Anonymous wrote:No way in hell. This could really cause a lot of problems in your family: guilt, abandonment, envy. How could you enjoy being on a beach at Christmas with your husband and child when your toddler is thousands of miles away in a different country for an entire week? And what if one of you pops positive for covid and you are stuck in quarantine for weeks abroad?

My understanding is that other countries most of the time provide the results that don’t inconvenience travelers

I vote leave with nanny. Nanny will be happy to make a cr*p ton of money. The toddler won’t understand much.
Your 5 yo will finally have some normal time with his parents! No screaming and tantrums and all that. He deserves a break, too.
The only one suffering will be you! But you will get used to being away and maybe even secretly enjoy it.

Anonymous wrote:I don't have a problem going on trips without my kids. But at SOME point your kid will look back and realize you left him with the nanny on Christmas to go to the beach. That will leave a mark.

It sounds like maybe the son's condition is such that he will not grasp concepts like this. And no, there's no reason he will find out about something that happened when he was 2. When I was 2 my parents left me with my grandmother, aunt, and cousins to go to India for 6 weeks. I have no recollection of it, the only way I know about it is through the adorable photos they took of me feeding spaghetti to my cousin by hand. I don't feel resentful or abandoned in the least.

Did you call the airline and speak to a supervisor. I would shoot for one parent and 5 year old child to leave night of Dec. 25. Other parent to change their flight and stay home until around Dec. 27. Have that parent be prepared to just not go if things aren’t working out. But if they are, leave child with nanny then and all fly back together (or have a 2 day overlap and try for other parent to be able to change flight and head back)

No way in hell. This could really cause a lot of problems in your family: guilt, abandonment, envy. How could you enjoy being on a beach at Christmas with your husband and child when your toddler is thousands of miles away in a different country for an entire week? And what if one of you pops positive for covid and you are stuck in quarantine for weeks abroad?

Anonymous wrote:Cancel. 100%. You will never get over the guilt you will feel for leaving your two-year-old at home by himself with a nanny for a week at Christmas. I wouldn’t even leave a puppy at home with a pet sitter for a week and you’re seriously considering leaving your baby at home?!?!

Welp, no one should take advice from a neurotic, stage 5 clinger like yourself.

OP, celebrate early and then go on your trip. You will come back rested, relaxed, and ready to be a fantastic parent to your child in the new year.

Anonymous wrote:I think you can do it with nobody permanently emotionally scarred but don’t tell anyone you are doing it because it sounds pretty bad. If you do it, celebrate Christmas the week before you leave, make it a big deal, and then have the 25th be a normal day for your 5 yo. I’d also consider options like you go away with dh and leave both kids with the nanny ( maybe for a partial week) or you and your mom go for a few days (or a combo of both).

This. I get that this is a horrible choice to have to make to go or not. It sounds like your 2 yo will be in great loving hands. It sounds like your 5 yo will enjoy his time with just you guys. "Christmas" is a day on the calendar. For very different reasons, we celebrated "Christmas" one year on a totally different day: we did all the prep and had family come over to sleep over and did all the things. It felt like the 25th in every way except the number on the calendar. It's just a day.

If you would feel ok going without him any other day (and it sounds like you have a great setup to do so), then don't let the random day of the 25th hold you back.

OP, I am a career nanny and I think some of the posters giving out guilt trips are also coming from a place of just not getting the nanny dynamic. If she has been his nanny since birth then he feels totally comfortable and safe with her. She knows (and probably helped you all to figure out) exactly what his special needs are as well as any emergency protocols. As a nanny I have taken kids on road trips without parents (including one where we had to stop at an ER and one where we were snowed in and had to stay in a hotel an extra night). I also once took some charges home with me for thanksgiving when there was a sudden death in the family and the parents wanted to be there for their family members. I have also worked with SN or medically complicated kids and it really makes for a tight dynamic with the nanny and parents. I have been to tons of specialist appointments and therapy appointments and worked as a team with parents to make sure their kid has the best possible care.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think OP should go. PPs have missed a lot of the details.

However, here are a few suggestions:
1. Make Christmas eve a really big deal, open presents and have a nice brunch on Christmas and then IT IS OVER. Refer to the beach trip as a New Years trip, which will help with the 5 year old referencing it.
2. Seriously make things VERY nice for the nanny - pay, time off in January or whenever she wants to spend time with her family when they return, food delivery, etc.
3. Don’t plan vacations in the future that blow all your cash and all your time off.

I'm not sure what details you think anyone missed. This is a medically complex, SN child who is only 2. Most parents would not be ok with a whole week away, Christmas or otherwise. If OP is ok with that then fine, her choice. But she seems not to be fine with it. OP seems to be thinking too much about the money/vacation time.

PP here

These are what I consider the important details that are being ignored:

The flight leaves on the evening of the 25th. “Christmas” is not the 26-31st.

The younger child cannot fly without a mask and will not wear one. Also is only 2 and loves the nanny who will not be with her own family regardless.

The younger child needs to be closer to good medical care in case of emergency - unless the parents are doctors themselves, the nanny is perfectly qualified to care for the child.

The older child will get special time with his parents and grandmother and is old enough to remember.

+1 Go enjoy your time with the older child especially if you're saying this will not be a normal thing for your family meaning he might not get much time with just you and DH without DS2

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think OP should go. PPs have missed a lot of the details.

However, here are a few suggestions:
1. Make Christmas eve a really big deal, open presents and have a nice brunch on Christmas and then IT IS OVER. Refer to the beach trip as a New Years trip, which will help with the 5 year old referencing it.
2. Seriously make things VERY nice for the nanny - pay, time off in January or whenever she wants to spend time with her family when they return, food delivery, etc.
3. Don’t plan vacations in the future that blow all your cash and all your time off.

I'm not sure what details you think anyone missed. This is a medically complex, SN child who is only 2. Most parents would not be ok with a whole week away, Christmas or otherwise. If OP is ok with that then fine, her choice. But she seems not to be fine with it. OP seems to be thinking too much about the money/vacation time.

PP here

These are what I consider the important details that are being ignored:

The flight leaves on the evening of the 25th. “Christmas” is not the 26-31st.

The younger child cannot fly without a mask and will not wear one. Also is only 2 and loves the nanny who will not be with her own family regardless.

The younger child needs to be closer to good medical care in case of emergency - unless the parents are doctors themselves, the nanny is perfectly qualified to care for the child.

The older child will get special time with his parents and grandmother and is old enough to remember.

Ok well you left out the most important detail, which is a medically complex 2 year old, who most parents (including OP) are not comfortable leaving for a week.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think OP should go. PPs have missed a lot of the details.

However, here are a few suggestions:
1. Make Christmas eve a really big deal, open presents and have a nice brunch on Christmas and then IT IS OVER. Refer to the beach trip as a New Years trip, which will help with the 5 year old referencing it.
2. Seriously make things VERY nice for the nanny - pay, time off in January or whenever she wants to spend time with her family when they return, food delivery, etc.
3. Don’t plan vacations in the future that blow all your cash and all your time off.

I'm not sure what details you think anyone missed. This is a medically complex, SN child who is only 2. Most parents would not be ok with a whole week away, Christmas or otherwise. If OP is ok with that then fine, her choice. But she seems not to be fine with it. OP seems to be thinking too much about the money/vacation time.

PP here

These are what I consider the important details that are being ignored:

The flight leaves on the evening of the 25th. “Christmas” is not the 26-31st.

The younger child cannot fly without a mask and will not wear one. Also is only 2 and loves the nanny who will not be with her own family regardless.

The younger child needs to be closer to good medical care in case of emergency - unless the parents are doctors themselves, the nanny is perfectly qualified to care for the child.

The older child will get special time with his parents and grandmother and is old enough to remember.

My two-year old struggled with masking on our last flight. I kept her by the window and I did my best to keep her mask on as much as possible and I kept her water bottle and snack out to make it look like she was eating sometimes just to give her a break so she wouldn't tantrum. Honestly her tantrums were so bad that the flight attendants seemed relieved by anything I could do to keep her quit.

Also, can you just bring your nanny with you on your vacation? Then you get babysitting + time with your 2-year old. You, husband and nanny can take turns managing the 2-year old on the flight....

Anonymous wrote:If it's just a mask issue then go and bring the kid. I promise flight attendants won't care about a two year old, especially with special needs. Put the two year old in a footed onesie.

Op here. Do you really think so? What about all the news stories of families being kicked off flights? Ds is very large for his age and will be very close to turning 3 at the time of the trip, and looks more like a 5 year old than a 2 year old. His special needs are not obvious from looking at him either.

Cancel. Taking a non special needs two year old to travel at Christmas is challenging even in pre pandemic times, don't do it now. Stay at home and have a relaxing slow Christmas instead.

OP, I don't post or reply here often but this question is really hitting me hard. I agree with the prior posters who suggest that you aren't thinking clearly because of the money. It's a sunk cost, let it go. Please do not leave your child home alone for a whole week while the rest of the family goes on vacation for Christmas. I am certain you will regret it and feel guilty long after this trip is over. And probably during the trip as well. I understand you need a break as a special needs parent, but not like this. I don't think you'll enjoy this vacation like this. Please, please think long and hard about how you--and both of your children--are going to remember this trip in the future.