Her redshirted child was rejected at the first choice school but admitted at the second choice school. It's a little awkward, because her DC is currently in K and doesn't understand why he will be in K again next year. He may be young, but he's smart enough to know that his classmates are going onto first grade.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A very close relative redshirted her (May birthday) DC this year--WPPSI score in the high 90s and no developmental delays. She just thought that in this competitive admissions process, her DC would appear to be a stronger, more mature and more compelling applicant if compared to "younger" kids. So for those of you pretending that anyone who redshirts must be doing so for "honorable" reasons, you can drop the Pollyanna act.

Did it work? Why do schools go along with this? Can't they push back? At our school, I know of at least one case where the parents would have liked to redshirt and the school insisted on placement in the higher grade.

OP back after a spell. Lordy, you guys.

THIS is what I'm talking about:

Did it work? Why do schools go along with this? Can't they push back? At our school, I know of at least one case where the parents would have liked to redshirt and the school insisted on placement in the higher grade.

The schools. Why can't the best schools step up and end this nonsense? All this anxious hand wringing by parents over mild developmental and speech delays, or collegiate LAX positioning, would be moot if the top schools exercised some muscle on this age-spread issue.

Listen, unless you have a child who has some developmental issues and has been diagnosed as such from an early age, I think you have no idea how it feels to struggle with this issue.

I am the poster you quoted (and FWIW, I haven't posted in this thread since that quote until now), but I DO have a child with delays. DC has a summer birthday, has ADHD behaviors (no diagnosis), anxiety (with a diagnosis) and other subtle delays (fine motor, social and emotional). I DID send my child on time because it was the best academic fit. Child is ahead academically, but delayed socially and emotionally. So I get this struggle and I live it every day. I know that delaying my kid a year would have done nothing to help their issues. They would still be delayed. My child is older, 4th grade, but still is emotionally more like a 1st or 2nd grader. What do I do? What happens when you redshirt and it doesn't fix the problem?

There is an 11 year old in my second graders class. And, he is on the verge of puberty!

Anonymous wrote:Because I know these parents so well. For some of them, it is their life to have their kid play Division I lacrosse in college. There entire life focuses on it.

The truth comes from another poster also. Yeah!!!! All the radical redshirts at DS's school are LAXERS. Kids are socially advanced and even call a day of the week Thirsty Thursday.

Actually, the struggling kid's issues were largely physical and social and what happened was that there were moments in which people (kids, parents, teachers) didn't accurately distinguish -- e.g. if he broke something, the assumption was it was deliberate rather than clumsy. He got labelled as a behavior problem/class clown and dealt with primarily on a behavioral level. So he started playing the role into which he'd been typecast rather than the very different role he played in other contexts where he was among the older kids rather than the younger ones. He's also a kid who is very smart and whose blurting out of subtle answers would typically lead to a demand that he raise his hand rather than engagement with his answer.

Ironically, if you engaged the kid intellectually, his behavior improved. Sometimes it's a matter of what behaviors draw the most attention and what social niche you occupy in a particular ecosystem.

It's really wrong to assume that the older kids in the class are academically ahead of the younger kids. Usually, it's the other way around. And you're completely overlooking the fact that there's a wide range of abilities even among kids who are the same age.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

And I think that if everyone sent their kids at the same time, you'd actually see a greater spread. Parents generally decide to hold kids back because they're concerned that their kids would be outliers in a classroom full of age-mates.

I'm the poster you quote, and we will just have to agree to disagree. Like some of the PPs have mentioned I know many people who hold their kids back for "the gift of time", to "be a leader" and MANY of them "because that is what you do with boys here". I do know a few people who have held their children back for various developmental reasons and I'm not sure it was a good thing in those cases either. For the people I know, it led to their children being diagnosed with various issues (ADHD, dyslexia, dysgraphia, HFA) at a later age than they probably would have been diagnosed earlier if they had been sent on time.

I don't deny that parents should have options, but I think that this is not an option without consequences for the children and for their classmates.

Listen, unless you have a child who has some developmental issues and has been diagnosed as such from an early age, I think you have no idea how it feels to struggle with this issue. My son (luckily) JUST missed the age cut-off for K this year. He is in speech and language therapy and truly does not keep up with his peers when it comes to language/reading/etc. He is strong in other ways, but I want what is best for him. If he had been born 10 days earlier, I'd be one of those mothers you are criticizing.

Unless you have been in our shoes, I suggest you just shut it b/c I would bet money you'd be doing the same thing the rest of us are doing if you were in our position.

I suggest you shut it since this discussion is not about children with DIAGNOSED disabilities. I have a child with disabilities.

Anonymous wrote:A very close relative redshirted her (May birthday) DC this year--WPPSI score in the high 90s and no developmental delays. She just thought that in this competitive admissions process, her DC would appear to be a stronger, more mature and more compelling applicant if compared to "younger" kids. So for those of you pretending that anyone who redshirts must be doing so for "honorable" reasons, you can drop the Pollyanna act.

Did it work? Why do schools go along with this? Can't they push back? At our school, I know of at least one case where the parents would have liked to redshirt and the school insisted on placement in the higher grade.

Anonymous wrote:My kid was a (new family)

As I said before, I haven't seen a kid suffer (or have a negative impact on classmates) as a result of being older. I have seen a kid suffer (and be a problem) as the result of the parents decision not to wait a year. Great kid, but he's struggled -- and been a trial -- in ways he needn't have.

Wait, so the struggling kid who should have waited a year is struggling, perhaps because the teachers need to compensate for a wide range of ages and abilities in the classroom? What if, rather than teaching K (first grade curriculum) to 7 year-olds, they actually taught K curriculum to 5 year-olds? Maybe then the bored 7 year-olds would get the picture and their parents would put them in the right place? Instead, you have the teachers catering to the older kids at the expense of the kids who are right aged. This seems ludicrous.

A very close relative redshirted her (May birthday) DC this year--WPPSI score in the high 90s and no developmental delays. She just thought that in this competitive admissions process, her DC would appear to be a stronger, more mature and more compelling applicant if compared to "younger" kids. So for those of you pretending that anyone who redshirts must be doing so for "honorable" reasons, you can drop the Pollyanna act.

To 17:06, if you have been reading the thread, the animosity is not aimed at summer birthdays. It is aimed at people who are holding their Spring birthday children back.

To 17:10, the issue is that when you have situations such as described by 16:56 where kids who are where they are supposed to be when they are supposed to be are not even allowed to compete because their "peers" are significantly more physically mature. Sure, there are cases where you have fully developed teens at younger ages, but it simply isn't appropriate for 14 and 16 year olds to be competing for the same slots even though they are in the same grade.

Is that too difficult to comprehend?

Because I know these parents so well. For some of them, it is their life to have their kid play Division I lacrosse in college. There entire life focuses on it.

Anonymous wrote:I know of several kids who were held back (and yes, let's call it what it is) for competitive reasons.

How does it impact? Well, one very small example is the normal age kids who are aced out of starting or playing on a team because some college kid is still in high school.

You know what I think? I think you assume it is for competitive reasons, but you really have no idea WHY the kids (especially if we are now talking high schoolers) were held back 11 years ago when school first started. You are pissed b/c they seem to have an unfair edge. Honestly - how do you know they wouldn't still be starting on the team instead of your child even if they had started on time?

Anonymous wrote:

And I think that if everyone sent their kids at the same time, you'd actually see a greater spread. Parents generally decide to hold kids back because they're concerned that their kids would be outliers in a classroom full of age-mates.

I'm the poster you quote, and we will just have to agree to disagree. Like some of the PPs have mentioned I know many people who hold their kids back for "the gift of time", to "be a leader" and MANY of them "because that is what you do with boys here". I do know a few people who have held their children back for various developmental reasons and I'm not sure it was a good thing in those cases either. For the people I know, it led to their children being diagnosed with various issues (ADHD, dyslexia, dysgraphia, HFA) at a later age than they probably would have been diagnosed earlier if they had been sent on time.

I don't deny that parents should have options, but I think that this is not an option without consequences for the children and for their classmates.

Listen, unless you have a child who has some developmental issues and has been diagnosed as such from an early age, I think you have no idea how it feels to struggle with this issue. My son (luckily) JUST missed the age cut-off for K this year. He is in speech and language therapy and truly does not keep up with his peers when it comes to language/reading/etc. He is strong in other ways, but I want what is best for him. If he had been born 10 days earlier, I'd be one of those mothers you are criticizing.

Unless you have been in our shoes, I suggest you just shut it b/c I would bet money you'd be doing the same thing the rest of us are doing if you were in our position.

Make no doubt about it, redshirting happens for competitive advantage. On my son's lacrosse team, there are seven kids I can count in my head that are 15 year old 8th graders. My son just turned 14 this week. He is a pretty good lacrosse player. But, he is not at the level of a contingent of kids that are a year ahead of him.

It may level out sooner than later. But my concern is that he or other kids his age will be shut out of the limited number of positions available as a freshman and sophomore in high school. In effect, the window of opportunity gets closed before his development can catch up. These are friends of mine as parents. I know them well enough (now) to know they did this by design.

If I sound like I feel I am slighted, I am. I only wish that I had read Outliers 14 years ago. I'd do just what they have.