Anonymous
Post 03/07/2022 12:27     Subject: Re:SIL having several baby showers for 2nd baby - am I supposed to send gifts to all of them?
I think the monogrammed gift idea is perfect. You can get something monogrammed for the older sibling too. Maybe the two things could even be matching and you could ask for photos.
Anonymous
Post 03/07/2022 10:07     Subject: Re:SIL having several baby showers for 2nd baby - am I supposed to send gifts to all of them?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Maybe the purse was too heavy Op. Should she have given it back to you? So she sold it to buy something better suited for her. Have you never wanted something and then it arrived and it wasn’t for you? Everyone knows you don’t have to go to all of the showers and bring gifts for each one. You sound bitter and weird. You don’t dictate how a person uses a gift and maybe she’s short on money due to time off work for the baby and sells items no longer needed. My DDs preschool holds a yearly consignment sale and I make extra $ selling things that I bought or were gifted to me. I donate some too. Buy some baby shampoo for SIL as a gift and move on.


OP here. A bit more context - it was a LV Neverfull that she HAD to have. Her mother even got involved and suggested that "we" should get it for her. Her mom chipped in less than $100 (because that's what she could afford to contribute. Fine. I didn't have an issue w/that. But I share this piece of info because SIL was making such a fuss that the whole family knew she wanted this bag that even her mom was trying to figure out how to get it for her. So we got it the year she was pregnant with #1 that coincided with a milestone birthday with the added bonus that "it can be used as a diaper bag.") Less than a year later I never saw it again and her mother mentioned how she sold it because "it was too heavy for her." To my knowledge, she did not replace it with anything comparable. Yes, maybe she needed the money. Maybe it was too heavy. Maybe she decided she didn't like it. It irks me. If that makes me a jerk. I'm a jerk.

I had to vent. The materialism and over consumption bugs me combined with the expectation that people will buy her things that she won't or can't buy herself.


Yeah that’s really bad. I would not give any more gifts at the shower.
Anonymous
Post 03/07/2022 10:02     Subject: SIL having several baby showers for 2nd baby - am I supposed to send gifts to all of them?
Anonymous wrote:If you gave a gift for first child, I would give nothing. There is never an excuse or reason for a second shower. It is pure and simple greed on part of SIL

Eh, I always give baby gifts, but I send them after the baby is born. Showers for second babies are tacky. Yes, even if it’s a different gender or years later or a different father.
Anonymous
Post 03/07/2022 09:47     Subject: Re:SIL having several baby showers for 2nd baby - am I supposed to send gifts to all of them?
Anonymous wrote:
I had to vent. The materialism and over consumption bugs me combined with the expectation that people will buy her things that she won't or can't buy herself.


OK, but start pretending that she asks for loot and people give it to her because it's fun for them, and you aren't getting in the way of her fun. You just aren't participating.

If people start pushing you to buy her stuff, just be cheerfully uncooperative. Act like this is a big misunderstanding: "Yes, I know she likes expensive stuff, but I don't like buying it for her, so I'm not going to. You all go ahead, though, if you want to."
Anonymous
Post 03/07/2022 08:57     Subject: Re:SIL having several baby showers for 2nd baby - am I supposed to send gifts to all of them?
Anonymous wrote:Maybe the purse was too heavy Op. Should she have given it back to you? So she sold it to buy something better suited for her. Have you never wanted something and then it arrived and it wasn’t for you? Everyone knows you don’t have to go to all of the showers and bring gifts for each one. You sound bitter and weird. You don’t dictate how a person uses a gift and maybe she’s short on money due to time off work for the baby and sells items no longer needed. My DDs preschool holds a yearly consignment sale and I make extra $ selling things that I bought or were gifted to me. I donate some too. Buy some baby shampoo for SIL as a gift and move on.


OP here. A bit more context - it was a LV Neverfull that she HAD to have. Her mother even got involved and suggested that "we" should get it for her. Her mom chipped in less than $100 (because that's what she could afford to contribute. Fine. I didn't have an issue w/that. But I share this piece of info because SIL was making such a fuss that the whole family knew she wanted this bag that even her mom was trying to figure out how to get it for her. So we got it the year she was pregnant with #1 that coincided with a milestone birthday with the added bonus that "it can be used as a diaper bag.") Less than a year later I never saw it again and her mother mentioned how she sold it because "it was too heavy for her." To my knowledge, she did not replace it with anything comparable. Yes, maybe she needed the money. Maybe it was too heavy. Maybe she decided she didn't like it. It irks me. If that makes me a jerk. I'm a jerk.

I had to vent. The materialism and over consumption bugs me combined with the expectation that people will buy her things that she won't or can't buy herself.
Anonymous
Post 03/06/2022 17:49     Subject: SIL having several baby showers for 2nd baby - am I supposed to send gifts to all of them?
I would only attend one shower.

I just sent to a Sprinkle for a friend's baby #3. She didn't even create a registry for this baby and instead asked those attending to bring a book for their home library. I always like it when they go the book route. Especially in this case since it was something that kids 1 & 2 could enjoy.
Anonymous
Post 03/06/2022 17:47     Subject: SIL having several baby showers for 2nd baby - am I supposed to send gifts to all of them?
Anonymous wrote:If you gave a gift for first child, I would give nothing. There is never an excuse or reason for a second shower. It is pure and simple greed on part of SIL


This.
Anonymous
Post 03/06/2022 17:46     Subject: SIL having several baby showers for 2nd baby - am I supposed to send gifts to all of them?
Anonymous wrote:Permission granted. Regardless of circumstances.


+1.
Anonymous
Post 03/06/2022 17:39     Subject: SIL having several baby showers for 2nd baby - am I supposed to send gifts to all of them?
Go to one, get a few outfits and a book and be done with it. If she wants new, she can buy it.
Anonymous
Post 03/06/2022 17:37     Subject: Re:SIL having several baby showers for 2nd baby - am I supposed to send gifts to all of them?
Maybe the purse was too heavy Op. Should she have given it back to you? So she sold it to buy something better suited for her. Have you never wanted something and then it arrived and it wasn’t for you? Everyone knows you don’t have to go to all of the showers and bring gifts for each one. You sound bitter and weird. You don’t dictate how a person uses a gift and maybe she’s short on money due to time off work for the baby and sells items no longer needed. My DDs preschool holds a yearly consignment sale and I make extra $ selling things that I bought or were gifted to me. I donate some too. Buy some baby shampoo for SIL as a gift and move on.
Anonymous
Post 03/06/2022 16:56     Subject: SIL having several baby showers for 2nd baby - am I supposed to send gifts to all of them?
Anonymous wrote:we bought the Silver Cross Balmoral Pram because we didn’t feel comfortable asking friends for it.


Clearly trolling...
Anonymous
Post 03/06/2022 16:07     Subject: SIL having several baby showers for 2nd baby - am I supposed to send gifts to all of them?
If you gave a gift for first child, I would give nothing. There is never an excuse or reason for a second shower. It is pure and simple greed on part of SIL
Anonymous
Post 03/06/2022 15:19     Subject: SIL having several baby showers for 2nd baby - am I supposed to send gifts to all of them?
"Should I do something unnecessary that will lower my opinion of a family member?"

No.
Anonymous
Post 03/06/2022 14:08     Subject: SIL having several baby showers for 2nd baby - am I supposed to send gifts to all of them?
I'd loathe having 4 showers for myself.

Op, she doesn't expect you to attend all of them. Buy her a gift in the $30-$50 range and be done with it. There's no way she expects more from you. If she does, she has issues. Not your problem.
Anonymous
Post 03/06/2022 13:57     Subject: SIL having several baby showers for 2nd baby - am I supposed to send gifts to all of them?
Anonymous wrote:IMO it’s not worth the energy suck to hate on these people. How long did it take you just to write this out for instance? How long have you been stewing about this? Not being snarky, genuinely sincere based on people like this in my own life. It’s just not worth it. Shrug your shoulders and let it goooo.

Buy one big item that you take in person to the first shower then a couple smaller things for the additional showers that you don’t attend it person (like a really cute outfit).


Or, I dunno, maybe not send anything at all (since it sounds like the SIL chose to get rid of things she already had, and won’t accept gently used items) is the way to go. Call this situation what it is: a flagrant display of materialism. Multiple showers for a second child with multiple invites to the same person is tacky. People are well within their rights to make registries and enjoy having only brand new things for their child, but to act as if these asks won’t have a bad look to a lot of people is ridiculous.

OP, give what you would routinely give for another family member or close friend’s second child (some nice outfits, maybe some new books or fresh teething toys, etc). You don’t need to do any more than that.