toddlers throw tantrums and want to be held even when not nursing. Nursing a 20 mo isn’t bad, but it seems like it’s clouding your wife’s judgment on toddler wants vs needs. She should be able to tell the toddler “not now, mommy is making dinner.” But she will have to learn that anyway even if you wean because the toddler is just going to want something else, like cuddles or a book etc etc.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How often is she crying? What happens when she knows mom isn’t there? Like when you or nanny takes her to the park?

OP again. Our daughter is perfectly fine when mom isn’t in the house including if nanny puts her to bed at night. She never cries unless she falls/gets hurt. She only cries when she sees Mom and wants to nurse. And when my wife is there and she wants to nurse there is nothing but nursing that will distract her. Wife always gives in.

It’s clearly wean or keep going as we’re going as wife will not do anything differently. Tonight my older child wanted to help Mom make dinner but our daughter was hysterical so my wife nursed her and my older child said, “it’s never my turn to be first”.

You haven’t answered the question of how often.

As for the idea that hour 3 year old is jealous, that’s the nature of 3 year olds. If you are going to make decisions with medical implications for your toddler because your 3 year old whines, I don’t think it’s fair to accuse your wife of no boundaries.