Anonymous
Post 02/26/2022 21:28     Subject: Re:40-year-old man in a 1BR condo – problem?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Woman here. It’s more about how you decorate it.
Does it look like a college dorm or pulled together and mature?
I would have simple fresh looking pillows and linens. Masculine of course, but that’s all really


+1. The condo would not be an issue. Loose boundaries with the parents might be.


This
Anonymous
Post 02/26/2022 20:40     Subject: 40-year-old man in a 1BR condo – problem?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:This is my situation. Condo is paid off and in a nice area. I also have about $600K in the bank so it’s not a financial issue.

The issue is I love the peace and greenery of single-family homes so I spend a lot of time at my parents’ house, which is five minutes from my condo. A two-bedroom condo is not going to give me much more in that regard than a one-bedroom condo. And buying a house in this area would entail so much expense and hassle that I’m not interested in that right now.

Just curious if you women would perceive this as a negative in the dating market, i.e. that’s too small a place for a 40-year-old or it may indicate I’m not serious about marriage. (Truthfully, I’m not interested in getting married but I don’t *lead* with that so women don’t think I am only interested in sex.)

Anyway, one-bedroom apartment for a 40-year-old man – is that a problem?


No. It is not a problem at all for a single guy to have a 1-bedroom apt or condo.
No. It is not a problem if they spend a lot of time at their parents house, don't like to cook or don't want to maintain a house.
No. It is not a problem if they are not keen to be married or have a kid.

There are many 40+ women, who are single, may or may not have kids, who are looking for LTR but do not want to get married. The problem is only if you are a jerk in other ways or are a completely uninteresting person.


Doesn't like to cook is fine. But this guy considers cooking for himself to be a "tremendous amount of effort". It's not, and that's weird.


I disagree….cooking as a single person is a lot of effort. I am a woman saying this. Before kids I rarely cooked. A takeout salad or beans and rice was fine. I was not going through the effort of making a full meal for only myself. Waste of time and money.
Anonymous
Post 02/26/2022 20:40     Subject: Re:40-year-old man in a 1BR condo – problem?
OP, the single men I have known (as acquaintances) who have no interest in marriage by the time they are your age have houses. And if you are not pursuing the idea of marriage but like SFHs and yards/gardens I have to wonder why you aren't buying your own place by now.
You indicated that both home buying AND cooking/cleanup are hassles and when not eating at your parents you do takeout. Are you CAPABLE of preparing a meal? Have you ever prepared a meal for a date or prepared a meal together with the date?
Maybe you have other things going on that make you an interesting person but so far I don't see what they would be.
Anonymous
Post 02/26/2022 20:38     Subject: Re:40-year-old man in a 1BR condo – problem?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Woman here. It’s more about how you decorate it.
Does it look like a college dorm or pulled together and mature?
I would have simple fresh looking pillows and linens. Masculine of course, but that’s all really


+1. The condo would not be an issue. Loose boundaries with the parents might be.


+2

How much time are you spending with your parents? That would be my concern.
Anonymous
Post 02/26/2022 20:29     Subject: 40-year-old man in a 1BR condo – problem?
🌈
Anonymous
Post 02/26/2022 20:28     Subject: Re:40-year-old man in a 1BR condo – problem?
Anonymous wrote:
My guess is that OP has some generalized anxiety issues and is easily overwhelmed. He has set up his life to be as stress-free as possible and probably takes pleasure in the comforting routine of visits with his parents. There is nothing wrong with any of this, but he will need to choose someone similar as a girlfriend. I would be completely candid about your life preferences in a dating profile- definitely lead with your feelings about marriage. It is silly to waste everyone’s time; there is someone similarly inflexible out there that honesty will help you find.


Sounds more spectrum to me. His uncertainty about how humans react to things is one reason among several.
Anonymous
Post 02/26/2022 20:24     Subject: Re:40-year-old man in a 1BR condo – problem?
Anonymous wrote:OP here. To clarify, I’m not divorced and have never been married. I wouldn’t describe myself as commitment-phobic; I just had some financial goals that I wanted to meet before getting bogged down in a relationship. Now that I have done that, I am definitely open to committed, long-term relationships, so I’m not leading anyone on. The couple of casual relationships I’ve had have been fun too.

While I’m not opposed to a long-term relationship, I think it’s very unlikely that I would want to cohabitate and almost certain that I would not want to marry. I just value my space and my privacy too much.

Lastly, I’m not sure why everyone is making it seem like cooking, cleaning, grocery shopping, etc. are no big deal. Isn’t this the same DCUM where everyone is stressed out and complaining about housework and all the “mental loads?“ (Granted, I don’t have kids but the other tasks are not insignificant.) Other than some work issues, I have zero stress in my life, and I love it that way.


You externalize your mental load to your mommy lmao

You’re covered in so many red flags you must be ready to play no tackle football
Anonymous
Post 02/26/2022 20:22     Subject: 40-year-old man in a 1BR condo – problem?
Anonymous wrote:
Just curious if you women would perceive this as a negative in the dating market, i.e. that’s too small a place for a 40-year-old or it may indicate I’m not serious about marriage. (Truthfully, I’m not interested in getting married but I don’t *lead* with that so women don’t think I am only interested in sex.)

Anyway, one-bedroom apartment for a 40-year-old man – is that a problem?
If you aren't serious, what's wrong with being perceived as not serious? Mad respect to older promiscuous who stay single vs marrying and cheating.
Anonymous
Post 02/26/2022 20:05     Subject: 40-year-old man in a 1BR condo – problem?
Depends on the woman. Some can’t really strive for more than what you offer.
Anonymous
Post 02/26/2022 20:02     Subject: Re:40-year-old man in a 1BR condo – problem?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Op. Why don’t you buy a home and work on a garden rather than living in a condo and dating women with no interest in marrying. Find something you can do. I’m a single parent with a full time job and I own a house and I’m 40. I really don’t get people like you who can’t seem to do anything as an adult. The bigger turn off is that you are basically still a child and this probably goes for men as well as women.


You own a house because you're a single parent or parent period. There's no need to have one as one person unless that's just your fondest dream.


He says he prefers single family homes and has money in the bank, along with a paid off condo. So why doesn’t he buy one?? Because he just uses his parents. That, to me, is the red flag.
Anonymous
Post 02/26/2022 19:58     Subject: 40-year-old man in a 1BR condo – problem?
I think your condo is fine and your relationship with your parents is refreshing. All the negativity on DCUM rergarding inlaws is nauseating. A guy who actually likes his parents and wants to spend time with them (but not all the time) sounds pretty awesome. If you think the women of DCUM are representative of the women you might date then watch out because those women are going to be very suspicious of a guy who is that close to his parents.

My question, though, is why in the world are you reading DCUM and crowd sourcing this issue here??? That is the biggest red flag about you that I have seen.
Anonymous
Post 02/26/2022 19:53     Subject: 40-year-old man in a 1BR condo – problem?
Anonymous wrote:If you don’t want to get married then it is just about the sex, isn’t it? Why hide that?



Maybe he’s interested in a committed relationship? Marriage isn’t the end all be all. I think it’s fine to not want to get married - just be honest if that means you only want something casual or more.
Anonymous
Post 02/26/2022 19:40     Subject: Re:40-year-old man in a 1BR condo – problem?

My guess is that OP has some generalized anxiety issues and is easily overwhelmed. He has set up his life to be as stress-free as possible and probably takes pleasure in the comforting routine of visits with his parents. There is nothing wrong with any of this, but he will need to choose someone similar as a girlfriend. I would be completely candid about your life preferences in a dating profile- definitely lead with your feelings about marriage. It is silly to waste everyone’s time; there is someone similarly inflexible out there that honesty will help you find.
Anonymous
Post 02/26/2022 19:15     Subject: 40-year-old man in a 1BR condo – problem?
And yes, I do think a rich person hiring a chef because they find cooking to be a "tremendous amount of work" is weird. I've known many people who are rich and have no life skills, and it's really off-putting. I want to date an adult, not a spoiled man-baby who is accustomed to opting out of everything tedious or inconvenient. Guess what else can be tedious and inconvenient? Relationships!
Anonymous
Post 02/26/2022 18:56     Subject: 40-year-old man in a 1BR condo – problem?
Gotta be a troll. Too weird.