Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She wanted to help. Give her a break and include her. Geez.

Not OP, but NO. No one needs to have a conversation with me at 3am or prolong the whole episode by trying to “help” change the diaper and taking 5 times as long and waking the baby up fully. No no no and no.

Agree. It is insane to try to interact with someone in the middle of the night when you’ve been warned not to engage repeatedly.

This is the part that many posters seem to be overlooking. MIL was warned ahead of time about the crying and nighttime routine. Then again on the first night. And second night. By getting up and asking “what’s going on? Is everything ok?” on the third or 4th night just makes her oblivious and super annoying.

I’d be pissed too OP. And I think your husband handled it well.

Obviously OP underestimates how disruptive the nighttime routine is. The lesson learned is stay in a hotel. People don't have to be prisoners in their own home because a baby is there.

OP here with my final comment of the thread.

1) MIL and FIL begged us to come visit them. We warned them in advance that there is usually one wake-up a night, and we weren't sure if there might even be more because it was a new environment. They still insisted that we stay with them. They said it would be no bother, etc. So we packed up all of our stuff and drove 5 hours to see them, as they wanted. So no one was a "prisoner in their own home"--they wanted baby in their house, that's what they got.

We have ALWAYS volunteered to stay in a hotel, even before baby, and they ALWAYS insist that we stay with them. So "prisoner" nothing.

2) Per a few posters' suggestions which were very helpful, we will no longer be staying with them until baby is older and 100% STTN. They will be welcome to stay in our home, but we will once again warn them in advance, and offer to pay for a hotel if they can't handle hearing baby cry for a few minutes once a night, from two floors away in our larger house.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sorry, sounds like you were the rude one.

Nope, not after several nights of telling her all was well and that they would handle it, AND telling them even before the visit that all would be well and they would handle it. Nope, continuing to bother people when they have a situation totally in hand is not helpful, it's just trying to get attention and "be important." Get your validation elsewhere, and leave parents of babies alone.

Why must you assume the worst of her? Are you that hateful and sad with your life that you assume others are as bad as you? OP, she likely just wants to be involved. Rather than tell her you got it, ask her if she'd like to hold the baby after you're done feeding? Or if she would mind changing the diaper while you go to the bathroom. Wanting to be involved doesn't mean she's trying to be important - it may mean she loves the baby.

NOPE, that just makes life harder for tired mom and dad! They have their routine, they've got it. Grandma can hold the baby during the day and can be helpful during the day. Parents have already said that they don't want "help" in the middle of the night. It was made clear several times. Anyone who wants to "help" parents of babies can start by listening to what the parents say will actually be helpful.

Mom and dad need to figure out a routine where they BOTH aren't getting up together in the middle of the night to tend to 1 baby.

All these ppl second-guessing OP's routine need to STFU. Shocker: what worked for your kid/family may not work for others! 4 months is often a sleep regression. MIL walking around upstairs saying "what's wrong? What's going on" is NOT helping - she's just rubbernecking and wants everyone to know she's awake (and any sleep book will say to keep things as dark and quiet as possible during night wakings). Meanwhile, the sleep-deprived parents managing night wakings in an unfamiliar environment are supposed to be talking her through everything in the middle of the night? Hard no.

I am team OP all the way.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She wanted to help. Give her a break and include her. Geez.

Not OP, but NO. No one needs to have a conversation with me at 3am or prolong the whole episode by trying to “help” change the diaper and taking 5 times as long and waking the baby up fully. No no no and no.

Agree. It is insane to try to interact with someone in the middle of the night when you’ve been warned not to engage repeatedly.

This is the part that many posters seem to be overlooking. MIL was warned ahead of time about the crying and nighttime routine. Then again on the first night. And second night. By getting up and asking “what’s going on? Is everything ok?” on the third or 4th night just makes her oblivious and super annoying.

I’d be pissed too OP. And I think your husband handled it well.

Obviously OP underestimates how disruptive the nighttime routine is. The lesson learned is stay in a hotel. People don't have to be prisoners in their own home because a baby is there.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sorry, sounds like you were the rude one.

Nope, not after several nights of telling her all was well and that they would handle it, AND telling them even before the visit that all would be well and they would handle it. Nope, continuing to bother people when they have a situation totally in hand is not helpful, it's just trying to get attention and "be important." Get your validation elsewhere, and leave parents of babies alone.

Why must you assume the worst of her? Are you that hateful and sad with your life that you assume others are as bad as you? OP, she likely just wants to be involved. Rather than tell her you got it, ask her if she'd like to hold the baby after you're done feeding? Or if she would mind changing the diaper while you go to the bathroom. Wanting to be involved doesn't mean she's trying to be important - it may mean she loves the baby.

NOPE, that just makes life harder for tired mom and dad! They have their routine, they've got it. Grandma can hold the baby during the day and can be helpful during the day. Parents have already said that they don't want "help" in the middle of the night. It was made clear several times. Anyone who wants to "help" parents of babies can start by listening to what the parents say will actually be helpful.

Mom and dad need to figure out a routine where they BOTH aren't getting up together in the middle of the night to tend to 1 baby.

Anonymous wrote:We kind of have the opposite problem with our 4 month old. While at MIL's tiny house, they wake us up nonstop! We can hear the toilet flushing all night long. Plus they get up at 6, when baby is happily sleeping with us until 9am. They start cooking at 6, we can smell it and they're banging stuff. I'm just freaking exhausted being there. Baby still wakes at night and goes to sleep very late, so 6am really isn't an option for us. Oh and the barking. We do travel with white noise machines.

I'm probably in the minority, but 6am isn't an acceptable time to wake. 8am is.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She wanted to help. Give her a break and include her. Geez.

Agree. It is insane to try to interact with someone in the middle of the night when you’ve been warned not to engage repeatedly.

I’d be pissed too OP. And I think your husband handled it well.

.

What part of OP’s post made you think MIL felt like a prisoner in her own home? Everyone else seems to think MIL was just super excited to spend time with her grandchild. Even during a midnight wake up.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She wanted to help. Give her a break and include her. Geez.

Not OP, but NO. No one needs to have a conversation with me at 3am or prolong the whole episode by trying to “help” change the diaper and taking 5 times as long and waking the baby up fully. No no no and no.

Agree. It is insane to try to interact with someone in the middle of the night when you’ve been warned not to engage repeatedly.

This is the part that many posters seem to be overlooking. MIL was warned ahead of time about the crying and nighttime routine. Then again on the first night. And second night. By getting up and asking “what’s going on? Is everything ok?” on the third or 4th night just makes her oblivious and super annoying.

I’d be pissed too OP. And I think your husband handled it well.

Obviously OP underestimates how disruptive the nighttime routine is. The lesson learned is stay in a hotel. People don't have to be prisoners in their own home because a baby is there.

What part of OP’s post made you think MIL felt like a prisoner in her own home? Everyone else seems to think MIL was just super excited to spend time with her grandchild. Even during a midnight wake up.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She wanted to help. Give her a break and include her. Geez.

Not OP, b

Agree. It is insane to try to interact with someone in the middle of the night when you’ve been warned not to engage repeatedly.

This is the part that many posters seem to be overlooking. MIL was warned ahead of time about the crying and nighttime routine. [u]Then again on the first night. And second night. By getting up and asking “what’s going on? Is everything ok?” on the third or 4th night just makes her oblivious and super annoying.

I’d be pissed too OP. And I think your husband handled it well.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She wanted to help. Give her a break and include her. Geez.

Not OP, but NO. No one needs to have a conversation with me at 3am or prolong the whole episode by trying to “help” change the diaper and taking 5 times as long and waking the baby up fully. No no no and no.

Agree. It is insane to try to interact with someone in the middle of the night when you’ve been warned not to engage repeatedly.

This is the part that many posters seem to be overlooking. MIL was warned ahead of time about the crying and nighttime routine. Then again on the first night. And second night. By getting up and asking “what’s going on? Is everything ok?” on the third or 4th night just makes her oblivious and super annoying.

I’d be pissed too OP. And I think your husband handled it well.

Obviously OP underestimates how disruptive the nighttime routine is. The lesson learned is stay in a hotel. People don't have to be prisoners in their own home because a baby is there.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My mother always woke up and prowled around when we were similarly situated, but she WANTED TO, and never gave us grief for it. What exactly is yours pissed about? The wake-ups or that you seemed annoyed at her presence?

OP here. What bothers me is that we explained everything to her, even before the visit, and after the first night, that yes sorry about the noise, but we've got it under control. We also asked her to lower her voice the first, second and third nights, and she continued to speak very loudly, which of course will just keep the baby awake. What bothers me is she totally ignored us, night after night, even though we very specifically said please lower your voice and please let us do what we need to do, please go back to bed.

It's like she wanted attention, and wouldn't take "we don't need your help right now" for an answer. She also doesn't like that we are choosing to breastfeed, which may have something to do with it.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She wanted to help. Give her a break and include her. Geez.

Not OP, but NO. No one needs to have a conversation with me at 3am or prolong the whole episode by trying to “help” change the diaper and taking 5 times as long and waking the baby up fully. No no no and no.

Agree. It is insane to try to interact with someone in the middle of the night when you’ve been warned not to engage repeatedly.

This is the part that many posters seem to be overlooking. MIL was warned ahead of time about the crying and nighttime routine. Then again on the first night. And second night. By getting up and asking “what’s going on? Is everything ok?” on the third or 4th night just makes her oblivious and super annoying.

I’d be pissed too OP. And I think your husband handled it well.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She wanted to help. Give her a break and include her. Geez.

Not OP, but NO. No one needs to have a conversation with me at 3am or prolong the whole episode by trying to “help” change the diaper and taking 5 times as long and waking the baby up fully. No no no and no.

Agree. It is insane to try to interact with someone in the middle of the night when you’ve been warned not to engage repeatedly.

Anonymous wrote:Op, if it was just for a few nights why didn’t you just let MIL step in a hold the baby for a bit. I’m sure that’s all she wanted? Surely you realized that right? I mean isn’t it conceivable that a grandma might want to hold their crying grand baby at night? In their home? And maybe let you get some rest. I mean just a thought.