Anonymous wrote:Married for 15 years and still love to have sex with my husband. #1 reason is because he is GREAT in bed. It's simple.

Why did all these other women marry men who aren't great in bed? While I blame these men for being bad in bed, I blame women for choosing to marry a husband who is bad in bed. Seriously, how does that ever get past the 4th date?

OP, abandon the delusion that your wife is really ever going to have legit sexual desire for you. The sole variable of concern here is frequency: so long as you are getting sex twice per week and putting in the effort for her to O, that is really all a married man can hope for sexually.

PPs (most of you): here is a simple way to know if your husband is cheating. Is sex an infrequent chore for you? If Yes, then you can be 100% certain he is cheating. But hey when you are (according to PPs) married to a jerk face man child and don't want sex (with him) BUT don't file for divorce, this type of marriage does not work WITHOUT him cheating.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Women are not wired to get aroused by the same man for more than a decade. You and she have to find ways to feel more sexual overall. I don’t judge your affairs, OP. I know it’s hard to feel dead inside and then a fling makes you feel alive again. It’s hard. But I think you and your wife have a lot of really hard work to do. It’ll be worth it because you’ll both grow old soon.

BS. I know a lot of women who are still very attracted to their husbands after a decade. I am. I think many men don’t know how to open up emotionally and give their wives the emotional intimacy that leads to lasting attraction. Many men are self-centered and oblivious to what women do, and after however many years of giving and giving women shut down. But that is not how women are wired. All this stuff about sex drive going down is just not true. If anything for many women it goes up due to more confidence and self knowledge.

If what you said was true, then how come half of lesbian marriages are sexless after a decade?

Female desire craters long term and it's not always someone's fault

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Women are not wired to get aroused by the same man for more than a decade. You and she have to find ways to feel more sexual overall. I don’t judge your affairs, OP. I know it’s hard to feel dead inside and then a fling makes you feel alive again. It’s hard. But I think you and your wife have a lot of really hard work to do. It’ll be worth it because you’ll both grow old soon.

BS. I know a lot of women who are still very attracted to their husbands after a decade. I am. I think many men don’t know how to open up emotionally and give their wives the emotional intimacy that leads to lasting attraction. Many men are self-centered and oblivious to what women do, and after however many years of giving and giving women shut down. But that is not how women are wired. All this stuff about sex drive going down is just not true. If anything for many women it goes up due to more confidence and self knowledge.

This would make sense... EXCEPT for the fact that she was "wired" to sleep with him 24-7 in the beginning of the relationship when he brought less to the table.

Anonymous wrote:Women are not wired to get aroused by the same man for more than a decade. You and she have to find ways to feel more sexual overall. I don’t judge your affairs, OP. I know it’s hard to feel dead inside and then a fling makes you feel alive again. It’s hard. But I think you and your wife have a lot of really hard work to do. It’ll be worth it because you’ll both grow old soon.

BS. I know a lot of women who are still very attracted to their husbands after a decade. I am. I think many men don’t know how to open up emotionally and give their wives the emotional intimacy that leads to lasting attraction. Many men are self-centered and oblivious to what women do, and after however many years of giving and giving women shut down. But that is not how women are wired. All this stuff about sex drive going down is just not true. If anything for many women it goes up due to more confidence and self knowledge.

Women are not wired to get aroused by the same man for more than a decade. You and she have to find ways to feel more sexual overall. I don’t judge your affairs, OP. I know it’s hard to feel dead inside and then a fling makes you feel alive again. It’s hard. But I think you and your wife have a lot of really hard work to do. It’ll be worth it because you’ll both grow old soon.

Read Esther Perel.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Novelty and youth really do have an impact on sex drive. I think it's a mistake for people to pretend otherwise.

Bingo.

It's like a new vs used car. You have to put a lot of maintenance into it just to keep it running ok.

There is no replacement for novelty. That's why men are surprised that more effort still leads to less sex. Duh. You aren't new to her anymore. Not your fault. Ok, not always your fault but sometimes it is.

Not for everyone. Some people chase novelty but after a while it turns out it’s just as boring.

Some prefer intimacy and being in love. You can still feel that way after over a decade if you have a real connection.

Don’t confuse novelty itself for the projection that happens when you don’t know someone well. If you really know someone and feel known by them it can keep getting better.

Exactly! This is what happens when you stick with a marriage even through bad spots. The marriage becomes stronger and deeper.

A lot of people don't seem to be wired to be able to do this. I didn't understand this growing up but now I understand it's their internal wiring.

Cry me a river, OP.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Novelty and youth really do have an impact on sex drive. I think it's a mistake for people to pretend otherwise.

Bingo.

It's like a new vs used car. You have to put a lot of maintenance into it just to keep it running ok.

There is no replacement for novelty. That's why men are surprised that more effort still leads to less sex. Duh. You aren't new to her anymore. Not your fault. Ok, not always your fault but sometimes it is.

Not for everyone. Some people chase novelty but after a while it turns out it’s just as boring.

Some prefer intimacy and being in love. You can still feel that way after over a decade if you have a real connection.

Don’t confuse novelty itself for the projection that happens when you don’t know someone well. If you really know someone and feel known by them it can keep getting better.

Exactly! This is what happens when you stick with a marriage even through bad spots. The marriage becomes stronger and deeper.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Novelty and youth really do have an impact on sex drive. I think it's a mistake for people to pretend otherwise.

Bingo.

It's like a new vs used car. You have to put a lot of maintenance into it just to keep it running ok.

There is no replacement for novelty. That's why men are surprised that more effort still leads to less sex. Duh. You aren't new to her anymore. Not your fault. Ok, not always your fault but sometimes it is.

Not for everyone. Some people chase novelty but after a while it turns out it’s just as boring.

Some prefer intimacy and being in love. You can still feel that way after over a decade if you have a real connection.

Don’t confuse novelty itself for the projection that happens when you don’t know someone well. If you really know someone and feel known by them it can keep getting better.

It can keep getting better. But statistically, younger women in new relationships are going to be more eager for sex than a middle-aged woman who has been married to the same guy for 20 years. Even if he's a really good dude. And I keep hammering on this because I think it's important to recognize that sometimes -- perhaps even often times -- reduced desire by the wife isn't a function of effort or merit on the part of the husband. Having a clear eyed understanding that a libido mismatch might not be anybody's fault can help couples navigate the issue instead of blaming it on each other's shortcomings.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Novelty and youth really do have an impact on sex drive. I think it's a mistake for people to pretend otherwise.

Bingo.

It's like a new vs used car. You have to put a lot of maintenance into it just to keep it running ok.

There is no replacement for novelty. That's why men are surprised that more effort still leads to less sex. Duh. You aren't new to her anymore. Not your fault. Ok, not always your fault but sometimes it is.

Not for everyone. Some people chase novelty but after a while it turns out it’s just as boring.

Some prefer intimacy and being in love. You can still feel that way after over a decade if you have a real connection.

Don’t confuse novelty itself for the projection that happens when you don’t know someone well. If you really know someone and feel known by them it can keep getting better.

Not saying you are right or wrong but how do you explain that the vast majority of couples either stop having sex or have it rarely after 20 years of marriage. Did 80% plus of people just marry the wrong person?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Novelty and youth really do have an impact on sex drive. I think it's a mistake for people to pretend otherwise.

Bingo.

It's like a new vs used car. You have to put a lot of maintenance into it just to keep it running ok.

There is no replacement for novelty. That's why men are surprised that more effort still leads to less sex. Duh. You aren't new to her anymore. Not your fault. Ok, not always your fault but sometimes it is.

Not for everyone. Some people chase novelty but after a while it turns out it’s just as boring.

Some prefer intimacy and being in love. You can still feel that way after over a decade if you have a real connection.

Don’t confuse novelty itself for the projection that happens when you don’t know someone well. If you really know someone and feel known by them it can keep getting better.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Love and marriage can last forever. But sexual desire does not. IMHO. Not that super hot hunger.

For some people the benefits of marriage are worth it. You have to decide what’s important to YOU.

Been married 16 years and I'm still hot for my DH. Three kids.

I know some of my friends who still like sex with DH but none who say they are hot got him. My guess is you are a dude

I believe it. If you're truly compatible that way, there almost no way to turn it off.

Yup. I'm definitely a woman. We are like Claire and Jamie from Outlander in bed.

❤

Anonymous wrote:Novelty and youth really do have an impact on sex drive. I think it's a mistake for people to pretend otherwise.

Bingo.

It's like a new vs used car. You have to put a lot of maintenance into it just to keep it running ok.

There is no replacement for novelty. That's why men are surprised that more effort still leads to less sex. Duh. You aren't new to her anymore. Not your fault. Ok, not always your fault but sometimes it is.