Anonymous
Post 12/27/2021 11:44     Subject: Getting shammed for getting engaged at 22
Anonymous wrote:My niece got engaged at 22 to her college boyfriend. They’ve been together since 2 years and known each other for 4 years. He is 22 as well and both are working full time in a big tech company. They feel like they are getting shammed from not only family and friends but even strangers for getting engaged and planning to marry in a year. Is this a thing now like quite shamming of people staying single ir marrying late used to be?


Good for them. I think it's better when a couple can build a life together. If they found their spouse early that's great. The pickings aren't that great in 10 years.
Anonymous
Post 12/27/2021 11:43     Subject: Getting shammed for getting engaged at 22
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Their brains haven’t even finished developing yet. I would not support my adult kids getting married or engaged before 25.


DH and I got married at 22. We are 55. Married 33 years.

My parents got married at 21 and 23. They just celebrated 58 years of marriage.

DH's parents got married at 20 and 26. They have been married for 60 years.

My sister got married at 22. Her DH was 23. They have been married for 29 years.

My other sister got married at 19. Her DH was 23. They have been married for almost 30 years.

My oldest got married at 25. His wife was 22. They have been married for seven years.

...Given the divorce rate in this country, our "brains" seem to have been more mature than most.




It's far more likely that you are part of a family/culture that just stays married no matter how unhappy you are or how dysfunctional your marriage is. The metric we are looking to measure is not longevity, it's satisfaction/happy/functional.
The two aren't necessarily mutually exclusive, nor are they necessarily synonymous.

Some people stay married no matter what - abuse, infidelity, etc. - and one thing that is going largely unsaid here is that sometimes people who marry young don't know BAD when they see it, or have so little independence - financial or emotional - that they can't leave even if they SHOULD leave.


Yeah. No. The women in my family don’t do anything because they are forced. We are all strong, intelligent, educated women. It’s actually laughable to think any of us would stay in an unhappy marriage. DH and I are very happily married. Empty nesters with five adult children. All happy, healthy, educated, with great jobs. If it makes you feel better to believe that everyone who married young is miserable, then you do you.
Anonymous
Post 12/27/2021 11:43     Subject: Getting shammed for getting engaged at 22
I think it's funny in the thread where someone asks if 30 is too old to find a dh in DC, everyone replied yes, you need to land a dh by 22 and in a thread about someone landing a dh at 22, everyone is like, you shouldn't get married before 30.
Anonymous
Post 12/27/2021 11:41     Subject: Getting shammed for getting engaged at 22
Anonymous wrote:I see nothing wrong with getting married early - and don't understand the people who say that twenty year olds are supposed to just work and travel. Why can't married twenty year olds work and travel? DH and I started dating when I was 20, married at 24, but held off on having kids until later - we worked on our careers and housing and traveled all over the world before we had our children. We had a blast.


Good for you and no where has anyone said you can't travel while young and married. Haven't you heard the expression "foot loose and fancy free?" This is something I am encouraging my kids to do..learn to live with yourself before you have to consider your spouse's feelings and desires. You make all the decisions yourself.. ( within reason, of course)

now do you get it?
Anonymous
Post 12/27/2021 11:31     Subject: Getting shammed for getting engaged at 22
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:DH and I got engaged right after college, and married at age 25. People definitely thought we were weird, and DHs mom told people AT OUR WEDDING that we were too young to get married.

Fifteen years later we are happily married and are proud we got married “young”. We’ve had friends who were single at our wedding get married and divorced already. I really don’t think being young is intrinsically bad.


Time to stop being so smug bc fifteen years is nothing. I say this as someone who got married a few years earlier than you. It’s been 16 years and we haven’t hit the real tough parts yet.


You sound delightful

Personally, I think it’s great. I know a few couples who were together starting in HS/college and are happily married now (late 30s). I think the notion that you have to kiss a lot of frogs in order to find your “one” is misguided and just untrue. I would be happy if my children married young. We put the responsibilities of life off too long in this culture and it’s fair to say the 20s are now a sort of extended adolescence, and it’s pathetic.


And you sound like a fool. Where did I say dating multiple ppl to find “the one” is good?

It’s common sense that post 40 is when ppl have more serious stressors in their life like health issues, aged and dying parents, etc that strain the marriage. It’s arrogant to act like your marriage is so perfect compared to others when you’re not that old yet.


Hmm, you sound awfully miserable, don’t you? Not once did I say my marriage was perfect, only that getting married young did not appear to disadvantage us relative to our peers. And with 15 great years in the bank, I have zero regrets, regardless of what may come.

Getting married young can be great. It’s also ok to get married later in life. Or not at all. Lots of acceptable choices exist, no need to judge.
Anonymous
Post 12/27/2021 11:29     Subject: Getting shammed for getting engaged at 22
I see nothing wrong with getting married early - and don't understand the people who say that twenty year olds are supposed to just work and travel. Why can't married twenty year olds work and travel? DH and I started dating when I was 20, married at 24, but held off on having kids until later - we worked on our careers and housing and traveled all over the world before we had our children. We had a blast.
Anonymous
Post 12/27/2021 11:25     Subject: Getting shammed for getting engaged at 22
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Their brains haven’t even finished developing yet. I would not support my adult kids getting married or engaged before 25.


DH and I got married at 22. We are 55. Married 33 years.

My parents got married at 21 and 23. They just celebrated 58 years of marriage.

DH's parents got married at 20 and 26. They have been married for 60 years.

My sister got married at 22. Her DH was 23. They have been married for 29 years.

My other sister got married at 19. Her DH was 23. They have been married for almost 30 years.

My oldest got married at 25. His wife was 22. They have been married for seven years.

...Given the divorce rate in this country, our "brains" seem to have been more mature than most.




It's far more likely that you are part of a family/culture that just stays married no matter how unhappy you are or how dysfunctional your marriage is. The metric we are looking to measure is not longevity, it's satisfaction/happy/functional.
The two aren't necessarily mutually exclusive, nor are they necessarily synonymous.

Some people stay married no matter what - abuse, infidelity, etc. - and one thing that is going largely unsaid here is that sometimes people who marry young don't know BAD when they see it, or have so little independence - financial or emotional - that they can't leave even if they SHOULD leave.
Anonymous
Post 12/27/2021 11:25     Subject: Getting shammed for getting engaged at 22
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:It’s so immature and childish how some posters are bullying original poster for a spelling mistake,likely done by error or auto correct.


It’s immature to make it out of school yet not be able to both spell and to check what you just typed.


Yeah, and I don’t believe a college educated 22 year old would fail to correct this particular word twice, as op did. I work with teenagers and have a young adult child: “shaming”/“shamed” is common parlance with them. And it is a word that would not be changed by autocorrect because it is so commonly used this way.

But I do think op is a 22 year old.
Anonymous
Post 12/27/2021 11:23     Subject: Getting shammed for getting engaged at 22
Anonymous wrote:My niece got engaged at 22 to her college boyfriend. They’ve been together since 2 years and known each other for 4 years. He is 22 as well and both are working full time in a big tech company. They feel like they are getting shammed from not only family and friends but even strangers for getting engaged and planning to marry in a year. Is this a thing now like quite shamming of people staying single ir marrying late used to be?




Dh and I met at 20, knew we wanted to marry each other by 22 and finally married at 28. We've been happily married for 22 years. If we could do it all over again, we would've married at 22 and started our family earlier. We are 50 with tweens, which is great in some ways (more $$, more maturity), but not so great in others (worn down, tired, wanting more time to ourselves). I think they should go for it. When you know, you know.
Anonymous
Post 12/27/2021 11:17     Subject: Getting shammed for getting engaged at 22
It gives people something to talk about and takes focus away from their own inadequacies and failures.
Anonymous
Post 12/27/2021 11:15     Subject: Getting shammed for getting engaged at 22
Anonymous wrote:Their brains haven’t even finished developing yet. I would not support my adult kids getting married or engaged before 25.


DH and I got married at 22. We are 55. Married 33 years.

My parents got married at 21 and 23. They just celebrated 58 years of marriage.

DH's parents got married at 20 and 26. They have been married for 60 years.

My sister got married at 22. Her DH was 23. They have been married for 29 years.

My other sister got married at 19. Her DH was 23. They have been married for almost 30 years.

My oldest got married at 25. His wife was 22. They have been married for seven years.

...Given the divorce rate in this country, our "brains" seem to have been more mature than most.


Anonymous
Post 12/27/2021 11:15     Subject: Getting shammed for getting engaged at 22
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:It’s so immature and childish how some posters are bullying original poster for a spelling mistake,likely done by error or auto correct.


Shammful.

I fully admit thwt I was immature to laugh at this, but it was funny.
Anonymous
Post 12/27/2021 11:14     Subject: Getting shammed for getting engaged at 22
Marriage is a failing institution. It’s the like life or marriage is easier if you marry late. Most people marry much later and still can’t handle relationships or fidelity. Their collective skepticism is understandable. Don’t worry about it and do what makes you happy. If they are of legal age, educated, employed and committed, no one has a right to make their decisions for them.
Anonymous
Post 12/27/2021 11:10     Subject: Getting shammed for getting engaged at 22
Anonymous wrote:It’s so immature and childish how some posters are bullying original poster for a spelling mistake,likely done by error or auto correct.


It’s immature to make it out of school yet not be able to both spell and to check what you just typed.
Anonymous
Post 12/27/2021 11:09     Subject: Getting shammed for getting engaged at 22
Anonymous wrote:It’s so immature and childish how some posters are bullying original poster for a spelling mistake,likely done by error or auto correct.


Shammful.