We always had our own special treats growing up. My mom was Turtles. My dad's was white chocolate, my brothers a peanut butter chocolate thing and mine was dried fruit dipped in chocolate. Never any resentment. Maybe if the kids get their own special treats they don't have to share, it won't be a big deal. And we didn't all have them at the same time either. It was just not a big deal if dad had his chocolates because you knew at some point you'd have your treat you didn't need to share.

Anonymous wrote:Every now and then I treat myself to a box of the fancy, expensive Belgian chocolate from Rodman’s. Sometimes I let the kids have a piece or two as a treat but mostly I keep it for myself, eating a piece after dinner every day until the box is gone. This absolutely enrages DH, he thinks it’s evil stepmother behavior (his words) to keep any food for myself and deem it “off limits” to the kids, and seems to take special pleasure in giving the kids some whenever I’m not around to say no. I asked him please not to give away stuff I bought specifically for myself and he just went on an extended rant about how horrible I’m being, and how my own parents would never have done that to me (I feel like they would have, but admit I can’t recall any specific incidents). Does he have a point? I don’t even know.

Are they your kids or step kids? Especially if they are step kids, I wouldn't die on this hill and would just ask DH about buying 2 boxes, one for the kids to share and one for you. Or, as other posters have suggested, maybe there is a different chocolate treat they would enjoy more anyway. Get that for them. Let him manage how they eat them. If they eat them faster than you do, that's fine.

If they are your kids, I guess i would need to know about how other food goes in your house. If I buy myself a treat, I always make sure I get enough to share with the kids If I am eating it at home around them. It just seems weird and childish not to think of them as well. Like the image I have of you "treating" yourself to a chocolate while the kids are just sitting there with nothing is pretty ridiculous. There are, however, certain things my teen will eat all at once so I hide the box (or boxes) and then slowly get them out, but he agrees with this. I currently have 3 boxes of girlscout cookies hidden and he has told me not to tell him where they are. But I would never go get myself a cookie and tell him "tough luck". We are also thoughtful about saving the last one for each other and take turns.

If you really can't bring yourself to share, you need to buy smaller amounts and eat them in private.

Obviously it's important to him so are you sure you want to fight about chocolate?

No I don't think it's evil if 1) the kids have desserts etc. and 2) you are not treating your own kid(s) differently.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Here’s what you do:

Buy a bag of Hershey’s kisses. When you get one of your chocolates offer the kids one of the candies. Done.

Is your husband controlling about other things too?

+1 this is some red flag behavior. Wonder what was in his upbringing that caused him to react this way.

If anyone is controlling in this situation it is mom. She is the one buying special stuff for herself and not sharing it and being selfish.

This is OP's post:

Every now and then I treat myself to a box of the fancy, expensive Belgian chocolate from Rodman’s. Sometimes I let the kids have a piece or two as a treat but mostly I keep it for myself, eating a piece after dinner every day until the box is gone. This absolutely enrages DH, he thinks it’s evil stepmother behavior (his words) to keep any food for myself and deem it “off limits” to the kids, and seems to take special pleasure in giving the kids some whenever I’m not around to say no. I asked him please not to give away stuff I bought specifically for myself and he just went on an extended rant about how horrible I’m being, and how my own parents would never have done that to me (I feel like they would have, but admit I can’t recall any specific incidents). Does he have a point? I don’t even know.


That doesn't sound like a good relationship. Most DHs are smart enough to know if they want to give their kids more candy, they should just buy it themselves. Parents are allowed to buy "special stuff" for themselves and not share it. Should children always share everything or are they allowed to have something that is just their own?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Here’s what you do:

Buy a bag of Hershey’s kisses. When you get one of your chocolates offer the kids one of the candies. Done.

Is your husband controlling about other things too?

+1 this is some red flag behavior. Wonder what was in his upbringing that caused him to react this way.

You must be the parent of little kids. As they get older, they just go into the kitchen and get what they want. Which may be ALL of your bag of Hershey's kisses. Which is why I have my own secret stash of whatever it is. I'm happy to buy them what they want, even the Hersheys kisses or belgian chocolate or whatever they want, but I keep my own because my husband and tween/teen boys eat it all really fast, as I mentioned upthread. They are not waiting for someone to 'offer' it to them.

Has OP been back to clarify if she eats the chocolate in front of family (not ok) or has a secret stash she eats alone (ok)?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Here’s what you do:

Buy a bag of Hershey’s kisses. When you get one of your chocolates offer the kids one of the candies. Done.

Is your husband controlling about other things too?

+1 this is some red flag behavior. Wonder what was in his upbringing that caused him to react this way.

If anyone is controlling in this situation it is mom. She is the one buying special stuff for herself and not sharing it and being selfish.

Every mother should have a secret stash of her own chocolate that the vultures can’t get to. Your mistake was telling your DH you had it.

Anonymous wrote:Here’s what you do:

Buy a bag of Hershey’s kisses. When you get one of your chocolates offer the kids one of the candies. Done.

Is your husband controlling about other things too?

+1 this is some red flag behavior. Wonder what was in his upbringing that caused him to react this way.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you're eating in front of people I think it's rude to not share food.
If your husband bought the same chocolates for the kids and forbid you from having one wouldn't you feel bad?

This. Why wouldn’t you share with your kids? Why not give a piece of chocolate for each family member after dinner?

Did your parents also limit your access to “nice” foods? If your dh was brought up in a family where food was shared equally among family members, including the “nice” foods, then his reaction is understandable.

I don’t get the «  everything always has to be 100% equal » mentality. Not everyone’s tastes are the same, and everyone should be entitled to have their own special indulgence without doling it out equally among the family. I spend way more on my kids activities/toys etc than I would on myself and they’re hardly deprived in any way. If I want to splurge on an expensive box of chocolates myself and give the kids Hershey’s kisses I’m not going to feel guilty about it. My husband and I are both caviar fans and if we get an expensive jar for new year’s we’ll let them have a taste but I’m not going to allocate out 1/4 of the jar to my 4 and 6 year old, even if they do like it. We will however have plenty of other treats that we know they’ll enjoy.

You chose to have your kids. They didn’t choose to be born. If you didn’t want to spend $ on toys and activities, and share food, why did you have them?

Hiding food not to share with family members is prime example of cheap behavior that is off putting.

Disagree completely. It’s infuriating to buy something and not get a chance to eat it! I bought 3 boxes of Girl Scout cookies. I put the thin mints in the freezer and left the others 2 boxes out. My kids and husband are them in 24 hours. Only be wise they don’t know about the third box, I can have a cookie or two with tea after they go to bed. They eat *everything* SO FAST!

This. I posted a while back about hiding food.

My husband and kids are much bigger fans of junk food than I am. Unless I hide something for myself for the rare occasions I have a craving, they've devoured it all and there's nothing left for me. There are always plenty of options in the house, and I guarantee they consume 10x what I do.

Only difference is that when I indulge, it's after the kids are in bed.

Here’s what you do:

Buy a bag of Hershey’s kisses. When you get one of your chocolates offer the kids one of the candies. Done.

Is your husband controlling about other things too?

Anonymous wrote:You husband is nuts. I don’t share my good chocolate with my bio kids, that would be a huge waste!

+1. I’m sure the kids get treats that you don’t share.

I’m sort of on the fence about how rude it is to eat your own special chocolates in front of your kids without sharing. In most cases, it would be very rude not to share, but my kids don’t have to share their Halloween, Christmas stocking or Easter basket candy with me just because they eat some in my presence. I think that if you practice generous sharing in general, it’s okay to have one special item that is just yours. It’s okay for kids to learn that everything that belongs to their parents doesn’t belong to them also. That said, I wouldn’t eat my chocolates in front of them everyday because that’s sort of rubbing it in their faces.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you're eating in front of people I think it's rude to not share food.
If your husband bought the same chocolates for the kids and forbid you from having one wouldn't you feel bad?

This. Why wouldn’t you share with your kids? Why not give a piece of chocolate for each family member after dinner?

Did your parents also limit your access to “nice” foods? If your dh was brought up in a family where food was shared equally among family members, including the “nice” foods, then his reaction is understandable.

I don’t get the «  everything always has to be 100% equal » mentality. Not everyone’s tastes are the same, and everyone should be entitled to have their own special indulgence without doling it out equally among the family. I spend way more on my kids activities/toys etc than I would on myself and they’re hardly deprived in any way. If I want to splurge on an expensive box of chocolates myself and give the kids Hershey’s kisses I’m not going to feel guilty about it. My husband and I are both caviar fans and if we get an expensive jar for new year’s we’ll let them have a taste but I’m not going to allocate out 1/4 of the jar to my 4 and 6 year old, even if they do like it. We will however have plenty of other treats that we know they’ll enjoy.

You chose to have your kids. They didn’t choose to be born. If you didn’t want to spend $ on toys and activities, and share food, why did you have them?

Hiding food not to share with family members is prime example of cheap behavior that is off putting.

Disagree completely. It’s infuriating to buy something and not get a chance to eat it! I bought 3 boxes of Girl Scout cookies. I put the thin mints in the freezer and left the others 2 boxes out. My kids and husband are them in 24 hours. Only be wise they don’t know about the third box, I can have a cookie or two with tea after they go to bed. They eat *everything* SO FAST!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you're eating in front of people I think it's rude to not share food.
If your husband bought the same chocolates for the kids and forbid you from having one wouldn't you feel bad?

This. Why wouldn’t you share with your kids? Why not give a piece of chocolate for each family member after dinner?

Did your parents also limit your access to “nice” foods? If your dh was brought up in a family where food was shared equally among family members, including the “nice” foods, then his reaction is understandable.

I don’t get the «  everything always has to be 100% equal » mentality. Not everyone’s tastes are the same, and everyone should be entitled to have their own special indulgence without doling it out equally among the family. I spend way more on my kids activities/toys etc than I would on myself and they’re hardly deprived in any way. If I want to splurge on an expensive box of chocolates myself and give the kids Hershey’s kisses I’m not going to feel guilty about it. My husband and I are both caviar fans and if we get an expensive jar for new year’s we’ll let them have a taste but I’m not going to allocate out 1/4 of the jar to my 4 and 6 year old, even if they do like it. We will however have plenty of other treats that we know they’ll enjoy.

For me, it's about modeling generosity and thinking of others. We've all been around people who offer you some of what they have and people who don't. I want my kids to be the former.