Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's really cringe to think you need a certain income level to attract a woman enough to get married.

Really you should be thinking in terms of what does SHE have to do to merit marrying YOU, not what do you have to do to qualify being married to her.

Ew. I was with you on the first sentence but the last sentence makes you sound like a mens rights activist troll who lives those pathetic misogyny podcasts.

Yeah yeah, I know it's MRA misogyny for men to have any expectations whatsoever about women.

A man has a right to set standards for the woman he's going to marry, just like the woman has a right to set standards for the man she's going to marry. The OP is apparently only thinking about what women might want from him rather than what he wants from them. Thus he is setting the stage for putting himself in a world of pain.

I *highly* doubt that OP is only thinking about what women might want from him and not what he wants from women. What man actually does that? The fact that OP wants to show that he has something to offer women makes you think that he doesn't have standards screams misogyny to me.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's really cringe to think you need a certain income level to attract a woman enough to get married.

Really you should be thinking in terms of what does SHE have to do to merit marrying YOU, not what do you have to do to qualify being married to her.

Ew. I was with you on the first sentence but the last sentence makes you sound like a mens rights activist troll who lives those pathetic misogyny podcasts.

Yeah yeah, I know it's MRA misogyny for men to have any expectations whatsoever about women.

A man has a right to set standards for the woman he's going to marry, just like the woman has a right to set standards for the man she's going to marry. The OP is apparently only thinking about what women might want from him rather than what he wants from them. Thus he is setting the stage for putting himself in a world of pain.

+1 Male, female, doesn't matter. Individuals should know their worth and what they bring to the table.

The number is going to be higher the less confident the woman is that she can support herself/a family on her own.

When we got engaged DH made just under $90k and I made $100k. We were aggressively paying off student loans and living cheaply. Now he makes ~125k and I make ~360k and we live pretty well (cheap tastes, but a wonderful nest egg). But he was always marriage material because he comes from a long line of good, involved dads, he was looking to be in love and build a partnership with someone, and we get along incredibly well. He could make half what he makes now and still have those things and we'd be fine. If he made double what he makes now but you took one of those things off the table, he would not be marriage material.

If I was worried that I could never personally make good money I would put a higher emphasis on his income, but it's a family pot and ours is sufficiently full.

I agree. I've always made more money than my DH. His income was not a factor in my decision to have a relationship with him. He's a good life partner and we are on the same page when it comes to financial matters. He had debt when he came to the relationship but he was willing to live within our means and on our shared goals. If I wanted a certain lifestyle, I would not look to someone else to provide that for me. A man is not a plan.

We've never had more than a combined HHI of $200K. Yet, we own our home and have 3 kids. Sure, our kids go to majority-minority schools in Fairfax County and a good number of DCUMers would cringe to live in my 1960s split foyer. But we're happy. Our kids went to an in-home family daycare which was great and something we could do on our income. We've got no local family and it was hard at times but we owned our choices. Being on the same page is why it works well for us.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's really cringe to think you need a certain income level to attract a woman enough to get married.

Really you should be thinking in terms of what does SHE have to do to merit marrying YOU, not what do you have to do to qualify being married to her.

Ew. I was with you on the first sentence but the last sentence makes you sound like a mens rights activist troll who lives those pathetic misogyny podcasts.

Yeah yeah, I know it's MRA misogyny for men to have any expectations whatsoever about women.

A man has a right to set standards for the woman he's going to marry, just like the woman has a right to set standards for the man she's going to marry. The OP is apparently only thinking about what women might want from him rather than what he wants from them. Thus he is setting the stage for putting himself in a world of pain.

Anyone who make income a criteria is not worth marrying.

Anonymous wrote:

I’m amazed that people think you need 300k minimum just to be the norm.

Not only that, what percentage of people actually make $300k? For example, in MoCo, the median _household_ income is $116k so that includes all earners in the household, and that's one of the richest counties in the country.

If I think about my company, less than 5% of people in the company earn $300k - just the top management team. Everyone else is below it.

Anonymous wrote:I think if you have a good job and don't have a history of unemployment, a relatively high up title or a high paying field, if you have a good education and a decent degree, I'd conclude on my own that you make the $$$ grade. (As do I).

You value his job title. Why?

Anonymous wrote:It's really cringe to think you need a certain income level to attract a woman enough to get married.

Really you should be thinking in terms of what does SHE have to do to merit marrying YOU, not what do you have to do to qualify being married to her.

Ew. I was with you on the first sentence but the last sentence makes you sound like a mens rights activist troll who lives those pathetic misogyny podcasts.

It's really cringe to think you need a certain income level to attract a woman enough to get married.

Really you should be thinking in terms of what does SHE have to do to merit marrying YOU, not what do you have to do to qualify being married to her.

I think if you have a good job and don't have a history of unemployment, a relatively high up title or a high paying field, if you have a good education and a decent degree, I'd conclude on my own that you make the $$$ grade. (As do I).

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It wholly depends on the life you are trying to lead, and the life your partner is trying to lead, and synchronizing those goals.

If you want your wife to stay home for the first year, the first five years OR if you want your wife to have an interesting and well paid job and have a good nanny, I put the floor at about $250,000 in this area.

If you both want to work and you have a good daycare option maybe $150,000/each

Some adjustments for where you want to live, how much vacation you want to take, whether you want to send kids to
Private school or whether you will pay for college all factor in, but HHI for this area, $250,000+

Riiight, you both need to make $150k to swing decent daycare.

Can you imagine the society we'd live in if everyone thought like this before having kids? We'd go extinct.

Firstly I didn’t say it was what it would cost for daycare, I said it was the cost of both people wanted to WOTH, so no nanny cost or SAHP childcare savings.

Sure let’s imagine a society where people being children into the world planning to pay for their college? To not burden them with the costs of their parents in retirement? That’s really what makes you worry for the figure of society?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It wholly depends on the life you are trying to lead, and the life your partner is trying to lead, and synchronizing those goals.

If you want your wife to stay home for the first year, the first five years OR if you want your wife to have an interesting and well paid job and have a good nanny, I put the floor at about $250,000 in this area.

If you both want to work and you have a good daycare option maybe $150,000/each

Some adjustments for where you want to live, how much vacation you want to take, whether you want to send kids to
Private school or whether you will pay for college all factor in, but HHI for this area, $250,000+

Riiight, you both need to make $150k to swing decent daycare.

Can you imagine the society we'd live in if everyone thought like this before having kids? We'd go extinct.

We married when I (husband) made $35k/yr (non-profit admin). Now I make $1m+/yr. Through and through my wife is the same person regarding the income changes. That’s one example of how I know she loves me.

Anonymous wrote:Don’t. Just be a good guy and be interested in her as a human being. She will figure out eventually what your income is.

Don’t show off your money. 1) it cheapens the emotion Al aspect of a relationship (I’m not talking about thoughtful gifts here) and 2) that’s a turn-off for women like me who value money sense in a partner more than salary.

I want to add that I didn’t marry for money but my husband wound up making a high salary. One thing he did that I really loved was that he suggested we have a date budget. We budget $80 a month (he was an undergrad paying his own way and I was in law school) and when that money was gone we did free dates. I truly didn’t care about his future earning potential but I also cared very much about spending and saving wisely.

But there are women who just want lots of stuff from a partner and that’s great if that’s who you’re comparable with. Just be yourself so you don’t have to pretend for the entire relationship.

Anonymous wrote:Income doesn’t really matter. It’s more about investments, debts, how you spend your money, what you value…

You can make $150k, be a homeowner, debt-free (aside from mortgage), max out retirement accts, have lots of assets…

Or you can make $350k, have student loans, be paying exorbitant rent, blowing money on cars and designer shoes, have no savings…

Another thing that women look at is the family a man comes from. Are they well off? Supportive? Stable? You marry the family, not just the man.

Bottom line - Most women are looking for stability, not just a big income.

This. It’s sad that most people don’t understand this.