Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You can go to court and fight for full custody but that would be pretty terrible for him and the kids. Or, just leave the kids with him and take the job. You can have visits on holidays and summers.

Sounds like I have to persuade him to let me go…

You mean and take the kids with you?

I mean, speaking as a father, my answer to you would be I support you going and will work with you to give you as much opportunity to see the children as possible, but I would go to the mat in court to prevent you from taking my kids with you. Your choices are to not take the job and remain close to the kids or take the jobs and see the kids sometimes. Those are quite literally the only two choices. The other one where you take your children with you? It's not happening. And that IS a hill I would die on.

And WHY would you do that?

Why is that in the best interest of the children?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You can go to court and fight for full custody but that would be pretty terrible for him and the kids. Or, just leave the kids with him and take the job. You can have visits on holidays and summers.

Sounds like I have to persuade him to let me go…

You mean and take the kids with you?

I mean, speaking as a father, my answer to you would be I support you going and will work with you to give you as much opportunity to see the children as possible, but I would go to the mat in court to prevent you from taking my kids with you. Your choices are to not take the job and remain close to the kids or take the jobs and see the kids sometimes. Those are quite literally the only two choices. The other one where you take your children with you? It's not happening. And that IS a hill I would die on.

Lousy dad. All about you.

You are a c*nt.

The C word is uncalled for.

I am a Mom whose ex works a lot overseas, and on occasion he has spoken about applying for a job overseas. I used to have a career working overseas, so I get the longing to go back and the dearth of jobs in the US that offer comparable pay, responsibility and life experiences. Had I trusted my ex more (or at all), I might have been open to looking for tandem postings even though divorced. But, ex was unstable and unreliable and had lied to me A LOT, which meant the relationship necessary to do that wasn't there. Instead, I have full custody and facilitate visitation with the kids several times a week, and he goes on vacation with them for a week once a year. In truth, he doesn’t want more custody.

If he tried to fight me for custody of the kids in order to take them overseas, I would fight him with every penny I have. And it would not be all about me. The kids have school, and friends, and relatives here, not to mention educational and medical needs that can’t really be met overseas. I think living overseas is a wonderful experience, but not at the expense of crappy primary relationships. This is why I never sought a job overseas for myself, and why I never would fight to take them overseas even though I have full custody.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You can go to court and fight for full custody but that would be pretty terrible for him and the kids. Or, just leave the kids with him and take the job. You can have visits on holidays and summers.

Sounds like I have to persuade him to let me go…

You mean and take the kids with you?

I mean, speaking as a father, my answer to you would be I support you going and will work with you to give you as much opportunity to see the children as possible, but I would go to the mat in court to prevent you from taking my kids with you. Your choices are to not take the job and remain close to the kids or take the jobs and see the kids sometimes. Those are quite literally the only two choices. The other one where you take your children with you? It's not happening. And that IS a hill I would die on.

The other option would be that you would go with your wife and children overseas. That’s what many women would do. It’s funny that you consider yourself supportive of your wife’s career, but don’t consider giving up anything you want as a viable option.

Anonymous wrote:OP, how is he an “absentee Dad” if he has the kids 50% of the time?

He doesn’t. They are still married. She wants to take the job overseas and bring the kids, but he won’t let her. She’s wondering if she can do it if she divorces him.

OP, how is he an “absentee Dad” if he has the kids 50% of the time?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You can go to court and fight for full custody but that would be pretty terrible for him and the kids. Or, just leave the kids with him and take the job. You can have visits on holidays and summers.

Sounds like I have to persuade him to let me go…

You mean and take the kids with you?

I mean, speaking as a father, my answer to you would be I support you going and will work with you to give you as much opportunity to see the children as possible, but I would go to the mat in court to prevent you from taking my kids with you. Your choices are to not take the job and remain close to the kids or take the jobs and see the kids sometimes. Those are quite literally the only two choices. The other one where you take your children with you? It's not happening. And that IS a hill I would die on.

Lousy dad. All about you.

You are a c*nt.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You could take the job, but presumably you'd need to leave the kids behind.

I can't imagine doing that as a parent, but other people feel differently.

Oh no - I’m not leaving them behind.

Your kids will not want to live overseas in most cases. I wouldn't do that until their grown. The going back and forth doesn't work in most cases as it is. You don't want to add more stresses.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You can go to court and fight for full custody but that would be pretty terrible for him and the kids. Or, just leave the kids with him and take the job. You can have visits on holidays and summers.

Sounds like I have to persuade him to let me go…

You mean and take the kids with you?

I mean, speaking as a father, my answer to you would be I support you going and will work with you to give you as much opportunity to see the children as possible, but I would go to the mat in court to prevent you from taking my kids with you. Your choices are to not take the job and remain close to the kids or take the jobs and see the kids sometimes. Those are quite literally the only two choices. The other one where you take your children with you? It's not happening. And that IS a hill I would die on.

Lousy dad. All about you.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You can go to court and fight for full custody but that would be pretty terrible for him and the kids. Or, just leave the kids with him and take the job. You can have visits on holidays and summers.

Sounds like I have to persuade him to let me go…

You mean and take the kids with you?

I mean, speaking as a father, my answer to you would be I support you going and will work with you to give you as much opportunity to see the children as possible, but I would go to the mat in court to prevent you from taking my kids with you. Your choices are to not take the job and remain close to the kids or take the jobs and see the kids sometimes. Those are quite literally the only two choices. The other one where you take your children with you? It's not happening. And that IS a hill I would die on.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Grateful if someone has an answer to the following.
Suppose I’m divorced with 50% custody of children.
Does that mean I’m forever tied to the location job-wise where my husband is also located?
That is, I can’t accept overseas job offers as that would effectively prevent his 50% custody?

You can take a job overseas becuase you would be giving up your 50% custody. Why would HE lose his custody if YOU leave?

Be cause they talk, discuss and mediate what to do z

Just like any normal couple discusses job change or relocation.

Custody isn’t a picnic or status symbol. It is hard work, time, energy and sacrifice raising children well and their needs cared for. If you broke your marital relationship not caring for a spouse well nor your kids well they drop the status and image and let your children live where all their needs are well taken care of.

If someone isn’t willing to do this while married, I don’t see why they would be willing to do it when divorced.

Because childcare is a lot of work. So they give up. But first they put their kids and ex through months of hell pretending they can parent.

Everyone can pontificate all they want about this, but the bottom line is this regarding relocation if there is a custody order in place: Unless the two parents can agree (not common), neither parent can move away without sacrificing custody in some way. And moving and taking the children with you is even harder. The position of family court is that the children stay put where they are. This is *not* to say that there are no cases where moving away with the children is absolutely warranted for a variety of very compelling reasons. There are actually many cases where a move-away with the kids is desperately and obviously needed, and it's STILL hard to have it authorized by the court, sadly.

It isn't clear to me if OP is currently divorced with a custody order in place, or if she is still married and asking a hypothetical question.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Grateful if someone has an answer to the following.
Suppose I’m divorced with 50% custody of children.
Does that mean I’m forever tied to the location job-wise where my husband is also located?
That is, I can’t accept overseas job offers as that would effectively prevent his 50% custody?

You can take a job overseas becuase you would be giving up your 50% custody. Why would HE lose his custody if YOU leave?

Be cause they talk, discuss and mediate what to do z

Just like any normal couple discusses job change or relocation.

Custody isn’t a picnic or status symbol. It is hard work, time, energy and sacrifice raising children well and their needs cared for. If you broke your marital relationship not caring for a spouse well nor your kids well they drop the status and image and let your children live where all their needs are well taken care of.

If someone isn’t willing to do this while married, I don’t see why they would be willing to do it when divorced.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Grateful if someone has an answer to the following.
Suppose I’m divorced with 50% custody of children.
Does that mean I’m forever tied to the location job-wise where my husband is also located?
That is, I can’t accept overseas job offers as that would effectively prevent his 50% custody?

You can take a job overseas becuase you would be giving up your 50% custody. Why would HE lose his custody if YOU leave?

Because he doesn’t want to change his life to be a fulltime or parting parent; he is too codependent on OP for taking care of the children.

It’s be sad to give full custody to a dad like this. 3 mos later he’d quit or marry a mail-in nanny from another country or beg grandma to do everything. Or conveniently get the kids to the other parent. If he was high income he might last 6 mos if throwing money at sitters, nannies, tutors, drivers yet never talk to any of them nor his children. Neglect.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Grateful if someone has an answer to the following.
Suppose I’m divorced with 50% custody of children.
Does that mean I’m forever tied to the location job-wise where my husband is also located?
That is, I can’t accept overseas job offers as that would effectively prevent his 50% custody?

You can take a job overseas becuase you would be giving up your 50% custody. Why would HE lose his custody if YOU leave?

Be cause they talk, discuss and mediate what to do z

Just like any normal couple discusses job change or relocation.

Custody isn’t a picnic or status symbol. It is hard work, time, energy and sacrifice raising children well and their needs cared for. If you broke your marital relationship not caring for a spouse well nor your kids well they drop the status and image and let your children live where all their needs are well taken care of.

Anonymous wrote:Grateful if someone has an answer to the following.
Suppose I’m divorced with 50% custody of children.
Does that mean I’m forever tied to the location job-wise where my husband is also located?
That is, I can’t accept overseas job offers as that would effectively prevent his 50% custody?

You can take a job overseas becuase you would be giving up your 50% custody. Why would HE lose his custody if YOU leave?