Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This thread is so amusing because it brings to mind all the guys on here who talk about dating much younger after divorce or who have APs who are much younger. It’s actually refreshing that most of the women look back and realize they had daddy issues - the guys on here should take note.

But the fact that so many women were in these relationships, and quite a few still have fond memories. just goes to disprove the regular "ewww" and typical "no one wants to date a man XX years older" that we frequently see in numerous threads.

No, it's just one.

I find it fascinating that of all the responses, every single woman regrets it UNLESS they married him (save for the one creepy exception). I wonder if an objective therapist looking in at those “happy” marriages that were formed between adults and children would agree that the marriages are healthy.

Oh please. I don't regret it. I didn't marry him. I recognized then and recognize now how it looked for him and for me. We joked about it. I was a bit older, in my mid-twenties, but I have zero regrets. Not everyone is an a$$ or dysfunctional woman with daddy issues.

Agreed! Not everyone is, but you managed to be both…

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What was that experience like? What's it like being the 19 year old dating a 30something guy?

I was 19, he was 32. It was by far the sexiest "forbidden love" kind of a situation. Feeling that feminine and desired was delicious for my wallflower, late bloomer self. He was a poet and an artist who was often freshly sweaty after yoga or a bike ride. Woke me up with an early call to read Pablo Neruda's poetry. Gave amazing massages, too. Still fun thinking back on the chemistry between us.

We lost touch because folks in my life pressured to stop contacting him. I'm 35 now and still have his old #. But no plans to call him. It was great while it lasted, though.

Wow. That’s…something!

Anonymous wrote:What was that experience like? What's it like being the 19 year old dating a 30something guy?

I was 19, he was 32. It was by far the sexiest "forbidden love" kind of a situation. Feeling that feminine and desired was delicious for my wallflower, late bloomer self. He was a poet and an artist who was often freshly sweaty after yoga or a bike ride. Woke me up with an early call to read Pablo Neruda's poetry. Gave amazing massages, too. Still fun thinking back on the chemistry between us.

We lost touch because folks in my life pressured to stop contacting him. I'm 35 now and still have his old #. But no plans to call him. It was great while it lasted, though.

I was a very sheltered, shy 19-year-old, and he was a pretty crazy, loose-cannon 33-year-old, but admittedly good-looking. We dated for 2.5 years, I finally woke up and broke it off (well, I tried to several times, but always got pulled back in somehow). He was fairly manipulative and created drama for attention, but I also learned a lot from the experience: about what I wanted, about what mattered, about how manipulation works. I feel like I might not have ended up in a very stable marriage with a good guy if I hadn't first survived this experience.

I do not have daddy issues. My parents were also very amazing, not setting up an "us versus him" situation and taking it in stride.

What was in it for him? I was young and malleable. It's really hard to say if he was in love, because loose cannons are loose cannons.

Yes. I had poor self confidence and didn’t know my worth. Thank god I upped my standards. He’s one of those people who thinks he’s really smart and impressive but is decidedly neither. He’s kind of a townie type who is not well educated or ambitious. He’s 42 now and still has the same job he did 10 years ago when he would tease me for being young and dumb. Now he’s too old for the very young insecure type he used to creep on and he spends his time playing video games in his apartment.

I dating for a short time a woman who was 32 when I was 22. I just remember think how physically old she looked. I had only dated women a year younger or two years older.

Anonymous wrote:It seemed like a good idea at the time. In retrospect, he was an immature loser who couldn't engage a woman of his on age and peer group. It was extremely difficult to get rid of him and he told me I ruined his life. I was 19, he was 30.

+1 though ages slightly different than you've asked for here OP -- I was 18 and he was 26, on and off until I was 20 and he was 27. He had the maturity of a 17 year old and needed constant reassurance that I wanted to be with him.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This entire thread refutes the usual DCUM response of "no 20 something is going to be interested in a 30+/40+ year old man."

Yeah, nice try. With one or two exceptions, all of those young people grew up to see those older men for the predators they were.

again, more than just one or two and there are likely so many more women who are remaining in the shadows so as to avoid the nastiness from people like you.

And likely even more than that with similar negative experiences. Listen, it's pretty well-documented that relationships between 30/40 year olds and barely legal adults are predatory and unhealthy. It's not "nasty" to note a fact.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This entire thread refutes the usual DCUM response of "no 20 something is going to be interested in a 30+/40+ year old man."

Yeah, nice try. With one or two exceptions, all of those young people grew up to see those older men for the predators they were.

again, more than just one or two and there are likely so many more women who are remaining in the shadows so as to avoid the nastiness from people like you.

Anonymous wrote:This entire thread refutes the usual DCUM response of "no 20 something is going to be interested in a 30+/40+ year old man."

Yeah, nice try. With one or two exceptions, all of those young people grew up to see those older men for the predators they were.

This entire thread refutes the usual DCUM response of "no 20 something is going to be interested in a 30+/40+ year old man."

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I dated a man who was 35 when I was 22. We didn’t date long. I mostly remember that his friends did NOT like me.

Why didn’t they like you?

I don’t know exactly how to explain it, but I get it. We were both in grad school together, and he hung out with a lot of other non-traditional students at our university, though not necessarily in our same field. Some of them were married with kids. Some of the women were coming out of bad relationships and going to grad school as part of starting over. They just weren’t the kind of people who thought it was fun to hang out with a naive 22 year old, and it got worse when he and I started dating.

Anonymous wrote:What was that experience like? What's it like being the 19 year old dating a 30something guy?

I was 17, he was 38. At the time, I was modeling. He was a photographer, though we never worked together, just met at a club in NYC. My friend used to dance in a cage at a club and I went with her one time and he flirted. We dated for about six months. Mostly he took me to fancy dinners. I ate sushi for the first time with him. For my 18th birthday he took me to Vegas for the weekend. I probably gambled away about $4,000 of his money. When he said he was going to take me to Paris and I thought, "I'm not leaving the protection of this country with you," I knew it was right to break up with him. I waited until after Valentine's Day when he gave me a beautiful gold necklace with a gold and diamond heart. He also gave me a few other pieces of jewelry. I lost one of the bracelets on a plane.

I didn't date anyone for a year or so after him, and then never dated anyone more than 8 years senior.

When I was 25 I dated a guy who was 45. We met at a Caps game but he recognized me from work. We both worked on the Hill for senators. He was super attractive, smart, ambitious, respectful. He didn't drink much which was very hard for me to deal with because I basically grew up in a pub. I was the woman he wanted to date in his 20s. He was very emotionally immature. He joined the military out of college and had kids very early (like in college). His wife was from a military family and their kids were kinda trashy. I found out that his ex wife still lived at his house (in a different state) and that his kids were all royal F ups despite him being highly successful and straight laced. I loved his family and they loved me. I still hang out with his brothers and sister in laws. It was not a good break up. He is now married, as a 60 something to a 21 year old. Who is younger than all of his children. His new wife appears to be a high end sex worker. No, I am not making this up.

When I was 22 (male) I dated a woman who was 35. We met at work but she wasn't my boss. I think we were great for each other. She helped me become a more mature person and I helped her become a less stodgy person. I felt like we clicked emotionally and in other ways. We broke up when I moved away for school. I saw her again when she was 65 and it was great to talk to her. She was still funny and interesting. I did notice, though, that she was less self confident in relation to me. She made lots of self deprecating jokes about being old and gray. 30 years ago she was hot and she knew it, and she never would have made jokes about her own attractiveness.