Anonymous wrote:Either pay or they don't come. What other options are there? Your kid shouldn't go into debt to go on vacation with you, right?

My parents rent a house for us to share with them for a week in the summer. I love that. We couldn't afford a place where they'd actually want to stay - and to them this is a pretty drop in the bucket expense. The alternative is we don't get to spend that time with them - or they have to do it somewhere they'd like a lot less.

They also aren't taking us on their luxury European vacations!

Some of my parents' friends have kids who are much wealthier than we are - and I wish I were able to take my mom on a luxury vacation like some of them do. But there you go - if you want to spend time together, that's how someone's going to do it, if not everyone is at the same level financially.

Same here - my parents pay for a beach house and I take care of groceries for the week. I hope to continue it with my kids.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There's something so inherently wrong with grown, self supporting adult children demanding their parents pay for the entirety of a trip (with time and place are factored) otherwise they refuse to go. Most of you see it as a gift to your parents if you attend. Hopefully this is just the "entitled DC" crowd and not the norm.

What’s entitled is assuming your grown children want to vacation with you in a place you chose, and that they also want to pay for the privilege to do so! Now THAT’s entitled! I’m perfectly fine paying for my OWN vacations. That’s not what this is.

Exactly. When I finally put my foot down and said I was no longer staying in the DIRTY condo they wanted us to use (because it was next to the very nice one they rented) and that our family of 4 needed our own place, it caused massive drama. We paid for our own condo! No one was paying! We just got a different one in the same building that didn't have 40 year old, never cleaned carpet inside. They picked the place, and I had to pay and it was RIDICULOUS how much drama there was.

So no, I will not do that to my kids when they are adults.

LEARN TO READ.... Even if the parents ask you where and when and book accordingly, You are still acting put out if you have to pay anything, even for your own food.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There's something so inherently wrong with grown, self supporting adult children demanding their parents pay for the entirety of a trip (with time and place are factored) otherwise they refuse to go. Most of you see it as a gift to your parents if you attend. Hopefully this is just the "entitled DC" crowd and not the norm.

What’s entitled is assuming your grown children want to vacation with you in a place you chose, and that they also want to pay for the privilege to do so! Now THAT’s entitled! I’m perfectly fine paying for my OWN vacations. That’s not what this is.

Exactly. It isn't a vacation, it's a family obligation that is quite a bit of hassle and work. It's worth it in the end, but I would not my kids and kids-in-law to feel a budget pinch on top of having to use so much vacation time and deal with the hassles of traveling with young children and not getting to have full control of the timing or location. Their contribution of traveling and using their PTO on this rather than other things is a real contribution.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My in-laws used to take the kids to a resort or a guided tour (Costa Rica, Europe, Iceland). The kids started paying their own airfare once out of grad school. Once the kids got married, in-laws switched to renting a very nice beach house or a condo at a nice ski mountain and kids pay for their own transportation there. The in-laws pay for lodging. They would gladly pick up the tab for all food, but the adult children take turns paying for groceries, coffee/smoothie runs, and dinner takeout. Kids pay for their own family’s lift tickets, lessons, activities, and souvenirs.
We don’t really keep track, but the more successful siblings pick up more times or more expensive meals. It’s possible the in-laws help the less successful kids with airfare or other things and we don’t know about it - but it’s none of my business.

More successful vs less successful siblings? Sure does seem like you’re keeping track - of sibling’s wealth and status and who pays for what. Gross. Hope these people aren’t aware of how you categorize them and the assumptions you make.

Wow. Project much? Your jealousy and insecurities are coming through in crazy loud waves from your post. DP.

Maybe you’re projecting? Or maybe your similarly judging people but also saying you don’t judge them … comes through in crazy loud waves from your post.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There's something so inherently wrong with grown, self supporting adult children demanding their parents pay for the entirety of a trip (with time and place are factored) otherwise they refuse to go. Most of you see it as a gift to your parents if you attend. Hopefully this is just the "entitled DC" crowd and not the norm.

What’s entitled is assuming your grown children want to vacation with you in a place you chose, and that they also want to pay for the privilege to do so! Now THAT’s entitled! I’m perfectly fine paying for my OWN vacations. That’s not what this is.

Exactly. When I finally put my foot down and said I was no longer staying in the DIRTY condo they wanted us to use (because it was next to the very nice one they rented) and that our family of 4 needed our own place, it caused massive drama. We paid for our own condo! No one was paying! We just got a different one in the same building that didn't have 40 year old, never cleaned carpet inside. They picked the place, and I had to pay and it was RIDICULOUS how much drama there was.

So no, I will not do that to my kids when they are adults.

Anonymous wrote:There's something so inherently wrong with grown, self supporting adult children demanding their parents pay for the entirety of a trip (with time and place are factored) otherwise they refuse to go. Most of you see it as a gift to your parents if you attend. Hopefully this is just the "entitled DC" crowd and not the norm.

I would never demand anyone pay. But yes, sometimes when money or PTO is tight, the way to convince other people to go is to treat them. It's a "sweeten the pot" type of deal. We pay when we vacation with my inlaws and sometimes it's MISERABLE and I can think of many many ways I'd rather spend that time and money. We still do it, because it's important to my DH. But I don't love it.

Anonymous wrote:There's something so inherently wrong with grown, self supporting adult children demanding their parents pay for the entirety of a trip (with time and place are factored) otherwise they refuse to go. Most of you see it as a gift to your parents if you attend. Hopefully this is just the "entitled DC" crowd and not the norm.

What’s entitled is assuming your grown children want to vacation with you in a place you chose, and that they also want to pay for the privilege to do so! Now THAT’s entitled! I’m perfectly fine paying for my OWN vacations. That’s not what this is.

There's something so inherently wrong with grown, self supporting adult children demanding their parents pay for the entirety of a trip (with time and place are factored) otherwise they refuse to go. Most of you see it as a gift to your parents if you attend. Hopefully this is just the "entitled DC" crowd and not the norm.

Anonymous wrote:My in laws want to do these huge family reunion vacations. They pick where and when - so they pay. I’m not coming if I have to pay to stay in a crowded house at a location you picked. We are doing them a favor coming to be a part of what they want. We do pay for our travel though and food/activities. We wouldn’t come if we had to pay for all the lodging as well. Same with my parents - if they want us to come, they pay for the rental. We plan to treat our kids the same way.

x100000000

Anonymous wrote:My in-laws used to take the kids to a resort or a guided tour (Costa Rica, Europe, Iceland). The kids started paying their own airfare once out of grad school. Once the kids got married, in-laws switched to renting a very nice beach house or a condo at a nice ski mountain and kids pay for their own transportation there. The in-laws pay for lodging. They would gladly pick up the tab for all food, but the adult children take turns paying for groceries, coffee/smoothie runs, and dinner takeout. Kids pay for their own family’s lift tickets, lessons, activities, and souvenirs.
We don’t really keep track, but the more successful siblings pick up more times or more expensive meals. It’s possible the in-laws help the less successful kids with airfare or other things and we don’t know about it - but it’s none of my business.

The parents sound amazing! You are so lucky!

Our parents still pay, even though we easily could. Kids are all 40s

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would always pay for them to vacation with me, if they were going to pay their own way I assume they'd rather fully control the vacation and not go with family. It has nothing to do with what they can afford. On trips with me, they are are my guests.

This. Their gift to me is their vacation time, which for young adults and parents of young children tends to be very very limited and more precious than money.

This is how I feel. It's how my parents felt too. We didn't take a ton of family vacations until grandkids came, then we started an annual beach trip.

My in-laws however would get SO put out when say, I had almost no leave because I had to take it after I had a baby. They acted like me not wanting to pay $1k+ to watch them be miserable was seriously offensive. I hope to NOT be like that.

x1000000000

It's not even the money, it's more the time off from work and time, in general. I'm fine if you want to go someplace fun, but if it the same place every year, and crappy living conditions for a week (usually less, bunk beds for us adults! Or one bed for the four of us when the kids were little - no, we don't cosleep when the kids are three. Whoo hoo! Good times!) Plus, they hardly talk to each other unless it is to rank on my spouse, yeah no, we are good, thanks. That and grandma takes all the kids out golfing except for ours, so that is pretty hurtful. She thinks my teen/s would rather do a puzzle with her than golf, but they would not. Yes, we seriously came all this way to do a puzzle?? SMDH.

Anonymous wrote:Our kids are 31 (married with two kids) 28 (married with 1 kid), 25 (single) 23 (single) and 20 (in college). If we invite them to vacation with us, we pay. But, it’s only happened maybe twice. More typically -

- They all come home for Christmas. Super fun and we pay for everything.

- Someone gets married and we are all together.

- They visit us separately. We live about an hour from Disney.

-We visit them.

- They leave the kids with us and take little trips. This is my favorite option. 🥰

I love this. You sound like amazing grandparents! Hope we are able to do something like this.

My kids are little so I can't speak from that perspective. My own parents stopped paying at all when I got my first professional job immediately after I got my first professional job. They would arrange and help pay for trips prior to that and would ask for a contribution that we could afford. They also paid the bill when we went out to eat and still try to sometimes cover it but we cover a lot more now so we'll treat them as well and split things if we vacation together and I'm typically the one that books it for us all and everyone pays me back.

My in-laws never went on vacation with us or at all in the 12 years I knew them. They did not offer to cover almost any meals for us and kept track of anything they ever bought for our kids, didn't tell us but kept the record and "detracted it" from christmas gifts, manipulating us into buying things online for the kids that THEY picked out for THEIR budget and then telling us that we owed them money anyways. It was cruddy.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would always pay for them to vacation with me, if they were going to pay their own way I assume they'd rather fully control the vacation and not go with family. It has nothing to do with what they can afford. On trips with me, they are are my guests.

This. Their gift to me is their vacation time, which for young adults and parents of young children tends to be very very limited and more precious than money.

This is how I feel. It's how my parents felt too. We didn't take a ton of family vacations until grandkids came, then we started an annual beach trip.

My in-laws however would get SO put out when say, I had almost no leave because I had to take it after I had a baby. They acted like me not wanting to pay $1k+ to watch them be miserable was seriously offensive. I hope to NOT be like that.