Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well, to put things in perspective, I went to university 500+ miles away from my home in the '80s and was only able to communicate with my parents by letter or a once-a-week long distance call (it was too expensive to call more often) from the common use phones in the dorm. Much easier now to stay connected -- perhaps too easy?

Nope. I actually believe that what you’re describing is a major cause of mental illness among college students who have it.

PP here. By that I mean I think going 500+ miles away from college is a very bad idea for most kids, contributing to anxiety, rugged individualism and loneliness. Life is short and young adults should spend time with their families.

Anonymous wrote:Doesn’t really matter how far away they are. Even if they were close you should only be seeing them for major holidays and long breaks.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well, to put things in perspective, I went to university 500+ miles away from my home in the '80s and was only able to communicate with my parents by letter or a once-a-week long distance call (it was too expensive to call more often) from the common use phones in the dorm. Much easier now to stay connected -- perhaps too easy?

Nope. I actually believe that what you’re describing is a major cause of mental illness among college students who have it.

PP here. By that I mean I think going 500+ miles away from college is a very bad idea for most kids, contributing to anxiety, rugged individualism and loneliness. Life is short and young adults should spend time with their families.

Agree 100%

Some of you need to realize that this whole “you must move away and barely visit and most certainly never live at home again” is a distinctly American thing and not necessarily a healthy thing, especially if forced on a kid?

We don’t need our children developing lone wolf, rugged individualist type characteristics in their formative years.

College is a time of open mindedness and a chance at communal living and communal thinking. Sending your babies hundreds, or thousands, of miles away to fend for themselves only results in the creation of future conservatives.

Keep your babies close, let them form a tribe to depend on outside your family as well, but don’t subject them to harsh realities at age 18. It does society no good at all

I’d be willing to bet your 18 yr old “babies” will never be ready to function on their own. So you’re in luck.

I’m the one who originally wrote that sending kids too far away causes “rugged individualism.” And I do believe that and don’t get the whole “don’t come home before thanksgiving thing” since most kids don’t go far away anyway.

But I think the “communal thinking” poster is a troll!

"Don't come home before thanksgiving" is a real thing. If you want your kid to get settled at school, make friends, and learn to adjust to new situations. It's hard to make friends if you are going home most weekends and everyone else remains on campus. At college, weekends are where more of the socialization happens. For some, the goal is to keep their kid near home forever, for others the goal is to have our kids flourish and grow into independent adults who make their own choices. If a kid moves away, that's just an excuse for me to visit a new area several times per year

DP Agree.

Our DC is choosing between several schools and we are encouraging them not to go to the local state school, even though it's cheaper. DC is not a social butterfly, will hang out in room all weekend, and needs to experience living with others and hanging out and being forced to socialize. Not sure what we will do if they do choose the local option. We will have to set boundaries about when they can come home. Not every weekend.

OMG.

I would never do this. If my DC wants to come home every weekend, there's probably a reason. I would never forbid them. Some kids need time to adjust to being away from home. Let them come home if they want to. My kids never wanted to, even though they were not too far away. If your kid wants to come home let them. They'll stay at school once they make friends, and the weekends at school are much more appealing than the boring weekends at home with their parents.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well, to put things in perspective, I went to university 500+ miles away from my home in the '80s and was only able to communicate with my parents by letter or a once-a-week long distance call (it was too expensive to call more often) from the common use phones in the dorm. Much easier now to stay connected -- perhaps too easy?

Nope. I actually believe that what you’re describing is a major cause of mental illness among college students who have it.

PP here. By that I mean I think going 500+ miles away from college is a very bad idea for most kids, contributing to anxiety, rugged individualism and loneliness. Life is short and young adults should spend time with their families.

WOW!!! Majority of 18 yo are ready to spread their wings and go more than 500+ miles from home for college. Some are not, and yes, they should choose a college location closer to home. Both of my kids will be 2-3K miles from home. Oldest is graduating this year and guess what, staying within 2 hours of where Dc attended college. While I wish DC was closer to home, I am THRILLED that DC has a meaningful job, friends and will thrive not being close to home. Ultimately, that is the goal---I didn't raise my kids so they would stay at home or 1 mile away forever. I want my kids to explore the world and do what makes them happy.

If you kid isn't ready for that, then perhaps you haven't prepared them. My kids have had progressively more freedoms each year, letting them grow up and make choices (mostly good) and learn from any mistakes while at home, so they will be ready to be in college and on their own wherever life brings

Please don't make judgments about other people's parenting, even on an anonymous forum.

Kids are different. Some are homebodies. One of my kids went out to CA. Another won't leave the state. They are both raised by the same parents, the same way, but they are fundamentally different kids. That's totally normal.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DC is in California. She loves it. I miss her but we WhatsApp at least 3-4 times a week. I’m so glad she is living her life and being so independent. If you can’t manage this small distance OP how are you going to manage when they do a semester or two abroad? You’ve done an awesome job raising your DC, know let him fly!

OP didn't say she couldn't manage. She said she's sad. That's understandable. But congrats, OP, for having an independent child. As long as your child is happy about her choices, then keep your sadness to yourself!! It's painful, but we all have to adjust to having grown children.

Anonymous wrote:My DC is in California. She loves it. I miss her but we WhatsApp at least 3-4 times a week. I’m so glad she is living her life and being so independent. If you can’t manage this small distance OP how are you going to manage when they do a semester or two abroad? You’ve done an awesome job raising your DC, know let him fly!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well, to put things in perspective, I went to university 500+ miles away from my home in the '80s and was only able to communicate with my parents by letter or a once-a-week long distance call (it was too expensive to call more often) from the common use phones in the dorm. Much easier now to stay connected -- perhaps too easy?

Nope. I actually believe that what you’re describing is a major cause of mental illness among college students who have it.

PP here. By that I mean I think going 500+ miles away from college is a very bad idea for most kids, contributing to anxiety, rugged individualism and loneliness. Life is short and young adults should spend time with their families.

Agree 100%

We don’t need our children developing lone wolf, rugged individualist type characteristics in their formative years.

College is a time of open mindedness and a chance at communal living and communal thinking. Sending your babies hundreds, or thousands, of miles away to fend for themselves only results in the creation of future conservatives.

Keep your babies close, let them form a tribe to depend on outside your family as well, but don’t subject them to harsh realities at age 18. It does society no good at all

I’d be willing to bet your 18 yr old “babies” will never be ready to function on their own. So you’re in luck.

I’m the one who originally wrote that sending kids too far away causes “rugged individualism.” And I do believe that and don’t get the whole “don’t come home before thanksgiving thing” since most kids don’t go far away anyway.

But I think the “communal thinking” poster is a troll!

"Don't come home before thanksgiving" is a real thing. If you want your kid to get settled at school, make friends, and learn to adjust to new situations. It's hard to make friends if you are going home most weekends and everyone else remains on campus. At college, weekends are where more of the socialization happens. For some, the goal is to keep their kid near home forever, for others the goal is to have our kids flourish and grow into independent adults who make their own choices. If a kid moves away, that's just an excuse for me to visit a new area several times per year

DP Agree.

Our DC is choosing between several schools and we are encouraging them not to go to the local state school, even though it's cheaper. DC is not a social butterfly, will hang out in room all weekend, and needs to experience living with others and hanging out and being forced to socialize. Not sure what we will do if they do choose the local option. We will have to set boundaries about when they can come home. Not every weekend.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well, to put things in perspective, I went to university 500+ miles away from my home in the '80s and was only able to communicate with my parents by letter or a once-a-week long distance call (it was too expensive to call more often) from the common use phones in the dorm. Much easier now to stay connected -- perhaps too easy?

Nope. I actually believe that what you’re describing is a major cause of mental illness among college students who have it.

PP here. By that I mean I think going 500+ miles away from college is a very bad idea for most kids, contributing to anxiety, rugged individualism and loneliness. Life is short and young adults should spend time with their families.

WOW!!! Majority of 18 yo are ready to spread their wings and go more than 500+ miles from home for college. Some are not, and yes, they should choose a college location closer to home. Both of my kids will be 2-3K miles from home. Oldest is graduating this year and guess what, staying within 2 hours of where Dc attended college. While I wish DC was closer to home, I am THRILLED that DC has a meaningful job, friends and will thrive not being close to home. Ultimately, that is the goal---I didn't raise my kids so they would stay at home or 1 mile away forever. I want my kids to explore the world and do what makes them happy.

If you kid isn't ready for that, then perhaps you haven't prepared them. My kids have had progressively more freedoms each year, letting them grow up and make choices (mostly good) and learn from any mistakes while at home, so they will be ready to be in college and on their own wherever life brings

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Doesn’t really matter how far away they are. Even if they were close you should only be seeing them for major holidays and long breaks.

+1

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well, to put things in perspective, I went to university 500+ miles away from my home in the '80s and was only able to communicate with my parents by letter or a once-a-week long distance call (it was too expensive to call more often) from the common use phones in the dorm. Much easier now to stay connected -- perhaps too easy?

Nope. I actually believe that what you’re describing is a major cause of mental illness among college students who have it.

PP here. By that I mean I think going 500+ miles away from college is a very bad idea for most kids, contributing to anxiety, rugged individualism and loneliness. Life is short and young adults should spend time with their families.

Agree 100%

We don’t need our children developing lone wolf, rugged individualist type characteristics in their formative years.

College is a time of open mindedness and a chance at communal living and communal thinking. Sending your babies hundreds, or thousands, of miles away to fend for themselves only results in the creation of future conservatives.

Keep your babies close, let them form a tribe to depend on outside your family as well, but don’t subject them to harsh realities at age 18. It does society no good at all

I’d be willing to bet your 18 yr old “babies” will never be ready to function on their own. So you’re in luck.

I’m the one who originally wrote that sending kids too far away causes “rugged individualism.” And I do believe that and don’t get the whole “don’t come home before thanksgiving thing” since most kids don’t go far away anyway.

But I think the “communal thinking” poster is a troll!

I appreciate the thoughtful reply, but want to assure you that my reply was not made with tongue in cheek!

Community is the best part of college! Making new friends, having roommates, and coming together with like minded people.

Once a person finds their tribe, they can work and play as a group. My friends from school and I all came together to support each other, work together academically, and to do other things that we shared opinions about, such as attend protests. That’s what I mean by communal thinking.

Communal thinking doesn’t happen with the lone wolves who go off to school from thousands of miles away. They tend to be more self-focused. That can lead to lifelong consequences. Rugged individualism is not to be encouraged, particularly in a college setting. A student really limits the potential of their college adventure (and their life adventure!) if they shun thinking as a team at that critical juncture.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well, to put things in perspective, I went to university 500+ miles away from my home in the '80s and was only able to communicate with my parents by letter or a once-a-week long distance call (it was too expensive to call more often) from the common use phones in the dorm. Much easier now to stay connected -- perhaps too easy?

Nope. I actually believe that what you’re describing is a major cause of mental illness among college students who have it.

PP here. By that I mean I think going 500+ miles away from college is a very bad idea for most kids, contributing to anxiety, rugged individualism and loneliness. Life is short and young adults should spend time with their families.

Agree 100%

We don’t need our children developing lone wolf, rugged individualist type characteristics in their formative years.

College is a time of open mindedness and a chance at communal living and communal thinking. Sending your babies hundreds, or thousands, of miles away to fend for themselves only results in the creation of future conservatives.

Keep your babies close, let them form a tribe to depend on outside your family as well, but don’t subject them to harsh realities at age 18. It does society no good at all

I’d be willing to bet your 18 yr old “babies” will never be ready to function on their own. So you’re in luck.

I’m the one who originally wrote that sending kids too far away causes “rugged individualism.” And I do believe that and don’t get the whole “don’t come home before thanksgiving thing” since most kids don’t go far away anyway.

But I think the “communal thinking” poster is a troll!

"Don't come home before thanksgiving" is a real thing. If you want your kid to get settled at school, make friends, and learn to adjust to new situations. It's hard to make friends if you are going home most weekends and everyone else remains on campus. At college, weekends are where more of the socialization happens. For some, the goal is to keep their kid near home forever, for others the goal is to have our kids flourish and grow into independent adults who make their own choices. If a kid moves away, that's just an excuse for me to visit a new area several times per year

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well, to put things in perspective, I went to university 500+ miles away from my home in the '80s and was only able to communicate with my parents by letter or a once-a-week long distance call (it was too expensive to call more often) from the common use phones in the dorm. Much easier now to stay connected -- perhaps too easy?

Nope. I actually believe that what you’re describing is a major cause of mental illness among college students who have it.

PP here. By that I mean I think going 500+ miles away from college is a very bad idea for most kids, contributing to anxiety, rugged individualism and loneliness. Life is short and young adults should spend time with their families.

Agree 100%

We don’t need our children developing lone wolf, rugged individualist type characteristics in their formative years.

College is a time of open mindedness and a chance at communal living and communal thinking. Sending your babies hundreds, or thousands, of miles away to fend for themselves only results in the creation of future conservatives.

Keep your babies close, let them form a tribe to depend on outside your family as well, but don’t subject them to harsh realities at age 18. It does society no good at all

I’d be willing to bet your 18 yr old “babies” will never be ready to function on their own. So you’re in luck.

I’m the one who originally wrote that sending kids too far away causes “rugged individualism.” And I do believe that and don’t get the whole “don’t come home before thanksgiving thing” since most kids don’t go far away anyway.

But I think the “communal thinking” poster is a troll!

I appreciate the thoughtful reply, but want to assure you that my reply was not made with tongue in cheek!

Community is the best part of college! Making new friends, having roommates, and coming together with like minded people.

Once a person finds their tribe, they can work and play as a group. My friends from school and I all came together to support each other, work together academically, and to do other things that we shared opinions about, such as attend protests. That’s what I mean by communal thinking.

Communal thinking doesn’t happen with the lone wolves who go off to school from thousands of miles away. They tend to be more self-focused. That can lead to lifelong consequences. Rugged individualism is not to be encouraged, particularly in a college setting. A student really limits the potential of their college adventure (and their life adventure!) if they shun thinking as a team at that critical juncture.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well, to put things in perspective, I went to university 500+ miles away from my home in the '80s and was only able to communicate with my parents by letter or a once-a-week long distance call (it was too expensive to call more often) from the common use phones in the dorm. Much easier now to stay connected -- perhaps too easy?

Nope. I actually believe that what you’re describing is a major cause of mental illness among college students who have it.

PP here. By that I mean I think going 500+ miles away from college is a very bad idea for most kids, contributing to anxiety, rugged individualism and loneliness. Life is short and young adults should spend time with their families.

Agree 100%

We don’t need our children developing lone wolf, rugged individualist type characteristics in their formative years.

College is a time of open mindedness and a chance at communal living and communal thinking. Sending your babies hundreds, or thousands, of miles away to fend for themselves only results in the creation of future conservatives.

Keep your babies close, let them form a tribe to depend on outside your family as well, but don’t subject them to harsh realities at age 18. It does society no good at all

I’d be willing to bet your 18 yr old “babies” will never be ready to function on their own. So you’re in luck.

I’m the one who originally wrote that sending kids too far away causes “rugged individualism.” And I do believe that and don’t get the whole “don’t come home before thanksgiving thing” since most kids don’t go far away anyway.

But I think the “communal thinking” poster is a troll!

Anonymous wrote:My DC is in California. She loves it. I miss her but we WhatsApp at least 3-4 times a week. I’m so glad she is living her life and being so independent. If you can’t manage this small distance OP how are you going to manage when they do a semester or two abroad? You’ve done an awesome job raising your DC, know let him fly!