Anonymous
03/29/2022 21:58
Subject: What did you think having 3 kids and working full time would be like?
Anonymous wrote:I was FTWOH with 3. Quit with #4. That’s when it got real, lol.
Dr Ray Guarendi jokes 3 is the optimum # of kids. If you have two kids, those with 3 give you advice. If you have 4, you are too busy to give advice.
So three kids is the optimal number as you don’t give or receive unsolicited advice
Anonymous
03/29/2022 21:47
Subject: What did you think having 3 kids and working full time would be like?
My mom did it so I did it. Everyone had their responsibility/ chores and it is no big deal. We never had any domestic help.
I grew up in a small house and I live with my family in a small house too. 5 of us in 1500 sq. ft with a huge yard that we spend a lot of time in. We don't hang out indoors very much. We are an active family. I don't see the problem here. Less to take care of and clean.
My mom had a clever work-around. She left a bit early from work each day to get dinner on the table so she went in on Saturdays for half a day. She got some peace that way and knew the chores would be done by the time she got home. All age-appropriate.
I grew up in a small house and I live with my family in a small house too. 5 of us in 1500 sq. ft with a huge yard that we spend a lot of time in. We don't hang out indoors very much. We are an active family. I don't see the problem here. Less to take care of and clean.
My mom had a clever work-around. She left a bit early from work each day to get dinner on the table so she went in on Saturdays for half a day. She got some peace that way and knew the chores would be done by the time she got home. All age-appropriate.
Anonymous
03/29/2022 21:34
Subject: Re:What did you think having 3 kids and working full time would be like?
Anonymous wrote:I honestly cannot even imagine having one and working full time. I am a SAHM and while I know that I pretty much wasted my degree (8+ years home), I would not change a minute. You need to choose what you will regret more - not working or not being with your kids. I rather regret not having a career than not spending my kids’ childhood with them
You don’t sound particularly bright so I doubt you would be qualified to work anywhere.
Anonymous
03/29/2022 21:34
Subject: Re:What did you think having 3 kids and working full time would be like?
Anonymous wrote:Both of my neighbors have three children close in age and it's fascinating to me to see how differently they handle things.
Fascinating in what way?
Anonymous
03/29/2022 20:30
Subject: Re:What did you think having 3 kids and working full time would be like?
Anonymous wrote:I honestly cannot even imagine having one and working full time. I am a SAHM and while I know that I pretty much wasted my degree (8+ years home), I would not change a minute. You need to choose what you will regret more - not working or not being with your kids. I rather regret not having a career than not spending my kids’ childhood with them
No you didn’t. 😃 Your children benefit from your education as well. You shouldn’t speak so harshly of yourself.
On this general topic - I’ve always known very staunchly that I wanted to be a working mom and that the limit would probably be 2 kids to pull that off. My suspicion is that those who have 3 either have a higher capacity than me (and I’m a pretty high performer) OR didn’t think through the short, medium, long term implications of having 3. It’s a lot. I wish them the best.
Anonymous
03/29/2022 19:48
Subject: Re:What did you think having 3 kids and working full time would be like?
When I was contemplating a third, all my mom friends with 3 kids said DON'T DO IT. I did it anyway. No regrets.
Anonymous
03/29/2022 17:06
Subject: Re:What did you think having 3 kids and working full time would be like?
I honestly cannot even imagine having one and working full time. I am a SAHM and while I know that I pretty much wasted my degree (8+ years home), I would not change a minute. You need to choose what you will regret more - not working or not being with your kids. I rather regret not having a career than not spending my kids’ childhood with them
Anonymous
03/29/2022 16:54
Subject: What did you think having 3 kids and working full time would be like?
I have 3 kids and work full time but at a company not far away- it's easy. I have a live in nanny. Cheaper than day care and a build in grandma for the kids. Super happy - kids are the loves of my life.
Anonymous
03/29/2022 16:51
Subject: Re:What did you think having 3 kids and working full time would be like?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I have posted about having 3. My first two are close together and super easy. Didn't think that adding a 3rd would change the family dynamic that much but after two girls we had a boy and he is just soooooo different than the girls. He has way more energy, gets into things, climbs on stuff, is generally more active. The girls were no where near this active or high energy at the same age.
Are you me? Same here. My boy is still only 3… I hope he will chill out eventually. I have been told that the tween/teen years are “easier” with boys… fingers crossed!
Mom to a 16 yr old boy. In a way, boys are easier socially. Not too much mean boy stuff like you can get with girls. The problem is that boys have really undeveloped frontal lobes and when teen boys get together, their IQs drop precipitously. You really have to watch them like you would watch toddlers. If you have boys over your house and it gets quiet, watch out. They look and talk like adults but they are very far from being adults.
Anonymous
03/29/2022 15:11
Subject: Re:What did you think having 3 kids and working full time would be like?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I have posted about having 3. My first two are close together and super easy. Didn't think that adding a 3rd would change the family dynamic that much but after two girls we had a boy and he is just soooooo different than the girls. He has way more energy, gets into things, climbs on stuff, is generally more active. The girls were no where near this active or high energy at the same age.
Are you me? Same here. My boy is still only 3… I hope he will chill out eventually. I have been told that the tween/teen years are “easier” with boys… fingers crossed!
I am the PP you are responding to. My boy is only 2 - and we are hitting the terrible twos and its been insane. He is sweet and lovely most of the time but when he gets mad, watch out! Doesn't help that he is in the 99th percentile for weight and height (38" and 38 pounds) so its sooo hard to handle him when he starts getting crazy. I have to just leave him in a safe area and let him cool down. My girls just look at him like he is insane. They never acted like this ever.
Anonymous
03/29/2022 14:34
Subject: Re:What did you think having 3 kids and working full time would be like?
Anonymous wrote:I have posted about having 3. My first two are close together and super easy. Didn't think that adding a 3rd would change the family dynamic that much but after two girls we had a boy and he is just soooooo different than the girls. He has way more energy, gets into things, climbs on stuff, is generally more active. The girls were no where near this active or high energy at the same age.
Are you me? Same here. My boy is still only 3… I hope he will chill out eventually. I have been told that the tween/teen years are “easier” with boys… fingers crossed!
Anonymous
03/29/2022 13:52
Subject: Re:What did you think having 3 kids and working full time would be like?
Both of my neighbors have three children close in age and it's fascinating to me to see how differently they handle things.
Anonymous
03/29/2022 12:58
Subject: Re:What did you think having 3 kids and working full time would be like?
As with all parenting, it works best with two parents with somewhat flexible jobs.
Dh has a demanding job and I have 3 kids. I’m usually juggling the 3 kids alone.
Dh has a demanding job and I have 3 kids. I’m usually juggling the 3 kids alone.
Anonymous
03/29/2022 12:50
Subject: What did you think having 3 kids and working full time would be like?
I was FTWOH with 3. Quit with #4. That’s when it got real, lol.
Anonymous
03/29/2022 12:28
Subject: What did you think having 3 kids and working full time would be like?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Parents of kids under 13 are so cute.
“The toddler years are hard, but everything gets easier and cheaper once they get into school.”
-signed, mom of high schoolers
This type of response is so not cute.
Many families actually do have an easier time once the kids are older. Even in high school.
No they don’t. Bigger kids, bigger problems. Definitely not easier. There is this sweet spot like ages 6 to 9.
Excuse me, I didn't realize that you know definitively the experience for every family.
Look, I'm not saying that I don't think teenagers can be hard, or are even more likely to be harder in some ways than parenting young kids. But the know-it-all style of "oh how cute, if you think this is hard just wait" is patronizing and also not always accurate. Everyone finds challenges in different places; kids are different, too.
I have two kids and stopped at two because I didn't want to be overextended as household with two parents working out of the home, and I tried to quit while ahead, so to speak. But I know more than one family who had delightful teenage years following truly trying "childhood" years. So while I absolutely think people should realistically anticipate the needs of babies who grow into kids who grow into tweens who grow into teens who grow into young adults and so on, to assume that one stage is universally harder is simply blind to the multitude of lived experiences that would suggest otherwise.
Yikes, back down. Bigger kids DOES equal bigger problems. It’s not even a question. Not to say the teen years aren’t enjoyable in their own way, but seriously, it’s a new level of stress. And I had very demanding, young age children - including a special needs child, multiple deaths in my immediate family, career ups and downs and the like. I’m not trying to diminish your experience, but to remind you that there isn’t a get out of jail free card in your immediate future.
NP. You just sound like one of those people who always has to win the misery contest. First your little kids were unusually hard, but oh wait now your teens are even harder….
It’s not a misery contest, though for THAT to be your take away shows that you are not a compassionate or empathetic person. The point here is that it does not, in fact, get “easier.” The problems just change. The highs change too, but that’s not what we are talking about. I’ve found that the stressors of high school/college age is significantly more stressful than, say, potty training. Maybe I more generous person would equate the challenges of potty training with the stress of the college application process. But really, who would they be kidding.
NP. I agree with you PP. I also think that different people are better suited for parenting different age groups. I had twins when my oldest was two. I managed to navigate those years parenting, working, volunteering at school, and being a scout leader fairly well. I suppose I was suited for that age. Now that my kids are teens, the pandemic, work stress, serious health issues for one kid and my parents, perimenopause, and just downright exhaustion, I know I'm doing a worse job as a parent than I did early on. The bumps in the road become that much harder to manage and the missteps feel monumental.