You just really never know what life has in store for you. I'm a single mom by choice, now having more health problems at 45 than I did at 40. But they're the sort of problems that could kill me tomorrow, or I could live to be 80 and die of something else. I'm still glad I had children, even though I sometimes get nervous about how many more years of decent health I will have to raise them.

Meanwhile, a couple of my exes unexpectedly died young (late 30s/ early 40s), leaving small children and grieving widows behind. They were perfectly healthy. According to the actuarial tables, they should have outlived me. But they didn't. And the women who married them and had babies the old-fashioned way... ended up in the same situation as me, with just as little support, and the added burden of grief.

Go ahead and live your life, OP.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm adopted and this seems selfish to me. You're setting up a child to live their entire adult life without a parent...

+1 And the burden of having to care for you as you age (or feeling guilty about not caring for you.)

How is this different than any older parent?

Everyone I know who is middle aged is going thru this right now. None of them are adopted.

You people are just biased against adoption.

My MIL got early onset dementia. She needed our care around her mid-60's. There are no guarantees in life. We had a close family member die in her early 20's.

Yes. We should all stop doing anything and making any plans after age 18, in case we die.

Best response yet. OP go for it.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm adopted and this seems selfish to me. You're setting up a child to live their entire adult life without a parent...

+1 And the burden of having to care for you as you age (or feeling guilty about not caring for you.)

How is this different than any older parent?

Everyone I know who is middle aged is going thru this right now. None of them are adopted.

You people are just biased against adoption.

My MIL got early onset dementia. She needed our care around her mid-60's. There are no guarantees in life. We had a close family member die in her early 20's.

Yes. We should all stop doing anything and making any plans after age 18, in case we die.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm adopted and this seems selfish to me. You're setting up a child to live their entire adult life without a parent...

+1 And the burden of having to care for you as you age (or feeling guilty about not caring for you.)

How is this different than any older parent?

Everyone I know who is middle aged is going thru this right now. None of them are adopted.

You people are just biased against adoption.

My MIL got early onset dementia. She needed our care around her mid-60's. There are no guarantees in life. We had a close family member die in her early 20's.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm adopted and this seems selfish to me. You're setting up a child to live their entire adult life without a parent...

+1 And the burden of having to care for you as you age (or feeling guilty about not caring for you.)

How is this different than any older parent?

Everyone I know who is middle aged is going thru this right now. None of them are adopted.

You people are just biased against adoption.

I’m not a single parent but my husband and I adopted an infant when we were 48 and he had just turned 51. It is the best thing ever. I lost my bio mom when I was 6. My husband was 23 when he lost his dad at 49. We were dating when he lost his mom when he was 35 and she was 60. Two of the moms of my son’s friends have been diagnosed with cancer, one brain cancer at 35 and one breast cancer at 40. Life is a crapshoot.

I didn’t not think you are too old. My husband and I do all sorts of active things with our son. We hike, ski, swim, run, mountain bike etc. My almost 5 year old is high energy. He can hike 8 miles with us and keep up just fine. He isn’t too much for us either. Of course we are tired at the end of the day but so are all parents of young kids.

I say if you want to be a parent, you can make it happen.

I became a single mom at 44, foster to adopt, adopted at age 18 months.) Best thing I ever did, as others have said. My child is now 8. I would not hesitate, OP.

Anonymous wrote:I'm adopted and this seems selfish to me. You're setting up a child to live their entire adult life without a parent...

+1 And the burden of having to care for you as you age (or feeling guilty about not caring for you.)

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just gave birth at 47 so you are not too old. And it is great being a parent!

That being said adoption is hard. Agencies have age cut offs and some limit single parents. There are not many babies available. And it can take a lot of time. https://www.theatlantic.com/politics/archive/2021/10/adopt-baby-cost-process-hard/620258/

I personally felt that baby adoption was too fraught with potential unethical situations and did not feel equipped or like I would be the best parent of an older child who had gone through developmental trauma (definitely felt I needed a partner to be up for that.).

Age is the least of the barriers . (My grandmother also gave birth at 47 (her 3rd) and my aunts adopted a toddler in their early fifties.)

Wow! Natural or assisted fertility?

My grandmother was natural but it’s almost impossible to have a “natural” pregnancy as a single person. (I did try a few home Insemination but that is not really “natural”). In the end, I did IVF with donor egg add-on (to save money and time given low odds of success and of 8 mature own eggs and 10 mature donor eggs had 1 euploid embryo (donor egg) who is now my daughter.). I would recommend OP go straight to donor embryo/embryo “adoption” (a misnomer) if she decides against the adoption route and is willing to get pregnant. With a normal uterus and 3 euploid embryos odds of success are 95% (it’s like 50/80/95 with 1, 2 and 3 tries (euploid embryos) respectively) better than adoption or any other reproductive assistance amd much less costly than anything else.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My sister's best friend adopted a 7 year old when she was 54. She had fostered for a year, then the adoption went very smoothly. She was an empty nester and such a mom at heart. Those 2 are beautifully bonded. They should do a public service announcement for foster care and adoption!

DC has a 99% reunification rate. You should foster because you want to help, not because you want to adopt. Unless you’re willing to take only TPR placements. I’m really glad your friend had a good experience, but that is not the goal of the foster system for the overwhelming majority of cases.

My coworker had to give her foster children back to the bio family even though their situation was still way less than ideal. The kids had to be carried out kicking and screaming.

Anonymous wrote:Just gave birth at 47 so you are not too old. And it is great being a parent!

That being said adoption is hard. Agencies have age cut offs and some limit single parents. There are not many babies available. And it can take a lot of time. https://www.theatlantic.com/politics/archive/2021/10/adopt-baby-cost-process-hard/620258/

I personally felt that baby adoption was too fraught with potential unethical situations and did not feel equipped or like I would be the best parent of an older child who had gone through developmental trauma (definitely felt I needed a partner to be up for that.).

Age is the least of the barriers . (My grandmother also gave birth at 47 (her 3rd) and my aunts adopted a toddler in their early fifties.)

Wow! Natural or assisted fertility?

Anonymous wrote:I'm adopted and this seems selfish to me. You're setting up a child to live their entire adult life without a parent...

You have a distorted view of what happens with peoples birth parents anyway. My dad died when I was ten and my mom became terminally ill when I was 42 and died when I was 44. It’s not uncommon to live most of your adulthood without a parent or both.

Anonymous wrote:My sister's best friend adopted a 7 year old when she was 54. She had fostered for a year, then the adoption went very smoothly. She was an empty nester and such a mom at heart. Those 2 are beautifully bonded. They should do a public service announcement for foster care and adoption!

DC has a 99% reunification rate. You should foster because you want to help, not because you want to adopt. Unless you’re willing to take only TPR placements. I’m really glad your friend had a good experience, but that is not the goal of the foster system for the overwhelming majority of cases.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I work in a high school and we have lots of parents in 50s-70s. Thia is NOT the bad old days. You can be a mom at nearly any age. Believe you me, kids of older parents soar above kids of teen moms.

Go for the adoption, OP!

You’re setting the bar for old parents really really low if you’re comparing them to teen moms…

Tell me, do kids of older parents “soar above” kids of incarcerated moms? Drug addict moms?

Not pp but I am a so much better parent as an older parent than I would have been in my 20s or 30s. I am glad to not be inflicting my younger self on my child. There are a lot of pluses to older parents. No need to set a low bar. We do fine with a high bar.

Anonymous wrote:I work in a high school and we have lots of parents in 50s-70s. Thia is NOT the bad old days. You can be a mom at nearly any age. Believe you me, kids of older parents soar above kids of teen moms.

Go for the adoption, OP!

You’re setting the bar for old parents really really low if you’re comparing them to teen moms…

Tell me, do kids of older parents “soar above” kids of incarcerated moms? Drug addict moms?