Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So what is your husband’s role in this? What does he think? He would have dealt with this by now if he didn’t like it, right? Personally, I would allow DH to deal with this and don’t go out of your way to host when he comes over.

And also, when someone invites themselves over, you can say no.

We have discussed this multiple times. Dh said he isn’t going to say no his brother if he wants to come over.

Since I am the one preparing the meals, I have to feed them. I don’t mind BIL that much. I am used to it. I just don’t want to host these random girls.

Why does it bother you so much?

Omg we don’t have people over often. I don’t want to host BIL’s dates.

Dh actually doesn’t like when people come over so we rarely host. We live in a 10,000+ sf house and used to throw big parties before Covid. We have not had many people over at all since Covid.

That's like a baseball field size house.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So what is your husband’s role in this? What does he think? He would have dealt with this by now if he didn’t like it, right? Personally, I would allow DH to deal with this and don’t go out of your way to host when he comes over.

And also, when someone invites themselves over, you can say no.

We have discussed this multiple times. Dh said he isn’t going to say no his brother if he wants to come over.

Since I am the one preparing the meals, I have to feed them. I don’t mind BIL that much. I am used to it. I just don’t want to host these random girls.

Why does it bother you so much?

Omg we don’t have people over often. I don’t want to host BIL’s dates.

Dh actually doesn’t like when people come over so we rarely host. We live in a 10,000+ sf house and used to throw big parties before Covid. We have not had many people over at all since Covid.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So what is your husband’s role in this? What does he think? He would have dealt with this by now if he didn’t like it, right? Personally, I would allow DH to deal with this and don’t go out of your way to host when he comes over.

And also, when someone invites themselves over, you can say no.

We have discussed this multiple times. Dh said he isn’t going to say no his brother if he wants to come over.

Since I am the one preparing the meals, I have to feed them. I don’t mind BIL that much. I am used to it. I just don’t want to host these random girls.

Well, you don't have to prepare the meal. Load up the kids and take them to eat elsewhere. Or make some chicken nuggets, baby carrots, and call it good. DH can say yes to his brother all he wants, but you don't have to say yes to doing everything your DH would like you to do. Seriously you need to hand this burden right back to DH and let him deal.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:BIL is always trying to bring girls to our house for dinner. BIL never even calls his mom and is estranged from his dad. Parents divorced when he was young. BIL is my husband’s brother. We don’t host many people, especially during the pandemic. We live in a nice home and have 3 kids. If BIL was bringing a serious girlfriend, I would be happy to meet her and have my kids meet her. Over the years, he is always trying to bring these girls to our house. It is very annoying to me.

If BIL wanted to introduce a girl to his mom, fine. He barely talks to his mom. He doesn’t invite us to his place or to a dinner. He just tries to come to OUR house uninvited. Fine if BIL comes uninvited and we don’t have quite enough food but it is so annoying to put out food for a stranger. We don’t host often, very rarely in 2 years.

OP is it possible these women don't actually know the B.I.L. (brother in law) or only just met him outside your house, or followed him there so they could meet coincidentally? And there he is (the B.I.L.) sitting there thinking "well who is this lady?" and wondering if possibly you or someone else invited her? Sometimes people arrive, presenting themself as friends, including new friends, but they really are an imposter or a "rando" as some say, there to do some investigating or exploring or even just to get a new meal? We have seen this happen before and am wondering if it might be the case here or if that's something you are considering? Just a thought.

WTH? This does not happen. LOL

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So what is your husband’s role in this? What does he think? He would have dealt with this by now if he didn’t like it, right? Personally, I would allow DH to deal with this and don’t go out of your way to host when he comes over.

And also, when someone invites themselves over, you can say no.

We have discussed this multiple times. Dh said he isn’t going to say no his brother if he wants to come over.

Since I am the one preparing the meals, I have to feed them. I don’t mind BIL that much. I am used to it. I just don’t want to host these random girls.

Why does it bother you so much?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So what is your husband’s role in this? What does he think? He would have dealt with this by now if he didn’t like it, right? Personally, I would allow DH to deal with this and don’t go out of your way to host when he comes over.

And also, when someone invites themselves over, you can say no.

We have discussed this multiple times. Dh said he isn’t going to say no his brother if he wants to come over.

Since I am the one preparing the meals, I have to feed them. I don’t mind BIL that much. I am used to it. I just don’t want to host these random girls.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So what is your husband’s role in this? What does he think? He would have dealt with this by now if he didn’t like it, right? Personally, I would allow DH to deal with this and don’t go out of your way to host when he comes over.

And also, when someone invites themselves over, you can say no.

We have discussed this multiple times. Dh said he isn’t going to say no his brother if he wants to come over.

Since I am the one preparing the meals, I have to feed them. I don’t mind BIL that much. I am used to it. I just don’t want to host these random girls.

Anonymous wrote:So what is your husband’s role in this? What does he think? He would have dealt with this by now if he didn’t like it, right? Personally, I would allow DH to deal with this and don’t go out of your way to host when he comes over.

And also, when someone invites themselves over, you can say no.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He's signaling to these girls that he has a family he has good relationship with and he's serious about dating them.
Except none of that is true. But I'm sure he's getting something out of it.

This is the correct answer. It's a way of implying that he's very committed to and exclusive with these girls, while maintaining complete plausible deniability that "I never said that."

Because most normal people only introduce somewhat serious and exclusive partners to their extended family, especially in an intimate family dinner setting.

I would ask him "How is your other girlfriend Larla? It was so nice to meet her last time you stopped by. And what about Larleen? I think it is so great how you are all so comfortable and open being poly. Love is love!"

Oh he has been upset before when kids mention some girl. Most recently we had heard a funny story about a recent date on and he was afraid the kids would mention in front of the girl he is dating.

BIL went to both college and grad school in the area. When he was in school, he also used to bring his girlfriend around. Pretty sure they used to use our house as a love shack and free food, which I was also highly annoyed at back then. I told Dh he can’t have a code to our house and come and go when we are at work.

Now almost a decade later, he has his own place, earns a good living and still coming over. I am not his freakin mother.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP is a joyless sociopath.

I’m actually very pleasant, polite and a good host. I put out a meal if we have guests, fruit, dessert, tea, coffee, etc.


Yeah no wonder BIL wants to come over all the time. If it is BIL, I can just wear sweats, fold laundry, anything. It is pretty rude to do that if we have a real guest.