Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^PP again with the aunt/uncle who did this. They did have everyone going in and out of the same entry to the kitchen, but it just worked. We also didn't eat until everyone was seated, though the people who got to the table earlier inevitably snuck bites (grace had already been said anyway) Yes, it took a little longer, but your passing dishes around the table situation probably takes a longer than you realize anyway. It's family, and I assume no one is going to push anyone out of the say, so it'll somehow just work out I suspect. It always did for us growing up with a very similar set up and number of people.

Well yes, it takes time to pass all the dishes, but you're socializing with people during the time that you're passing, and you can start eating before all the food is passed.

I'm not saying our way is better, just that since I haven't been in a buffet situation with a group and house this size, I can't picture how it works.

If it’s going to be so cramped or logistically difficult that people are stressed out about it, then you should just take the advice from the other thread re your relative. Recognize that she is being controlling, unreasonable, and ridiculous and that her insecurities are not your problem. This is a good opportunity for you to work on not placating difficult people who make inappropriate demands.

I think it's possible. Obviously if everyone else on DCUM does it, they can't all have giant kitchens with islands right? So it can work with a more normal space.

I just need more than a day to wrap my mind around it.

I do think that making a change to suit one part of the family's somewhat irrational need to feed their kids a certain way, at the expense of hosting grandparents' somewhat irrational need to pray with all their loved ones isn't the answer so we do need to factor that in too.

We've got time, this is about Christmas not Thanksgiving so I can mull things for a while.

You can keep the food on any level surface (well, other than the floor) in a buffet set-up. Kitchen counters work, a cold oven with the doors open, on the stovetop (obviously) and we’ve resorted to holding the extras that will be used for seconds on the washer and dryer in a mudroom. A coffee table in the living room works too, so long as there are no roaming pets.

Or children. No one wants to take from serving dishes that have been coughed on/ touched by children. Keep serving dishes out of reach.

Anonymous wrote:Have you NEVER done this or been somewhere that people do this? Every holiday meal we serve is buffet style. When the host calls, we all gather ‘round for the prayer. Food in dishes for 20+ people is not going to get cold while you pray over it. Or you can use chafing dishes. Yes, people will be getting up through the meal. It’s fine. It’s not formal, but it’s fine. And people get seconds whenever - right after dinner or an hour later. Same with dessert.

No, I don’t think I have. I have been to buffets in restaurants, and large parties that were outside buffets, or buffers without the seated aspect. But I think we are not unusual in that grandparents figured out a system that works for the particular space and family, and just kept doing it for generations. That doesn’t mean that other systems won’t work as well it’s just that they found one that works.

I will admit that I don’t actually understand the problem I am trying to solve, and I am not at all confident that a buffet will make it better so that might contribute to my hesitation.

Have you NEVER done this or been somewhere that people do this? Every holiday meal we serve is buffet style. When the host calls, we all gather ‘round for the prayer. Food in dishes for 20+ people is not going to get cold while you pray over it. Or you can use chafing dishes. Yes, people will be getting up through the meal. It’s fine. It’s not formal, but it’s fine. And people get seconds whenever - right after dinner or an hour later. Same with dessert.

I think you can use the limited counterspace plus stove top. If you'd like (and the stove will have cooled off enough), you could put a board over the stove to make it more of a serving surface.

I haven’t read all four pages so I don’t know if something like this has already been suggested and/or won’t work for the particulars of this situation - but what about having “servers” walk around with plates/dishes of food and serve people (Downton Abbey style)? My ILs always do that for big dinners (Thanksgiving, High Holiday/Seders etc.). They also have a small kitchen. It probably wouldn’t save any actual time compared to a buffet, but this way most people are seated at the table. And you can do all blessings etc before the food starts being passed around. My ILs typically have 20+ people at these meals and it seems to work. My family always does family style so this was a bit different when I first started being invited for these dinners, but that’s apparently what they’ve always done.