Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It would give me pause. I am in my late 30s and have 4 close friends who have already divorced. In 3 out of 4 of those cases, the person asking for the divorce has divorced parents. The outlier has parents who are still married but went through multiple separations when the family was young.

I agree. I think the more that divorce is normalized growing up, the more likely someone will turn to it.

'

Divorce is not a sign of failure and there is nothing wrong with it.

[b]Regular people think a successful marriage is one that never ends. That mindset is a problem in it self[/b].

This attitude is exactly why people are apprehensive about marriage with a person from a divorced family.

LMAO sure.

The majority of people (whether they come from a divorced family or not) are not successful enough to be taken seriously holding a stance like yours.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It would give me pause. I am in my late 30s and have 4 close friends who have already divorced. In 3 out of 4 of those cases, the person asking for the divorce has divorced parents. The outlier has parents who are still married but went through multiple separations when the family was young.

I agree. I think the more that divorce is normalized growing up, the more likely someone will turn to it.

'

Divorce is not a sign of failure and there is nothing wrong with it.

[b]Regular people think a successful marriage is one that never ends. That mindset is a problem in it self[/b].

This attitude is exactly why people are apprehensive about marriage with a person from a divorced family.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It would give me pause. I am in my late 30s and have 4 close friends who have already divorced. In 3 out of 4 of those cases, the person asking for the divorce has divorced parents. The outlier has parents who are still married but went through multiple separations when the family was young.

I agree. I think the more that divorce is normalized growing up, the more likely someone will turn to it.

'

Divorce is not a sign of failure and there is nothing wrong with it.

Regular people think a successful marriage is one that never ends. That mindset is a problem in it self.

well, the agreement was "until death you us part" so if the wife decides to bail out of the relationship as they do by filing for divorce 70-80% of the time then, yes they were not successful because they didn't keep their commitment. Calling divorce a "successful marriage" is like saying you successfully ran a marathon when you chose to stop at the third mile mark.

The wife files for divorce because of the man's actions. Have you read any of these infidelity posts?

You don't get it. There are people who are looking for "till death.." mindset because they need partners who'll stick it out no matter what kind of crap they'll have to put up with. They belive in that unconditional live where no matter how badly you treat your partner, it's hey, at least we are married.

The second best comment in this thread.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It would give me pause. I am in my late 30s and have 4 close friends who have already divorced. In 3 out of 4 of those cases, the person asking for the divorce has divorced parents. The outlier has parents who are still married but went through multiple separations when the family was young.

I agree. I think the more that divorce is normalized growing up, the more likely someone will turn to it.

'

Divorce is not a sign of failure and there is nothing wrong with it.

Regular people think a successful marriage is one that never ends. That mindset is a problem in it self.

You're an idiot. Please don't get married. Enjoy a long-term, non binding relationship. Ever heard of "til death do we part"?

I don't see divorcees as FAILURES, but their marriage, by definition, failed.

Sometimes the marriage failed. Sometimes the marriage was right for the couple when they were 20 and 30 and 40, but isn't right as they move into middle age. That's not a failure. It's just growing up. If you succesffully lived together for 20 years, you were successful for 20 years. "Until death do us part" is unrealistic for people who get married in their 20s or 30s and live until they are 80+

BOOM!!!!!!

Especially in this day and age where people are living much longer and technology plays an immense roe in ours lives.

It’s not about the person, it’s about what you are marrying into. If all other things were equal, I would choose the partner with married parents over one with divorced parents.

I’m in my 40s and my parents and my husband’s parents have both been married 45+ years. My kids only have 4 grandparents. We didn’t have to worry about who to invite to our wedding. We don’t have to run around to 4+ gatherings on major holidays. It’s just less complicated.

Would you rather marry someone who grew up wealthy and earns a good salary OR someone who grew up poor but is now wealthy? It’s no one’s fault they grew up poor, but statistically the spouse who grew up wealthy or UMC probably comes with less family drama and an expectation of stability.

Money and married parents weren’t deal breakers for me while dating, but they certainly help. You don’t just marry your spouse. You marry their family take on their obligations to their family. I am an only child. I was very clear with my husband before marriage that he understood my obligations to them as fas as eldercare - and I would have understood if he said he didn’t want to take that on by marrying me.

Yes. What a bizarre question?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It would give me pause. I am in my late 30s and have 4 close friends who have already divorced. In 3 out of 4 of those cases, the person asking for the divorce has divorced parents. The outlier has parents who are still married but went through multiple separations when the family was young.

I agree. I think the more that divorce is normalized growing up, the more likely someone will turn to it.

'

Divorce is not a sign of failure and there is nothing wrong with it.

Regular people think a successful marriage is one that never ends. That mindset is a problem in it self.

well, the agreement was "until death you us part" so if the wife decides to bail out of the relationship as they do by filing for divorce 70-80% of the time then, yes they were not successful because they didn't keep their commitment. Calling divorce a "successful marriage" is like saying you successfully ran a marathon when you chose to stop at the third mile mark.

The wife files for divorce because of the man's actions. Have you read any of these infidelity posts?

You don't get it. There are people who are looking for "till death.." mindset because they need partners who'll stick it out no matter what kind of crap they'll have to put up with. They belive in that unconditional live where no matter how badly you treat your partner, it's hey, at least we are married.

That's sad that's your outlook. I want a "till death" mindset because I don't want to ever worry that my partner will leave me hanging. I want to be able to get sick or struggle and know we're in it together and I want him to know that I won't leave him when he's struggling too. We are a team and we aren't quitting the team. I don't intend to abuse him.

Do you realize that people who are married are not guaranteed that, right? When I was married, he did not care one bit if I was sick. Marriage is no guarantee that your partner won't leave you hanging. Many men already do that in marriage.

That's why you find those things out beforehand as best you can. You should date long enough to have gone through some stuff. You can get a reasonably accurate picture of a person by dating them for a long time. Maybe your own trauma prevents you from seeing the truth about somebody, but that's on you. I have a hard time believing you married someone who took great care of you when you were sick while dating and he did a total 180 the minute you married.

My current marriage is my first, my wife's second.

Neither of our sets of parents are divorced, however.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It would depend on the circumstances. Signing up for divorced in laws means an exponentially more complicated in-law relationship, more drama over holidays, potential acrimony at weddings and other events. Eldercare becomes more complicated with step-parents. Inheritances are messier.

If the divorced parents were amicable and self aware, if they understood their choice to divorce meant 1/3 vs 1/2 on holidays/grandchildren events, then I would not make it a dealbreaker, but I would not marry someone whose parents were messily divorced.

Not that it is likely to matter as my parents and in laws are still married, but it is how I would advise my children.

What is in bold is a complete stereotype from divorce 20-30 years ago. None of this is true in my situation.

I don’t think it’s a stereotype (I’m the poster you quoted) I’m an older millennial and the friends I have who are married with divorced parents are going through hell. One was written out of her fathers will in favor of the new baby, but her half brother won’t lift a finger to help her now nearly-senile father find a memory care assisted living. Another gets a drunken tirade every Christmas that she doesn’t spend with her mother and spends with her father because “she’s the baby’s real grandma”. Others spend all day on every holiday driving to three or four households to keep the peace.

One family (amicable and self aware!) tolerates their ex spouse on holidays when it’s their turn. Their assets are in trust for their original kids. A family like that would not raise red flags for me.

It is a stereotype. You cited an example of crazy people who would act crazy even if they were married.

No, I cited examples of my peers who have difficulties dealing with the reality of their divorced parents. Unless you think her dad would have written her out of his will if he hadn’t divorced remarried and had another child which is possible but statistically unlikely.

Again, you are citing stereotypes from 20 years ago. That is a child with divorced parents 20 or so years ago. I am a young Gen X. No other person is getting our kids money. We are divorced. You are still citing an old divorce stereotype. I know a few former couples with young kids who are divorced. None will have the crazy situation you describe. All have finances secured for kids through wills or trusts. People are amicable for the most part and protect their kids. They can't be married. The parents live in different places. That is all.

Well then I am hopeful for a cultural shift towards amicable divorce that protects the children’s finances and makes arrangements for eldercare. As I said in my original post, a situation like that is not one I’d advise my child against, but I would advise against getting involved with messily divorced in laws. It seems like that remains good advice.

Your assumption is that most people have messily divorced in laws...that is the problem. All current divorces I know of people are amicable and reasonable. This is not the 1990s.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It would give me pause. I am in my late 30s and have 4 close friends who have already divorced. In 3 out of 4 of those cases, the person asking for the divorce has divorced parents. The outlier has parents who are still married but went through multiple separations when the family was young.

I agree. I think the more that divorce is normalized growing up, the more likely someone will turn to it.

I have noticed this pattern as well. I’ve dated a lot of divorced dads and literally in every case the person who initiated the divorce had parents who were divorced.

I know several divorced couples. No one has divorced parents.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It would give me pause. I am in my late 30s and have 4 close friends who have already divorced. In 3 out of 4 of those cases, the person asking for the divorce has divorced parents. The outlier has parents who are still married but went through multiple separations when the family was young.

I agree. I think the more that divorce is normalized growing up, the more likely someone will turn to it.

'

Divorce is not a sign of failure and there is nothing wrong with it.

Regular people think a successful marriage is one that never ends. That mindset is a problem in it self.

well, the agreement was "until death you us part" so if the wife decides to bail out of the relationship as they do by filing for divorce 70-80% of the time then, yes they were not successful because they didn't keep their commitment. Calling divorce a "successful marriage" is like saying you successfully ran a marathon when you chose to stop at the third mile mark.

The wife files for divorce because of the man's actions. Have you read any of these infidelity posts?

You don't get it. There are people who are looking for "till death.." mindset because they need partners who'll stick it out no matter what kind of crap they'll have to put up with. They belive in that unconditional live where no matter how badly you treat your partner, it's hey, at least we are married.

That's sad that's your outlook. I want a "till death" mindset because I don't want to ever worry that my partner will leave me hanging. I want to be able to get sick or struggle and know we're in it together and I want him to know that I won't leave him when he's struggling too. We are a team and we aren't quitting the team. I don't intend to abuse him.

Do you realize that people who are married are not guaranteed that, right? When I was married, he did not care one bit if I was sick. Marriage is no guarantee that your partner won't leave you hanging. Many men already do that in marriage.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It would give me pause. I am in my late 30s and have 4 close friends who have already divorced. In 3 out of 4 of those cases, the person asking for the divorce has divorced parents. The outlier has parents who are still married but went through multiple separations when the family was young.

I agree. I think the more that divorce is normalized growing up, the more likely someone will turn to it.

'

Divorce is not a sign of failure and there is nothing wrong with it.

Regular people think a successful marriage is one that never ends. That mindset is a problem in it self.

well, the agreement was "until death you us part" so if the wife decides to bail out of the relationship as they do by filing for divorce 70-80% of the time then, yes they were not successful because they didn't keep their commitment. Calling divorce a "successful marriage" is like saying you successfully ran a marathon when you chose to stop at the third mile mark.

The wife files for divorce because of the man's actions. Have you read any of these infidelity posts?

You don't get it. There are people who are looking for "till death.." mindset because they need partners who'll stick it out no matter what kind of crap they'll have to put up with. They belive in that unconditional live where no matter how badly you treat your partner, it's hey, at least we are married.

That's sad that's your outlook. I want a "till death" mindset because I don't want to ever worry that my partner will leave me hanging. I want to be able to get sick or struggle and know we're in it together and I want him to know that I won't leave him when he's struggling too. We are a team and we aren't quitting the team. I don't intend to abuse him.

The only person you can control is yourself.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It would give me pause. I am in my late 30s and have 4 close friends who have already divorced. In 3 out of 4 of those cases, the person asking for the divorce has divorced parents. The outlier has parents who are still married but went through multiple separations when the family was young.

I agree. I think the more that divorce is normalized growing up, the more likely someone will turn to it.

'

Divorce is not a sign of failure and there is nothing wrong with it.

Regular people think a successful marriage is one that never ends. That mindset is a problem in it self.

well, the agreement was "until death you us part" so if the wife decides to bail out of the relationship as they do by filing for divorce 70-80% of the time then, yes they were not successful because they didn't keep their commitment. Calling divorce a "successful marriage" is like saying you successfully ran a marathon when you chose to stop at the third mile mark.

The wife files for divorce because of the man's actions. Have you read any of these infidelity posts?

You don't get it. There are people who are looking for "till death.." mindset because they need partners who'll stick it out no matter what kind of crap they'll have to put up with. They belive in that unconditional live where no matter how badly you treat your partner, it's hey, at least we are married.

That's sad that's your outlook. I want a "till death" mindset because I don't want to ever worry that my partner will leave me hanging. I want to be able to get sick or struggle and know we're in it together and I want him to know that I won't leave him when he's struggling too. We are a team and we aren't quitting the team. I don't intend to abuse him.

I wouldn't care.

Although it reminds me of the men who say never marry a woman whose mom is fat. Same thought process I suppose

Yes, my in-laws are divorced, college sweethearts.
Married my DH in 30s. Different couple, different paths- no some kind of familial pattern.