Anonymous wrote:Not at all. I do everything and make all the decisions. He takes one of our three kids to a sport, that's pretty much it. It sucks, but I'm not going to left things fall apart for the kids to prove a point. He does not care if school work is done, if they eat, etc. Just takes care of himself. It's like I live here with my children and he is a boarder.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My husband isn’t very involved in day-to-day parenting.

I make almost all of the decisions regarding the kids, which I’m very happy about because I see so many friends and their spouses arguing over parenting decisions. The downside is that the emotional stress of parenting falls on my shoulders — and I don’t have anyone to share it with.

I’m a dad, I have always made all the kid decisions, it has never caused me any emotional stress at all.

That’s interesting. Are you also a ninja?

How does one remain detached and unemotional about decisions regarding their own children?

I don’t understand why there’s any need to get emotional about 99% of kid decisions. What day care they should attend, what summer camps they go to, where they have their birthday parties, what clothes to buy, why would I get emotional about any of that? Most of the decisions are no-brainers.

Give me an example of a kid decision that emotionally exhausted you, and why.

Ah! That’s such a husband thing to say.

I’m the PP you first responded. For example - if my child is getting bullied. Which happened in first grade. I tossed & turned for weeks, it worried me so much. My other child had a health problem for several years. It had the potential to be quite serious and again, I worried and worried and was always on the look out for signs of illness. My husband didn’t think or worry about it unless I brought it up. Also- school. I made sure my kids were on the right track and got tutoring if needed, and was concerned one of them wasn’t doing as well as they should have been. I’m not sure my husband even thought of this stuff? Everything from puberty to hormones to growing on track to keeping them healthy & happy. Parenting involves a lot of worry (“emotional stress”). If you don’t do this, then your wife is doing it for you.

Dad PP. My kid got bullied in kindergarten. I talked to the teachers and the principal and made sure it got stopped. Didn’t worry me as I made sure from talking to DS that it had actually stopped. Thankfully as I said before no serious health problems with kids. I make sure my kids are on track at school, I help them with their homework, I get tutors as needed. None of that causes me emotional exhaustion. I see what needs doing, I do it. XW doesn’t do any of that stuff, and never did even when she was still DW.

I have not found parenting as such stressful. If XW is worrying then it’s not about parenting because I’m doing it all and making all the major decisions. If I didn’t then it wouldn’t get done.

The thing I worried about a lot, which caused me a lot of stress, was the effect of divorce on the kids. So far so good three years after she moved out. But that’s not the same as the everyday / annual kid stuff - there’s a lot of that, I did it all even before the divorce, and it doesn’t exhaust me at all.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My husband isn’t very involved in day-to-day parenting.

I make almost all of the decisions regarding the kids, which I’m very happy about because I see so many friends and their spouses arguing over parenting decisions. The downside is that the emotional stress of parenting falls on my shoulders — and I don’t have anyone to share it with.

I’m a dad, I have always made all the kid decisions, it has never caused me any emotional stress at all.

That’s interesting. Are you also a ninja?

How does one remain detached and unemotional about decisions regarding their own children?

I don’t understand why there’s any need to get emotional about 99% of kid decisions. What day care they should attend, what summer camps they go to, where they have their birthday parties, what clothes to buy, why would I get emotional about any of that? Most of the decisions are no-brainers.

Give me an example of a kid decision that emotionally exhausted you, and why.

In general, I wouldn’t say that it’s by one decision. It’s making all of the decisions every day. Frankly, sometimes, just deciding what to make for dinner seems like too much. Scheduling pick ups/drop offs, kids books, games, and activities, what to do when school is cancelled for a day (or a year). I haven’t made dinner every night, but I have decided what our family of six will have for dinner every day for the last three thousand days. It would be nice to be able to push some things off onto someone else sometimes.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My husband isn’t very involved in day-to-day parenting.

I make almost all of the decisions regarding the kids, which I’m very happy about because I see so many friends and their spouses arguing over parenting decisions. The downside is that the emotional stress of parenting falls on my shoulders — and I don’t have anyone to share it with.

I’m a dad, I have always made all the kid decisions, it has never caused me any emotional stress at all.

That’s interesting. Are you also a ninja?

How does one remain detached and unemotional about decisions regarding their own children?

I don’t understand why there’s any need to get emotional about 99% of kid decisions. What day care they should attend, what summer camps they go to, where they have their birthday parties, what clothes to buy, why would I get emotional about any of that? Most of the decisions are no-brainers.

Give me an example of a kid decision that emotionally exhausted you, and why.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My husband isn’t very involved in day-to-day parenting.

I make almost all of the decisions regarding the kids, which I’m very happy about because I see so many friends and their spouses arguing over parenting decisions. The downside is that the emotional stress of parenting falls on my shoulders — and I don’t have anyone to share it with.

I’m a dad, I have always made all the kid decisions, it has never caused me any emotional stress at all.

That’s interesting. Are you also a ninja?

How does one remain detached and unemotional about decisions regarding their own children?

I don’t understand why there’s any need to get emotional about 99% of kid decisions. What day care they should attend, what summer camps they go to, where they have their birthday parties, what clothes to buy, why would I get emotional about any of that? Most of the decisions are no-brainers.

Give me an example of a kid decision that emotionally exhausted you, and why.

Ah! That’s such a husband thing to say.

I’m the PP you first responded. For example - if my child is getting bullied. Which happened in first grade. I tossed & turned for weeks, it worried me so much. My other child had a health problem for several years. It had the potential to be quite serious and again, I worried and worried and was always on the look out for signs of illness. My husband didn’t think or worry about it unless I brought it up. Also- school. I made sure my kids were on the right track and got tutoring if needed, and was concerned one of them wasn’t doing as well as they should have been. I’m not sure my husband even thought of this stuff? Everything from puberty to hormones to growing on track to keeping them healthy & happy. Parenting involves a lot of worry (“emotional stress”). If you don’t do this, then your wife is doing it for you.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My husband isn’t very involved in day-to-day parenting.

I make almost all of the decisions regarding the kids, which I’m very happy about because I see so many friends and their spouses arguing over parenting decisions. The downside is that the emotional stress of parenting falls on my shoulders — and I don’t have anyone to share it with.

I’m a dad, I have always made all the kid decisions, it has never caused me any emotional stress at all.

That’s interesting. Are you also a ninja?

How does one remain detached and unemotional about decisions regarding their own children?

I don’t understand why there’s any need to get emotional about 99% of kid decisions. What day care they should attend, what summer camps they go to, where they have their birthday parties, what clothes to buy, why would I get emotional about any of that? Most of the decisions are no-brainers.

Give me an example of a kid decision that emotionally exhausted you, and why.

DP but my dc has had to be hospitalized for mental and behavioral health issues - and yes we tried everything else first. Multiple times. It was horrible. And while my then fiance now husband was supportive and helpful, my ex was not so the weight of it fell entirely on my shoulders. It was exhausting, stressful, traumatic (visits were very limited because of COVID) and I hated it. Getting the right supports outside of the hospital was also a huge challenge because of COVID, needing the other parents support and participation, and working to stabilize the child. Thankfully my dc is doing better now, but we still have a long way to go working with his specific needs. There are parenting decisions that are emotional, and hard, I'm glad you've never had to make one though.

Birthday parties, meh, whatever. School decisions can be hard - particularly when they are for special needs related accommodations. The other decisions you mention (summer camps, daycare, school choice) can be difficult not because you're emotionally attached but because they require considering the logistics of transportation, getting a spot before they're all gone, all while balancing the day to day childcare and household tasks.

Anonymous wrote:Mine is extremely involved but from what I can see this isn’t the norm. I just stay reallllll quiet when other people are complaining about how incompetent their husbands are and how little they do.

Anonymous wrote:Not at all. I do everything and make all the decisions. He takes one of our three kids to a sport, that's pretty much it. It sucks, but I'm not going to left things fall apart for the kids to prove a point. He does not care if school work is done, if they eat, etc. Just takes care of himself. It's like I live here with my children and he is a boarder.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My husband isn’t very involved in day-to-day parenting.

I make almost all of the decisions regarding the kids, which I’m very happy about because I see so many friends and their spouses arguing over parenting decisions. The downside is that the emotional stress of parenting falls on my shoulders — and I don’t have anyone to share it with.

I think of my husband as very involved and feel smug. But I am starting to think that the collaboration isn't worth it, it takes more time than to do it myself.

In the beginning the collaboration takes more effort and time. But, the pay off comes in a few years when your DH becomes more confident of his parenting skills.

My DH is a fantastic cook and for the entire pandemic he is the one who is grocery shopping and cooking all meals for us. He is WFH btw and I am a SAHM. My friends keep telling me how very lucky I am, because he does the grocery, cooking as well as dishes. Duh! Yes. I am lucky, but I was also not yelling at him when he was burning the food and making a mess of the kitchen in the early years of our marriage. The same goes for his parenting. I used to rush in to do things for my baby because I did not think he would know how to do things for the baby. My BFF yelled at me for interfering and undermining his confidence. I still remember what she said - If something ever happens to you, you are not letting your DH learn how to even make the pigtails of your baby girl". I loved that kick in the back that I deserved. I do not criticize whatever my DH wants to help with. I encourage him and I appreciate him.