Anonymous wrote:Same thing happened to my DD. I searched her room and found nearly a dozen devices and cartridges and homemade bowl with traces of weed in it.
She had ISS for 3 days, and was grounded/no phone/no friends for two weeks. Her school assures us this won't go on her record since it's in-school suspension only.
She is otherwise a good kid. 4.1 GPA, class president (!), lots of extracurriculars, etc.
Smart, good teens do stupid things.
I continue to randomly search her room, and yes, I have found another device, which resulted in another grounding.

Her only excuse is 'everybody does it', which maybe they do, but she knows my expectations and my rules. Sadly, we can't control what they do when we're not around.

My DD got caught shoplifting and said the same thing. She sounds a lot like your DD, Honors student, student government, varsity player as a freshman, etc. She had a job so it wasn't like she was doing it because she couldn't afford what she stole. We, too, grounded her but didn't pull her from sports since there are a lot of health benefits to playing sports. This episode also brought to light that she was struggling with some anxiety/depression. We'd seen some signs of it for the previous few months but, at that point, couldn't tell if it was typical teen emotionality or more. We found a counselor for her to work with and she ended up on a low dose SSRI. It really helped a lot. I've got 2 DSs with ADHD/anxiety and, up to this point, really had no concerns about DD's mental health.

So, OP, while your DD's behavior is definitely worthy of consequences that you impose, it's not the end of the world if your DD can come through the other side with some lessons learned. My DD is now in college, still on the low dose SSRI and doing really well. Hugs and good luck. I know it's hard.

Sounds like you’re not doing your job as a parent if you already know she vapes and she now thinks it’s ok to do at school. Got what she deserved!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:And what are you doing about it?

If she has ADHD, perhaps she needs a dose adjustment.

What about the OP’s posts suggests that she has ADHD?

Are you new here? ADHD is an excuse for all bad behavior at DCUM.

Proof is that OP replied “she does have ADHD, perhaps a change in meds is in order.” Because a teenager making a bad decision and blaming peer pressure is clearly the fault of ADHD meds.

ADHD is not the excuse for everything.

It might be anxiety. Or a combination of the two.

She is a victim in any event; it’s not her fault.

NP. You, clearly, don't know the difference between an explanation and an excuse. It is still deserving of consequences but understanding some some of the contributors to behavior, especially contributors that can be mitigated, go a long way in preventing repeat occurrences.

Anonymous wrote:Will this go on her college record? I would tell her she has just sunk her future and she now has to figure out a plan B.

She's in high school. How does she have a college record?

The disciplinary record will be on her transcript, yes. If that's what you're asking. That's the proverbial "permanent record." And it is a huge black mark.

That said, kids who vape are ALL losers and weren't going to amount to anything anyway.

Anonymous wrote:Some children suffer from anxiety; and they self-medicate to cope with being the victim of a mental illness.

Isn’t suspension a little harsh?

And whatever happened to second chances?

No, suspension isn't "a little harsh." It's an appropriate consequence for a flagrant violation of a good rule.

Anonymous wrote:She knows vaping is illegal. She knows she's not supposed to do it at school. A friend invited her to smoke in the hall. So, of course, she accepted. I'm at a loss.
A lot of her friends vape in parks around the school.

Wasn't her first experience with that, you know.

Show her the pictures of popcorn lung. Tell her she's a bleeping idiot. Come down HARD.

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like you are well aware that she vapes and you're cool with it as long as she doesn't do it at school. Why are you at a loss at her behavior? Of course she's going to do it at school. Probably has a million times already, the only difference is she got caught this time.

Will there be consequences at home?

Time to step up and parent.

She also needs new friends.

+1

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How is she purchasing this?

My kid said that at his school there is a kid who sells vapes. He gets them from his older brother. It's a "family business"

There is also another kids who sell weed cartilages and it also a "family business"... according to my kid, this kid doesn't even smoke.

It’s legal now.

The democrats in Virginia pushed legalization through under Gov. Northam, then they tried to campaign on their “wonderful accomplishment.”

My 14 year old got suspended for 3 days for doing something stupid and impulsive. She was punished by us as well (some fairly unpleasant manual labor for an elderly neighbor).
Shortly after that she was diagnosed with ADD and started on meds. She hasn't had any issues at schools since then.

We wanted to make sure that we gave consequences that were appropriate but also look at what we can do to stop it from happening again.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:And what are you doing about it?

If she has ADHD, perhaps she needs a dose adjustment.

What about the OP’s posts suggests that she has ADHD?

Are you new here? ADHD is an excuse for all bad behavior at DCUM.

Proof is that OP replied “she does have ADHD, perhaps a change in meds is in order.” Because a teenager making a bad decision and blaming peer pressure is clearly the fault of ADHD meds.

ADHD is not the excuse for everything.

It might be anxiety. Or a combination of the two.

She is a victim in any event; it’s not her fault.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How is she purchasing this?

My kid said that at his school there is a kid who sells vapes. He gets them from his older brother. It's a "family business"

There is also another kids who sell weed cartilages and it also a "family business"... according to my kid, this kid doesn't even smoke.

But how does your kid have any money or privileges left? They shouldn't have money to buy vapes.

Anonymous wrote:How is she purchasing this?

My kid said that at his school there is a kid who sells vapes. He gets them from his older brother. It's a "family business"

There is also another kids who sell weed cartilages and it also a "family business"... according to my kid, this kid doesn't even smoke.

How is she purchasing this?

Anonymous wrote:Make her vape the whole pack!

(i honestly don't know if they come in packs?)

OMG stop with the terrible advice. FFS