Anonymous
01/23/2022 17:44
Subject: Husband doesn't play with the kids
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I think it’s fine if he doesn’t want to “play” with them but hopefully he has things he *does* like to do with them. I’m the reader/ cards and board game parent here. Spouse doesn’t like any of those - but he plays sports, washes cars, builds things, gardens with them. I think it’s fine to know the types of things you enjoy and do those things with your kids.
I totally agree that playing is unnecessary and that this was much less common in our parents and grandparents’ generations.
It might be more productive to come up with some suggested activities your husband could do with the kids that don’t involve playing - reading, hiking, sports, archery, listening to music or going to a concert together, chores (gardening, painting a fence, handyman tasks), cooking.
My dad and I used to just enjoy walks after dinner or go to the library together and read on their sofas side by side. You can enjoy a parent’s attention and quality time without playing, and there’s no guilt about not being the type of parent who wants to play.
Would it be ok with you if s friend , a boyfriend or your husband always refused to do things you liked and were meaningful for you and only wanted to spend time with you if it involved something they liked?
Probably not. So why is that attitude excused in parents ( especially fathers) towards children. ?
I'm not saying you have to be the great zucchini or whatever but you you really can't be bothered to spend a few minutes playing trains tea party or a card game with your kids because it's just torture you really need to get the hell over yourself
Where is anyone saying "always refused to do things you liked"? We're talking about ONE thing.
Op clearly stated her husband regularly refuses to play with his kids and only does do occasionally and with a bad attitude when op begs him to and you and others are in here saying parents don't have to do things their kids like it's fine if they only do what they want to fo
Anonymous
01/23/2022 17:41
Subject: Re:Husband doesn't play with the kids
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:This does not matter in the slightest. It’s a recent thing for parents to play with kids. I grew up in the 70s & 80s and parents playing with kids was not a thing. They can do other kinds of projects, outings, quality time that he is actually into. It’s fine.
+1. I rarely play with my child and she is 2. It wasn't the way for a long time. We do activities together (nature walks, etc.) but I do not sit on the floor and play.
You ignored your daughter during her infancy. Awesome!
The current advice is to do exactly this with small kids. Be near your kid, but don’t play WITH them. They need to develop independent and open ended play skills. Parents are actually limiting development when they get involved
I am 100% positive the current advice is not to not to avoid interaction with your child until he turns two. I am also certain the current advice is to refuse to play with your child even when she asks you to.
Why the hell did some of you have children?
Anonymous
01/23/2022 15:14
Subject: Husband doesn't play with the kids
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I think it’s fine if he doesn’t want to “play” with them but hopefully he has things he *does* like to do with them. I’m the reader/ cards and board game parent here. Spouse doesn’t like any of those - but he plays sports, washes cars, builds things, gardens with them. I think it’s fine to know the types of things you enjoy and do those things with your kids.
I totally agree that playing is unnecessary and that this was much less common in our parents and grandparents’ generations.
It might be more productive to come up with some suggested activities your husband could do with the kids that don’t involve playing - reading, hiking, sports, archery, listening to music or going to a concert together, chores (gardening, painting a fence, handyman tasks), cooking.
My dad and I used to just enjoy walks after dinner or go to the library together and read on their sofas side by side. You can enjoy a parent’s attention and quality time without playing, and there’s no guilt about not being the type of parent who wants to play.
Would it be ok with you if s friend , a boyfriend or your husband always refused to do things you liked and were meaningful for you and only wanted to spend time with you if it involved something they liked?
Probably not. So why is that attitude excused in parents ( especially fathers) towards children. ?
I'm not saying you have to be the great zucchini or whatever but you you really can't be bothered to spend a few minutes playing trains tea party or a card game with your kids because it's just torture you really need to get the hell over yourself
Where is anyone saying "always refused to do things you liked"? We're talking about ONE thing.
Anonymous
01/23/2022 15:12
Subject: Husband doesn't play with the kids
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I loved playing Monopoly with my boys. My husband not so much. He likes to show them how to repair stuff and work in the yard.
But if your boys asked him to play would he?
And if he said no, would it matter?
Anonymous
01/23/2022 14:38
Subject: Husband doesn't play with the kids
Anonymous wrote:This is such a tiresome thread. Some of us spend so much time with our kids and do so much with and for them that we don't have to feel bad about not doing every single thing that they might ask of us or want to do, like play games.
Maybe if you all weren't working all day long and sticking your kids in day care or with nannies you'd understand.
dp my mom was a stay at home mom but thanks for the assumptions. I understand now why she didn't play games but, at the time I would have loved the connection and time spent together. Sometimes, it is nice to do things with your kids when they ask. We aren't talking about every single time. Maybe search yourself why you think that the only choice you have is "feeling guilty" or "indulging every single time they want something" There is a middle ground.
Anonymous
01/23/2022 14:33
Subject: Re:Husband doesn't play with the kids
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:This does not matter in the slightest. It’s a recent thing for parents to play with kids. I grew up in the 70s & 80s and parents playing with kids was not a thing. They can do other kinds of projects, outings, quality time that he is actually into. It’s fine.
+1. I rarely play with my child and she is 2. It wasn't the way for a long time. We do activities together (nature walks, etc.) but I do not sit on the floor and play.
You ignored your daughter during her infancy. Awesome!
The current advice is to do exactly this with small kids. Be near your kid, but don’t play WITH them. They need to develop independent and open ended play skills. Parents are actually limiting development when they get involved
Anonymous
01/23/2022 14:31
Subject: Husband doesn't play with the kids
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I think it’s fine if he doesn’t want to “play” with them but hopefully he has things he *does* like to do with them. I’m the reader/ cards and board game parent here. Spouse doesn’t like any of those - but he plays sports, washes cars, builds things, gardens with them. I think it’s fine to know the types of things you enjoy and do those things with your kids.
I totally agree that playing is unnecessary and that this was much less common in our parents and grandparents’ generations.
It might be more productive to come up with some suggested activities your husband could do with the kids that don’t involve playing - reading, hiking, sports, archery, listening to music or going to a concert together, chores (gardening, painting a fence, handyman tasks), cooking.
My dad and I used to just enjoy walks after dinner or go to the library together and read on their sofas side by side. You can enjoy a parent’s attention and quality time without playing, and there’s no guilt about not being the type of parent who wants to play.
Would it be ok with you if s friend , a boyfriend or your husband always refused to do things you liked and were meaningful for you and only wanted to spend time with you if it involved something they liked?
Probably not. So why is that attitude excused in parents ( especially fathers) towards children. ?
I'm not saying you have to be the great zucchini or whatever but you you really can't be bothered to spend a few minutes playing trains tea party or a card game with your kids because it's just torture you really need to get the hell over yourself
As a counterpoint, I’d never make my SO go somewhere or do something with me if they didn’t like it or want to.
Anonymous
01/23/2022 13:31
Subject: Husband doesn't play with the kids
Anonymous wrote:This is totally context dependent, because it depends on what else he does with them or does not do. I play a lot of games with my kids, because it reduces screen time because I’m never gonna be much of a cook, so this is our family togetherness activity.
Children should be able to play independently, but often aren’t, as many parents use screens to distract them. I made this mistake with my oldest.
With my younger kids, I really encourage a lot of independent play and all kids help around the house. If I’m cleaning, they can help and contribute via chores or they can play independently if they’re too young to help. I’m not cleaning after they go to bed, that’s the kind of mommy martyr stuff the drives people up a wall.
OP, look at what your husband is or isn’t doing with your kids and consider a conversation.
quote=Anonymous]Kids are 7 and 11 and constantly ask dad to play with him but he rarely agrees. Tonight he very reluctantly agreed to play a card game (I asked him to) with our DD and he looked so pained. It makes them so happy for him to play with them but he rarely does...
Doesn't seem like op's kids can't play independently
Anonymous
01/23/2022 13:30
Subject: Husband doesn't play with the kids
Anonymous wrote:I loved playing Monopoly with my boys. My husband not so much. He likes to show them how to repair stuff and work in the yard.
But if your boys asked him to play would he?
Anonymous
01/23/2022 13:29
Subject: Husband doesn't play with the kids
I loved playing Monopoly with my boys. My husband not so much. He likes to show them how to repair stuff and work in the yard.
Anonymous
01/23/2022 13:27
Subject: Husband doesn't play with the kids
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I think it’s fine if he doesn’t want to “play” with them but hopefully he has things he *does* like to do with them. I’m the reader/ cards and board game parent here. Spouse doesn’t like any of those - but he plays sports, washes cars, builds things, gardens with them. I think it’s fine to know the types of things you enjoy and do those things with your kids.
I totally agree that playing is unnecessary and that this was much less common in our parents and grandparents’ generations.
It might be more productive to come up with some suggested activities your husband could do with the kids that don’t involve playing - reading, hiking, sports, archery, listening to music or going to a concert together, chores (gardening, painting a fence, handyman tasks), cooking.
My dad and I used to just enjoy walks after dinner or go to the library together and read on their sofas side by side. You can enjoy a parent’s attention and quality time without playing, and there’s no guilt about not being the type of parent who wants to play.
Would it be ok with you if s friend , a boyfriend or your husband always refused to do things you liked and were meaningful for you and only wanted to spend time with you if it involved something they liked?
Probably not. So why is that attitude excused in parents ( especially fathers) towards children. ?
I'm not saying you have to be the great zucchini or whatever but you you really can't be bothered to spend a few minutes playing trains tea party or a card game with your kids because it's just torture you really need to get the hell over yourself
Anonymous
01/23/2022 13:22
Subject: Husband doesn't play with the kids
This is totally context dependent, because it depends on what else he does with them or does not do. I play a lot of games with my kids, because it reduces screen time because I’m never gonna be much of a cook, so this is our family togetherness activity.
Children should be able to play independently, but often aren’t, as many parents use screens to distract them. I made this mistake with my oldest.
With my younger kids, I really encourage a lot of independent play and all kids help around the house. If I’m cleaning, they can help and contribute via chores or they can play independently if they’re too young to help. I’m not cleaning after they go to bed, that’s the kind of mommy martyr stuff the drives people up a wall.
OP, look at what your husband is or isn’t doing with your kids and consider a conversation.
Children should be able to play independently, but often aren’t, as many parents use screens to distract them. I made this mistake with my oldest.
With my younger kids, I really encourage a lot of independent play and all kids help around the house. If I’m cleaning, they can help and contribute via chores or they can play independently if they’re too young to help. I’m not cleaning after they go to bed, that’s the kind of mommy martyr stuff the drives people up a wall.
OP, look at what your husband is or isn’t doing with your kids and consider a conversation.
Anonymous
01/23/2022 13:21
Subject: Re:Husband doesn't play with the kids
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Talk about first world problems...what's so painful about playing games with your kids for awhile a few times a week? I don't get it. Any intelligent or creative person could make it enjoyable for themselves AND the kids. If not, your husband may be super stressed and need to talk to a therapist. For real, I hope he can get some help and enjoy life (and his kids) more.
No. A "first world problem" is identifying not playing games with your kids as a real issue. You have it backwards, sister.
Np here interestingly having spent time in so called non first world countries totally outdated terminology btw, I witnessed parents and other adults playing with their kids.
sure, but no child is damaged because their parents didn't play cards with them when they were kids. If the parent is completely ignoring the child, not spending any quality time with their child, that's one thing, but just because the parent doesn't want to play childhood games with their child isn't going to cause lasting damage to the child. Get a grip.
I swear, no wonder why so many people need therapy these days.
FWIW, I played board games and such with my kids when they were younger even though I didn't enjoy it. We had time to do it. My kids are teens now, and they know how much I don't like board games. My parents, oth, were too busy trying to put food on the table to play with us, so I played with my siblings and neighborhood kids. That's how most of us prior to the late 80s grew up.
My parents are from a former 3rd world country, and I asked my mom if she ever played with my siblings back in their home country, and she said no, that was not a thing back then, and that kids just went outside and played with other kids.
Exactly. Too many parents today are spoiled themselves or spoil their kids. Wonder why all the young adults today can't handle the real world. Or, don't want to work, or still live with there parents, etc, etc.
That's a really stupid reply. Do better.
Anonymous
01/23/2022 13:20
Subject: Re:Husband doesn't play with the kids
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Talk about first world problems...what's so painful about playing games with your kids for awhile a few times a week? I don't get it. Any intelligent or creative person could make it enjoyable for themselves AND the kids. If not, your husband may be super stressed and need to talk to a therapist. For real, I hope he can get some help and enjoy life (and his kids) more.
No. A "first world problem" is identifying not playing games with your kids as a real issue. You have it backwards, sister.
Np here interestingly having spent time in so called non first world countries totally outdated terminology btw, I witnessed parents and other adults playing with their kids.
sure, but no child is damaged because their parents didn't play cards with them when they were kids. If the parent is completely ignoring the child, not spending any quality time with their child, that's one thing, but just because the parent doesn't want to play childhood games with their child isn't going to cause lasting damage to the child. Get a grip.
I swear, no wonder why so many people need therapy these days.
FWIW, I played board games and such with my kids when they were younger even though I didn't enjoy it. We had time to do it. My kids are teens now, and they know how much I don't like board games. My parents, oth, were too busy trying to put food on the table to play with us, so I played with my siblings and neighborhood kids. That's how most of us prior to the late 80s grew up.
My parents are from a former 3rd world country, and I asked my mom if she ever played with my siblings back in their home country, and she said no, that was not a thing back then, and that kids just went outside and played with other kids.
That's not what is going on here. You and others keep repeating that.lie. op's children are asking their father to play with them and he either refused or acts like it's a big chore and op has to pressure him. If you don't see how effeded up that is I can't help you.
If you think repeatedly can ignore your kids attempts to connect with you and only have a relationship on your terms that that's not going to cause issues good luck to you.
Anonymous
01/23/2022 13:20
Subject: Re:Husband doesn't play with the kids
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Talk about first world problems...what's so painful about playing games with your kids for awhile a few times a week? I don't get it. Any intelligent or creative person could make it enjoyable for themselves AND the kids. If not, your husband may be super stressed and need to talk to a therapist. For real, I hope he can get some help and enjoy life (and his kids) more.
No. A "first world problem" is identifying not playing games with your kids as a real issue. You have it backwards, sister.
Np here interestingly having spent time in so called non first world countries totally outdated terminology btw, I witnessed parents and other adults playing with their kids.
sure, but no child is damaged because their parents didn't play cards with them when they were kids. If the parent is completely ignoring the child, not spending any quality time with their child, that's one thing, but just because the parent doesn't want to play childhood games with their child isn't going to cause lasting damage to the child. Get a grip.
I swear, no wonder why so many people need therapy these days.
FWIW, I played board games and such with my kids when they were younger even though I didn't enjoy it. We had time to do it. My kids are teens now, and they know how much I don't like board games. My parents, oth, were too busy trying to put food on the table to play with us, so I played with my siblings and neighborhood kids. That's how most of us prior to the late 80s grew up.
My parents are from a former 3rd world country, and I asked my mom if she ever played with my siblings back in their home country, and she said no, that was not a thing back then, and that kids just went outside and played with other kids.
Exactly. Too many parents today are spoiled themselves or spoil their kids. Wonder why all the young adults today can't handle the real world. Or, don't want to work, or still live with there parents, etc, etc.