Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes! AND my father does it- in particular he comments negatively about overweight people all - the - time.

Yes, my dad Ford this! My mom does not do this. she’s a very kind person and not very judgmental at all; my dad is the judgmental jerk in their relationship!

My dad *does* this not Ford this

My dad does this too — always has. He feels the need to point out overweight people to us kids (when we were kids) and highlight how fat and disgusting they are. I truly never understood it. Who cares? Why was he so obsessed? He’s truly a jerk in many respects. That was always clear to me though. I thought about becoming a lesbian in my teens and twenties because patriarchy pissed me off so much. But alas, that was not meant to be. My DH is an absolute sweetheart amazing stand up guy tho.

I’m the PP you’re responding to and my dad is exactly the same way! Pointing out overweight people, truly a jerk in many ways, made me angry and I used to wish I was a lesbian too. I never thought my desire to be a lesbian had anything to do w my resentment toward my father but maybe that is why. Luckily I found a wonderful husband and have many male friends and don’t hate men or anything but I certainly went through a phase where not having to deal w men at all sounded very appealing.

Haha. I’m the first pp… honestly I think it was the realization that even being a lesbian wouldn’t rid my life of men, that soured me on the idea of going for it when I wasn’t overwhelmingly attracted to women as compared to men.

What scares me is the culture our daughters grow up seems far worse. They post on IG and their friends come right away to say..."You're so gorg!" "OMG you are so pretty" and boys come tell them they are sexy. We didn't let our daughter have IG and she so seeks that validation. I see moms I know who are Ph.d.s and doctors complimenting their daughters on how pretty their IG selfies are. I get it. They are trying to stay connected with their daughters and monitor things. It's just everything is looks and illusions and filters.

Anonymous wrote:Yes. She is in her early 80s. I grew up in a world where a female’s first value was her looks, including her weight. Everything else is a side issue.

Yes same here with mother similar age. Agree on root causes.

I challenge my dd for being too image conscious and constantly advise her to not seek too much validation in her looks but in her true self. My dd thinks I am mad for not caring about looks much - teens are growing up with constant reminders of their appearance on social media.

Anonymous wrote:Not looks, but weight and race. In any story she tells about interacting with people at a store or a Dr office, she makes a point to mention if the person in her story is Black or Asian. I have pointed out a million times that the race of the post office worker helping her has nothing to do with her story - but she Will. Not. Stop. I often worry that my kids will pick up on it and think it is ok to describe people like that when it adds no context or information to the anecdote. My mom is not even implying some racist stereotype about the person’s speech or behavior - it matters to her story as much as the person’s shirt color.

My MIL does this. She is actually quite racist but believes herself to be very progressive and liberal. It's like pointing out all her interactions with Black people somehow gives her points for tolerance.

Yes! My whole life. She is in her mid-60 now. I hate it when she does it nowadays in front of my kids, the older one is 5 and she is so much into her looks, can't go by a mirror without flirting with her reflection. Not sure whether this is healthy or not.

My cousin thinks my mom is the nice one of the sisters and she got stuck with the mean mom. My mother turns on the charm. Cousin visited my mom at the beginning of the pandemic outside her home while in town with her husband and adult children. They range from overweight to obese. My mother was sweet as can be to them but MORTIFIED. She did not want the neighbors to see fat people visiting her, but she was deathly afraid of catching Covid. She actually invited them inside because she could not stand for the neighbors to see such fat people associated with her. She didn't say a word to them about their weight, but she tried to rant to me about it and I shut it down right away. She swore she was just afraid they all had diabetes and were killing themselves with food....all while she said she was horrified when a neighbor walked by.

Not looks, but weight and race. In any story she tells about interacting with people at a store or a Dr office, she makes a point to mention if the person in her story is Black or Asian. I have pointed out a million times that the race of the post office worker helping her has nothing to do with her story - but she Will. Not. Stop. I often worry that my kids will pick up on it and think it is ok to describe people like that when it adds no context or information to the anecdote. My mom is not even implying some racist stereotype about the person’s speech or behavior - it matters to her story as much as the person’s shirt color.

My mom - RIP -she passed at 94 a few years ago- did this my whole life. At the end she was obsessed with all the news anchors and weather women and commented on their looks and outfits every time they were on TV. She was put together head to toe every day of her life until she was bedbound as were the vast majority of the women in her retirement home. The greatest generation seems to have placed great value in looks and beauty - an overweight woman in shorts or leggings in TJ Max would throw her into a tailspin, just as an attractively styled woman at Panera would make her entire day.

I have an uncle who does this. He comments on everyone, strangers, family, everyone. He actually can be funny, but definitely has a mean, catty streak. I think it's a personality trait, not based on age or gender.

The first thing my mom reports about old family friends or relatives is always their weight. If they gained or lost weight. In her mind it's how one gauges if someone is doing well or not and is happy or not.

I tend to call her out on it. Hey mom, I want to know if Linda has any new grandkids or finished her house remodel, I don't care about her size.

My grandma who would have been about 85 this year did this. My mom does not, except if she doesn't like somebody and that person is fat, she will make a comment about that.

People are so, so weird about appearance. It's amazing how much it matters to some. I know that women are judged based on appearance but some really take that to heart. I try not to think about it at all.

Yes my entire life and still does it

Anonymous wrote:Nope. My mom is the same age and would never be so shallow. She criticizes what people say and do, not how they look.

Oh my mom criticizes that too, but first the looks. Also, if the person is attractive she seems to give her a free pass.

Nope. My mom is the same age and would never be so shallow. She criticizes what people say and do, not how they look.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes! AND my father does it- in particular he comments negatively about overweight people all - the - time.

Yes, my dad Ford this! My mom does not do this. she’s a very kind person and not very judgmental at all; my dad is the judgmental jerk in their relationship!

My dad *does* this not Ford this

My dad does this too — always has. He feels the need to point out overweight people to us kids (when we were kids) and highlight how fat and disgusting they are. I truly never understood it. Who cares? Why was he so obsessed? He’s truly a jerk in many respects. That was always clear to me though. I thought about becoming a lesbian in my teens and twenties because patriarchy pissed me off so much. But alas, that was not meant to be. My DH is an absolute sweetheart amazing stand up guy tho.

I’m the PP you’re responding to and my dad is exactly the same way! Pointing out overweight people, truly a jerk in many ways, made me angry and I used to wish I was a lesbian too. I never thought my desire to be a lesbian had anything to do w my resentment toward my father but maybe that is why. Luckily I found a wonderful husband and have many male friends and don’t hate men or anything but I certainly went through a phase where not having to deal w men at all sounded very appealing.