Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Lol, your kids aren’t scared of you. In my Asian family, we just need to glare at a child and they’ll fall in line.

I always thought of Asian families as so nice, calm, and well-mannered and now after reading several posts on this board about them yelling, being forceful, or even striking or humiliating children, I am not sure they are that nice after all. I am not sure I want to be like that to my kids just to get them to behave. I just cout to 20 or put myself in a 5 minute timeout when they are stressing me out.

Asian families don’t yell. The one weapon we have that white people don’t is the concept of shame. So they will compare you to other kids and make you feel bad that you’re not as obedient, not following rules etc.

Shame corrupts a child's trust and confidence. The brain reacts as if we're physical danger. Control perfectionism self hatred etc. In a collective culture like asains the Shame is because the individual reflects on the family and therefore any external shame affects the whole family. It's dysfunctional in a micro and macro sense. Children can be both impulsive and grow into good people. It's a learning process. Unfortunately no one wants to spend the time teaching they just want kids to be perfect robots.