Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Prep him in advance what to expect. If he is the good person you think he is, he will not care. He will likely worry about making a good impression on your parents!

This and stay in a hotel. Your parents seem like lovely people.

OP here. I keep asking him to stay at a hotel but he is insistent that we stay with my parents to save money. I think since this is the first time everyone will be meeting, us staying at a hotel would be ideal as we can manage how to have contact or when to see each other vs having some privacy. And it would lessen the stress on my parents to host us. They technically do have a guest room but I worry for them trying to buy food and feed us for 2 weeks!

Your family, and your country, so you get to set the parameters. I'd lead with a statement that you don't want your parents feeding you for 2 weeks and that a hotel is more appropriate. He should defer to you in this case.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Husband is insistent that we stay with parents and says he doesn't care about their accommodations. He cannot afford to shell out for a hotel for 2 weeks and if I feel like it would be an imposition for him to stay with them at their situation then I should go by myself.



I don't know what to do.

Wow. Your husband is a bag of garbage. Why did you marry him?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t think any of us can effectively advise OP. There seems to be a lot of things in play and I can’t get a sense of what’s actually going on in their marriage.

Exactly.
Although the OP seems to be very sweet, doting and considerate -- I also see her being very enamored with the fact that her husband is an American, and don't foresee her ever considering leaving him due to the (supposed) shame & guilt it would cause her and her parents.
So let's be realistic guys, she's certainly not leaving him because of this, so the suggestions fir her to do so are really unhelpful.

As a foreigner myself, I completely understand the way that she feels... like she's torn between two worlds, and I totally empathize & relate to her.

OP, I echo what others have told you in their previous posts; either:

Option #1
Go for a shorter amount of time -- 2 weeks is far, far, FAR too long to stay with your parents, who are already struggling financially. Not to mention how taxing it will be -- 2 weeks is going to take such a toll on them, they'll need a vacation AFTER your vacation.
Trust me, there will be lasting residual affects from your visit for weeks or even months after you've left to go home (ie; if they're on a tight budget, they'll have to make up that money somewhere from hosting you and have it by months end, also the exhaustion they'll have to contend with, the sheer exhaustion on them will be no joke (the physical, mental & emotional exhaustion) their anxiety as they want to always say the right thing and do the right thing to impress their American SIL, etc).

I'm not sure if they pay their own electricity, water, gas, oil bills, or if it's included in their rent; but if they have to pay these bills on their own, they are surely going to increase hosting 2 full grown adults for a half a month. Their power bill will go up if they have air conditioning, or if they have their own washer & dryer in their unit, not to mention their water bill double even triple the next month with 2 more adults taking daily showers, doing laundry again if applicable, etc.

This isn't JUST about money for groceries OP, your staying with them for 2 weeks will reverberate in ways that you've never even considered.

Option #2
Stay with your parents for 2-3 days, take your husband to a tourist destination that he's wanted to see for 2-3 days (you can stay in a hostel for cheap if your husband is so concerned about money.
I always loved staying in hostels & meeting people from different backgrounds & learning about different cultures -- it was one of THE best parts of traveling abroad for me.
You can then go back to your parents home for 3-4 days.

Would your husband consider staying in a hostel for 3-5 days?

In my opinion, option #2 is the ONLY way that everyone walks away from this little meet & greet adventure with warm, fuzzy & positive feelings that you'll all be able to look back on fondly & sentimentally.

Look... the ONLY one who benefits from option #1 is your husband (who quite frankly is acting a bit like a freeloading moocher). You certainly won't have 100% positive feelings & memories; as you'll be juggling too many balls to be able to enjoy it all.

The only thing YOU will have 100% of is STRESS.
You're going to feel so much pressure to make sure that everything is perfect at all times -- you'll want to ensure that everyone is feeling good, relaxed, happy, etc. You'll want to make sure that both your parents AND your husband are saying & doing the right things at all times, in the hopes of impressing each other, you'll be trying to control everything (when most things will be out of your control) & you'll do everything in your power to keep it all together, etc.

Does that sound like a vacation for you??? I'd say not.

Option #3
I don't believe anyone has mentioned this yet, but what about staying with some other relatives or maybe childhood friends that you grew up with and are still close to for a night or two each?
That would really break up the trip nicely and you'd get to see many people that you haven't seen since last you were home. Also stay a few nights at a hostel in between.

Apologies for the long post everyone... as a fellow immigrant, my heart goes out to her, as I know exactly what she'll be facing.

Good luck, OP. ❤

Option 3!
Option 3!
Option 3!

Anonymous wrote:So you feel safe in your relationship, OP? It does not sound alike you have anything close to equal footing. I’d be way more embarrassed at your domineering tightwad of a husband than of your parents with limited means.

I’m honestly worried about you, OP. You deserve better than this.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Husband is insistent that we stay with parents and says he doesn't care about their accommodations. He cannot afford to shell out for a hotel for 2 weeks and if I feel like it would be an imposition for him to stay with them at their situation then I should go by myself.



I don't know what to do.

It's actually quite simple. If you guys can't afford a hotel or airb&b for 2 weeks, then you cut the length of your stay. Otherwise your parents would stress themselves beyond belief.

I'm beginning to think that your DH is willfully obtuse. He's not hearing what your concerns are, that no matter what he thinks, it's a huge imposition on your parents. Instead he's presenting these stark "either or" choices. I'd be embarrassed about being married to a dolt than having poor parents.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Husband is insistent that we stay with parents and says he doesn't care about their accommodations. He cannot afford to shell out for a hotel for 2 weeks and if I feel like it would be an imposition for him to stay with them at their situation then I should go by myself.



I don't know what to do.

Wow. Your husband is a bag of garbage. Why did you marry him?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Prep him in advance what to expect. If he is the good person you think he is, he will not care. He will likely worry about making a good impression on your parents!

This and stay in a hotel. Your parents seem like lovely people.

OP here. I keep asking him to stay at a hotel but he is insistent that we stay with my parents to save money. I think since this is the first time everyone will be meeting, us staying at a hotel would be ideal as we can manage how to have contact or when to see each other vs having some privacy. And it would lessen the stress on my parents to host us. They technically do have a guest room but I worry for them trying to buy food and feed us for 2 weeks!

Anonymous wrote:You haven't said much about your dad OP.

I think your husband is being unfairly judged.

Maybe something is being lost in translation, but it sounds like you are more embarrassed by your parent's home than he is.

Allow your husband wants to spend quality time getting to know your family and is insisting because he wants to truly immerse himself in your culture.

I think you are more concerned about money than he is.

Go, don't worry so much. I would book a small trip at the end of your stay (hike to remote space , etc) and definitely buy all the groceries.

OP here. Husband is insistent that we stay with parents and says he doesn't care about their accommodations. He cannot afford to shell out for a hotel for 2 weeks and if I feel like it would be an imposition for him to stay with them at their situation then I should go by myself.

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Husband is insistent that we stay with parents and says he doesn't care about their accommodations. He cannot afford to shell out for a hotel for 2 weeks and if I feel like it would be an imposition for him to stay with them at their situation then I should go by myself.



I don't know what to do.