Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is not acceptable in our house. Each kid must do at least one weekly activity for their brain and one for their body. Either they choose or we choose for them.

What activity are you having them do for their body if they're not good at sports? And do you get endless complaining? I guess I need to get better at ignoring that.

Not PP but my children are required to be in a sport every season regardless of their skill.

That’s a great idea but what does a kid do whose family was not interested in sports thus never encouraged the kid? You can’t start playing a sport at 14 and hope to be decent.

You vastly over estimating the skill level of 14 yr olds. Most 14 yr olds are average at best at whatever sport they play. Someone 14 could easily catch up to be average in a short time.

I guess you could give him a choice: he finds an activity or *you* fill up his time. House cleaning (beyond just picking up his room, doing things like vacuuming the entire house, mopping floors, cleaning hardwood floors, cleaning the baseboards, etc.) and yard work.

Does he need volunteer hours for school? It's probably difficult now with covid, but there might be volunteer opportunities for him.

Cut off the wifi.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Some parents push their kids hard and some don't. When do you stop pushing? Are those kids going to blame you in the future for pushing more or were too lenient.

I know more people who wished their parents pushed period. I don’t know pushy parents kids wanting more pushy. It was the wishy washy parents that pushed down parenting decisions to their young kids and teen kids.

+1

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Some parents push their kids hard and some don't. When do you stop pushing? Are those kids going to blame you in the future for pushing more or were too lenient.

I know more people who wished their parents pushed period. I don’t know pushy parents kids wanting more pushy. It was the wishy washy parents that pushed down parenting decisions to their young kids and teen kids.

Really? Well, my parents weren’t “wishy washy” (they were just kind, hardworking people) but they didn’t give their kids any activity requirements and I’m happy about it! I played a couple of instruments because I wanted to - they never even forced me to practice - and I did no physical activity ever. I’ve made it to successful happy adulthood, and as an adult I work out every day and love it. I’m so happy that I spent my childhood after school reading books and doing whatever I wanted!

Anonymous wrote:Some parents push their kids hard and some don't. When do you stop pushing? Are those kids going to blame you in the future for pushing more or were too lenient.

I know more people who wished their parents pushed period. I don’t know pushy parents kids wanting more pushy. It was the wishy washy parents that pushed down parenting decisions to their young kids and teen kids.

Anonymous wrote:My son is in a chess club and plays piano, but no organized sports. Mon - Friday he has to workout. I don’t care what it is, but for at least one hour he has to use his body. We look up CrossFit WODs for ideas, we have some free weights, he’ll go for a run, or do some of what he calls “urban parkour”. Some days it’s just going for a long walk with me and our dogs. It just become habit at this point, which began at the start of the pandemic when everything was shut down. I know him and know too well that when his body is neglected, his anxiety ramps up; he’s begun to recognize it as well.

Maybe he could start a dog walking business. I’m serious. A lot of people are returning to the office and a cheaper option than a professional company might be great for your neighbors, and the initiative of starting something like that would impress a future college too!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When our kid was on the same spot on the couch when I returned from work one early summer day I told dh to find something anything! for them to do! Signed kid up for scuba camp in the BVI. Changed kid’s life. Majored in Marine Science and now in a sea service on a great career path! Kid is so grateful for that first (expensive, inconvenient) camp. You’ve got this, Mom and Dad!

That is a great story, inspiring. Thank you. (not OP)

+2

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is not acceptable in our house. Each kid must do at least one weekly activity for their brain and one for their body. Either they choose or we choose for them.

What activity are you having them do for their body if they're not good at sports? And do you get endless complaining? I guess I need to get better at ignoring that.

Not PP but my children are required to be in a sport every season regardless of their skill.

That’s a great idea but what does a kid do whose family was not interested in sports thus never encouraged the kid? You can’t start playing a sport at 14 and hope to be decent.

Some sports do start later for a lot of people, fencing being one - sure you may never go the tournament route, but you could play at rec matches.

Also, drop the stress about being “decent.” As an adult, I took up a racquet sport. Never played so much as tennis growing up, and I’m not that great, but I love to play.

Anonymous wrote:When our kid was on the same spot on the couch when I returned from work one early summer day I told dh to find something anything! for them to do! Signed kid up for scuba camp in the BVI. Changed kid’s life. Majored in Marine Science and now in a sea service on a great career path! Kid is so grateful for that first (expensive, inconvenient) camp. You’ve got this, Mom and Dad!

That is a great story, inspiring. Thank you. (not OP)

OP, I have a very similar 14 yo boy (8th grade). He doesn’t do sports but he is outdoorsy. I have signed him up for things like kayaking classes outside of school but he generally would prefer to be lounging in the basement on his ipad. He is in band so he has that but for the most part, that is all during school hours. He never does after school activities or joins clubs. He does a lot of his own engineering and building projects around the house and seems generally happy so I don’t push him too much. On the other hand, I do believe it’s important to have some sort of an activity (interests!) so I have forcefully encouraged things from time to time if he can’t come up with something to do on his own.

Is he in 8th or 9th grade? My son did almost no activities in middle school. He tried some things, but was never very athletic. He did Scouts but was very that excited about it. Last summer prior to him starting high school I told him that he had to sign up for two activities. I didn't care what they were as long as he was involved in something. He decided to try beginning band (having never played an instrument before) and found a passion and talent for music. He's now super busy with performance band a few days a week. He also tried out for the school skeet team, which has a six month long season. He's so happy with his new activities, and I think the fact that he picked them himself has been key.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is not acceptable in our house. Each kid must do at least one weekly activity for their brain and one for their body. Either they choose or we choose for them.

What activity are you having them do for their body if they're not good at sports? And do you get endless complaining? I guess I need to get better at ignoring that.

Not PP but my children are required to be in a sport every season regardless of their skill.

That’s a great idea but what does a kid do whose family was not interested in sports thus never encouraged the kid? You can’t start playing a sport at 14 and hope to be decent.

When our kid was on the same spot on the couch when I returned from work one early summer day I told dh to find something anything! for them to do! Signed kid up for scuba camp in the BVI. Changed kid’s life. Majored in Marine Science and now in a sea service on a great career path! Kid is so grateful for that first (expensive, inconvenient) camp. You’ve got this, Mom and Dad!

My son is in a chess club and plays piano, but no organized sports. Mon - Friday he has to workout. I don’t care what it is, but for at least one hour he has to use his body. We look up CrossFit WODs for ideas, we have some free weights, he’ll go for a run, or do some of what he calls “urban parkour”. Some days it’s just going for a long walk with me and our dogs. It just become habit at this point, which began at the start of the pandemic when everything was shut down. I know him and know too well that when his body is neglected, his anxiety ramps up; he’s begun to recognize it as well.