Anonymous
Post 04/07/2022 18:45     Subject: Parent has stroke and sibling doesn’t come up
I almost forgot to mention OP, I had a sibling no only not come to town (which was fine), but try to give me orders about how often i should go and for how long. I was like "oh hell no!"
Anonymous
Post 04/07/2022 18:38     Subject: Parent has stroke and sibling doesn’t come up
All you can control is yourself. If you are overwhelmed visit less. You can hire someone to assess, make sure she is getting the best care and advocate if you find it too much. You hurt yourself and risk estrangements if you go the route of demands, guilt trips, pushiness, passive aggressiveness. If he wants to come he will come of his own accord. You do you. Do enough to feel good about it, but not enough that you are filed with anger and resentment.
Anonymous
Post 04/07/2022 14:42     Subject: Re:Parent has stroke and sibling doesn’t come up
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Like another poster said, your MIL is lucky that she's alive at all. Most people her age, even most females, are decaying (or have already decayed) several feet beneath the earth. https://www2.census.gov/library/publications/2010/compendia/statab/130ed/tables/11s0103.pdf Your BIL probably recognizes this and that it would be insulting to people who have died young to fuss over a dying 91-year-old. When I think about the fact that there are babies born daily who never make it home to their cribs, it angers me to no end when anyone over 75 acts like they haven't lived long enough. Your BIL is most likely ready to let his mother go. If anything, you should admire him for not letting the fact that she's his mother blind him from the fact that it's time for her to die.

WTF is wrong with you? Seriously.


+1 Dude, WTF


+2 We have some horrible people posting here.


The reason we have the ability to reproduce is because we're not meant to live forever. I have a grandmother the same age as the OP's MIL, and the fact that she's related to me doesn't prevent me from recognizing that it's time for her to die as well. The OP's BIL is coming at this situation from a scientific angel and not letting his emotions blind him from the importance of the greater good. The OP's husband, on the other hand, seems to be succumbing to his emotions.


Same P. I guess "scientific angel" wasn't actually the right term. I just mean to say that the OP's BIL is taking a very objective approach to this situation, which I think is admirable.
Anonymous
Post 04/07/2022 10:06     Subject: Parent has stroke and sibling doesn’t come up
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:How does OP have small kids and a 91 year old MIL.


My parents had small kids and parents in their 90s. My parents were both caboose babies so had parents who were well into their 40s when they were born.


And meant to add, they didn’t start having kids themselves until they were well into their 30s. So easy to have grandparents in the 90 age range.


45+35 = 80. So for grandparents to be in their 90's the kids are at least double digits. OP said "small kids."
Anonymous
Post 04/07/2022 09:39     Subject: Re:Parent has stroke and sibling doesn’t come up
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Like another poster said, your MIL is lucky that she's alive at all. Most people her age, even most females, are decaying (or have already decayed) several feet beneath the earth. https://www2.census.gov/library/publications/2010/compendia/statab/130ed/tables/11s0103.pdf Your BIL probably recognizes this and that it would be insulting to people who have died young to fuss over a dying 91-year-old. When I think about the fact that there are babies born daily who never make it home to their cribs, it angers me to no end when anyone over 75 acts like they haven't lived long enough. Your BIL is most likely ready to let his mother go. If anything, you should admire him for not letting the fact that she's his mother blind him from the fact that it's time for her to die.

WTF is wrong with you? Seriously.


+1 Dude, WTF


+2 We have some horrible people posting here.


What's terrible about it?
Anonymous
Post 04/07/2022 09:38     Subject: Re:Parent has stroke and sibling doesn’t come up
Anonymous wrote:Wait and see what? If she dies? I’m not sure those are results first doing the stats on. First stroke- go. If becomes a regular condition, then take that “I’m really busy” approach.
At 91, don’t really think there could be too many of these to become annoying.


Unpopular opinion but I sort of agree. Come to see and help with what? She is in the hospital. "Decisions" can be made by phone.

Not everyone is the same and is comfortable in that situation. Not everyone wants to "be there" and witness end of life or death. And while you may not like it, he is entitled to those feelings.

Also: Life's not fair.
Anonymous
Post 04/07/2022 09:34     Subject: Parent has stroke and sibling doesn’t come up
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:How does OP have small kids and a 91 year old MIL.


My parents had small kids and parents in their 90s. My parents were both caboose babies so had parents who were well into their 40s when they were born.


And meant to add, they didn’t start having kids themselves until they were well into their 30s. So easy to have grandparents in the 90 age range.
Anonymous
Post 04/07/2022 09:33     Subject: Parent has stroke and sibling doesn’t come up
Anonymous wrote:How does OP have small kids and a 91 year old MIL.


My parents had small kids and parents in their 90s. My parents were both caboose babies so had parents who were well into their 40s when they were born.
Anonymous
Post 04/07/2022 09:27     Subject: Parent has stroke and sibling doesn’t come up
We had this happen in my wife's family. Her mother and sister in law took care of their mother and the two boys never even came down to visit. I found it strange, but also none of my business.

Everyone makes their own decisions when it comes to caretaking.

If you've started feeling resentful, you should do less, not be angry at others. The hospital staff are the ones doing the heavy lifting at this point.
Anonymous
Post 04/07/2022 08:59     Subject: Parent has stroke and sibling doesn’t come up
Anonymous wrote:How does OP have small kids and a 91 year old MIL.


Probably some big age gaps in her husband’s family, especially given that she said BIL is retired and visiting an adult child.
Anonymous
Post 04/07/2022 08:46     Subject: Parent has stroke and sibling doesn’t come up
Anonymous wrote:How does OP have small kids and a 91 year old MIL.


The math is quite possible. My grandmother had my aunt in her mid 40s, and my aunt waited until she was late 30s to have kids.
Anonymous
Post 04/07/2022 07:57     Subject: Parent has stroke and sibling doesn’t come up
How does OP have small kids and a 91 year old MIL.
Anonymous
Post 04/07/2022 04:47     Subject: Re:Parent has stroke and sibling doesn’t come up
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Like another poster said, your MIL is lucky that she's alive at all. Most people her age, even most females, are decaying (or have already decayed) several feet beneath the earth. https://www2.census.gov/library/publications/2010/compendia/statab/130ed/tables/11s0103.pdf Your BIL probably recognizes this and that it would be insulting to people who have died young to fuss over a dying 91-year-old. When I think about the fact that there are babies born daily who never make it home to their cribs, it angers me to no end when anyone over 75 acts like they haven't lived long enough. Your BIL is most likely ready to let his mother go. If anything, you should admire him for not letting the fact that she's his mother blind him from the fact that it's time for her to die.

WTF is wrong with you? Seriously.


+1 Dude, WTF


+2 We have some horrible people posting here.


The reason we have the ability to reproduce is because we're not meant to live forever. I have a grandmother the same age as the OP's MIL, and the fact that she's related to me doesn't prevent me from recognizing that it's time for her to die as well. The OP's BIL is coming at this situation from a scientific angel and not letting his emotions blind him from the importance of the greater good. The OP's husband, on the other hand, seems to be succumbing to his emotions.
Anonymous
Post 04/05/2022 06:47     Subject: Parent has stroke and sibling doesn’t come up
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:OP—you still haven’t answered the question about your spouse spending the night in the ICU. What hospital allows someone to spend the night in an ICU? Makes me wonder if this isn’t a troll post.


I’ve been on these boards for 10 years and never have I ever questioned a single post as “troll”- and it’s total moron who would assume such. I would love to see the idiot who reads posts about a 9@ year old having a stroke as a made up post… I mean, I assume a troll is someone making up a post/ but who makes up a non eventful post- like “ my 14 year old got in a tiff with her friend- is this normal 14 year old behavior”—- then idiot posts “it’s a troll. WTF! How interesting would it be to make up that boring of a post ????
Just shows that even those brain dead can still type.
Because in your small provincial piece of the east coast, a situation isn’t what you experienced means a troll. Whatever!


When my dad had a stroke I stayed with him all night. He was admitted at about 1 in the afternoon after showing up for a doctor's appointment and someone realizing he had just had a stroke. Anyway, I got to the hospital within 30 minutes and stayed with him for the next 30 hours or so.


You can't stay with someone in the ICU...

And they have three "young" kids, but Grandma is in her 90s. I guess this could be the second family.


I don't know what to tell you. I'm the person who posted about her dad. I stayed with him all night. He was in the ICU and I was with him the whole time. LOL, they even brought in one of those chairs that lays out like a bed, gave me a blanket and gave me those things you put over your eyes to sleep.

You can keep posting the same idiocy about what you think are the rules in the ICU but it doesn't make my experience not true.


It depends on the hospital. My hospital does not allow overnight visitors unless very specific circumstances such as a pediatric patient or could be an elderly pt with dementia who is easier to manage with family present (requires special permission from senior leadership though)


Understand. That isn't what the other poster is saying though. She is insisting that NO ONE EVER can stay with a patient in ANY ICU ANYWWHERE, which is clearly wrong. In my case, my dad does not have dementia. FWIW I didn't even ask to stay, the hospital presumed that I was. The sleeping chair was being moved into the room as we were arriving upstairs to the ICU.
Anonymous
Post 04/05/2022 02:23     Subject: Parent has stroke and sibling doesn’t come up
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:At 91 yo she is overdue for dying.


I almost choked. DCUM, you never fail to disappoint.


I doubt any of us on here are planning to live to 81, let alone 91.