Was I a mail order bride ? I don’t know. I am Russian, met my exH online at 24, when he was 35 and already divorced once. He’s also Russian and said he just looked for someone of same culture. I was a lawyer in Moscow, and all my boyfriends were wealthy (oil, gas, legal, banking, security services “covering” businesses). I am 5.9 and was very good looking in my 20s. I would say, my American online date was not the wealthiest date, but I fell for him because he was very driven. We got married within a year, I found legal job in DC right away and worked through our marriage. We had one child. He cheated on me with Serbian woman his age and we recently divorced. He was very controlling, old fashioned husband and not a very engaged dad. Liked sex a lot but got bored after 7 years or (needed toys).
I just think he’s a womanizer and American women wouldn’t have tolerated this. I feel like my life was bulldozed all over and really want to move back to Moscow when my son finishes college.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There is a significant number of men who just want a somewhat attractive but very submissive wife, one who is not particularly intelligent or confident or opinionated.

Some guys can find that in the usual ways, but if a guy doesn't have a lot of time but does have a lot of money, why not just buy one?

No; they want a wife intelligent enough to consistently give the appearance of submitting and who is also smart enough to make the effort to maintain her physical appearance. I have known plenty of Eastern European women who are devastatingly smart and confident and opinionated. They simply are taught that the way to maintain a marriage to a financially successful man is not by arguing with him openly on a regular basis. They get him addicted to their approval and praise -- expertly faked, however insincere -- and the ego rush of having a fit, well-groomed, and traditionally feminine woman at his side in public. Then they manipulate him ruthlessly to get exactly what they want in the long or short term. Everybody happy.

Fits Melania to a T, non?

Right down to the separate bedrooms and not even having to hold hands!

Do you read this board? Many women would consider separate bedrooms and not holding hands a huge positive. Also they are most likely not having sex…so another huge positive. Sign me up!

Somehow I am guessing that hubby did not quite picture it that way when he orders up his russian hottie.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is strange. I don't think I am going to be thrilled if DS decides a mail order bride is a good choice of spouse. How would she make a good partner for him unless she is highly educated and if she has a great education...why is she a mail order bride?

Any parents out there that would desire this arrangement for their DS?

In some ways it is a lot more practical and realistic way to enter a marriage. It’s more like a business agreement- think the royal family. You think Princess Diana thought Charles was hot…? Would you be happy with your DS’s wife marrying your son because she is “settling for him”, because he checks a few boxes on her list or he has money? I do not know. I do know there are women who I know who I would never marry.

If your DS is not tall, not working for big law or an investment bank, graduated from an Ivy, pulling in serious money, etc his wife is “settling” for him and will always be wondering why she settled. Let’s be honest here. Is your son(not just you but everyones son) really a “good catch”?

Diana? You have to be kidding me that she is an example of this dynamic working.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There is a significant number of men who just want a somewhat attractive but very submissive wife, one who is not particularly intelligent or confident or opinionated.

Some guys can find that in the usual ways, but if a guy doesn't have a lot of time but does have a lot of money, why not just buy one?

No; they want a wife intelligent enough to consistently give the appearance of submitting and who is also smart enough to make the effort to maintain her physical appearance. I have known plenty of Eastern European women who are devastatingly smart and confident and opinionated. They simply are taught that the way to maintain a marriage to a financially successful man is not by arguing with him openly on a regular basis. They get him addicted to their approval and praise -- expertly faked, however insincere -- and the ego rush of having a fit, well-groomed, and traditionally feminine woman at his side in public. Then they manipulate him ruthlessly to get exactly what they want in the long or short term. Everybody happy.

Fits Melania to a T, non?

Right down to the separate bedrooms and not even having to hold hands!

Do you read this board? Many women would consider separate bedrooms and not holding hands a huge positive. Also they are most likely not having sex…so another huge positive. Sign me up!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They want someone who will obey their every command. My dhs phd advisor was like this, smart man but a mean alcoholic. His mail order bride put up with him to have a nice home and income.

This. They accept prostitution as a way of life and are submissive, pleasing, and materially demanding.

Are you saying women who marry men who have money are prostitutes?

DP. Women who marry men *because* they have money are prostitutes.

Anonymous wrote:He likes her personality.

Oh yes. That A+ personality. That must be it.

He likes her personality.

Anonymous wrote:This is strange. I don't think I am going to be thrilled if DS decides a mail order bride is a good choice of spouse. How would she make a good partner for him unless she is highly educated and if she has a great education...why is she a mail order bride?

Any parents out there that would desire this arrangement for their DS?

In some ways it is a lot more practical and realistic way to enter a marriage. It’s more like a business agreement- think the royal family. You think Princess Diana thought Charles was hot…? Would you be happy with your DS’s wife marrying your son because she is “settling for him”, because he checks a few boxes on her list or he has money? I do not know. I do know there are women who I know who I would never marry.

If your DS is not tall, not working for big law or an investment bank, graduated from an Ivy, pulling in serious money, etc his wife is “settling” for him and will always be wondering why she settled. Let’s be honest here. Is your son(not just you but everyones son) really a “good catch”?

If this topic interests you, check out 90 Day fiance. I just found it on TV. What a bunch of sad, messed up people, on both sides of the equation.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There is a significant number of men who just want a somewhat attractive but very submissive wife, one who is not particularly intelligent or confident or opinionated.

Some guys can find that in the usual ways, but if a guy doesn't have a lot of time but does have a lot of money, why not just buy one?

No; they want a wife intelligent enough to consistently give the appearance of submitting and who is also smart enough to make the effort to maintain her physical appearance. I have known plenty of Eastern European women who are devastatingly smart and confident and opinionated. They simply are taught that the way to maintain a marriage to a financially successful man is not by arguing with him openly on a regular basis. They get him addicted to their approval and praise -- expertly faked, however insincere -- and the ego rush of having a fit, well-groomed, and traditionally feminine woman at his side in public. Then they manipulate him ruthlessly to get exactly what they want in the long or short term. Everybody happy.

Fits Melania to a T, non?

Right down to the separate bedrooms and not even having to hold hands!

Anonymous wrote:Okay. Are marriage rates higher in countries in which incomes tend to be higher? Really? Do women in poorer countries only want men for their money? Or are men more necessary for their social and economic survival?

Wouldn't it it be hard for an unemployed woman, or one with very low level skills, to get a visa to come to the US?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There is a significant number of men who just want a somewhat attractive but very submissive wife, one who is not particularly intelligent or confident or opinionated.

Some guys can find that in the usual ways, but if a guy doesn't have a lot of time but does have a lot of money, why not just buy one?

No; they want a wife intelligent enough to consistently give the appearance of submitting and who is also smart enough to make the effort to maintain her physical appearance. I have known plenty of Eastern European women who are devastatingly smart and confident and opinionated. They simply are taught that the way to maintain a marriage to a financially successful man is not by arguing with him openly on a regular basis. They get him addicted to their approval and praise -- expertly faked, however insincere -- and the ego rush of having a fit, well-groomed, and traditionally feminine woman at his side in public. Then they manipulate him ruthlessly to get exactly what they want in the long or short term. Everybody happy.

Fits Melania to a T, non?

Anonymous wrote:I've met a couple of men like this. It's not that they can't get the same in the U.S. These are insecure men that like being looked up to, they like women dependent on them, they like to be the "smart" and "accomplished" one. At home, they want to be catered to, they want their coffee brought to them; they like to be the "man". American women generally do not play the subservient, domesticated role. These women are twisted status symbols and ego massages for these men. And usually these men lack the emotional maturity and insight to realize the opposite is true: The men look like idiots for exploiting these women.

And presumably a lot of them have kids from a previous marriage that are watching this go on. Way to go dad!

I've met a couple of men like this. It's not that they can't get the same in the U.S. These are insecure men that like being looked up to, they like women dependent on them, they like to be the "smart" and "accomplished" one. At home, they want to be catered to, they want their coffee brought to them; they like to be the "man". American women generally do not play the subservient, domesticated role. These women are twisted status symbols and ego massages for these men. And usually these men lack the emotional maturity and insight to realize the opposite is true: The men look like idiots for exploiting these women.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They want someone who will obey their every command. My dhs phd advisor was like this, smart man but a mean alcoholic. His mail order bride put up with him to have a nice home and income.

This. They accept prostitution as a way of life and are submissive, pleasing, and materially demanding.

Are you saying women who marry men who have money are prostitutes?

I feel that many of those arrangements are on the prostitution spectrum.

The woman would NEVER go near the guy if she did not have access to his funds.

He kids himself. (Or can't be bothered to compete for a life partner, when he can just purchase one from a catalogue).

The whole enterprise is sordid and sad.