Anonymous wrote:I can commiserate. I’m a single parent with no family at all close by. I also find this a hard time of the year. I used to dwell on it but now I just put my head down and go through it. My kids don’t seem to notice. It isn’t fun though.

I would strongly encourage you to tell a few close friends with kids that you feel this way. If I were your friend, I would gladly welcome you into my family's holiday celebrations. We are very much a "the more the merrier" family, especially at the holidays, and many, many families are.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I grew up always doing thanksgiving with my family of 4. My mom was a doctor and never got off enough time for us to travel. Loved it!! Her and I spent hours cooking and baking. We always invited another family or a few couples over for dinner. Thanksgiving is actually a great holiday to invite other people for. So many foreigners here that wouldn’t otherwise be celebrating an American holiday. My neighbors were German and would come and then we had another couple from England who came often. Similar to how many Jewish families invite others for for seders.

But I always wanted to say that I got married young and it was so so hard on my parents when they couldn’t spend the holiday with me. They’re estranged from my sibling. The years I go to my in-laws my parents are all alone and I know it’s not easy for them. It depresses them too much to invite people. I wish they’d come to my in-laws but they aren’t invited. On their years they invite my in-laws who always come.

Has you DH asked your inlaws about inviting your parents?

Then it’s kind of wallowing in your own misery, isn’t it?

People have choices, and your parents are actually CHOOSING to be alone and depressed. I’m sorry that yiu have to carry that burden, because it actually has nothing to do with you.

That sounds great.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I grew up always doing thanksgiving with my family of 4. My mom was a doctor and never got off enough time for us to travel. Loved it!! Her and I spent hours cooking and baking. We always invited another family or a few couples over for dinner. Thanksgiving is actually a great holiday to invite other people for. So many foreigners here that wouldn’t otherwise be celebrating an American holiday. My neighbors were German and would come and then we had another couple from England who came often. Similar to how many Jewish families invite others for for seders.

But I always wanted to say that I got married young and it was so so hard on my parents when they couldn’t spend the holiday with me. They’re estranged from my sibling. The years I go to my in-laws my parents are all alone and I know it’s not easy for them. It depresses them too much to invite people. I wish they’d come to my in-laws but they aren’t invited. On their years they invite my in-laws who always come.

Has you DH asked your inlaws about inviting your parents?

I hear you OP. It is hard to let go of the big happy extended family dream.

My nuclear family are happy to chill and not do too much. But there is tons to do in DC area over holidays.

Hope you make some fun new traditions for your family.

Anonymous wrote:Sometimes I wish we did!!!

Same. If I was alone on Xmas I would go skiing if I could. Either downhill or x country...both great. Maybe it's weird but I enjoy skiing alone sometimes. It's meditative and great way to get outside for extended time in cold weather. And tiring so you are too tired to dwell on being alone afterwards. Some food drink bath and a good night's sleep.

A lot of people I know travel during Christmas just to avoid being at home with their immediate family. Social media makes it all seem so much worse.

You aren't alone op.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m an army brat who grew up with a family celebration of 4 my whole life. I don’t understand why you think that’s “all alone”? You have your family with you on the holiday and it’s a perfectly normal size!

Exactly! And op, this is so much more common that you think. You aren't alone.

+1

And no, not “everyone” is going somewhere else. It’s just the people you’re focused on. If I look just within a few doors in either direction in my neighborhood, there’s: a couple that immigrated here 10 months ago. A senior man who has to share his daughter and granddaughter with his ex wife - all his family has passed on, a single mom with children who are grown, an international student who can’t go home easily due to COVID, a couple who bought a house under renovation so still live pretty far but will be “home” to use up vacation setting up their new home, and us - a relocated couple with a young child who are far from all of our family who can’t travel this year for various reasons.

So, I’m having an open house on Christmas Eve (the day we celebrate Christmas) and inviting anyone who wants to come for an outdoor movie on The 25th and 26th (also a holiday in Canada). I’ll invite other people as well, and people can come as their time allows.

Build relationships with people that are like you, and maybe you wont be needlessly coveting what other people have.

Anonymous wrote:I feel you, OP. Same here. Yes, it could be worse, and it’s important to remember that, but at the same time, it’s still hard. My kids have this idea that it’s not really special unless there are lots of people and my DH thinks take out and restaurants are not “real” Thanksgiving or Christmas dinners, although he does not cook AT ALL.

He thinks you have to have a turkey plus lots of sides, so I find myself cooking a lot of food for 4 people, and it’s not worth the effort but otherwise everyone is disappointed. I am dreading this year. I said I’m not cooking but everyone is pretty bummed. I’d love to invite friends but everyone seems all set with their families already.

Why are you responsible for making this special? My dh learned how to make lots of different items because I got sick of this pressure to make the holidays special.

Anonymous wrote:I’m an army brat who grew up with a family celebration of 4 my whole life. I don’t understand why you think that’s “all alone”? You have your family with you on the holiday and it’s a perfectly normal size!

Exactly! And op, this is so much more common that you think. You aren't alone.

Anonymous wrote:So when I opened this I thought I would be reading about a single person alone for the holidays. You are far from alone.

Same here. It made me think about my very introverted divorced brother who moved for work to a remote town in the Midwest. He spends most holidays alone.

OP has her family around her. Sorry to hear it makes her "sad".

Anonymous wrote:Extended families can be a pain— cherish that you get to make your holidays your own

+1

Take a vacation every December!! Fly somewhere!

OP- pre COVID we did every other year with my big extended family. The other year was just nuclear family and ILs. DH’’s sibs live overseas. It took a long time for me to appreciate the ‘off year’ but agree with some of the PP suggestions. There are some things that are just difficult to do when visiting family or in large groups.
Hopefully more will be happening here this year. Most years there are lots of activities and events to enjoy.

Yes but our choice. So much better.

So when I opened this I thought I would be reading about a single person alone for the holidays. You are far from alone.