It’s horrible for young children to not have two caring parents so yes it’s better to get divorced after they are 18+ and have finished high school.

That being said if there is physical abuse, mental health issue or something as serious then children are better off without an intact family.

However, they need support from both parents until they are legal adults, as much as each parent can do with best of their ability. You should talk to social agencies and clergy to find guidance and resources to make it work as well as possible for yourself, your husband and your children.

Anonymous wrote:Based on this thread, I should endure this terrible marriage for awhile longer, and leave after DCs graduate HS in 3 years. That way I don’t have to worry about child custody, and massively downsize. Thanks everyone.

wait, you said your DCs are in high school next year, so it's at least 4.5 years til they are done, if they're twins. Even 3 years is a long time if you're that miserable. DC, I agree, you need mental health help ASAP. As do your children. I worry about them, with your indifference and apparently your spouse's neglect, they have no one.
Go take care of yourself, so you can take care of them.

OP you need to see a mental health practitioner ASAP. Do you have insurance?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Based on this thread, I should endure this terrible marriage for awhile longer, and leave after DCs graduate HS in 3 years. That way I don’t have to worry about child custody, and massively downsize. Thanks everyone.

OP you are the one who has to make your own decisions. “DCUM” is not deciding for you.

I absolutely own my decisions. Just using DCUM as a sounding board.

Anonymous wrote:Based on this thread, I should endure this terrible marriage for awhile longer, and leave after DCs graduate HS in 3 years. That way I don’t have to worry about child custody, and massively downsize. Thanks everyone.

You know, I wrote this saying I should stick it out, and now I’m crying. I can’t continue living this way. I have some health issues I don’t want to treat bc the thought of prolonging this miserable existence is excruciating. A couple years ago I woke up in a pool of blood at home on the floor. My spouse was not on travel and I manger to call them. Amazingly they conceded to come home. I was pretty dazed and out of it for the rest of the day. My spouse came home, and asked me about going to the ER. Since I couldn’t talk coherently and express maybe decision, they left me in our bedroom, went into our shared office, closed the door and went back to work. When I finally snapped out of my daze, I found myself with dried blood all over my face and a black eye, however, the blood on the floor was mopped up (so a small win on that front, I guess).

Why would you walk away from your 401k and marital asserts?

It sounds like you need counseling, OP, there's mental illness or depression involved. You aren't thinking straight.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Based on this thread, I should endure this terrible marriage for awhile longer, and leave after DCs graduate HS in 3 years. That way I don’t have to worry about child custody, and massively downsize. Thanks everyone.

OP you are the one who has to make your own decisions. “DCUM” is not deciding for you.

DCUM can't help you if you aren't willing to give the full picture, OP. What you are proposing makes no sense.

Anonymous wrote:Based on this thread, I should endure this terrible marriage for awhile longer, and leave after DCs graduate HS in 3 years. That way I don’t have to worry about child custody, and massively downsize. Thanks everyone.

OP you are the one who has to make your own decisions. “DCUM” is not deciding for you.

Anonymous wrote:Did you feel this way a year ago? How long have you desired divorce? So far, all signs lead to toughing it out as the best option.

Since before the youngest started K.

Based on this thread, I should endure this terrible marriage for awhile longer, and leave after DCs graduate HS in 3 years. That way I don’t have to worry about child custody, and massively downsize. Thanks everyone.

Did you feel this way a year ago? How long have you desired divorce? So far, all signs lead to toughing it out as the best option.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, go for it. Apply for the housing and see if they will accept you. If you have no income, how will you pay for food, utilities and rent? It is not free. If you are married when you apply, they will count your husband's income. Or, are you expecting alimony?

No judge is going to agree to you living in a van.

This is fake.

Not expecting alimony. Spouse can have my 401k and my share of the house. They can have it all — minus the cost of the van if I go that route. I will be collecting social security soon, and could live frugally off that and odd jobs.

Why wouldn’t a judge allow me to live in a van? I’ve been a van life / tiny house fan for awhile.

The judge will not allow the children to live in a van. A tiny house, or even an RV, would be different because it has a little kitchen, toilet, and beds.

I'm still unclear on whether you have a job and why you aren't taking any assets.

Converted cans have those things too.