I don’t get the drama of asking FIL in this era. Are you going to casually move on with your life if he says no? If he was against your relation or had control over her, he probably would’ve told her not to date.

No. Women aren’t property and don’t need permission to date, marry etc.

Anonymous wrote:If a woman is proposing, should she ask man’s mom or dad?

If a woman is asking, couple and respective parents are likely enlightened enough to not get upset about caveman traditions.

Anonymous wrote:If a woman is proposing, should she ask man’s mom or dad?

As a woman, I would. If his parents aren’t willing to give you their blessing, then I would proceed cautiously. It’s not that you can’t still get married, of course it’s the decision of the couple and no one else’s, but if they are going to flat out refuse, that lack of support is vital information to have. In law issues as this board have shown are real. Are you willing to walk into a situation where the in laws will be at odds with your relationship?

"Preferred?" By whom? I'm a mother of adult children and think it's weird. But my DD doesn't. She wants it. So if she wants it, I will appreciated that the young man has gone that extra mile for her happiness. When I married many decades ago, young women would have been horrified at the suggestion. We were adults, independent capable adults, not Daddy's little girl. I never, ever heard of it happening.

Of course!
And the dowry must include 2 fertile ewes and a freshening milch cow.
The groom's family retains the right, of course, to check for the unbroken hymen.

Anonymous wrote:My husband mentioned doing that and I told him I was not my father's property and if he did that I would consider him not enough of a feminist for me to want to marry him.

I think I would have felt the same way (my husband didn't mention doing it and didn't do it). My parents know me well enough to know why he diddn't. At the same time, I can see it being important to people of an older generation - for isntance had I been the man his parents 100% would have expected it from me.

in other words, it's a small price if the parents are old-fashioned and you want to get off on the right foot.

My mom always regretted (for reasons I’m not clear on) that my dad hadn’t asked my grandfather. I knew that mattered to her so I asked my then boyfriend to ask my dad before proposing. He was very against the idea, but I said it would mean a lot to my parents - or at least my mom. He said “I’m okay telling them this is my plan, but I won’t ask for permission.” Ultimately he called and said, “I’m planning to propose”. My dad said “that’s wonderful news, can I tell (her mom)?” My husband said, “I’d prefer you didn’t. I’m going to propose in about 5 minutes and I’d like her to tell her mom,” and my dad said something like, “good luck.”

My brother in law handled it similarly. He pulled my dad aside at cocktail party they were both attending. They were all planning to go fishing early the next day and my dad claimed he was too tired, but really it turned out he was bowing out so my sister and her husband could be alone on the river, where he then proposed.

If a woman is proposing, should she ask man’s mom or dad?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are people still doing it? What's the point because if she is already dating you, either she has permission or doesn't need it. Anyways, which questions would you ask a young man who asks for your permission to propose your daughter? (If your daughter is 21-30 and unmarried)

Women are no longer considered chattle and we are capable of making our own decisions. Giving the bride away is a throwback to the days when eomen were chattle and had to give a dowry of money or barnyard animals. A woman with a college education and who has been working for a few years does not need a father to give her away in marriage. Just another dark age tradition to keep women as second class citizens.

My father giving me away was one of the sweetest moments of my life. Why does every little tradition or gesture have to mean some sort of affront to your civil liberties? Calm the f$&k down.

is she a more traditional kind of gal? It's a lovely thing to do...my husband did it for me and it was less asking permission, but more "this is what I'm planning, I hope I have your blessing". They celebrated and popped bubbly and it was a wonderful memory for them. the good stuff in life!

Anonymous wrote:I think it’s a lovely gesture if also an archaic custom. It implies he will take care of her and cherish her like her own family hopefully did and helps the parents trust and let go of their daughter. I think it’s a nice sign of respect towards a future father in law and shows that the guy was raised right.

+1

Anonymous wrote:Are people still doing it? What's the point because if she is already dating you, either she has permission or doesn't need it. Anyways, which questions would you ask a young man who asks for your permission to propose your daughter? (If your daughter is 21-30 and unmarried)

Women are no longer considered chattle and we are capable of making our own decisions. Giving the bride away is a throwback to the days when eomen were chattle and had to give a dowry of money or barnyard animals. A woman with a college education and who has been working for a few years does not need a father to give her away in marriage. Just another dark age tradition to keep women as second class citizens.

It seems a lot of posters find medieval practices charming.

Its indeed charming if he is asking her parents for their blessings, not much if he is asking her father for his permission.