Anonymous
Post 03/10/2022 21:51     Subject: Both partners have high level jobs
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:The senior women I work with have live-in nanny/housekeeper for their school age kids. They eat dinner with their kids most nights and go to sports competitions, but they don’t drive their kids around or make dinner. They don’t clean their own houses or keep them stocked with food and household items. They don’t shop - they choose outfits a stylist sends them. They don’t decorate their house, they choose items a decorator suggests. They eat pre-made lunches from meal delivery services.

They literally just work and spend time with their kids.


This is exactly us but no live in. Just a friend nanny and weekly housekeeper. dh works only 30 hrs though so he handles a bunch of items. I also have a virtual personal assistant who does a bunch of organizational stuff. Literally I delegate everything I can that isn’t spending time with the kids and I delegate like crazy at work. My male colleagues think I am a diva for having someone do my calendar for me, but it is another 2 hrs I am not spending on my laptop a night each week and am instead chatting with my son before bed. So no, not sorry.



I love the idea of getting a virtual assistant. How has it helped and what do you have the va do, if you don’t mind me asking?
Anonymous
Post 03/10/2022 21:32     Subject: Both partners have high level jobs
Just curious, what kind of nonprofit is this? I’ve not heard of one that pays $180k for a position 3-4 layers down from the C suite. In your OP, I thought you were talking about a position reporting directly to a C-level exec. Thx!
Anonymous
Post 03/10/2022 17:28     Subject: Both partners have high level jobs
I never understand when people consider dinner (for young children) and sports activities as time with their kids. To me, dinner (and bath) with kids under 7 at least is more just a chore, not bonding time. And sports practice/games don’t even involve interacting with your child.
Anonymous
Post 03/10/2022 16:54     Subject: Both partners have high level jobs
you can do it! lots of families work those hours earning a lot less money and they make it work. Your kids are mostly in school when you are working so you are not missing too much. I think it's important for kids to see their moms as individuals with their own ambitions, not just someone the cleans up after them and satisfies their every whim.
Anonymous
Post 03/10/2022 16:44     Subject: Both partners have high level jobs
Anonymous wrote:OP, thanks for coming back and adding more clarity. It sounds like this job may not be as intense as originally described. It sounds like you’ll go from 30-35 hours per week to 40-45, more in person, no travel, no weekend work, and there’s a $50k net pay increase? (You mentioned HHI of $500 that would go to $550k.) It’ll be a change no doubt, and you’ll work hard, but I think you may be able to swing it! And many nonprofits are fairly family friendly.

But serious question, to a PP’s point. Will you make enough to outsource? And do you have the executive functioning skills to have a more intense job with 3 kids and a husband with an intense job?


OP here - I have been discussing that with my husband as well. I plan on asking for a minimum of $150,000 (which would be a $50,000 increase from what I make now). There is also a bonus at the end of the year around $30,000. My husband makes $400,000 a year with a potential bonus of $100,000. So we would have a guaranteed income of $550,000 with the potential for $130,000 more. Is that enough to put 2 kids through school (public but paying for before and after care), daycare or a nanny for 1 kid, pay off student loans, mortgage, outsource yardwork, grocery delivery, etc? I don't know.

I do believe I have the executive functioning skills to handle more than what I am doing right now - I guess the question is do I want to handle more? I think the answer is yes but it is a huge change!
Anonymous
Post 03/10/2022 15:50     Subject: Both partners have high level jobs
OP, thanks for coming back and adding more clarity. It sounds like this job may not be as intense as originally described. It sounds like you’ll go from 30-35 hours per week to 40-45, more in person, no travel, no weekend work, and there’s a $50k net pay increase? (You mentioned HHI of $500 that would go to $550k.) It’ll be a change no doubt, and you’ll work hard, but I think you may be able to swing it! And many nonprofits are fairly family friendly.

But serious question, to a PP’s point. Will you make enough to outsource? And do you have the executive functioning skills to have a more intense job with 3 kids and a husband with an intense job?
Anonymous
Post 03/10/2022 15:29     Subject: Both partners have high level jobs
Anonymous wrote:My husband and I are in medicine and both work 50-60hrs/week. His schedule is less predictable and is on call more frequently than I am. The only way things have been possible for us is that fortunately both sets of grandparents live within 20 minutes of us and provide extensive help with our 2 kids. Most weeknight meals are at the grandparents house and kids usually sleep over 2-3 nights /week, etc. We do help with healthcare and vacation expenses for the entire family. We also get weekly cleaning and have offered that to the grandparents (they've so far declined). DH and I focus our attention on the kids all weekend, but the weekdays tend to fly by although we're usually able to have dinner and the hour after together.


Op here - I would say that this job is fairly straight forward hours wise. After the initial onboarding I would have a normal workweek of 40-45 hours and no travel or weekend work (or minimal). But that is a lot more than the 30-35 hours I work now and I would definitely have to show up in the office more, especially in the beginning.
Anonymous
Post 03/10/2022 15:27     Subject: Both partners have high level jobs
My husband and I are in medicine and both work 50-60hrs/week. His schedule is less predictable and is on call more frequently than I am. The only way things have been possible for us is that fortunately both sets of grandparents live within 20 minutes of us and provide extensive help with our 2 kids. Most weeknight meals are at the grandparents house and kids usually sleep over 2-3 nights /week, etc. We do help with healthcare and vacation expenses for the entire family. We also get weekly cleaning and have offered that to the grandparents (they've so far declined). DH and I focus our attention on the kids all weekend, but the weekdays tend to fly by although we're usually able to have dinner and the hour after together.
Anonymous
Post 03/10/2022 15:24     Subject: Both partners have high level jobs
Anonymous wrote:OP, what's the endgame for you? Where do you see this role leading? Do you want your jobs to keep getting bigger?



OP here - I am not sure. Based on my conversations this is a Director job with the opportunity to move into Executive Director and then into VP in the future. I never thought I would be in a big higher profile job than where I am now but when I think about it I really believe in the mission statement of the organization and what they are doing. It would definitely fulfill me personally and professionally to do this sort of role.

I LOVE being a mother and love my children but I don't want it to be the only thing in my life and right now it basically dominates my life since my kids are young. I don't know if this sort of role will be open in the future. The previous Director was in this role since 2014 and only left because they were moving out of state.
Anonymous
Post 03/10/2022 15:23     Subject: Both partners have high level jobs
Ask your husband to "daddy track"
Anonymous
Post 03/10/2022 15:22     Subject: Both partners have high level jobs
OP, what's the endgame for you? Where do you see this role leading? Do you want your jobs to keep getting bigger?

Anonymous
Post 03/10/2022 14:41     Subject: Both partners have high level jobs
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:We’re finance and law. 1 toddler and 1 on the way. HHI is $1M+, with me individually $200k+. How we make it work:

Nanny 45 hours per week; monthly date nights.
Cleaning 2x per month
Dry cleaning picked up/delivered to home
Groceries and household items delivered via Amazon Fresh/Subscribe and Save
Occasional meal delivery
I have really, really high executive functioning skills. This is critical.
Max 2 kids; 3 kids and 2 big careers would be tough if not impossible.

And…I’m not working at the most competitive job that I could probably get. DH and I met in school and we were total ambitious go getters. I ended up pivoting in house and am senior enough that I set my own schedule (run a team, go in 1x per week, delegate, block of no meeting times so I can do random kid/life things). I really enjoy my job, and love my flexibility, though I know I could be doing something more high flying and higher paying. But our family would break if I worked 60 hours per week and traveled 25%. My ego wants that to some degree, but my practical mind knows it’s not possible. I’m also not really comfortable outsourcing much more of childcare. So I’ve chosen to bloom where I am planted!


This doesn't sound like two people with "high level jobs" as mentioned in the OP. It sounds like one high-level job and one mid-level job, which is about all a family can do before the kids have basically zero time with the parents.


High level is subjective, and people often put too much stock into titles and salaries. There are plenty of people who work 60-80 hours a week and/or multiple jobs who face the same challenges as OP. OP is fortunate her family can afford all of these additional services and resources to allow them to sustain their current lifestyle and jobs.
Anonymous
Post 03/10/2022 14:17     Subject: Both partners have high level jobs
Anonymous wrote:We’re finance and law. 1 toddler and 1 on the way. HHI is $1M+, with me individually $200k+. How we make it work:

Nanny 45 hours per week; monthly date nights.
Cleaning 2x per month
Dry cleaning picked up/delivered to home
Groceries and household items delivered via Amazon Fresh/Subscribe and Save
Occasional meal delivery
I have really, really high executive functioning skills. This is critical.
Max 2 kids; 3 kids and 2 big careers would be tough if not impossible.

And…I’m not working at the most competitive job that I could probably get. DH and I met in school and we were total ambitious go getters. I ended up pivoting in house and am senior enough that I set my own schedule (run a team, go in 1x per week, delegate, block of no meeting times so I can do random kid/life things). I really enjoy my job, and love my flexibility, though I know I could be doing something more high flying and higher paying. But our family would break if I worked 60 hours per week and traveled 25%. My ego wants that to some degree, but my practical mind knows it’s not possible. I’m also not really comfortable outsourcing much more of childcare. So I’ve chosen to bloom where I am planted!


Same here and spouse with ADHD so is often more trouble than help... 2 kids, less work travel now I guess, 2 activities per kid most times now that covid stuff done, no local family.

Housekeeper/nanny moved 2-7pm since both kids in school now and doing after school sports. works OK.

Do NOT underestimate the amount of communication and work involved "managing the staff." Kids develop, schedules change, things break in the house and nannies often need "directions." SO the executive functioning skills are paramount. And no nanny is going to ID a tick bite, or find your kid the best orthodontist, or do your kids parent/teacher conference, or plan a fantastic spring break for you, so stop with the "outsource everything!" fake mantra. Household admin continues forever!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Anonymous
Post 03/10/2022 13:35     Subject: Both partners have high level jobs
Anonymous wrote:We’re finance and law. 1 toddler and 1 on the way. HHI is $1M+, with me individually $200k+. How we make it work:

Nanny 45 hours per week; monthly date nights.
Cleaning 2x per month
Dry cleaning picked up/delivered to home
Groceries and household items delivered via Amazon Fresh/Subscribe and Save
Occasional meal delivery
I have really, really high executive functioning skills. This is critical.
Max 2 kids; 3 kids and 2 big careers would be tough if not impossible.

And…I’m not working at the most competitive job that I could probably get. DH and I met in school and we were total ambitious go getters. I ended up pivoting in house and am senior enough that I set my own schedule (run a team, go in 1x per week, delegate, block of no meeting times so I can do random kid/life things). I really enjoy my job, and love my flexibility, though I know I could be doing something more high flying and higher paying. But our family would break if I worked 60 hours per week and traveled 25%. My ego wants that to some degree, but my practical mind knows it’s not possible. I’m also not really comfortable outsourcing much more of childcare. So I’ve chosen to bloom where I am planted!


This doesn't sound like two people with "high level jobs" as mentioned in the OP. It sounds like one high-level job and one mid-level job, which is about all a family can do before the kids have basically zero time with the parents.
Anonymous
Post 03/10/2022 11:34     Subject: Both partners have high level jobs
Boarding school.